Ear Pinning and How to Keep It a Secret

what a weird question.
if my kids' ears had needed to be pinned, i'd have had it done and told people 'we had his ears pinned.'
why would anyone be ashamed of their kid, or want to make their kid feel ashamed about his ears?
:/ khairete
S.

I wish I understood what this means. I thought you meant ear piercing at first.
Forgive my ignorance. Can someone help me?
Oh my goodness thank you for all the flowers, I just realize my nephew had this done after a career of wrestling wow was I dumb.

There is no need to keep it a secret any more than there is to keep wearing braces on teeth a secret. It's not shameful -- just do it.

If you want her to not feel "like she is anything but beautiful, inside and out" than WHY are you teaching her to surgically change something YOU don't like? You are going to have some explaining to do when your future granddaughter inherits her mommy's ears since you can't pin genetics. Think long and hard about this one, Mom. The ramifications may be much further reaching than you think. If I had had this done at 5 with no input, as an adult I would be livid. Maybe I would want my ears to potentially match my kid's. If she's not ashamed of her ears, then you are whether you deny it to us (and yourself) or not. What is the harm in waiting until she is old enough and mature enough to make a decision about her own body? Oh, yeah. You'd have to see her ears everyday and YOU clearly have a problem with them. I feel so sorry for this beautiful girl, who you want to change for such selfish reasons.

Oh just admit it.
You typed this up just so you could work yourself into a self righteous rant in the SWH.
Trolls don't care whether their kids have jug ears or not.
A real mother wouldn't ask this.
Pinning back a pair of Dumbo like ears is right up there with fixing a hare lip or cleft palette.
There's no need to hide it or be ashamed or feel defensive.
You do what you need to do to take care of your child and don't apologize to anyone for doing so.

One of my daughters had ears that stuck out a bit when she was born. The ear is mainly cartilage, and I remembered from show dog days that puppy ears were often 'manipulated' without surgery... I got to thinking how 'supple' baby ears are...

SO...at night I taped her ears to her head.

TRUE.

She is now almost 23 years old. Her ears are fine. Even she does not know I did this.

Maybe they would have eventually 'laid' nicely...we will never know! It made ME feel better, and there was no surgery involved.

Best!

How old is your child?

Why are you trying to keep it a secret?

Some people choose to have the procedure done, some do not. You don't need to explain your reason to anyone if you don't want to.

ETA2: Oh so now you admit that you put this thread out fir entertainment purposes. Glad to know you are so entertained.

ETA: WOW, you have some sensitive buttons.. NO ONE on here was rude to you and you come on here yelling at us calling us mean? Don't post a question if you are only willing to accept the answers that blow smoke up your pants.

Everyone has valid points here... what does the Dr say? How does your child feel about this? Has she asked for the procedure or is it something you are doing for YOU. Why should you keep it a secret.. secrets don't stay secrets.

CHILL out mama....
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Original:

How old is your child and what has the pedi recommended?

I don't understand why you are so ashamed and want to keep it a secret. It is a cosmetic procedure simple as that.

True, it is no one's business and there is no need to announce it to the world but there is nothing taboo or something you should be ashamed about.

Maybe you need to rethink this before you opt to do it if you are so ashamed by it. Who knows, maybe the child will grow into the ears. Please don't make him/her feel self conscious about it just because you do.

ADDED: Ear pinning is when you take an ear and pull it back against the head - or closer to the head - it's typically done for ears that stick out...my niece has one ear that sticks out - SHE calls it her "Dumbo" ear...instead of pinning it - she chooses to keep her hair long and use her "Dumbo" ear as a way to hold back her hair.

L.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

How old is your child?
Why do you feel the need to keep it a secret?

Personally? It's no one's business.

People still do this? Otoplasty if done just because someone doesn't like their ears, is reshaping the outer ear so that it's more pleasing to the person who owns the ears. I thought doing it for purely cosmetic reasons was obsolete. That's not judgmental, just completely thrown.

I've never heard of this being done any more unless it was done for actual deformities, birth defects, or injuries that were causing some serious problems for the person.

It's a cosmetic surgery so the chances of keeping it "secret" are kind of slim... the point of if being cosmetic is to improve appearances. It would be pretty obvious if someone gets the surgery.

I have a couple of stories about this, but it'll probably come off as "judgmental" to tell you about them so I'll refrain. :-/

I'm not sure why it would need to be a secret. I would think it would be obvious to those who know the child, and those who didn't know the child before the procedure would not notice.

ETA: What if your child needed braces on her teeth? How would you keep that a secret?

Hi L.. My friend's son chose to have his ears pinned at a young age. I understand why you want to keep it a secret! You are not ashamed, you are looking after the dignity of your child. So many parents don't really care about protecting their child's dignity, but you seem to really get why that's important.

You don't need to tell anyone. My friend didn't because she knew the thoughtless comments she and her family would get. Her son wore a athletic sweatband around his ears until they were healed (doctor approved!). Have you heard of Urban Halos? They are wide stretchy headbands that are very cute and comfortable. They may help camouflage your daughter's healing process.

I wish you the best!

ps. My friend's little boy blossomed after having his surgery. You are right that "People are mean, cruel, merciless, & heartless haters". He was teased mercilessly. When he went back to school in the fall, no one noticed that his ears had changed..... people only seem to notice what is different or what they feel is negative about a person's looks.
HUGS!!!

I wouldn't keep it a secret. If his/her ears stick out very noticeably now, people are going to be able to tell when something has been done. Some may even ask outright, which will put you in the position of being evasive, which they they will assume as a Yes; or lying, and they will know you're a liar. If there is a medical reason for it, just tell it.

If the reason is purely cosmetic, a person's psychological state should be sound before making a change. Wanting to hide the procedure because of shame or embarrassment means you and/or your child isn't mentally ready for making the decision.

I agree with Rosebud - why is this more shameful than a hearing aid or braces or glasses? If she needs help with something, then help her and strengthen her from the inside. Hiding it confirms to her it is a dirty secret. Instead, give her ready made answers - ones to give to kids, ones to give to adults - and practice them with her. Help her if you feel helping her is appropriate, but don't encourage shame by helping her hide it.

In terms of answers, if you know you don't like how people answer, why did you ask here? There are other sources of information - friends, clergy, doctors, other sites. You can't ask questions and then tantrum when you don't like the answers. That's just sour grapes. Take your ball and go home if you need to, but flouncing the site just makes you look silly. (and a further ETA - I wrote this without reading other answers. Now I've read them and I REALLY don't see why you got so pissed! Jees, you need to take a chill!)

And by the way, unless there is a medical reason for this correction, I don't think I would do it. At least with braces, it's not simply cosmetic - there are usually development related complications with crooked teeth. I personally would not do a cosmetic procedure on a child. I encourage my children to love the body that God gave them. But that's me. I totally see why people are giving you answers you don't like. This is cosmetic. Nothing more.

What was the ear pinning surgery for?
To reduce the size of your child's ears?
It is done for various reasons.
Even for deformed ears.

Anyway, a boy at my kid's school had that done.
He has a deformed ear. Deformed. Not just big ears. But deformed totally.
After the surgery his ear was bandaged. For awhile.
And it was NO BIG deal.
None of the other kids thought it was a big deal.
The boy did not think it was a big deal.
He had surgery.
That's all.
This was an elementary aged boy.

Happy Mama, the way you asked your question is so cute!

When my younger son was born, his ears were bigger than his older brother's ears - and he was nearly 3 years old!

His ears also stuck out. Not as bad as Dumbo, mind you. But I waited until 3 days before my Olan Mills gift certificate expired to get the boys' portrait made to give him time to grow some hair to go over the tops of his ears!

I talked to the ped about those ears, and he told me that we could get them pinned, once he turned 5. By the time he turned 5, they didn't seem to stick out so much and he had plenty of hair. Fast forward to him being grown, and his head has grown into his ears, LOL!

When I asked the ped how they did it, he pointed behind his ear and showed me the part that they would cut a piece out of, pull it together and then the ears wouldn't stick out anymore. We didn't have to do it, thank goodness, but that's what they mean by "pinning" the ears...

Why does it need to be a secret? I don't understand.

I wouldn't keep it a secret because secrets always come out. If anyone you currently know asks I'd tell them. If you kids ask I'd tell them. Within a short time of having it done no one will ask and no one will care anymore.

There is nothing worse for a kid who has big ears. Even adults will stare at them. I think it's a needed surgery for some people. They don't grow into them either. They just adjust their hairstyles to cover them up.

I think that I'd not mention it unless someone asks about it. If you saw a child that had ears that could be fixed then I'd ask the parents if they'd even considered having surgery done to adjust them. If they are offended it's nothing to you and if they have thought about it but were worried you could share her story with them. This way you might be an advocate for fixing this issue.

It's no different that a child with webbed toes or a crooked septum. They don't "really" need to be fixed, the parents just choose to do so. It's not a choice to just make your child prettier, it's a needed surgery.

Sorry you feel that you got some negative advice for your question. My son has big ears that stick out and luckily enough he has been confident enough to shrug off any comments from kids at school. He is now 9 and going into 4th grade and so far he has never come home in tears that he is being made fun of because of his ears. But believe me if he did I would definitly be looking into pinning his ears. He doesn't know that the procedure exists and I'm not going to mention it until I hear " I hate my ears" then I will seriously look into it. In my eyes its like fixing your teeth or any other thing that people fix if they hate. If he was a girl I would probably be a little more proactive depending on how bad they stuck out. I figure that if he doesnt see them as a problem through middle school then there is no reason for concern. I would do it during the summer though and I dont know how to keep it a secret but I dont think I would be to concerned with that.

I don't see any reason to keep it a secret either. It's not uncommon to do so no one will wonder why you did it. Most polite people won't bring it up. I think more people will wonder over the years why you DIDNT do it if his ears really stick out... They likely won't say anything either but that may be more of a curiosity than doing it. Dont worry

It should not be a secret. Who is going to ask about the ears are they strangers or family? People see children everyday with differences and they go on their merry way.

As far as this forum of mommas go, you feel that we are cruel. We are just being realistic. No one said anything mean to you. They were trying to point out other thoughts or views about what you want to do the ears.

There have been prominent people who have had ears and they have not had them "pinned". So I think, my opinion only, that you are hung up on it more than your child. When she asks about it that would be the time to do it. This is just a speed bump is the scheme of things in life.

the other S.

If someone asked why the bandages, I wouldn't lie. I would simply say she had her ears pinned. I personally think it is great you are doing this now and I believe she will thank you for it too.

My daughter's wear contact lenses and had braces for cosmetic reasons and I had several friends that had nose jobs around 18 yo. I really do not see this as a big deal or something that needs to be kept secret.

Honestly, when I see a child with ears that stick out or that have acne, I wish that I could help them take care of these issues since they are correctable.

Good luck!

I see your point with wanting to keep it a secret. There was a girl in school who I didn't know well, however, I knew that she had her ears pinned.

My best suggestion is that you just go and have it done. If you want to keep it quiet, should anyone ask, just say, yeah, she's really grown into them! And that's it. Really it's no one's business. People may not even notice. Get it done over the summer!

Good luck.

What does the pediatrician say?
What does your child say?
How old is your child?
What does it matter what other people think?
Why keep it a secret?

I don't understand why you would feel the need to keep it a secret, have you don't something to be ashamed of? If the answer is no. Then if people ask, tell them. It's that simple.

I never heard of this?

Do big ears run in your family, so you're absolutely 100% positive this trait will continue to express itself later in life? If yes, and it's done. Just tell the truth.

Why are you so sensitive to people's questions?

Given how sensitive YOU are, probably best that your child had this done early so that it doesn't interfere with your ability to accept and love unconditionally.

My kids are short and I wish they had stretching machines for them to be taller in our society that loves tall people. No, just kidding, I wouldn't put them through that.

I agree with you that it's nobody's business and I'd just go ahead and get it done without discussing it with other people…other than family. Afterward, if anyone notices, I'd be open about it. No reason to lie.

This would be similar to a nose job. If the person can't tell what you had done, but says, "You look great!", theres on need to tell them what you did. But, don't deny it if they call it out right away. However, if anyone does that, I'd question their etiquette.

Also, I think you are doing the right thing. Kids have enough to worry about when they are navigating school and all. If you can help her feel more confident, I'd go for it. Apparently, moms used to tape ears back on babies so they could try to keep them from sticking out. I think my mom did that. :)

It's only an issue for the 7-14 days after surgery when the bandages are on. If someone is rude enough to ask you simply say "he needed surgery". If they're so rude that they press further turn the tables on them and say "why would you ask that?" or if you want to be more gracious you an say "surgery that will make his ears work better". Just look at them as if you're puzzled by their question and let their words just lay out there in the atmosphere... ...awkward and unanswered. ;o)

My great grandmother taught us, "If you want to keep a secret - don't tell it."

Honestly there is no reason to tell anyone what you have done to your little girl.

Your girl feeling less than beautiful will have nothing to do with her ears. Kids tease, if not one thing it's another. Some famous people have been teased about the thing that they are well know for. Heck even Prince Charles has odd ears and he is royalty.

I would strongly encourage you to get a grip on your feelings about your daughter's looks so you can encourage her to be the best she can be regardless of what others may think. I think your time, effort and energy would be better served doing just that. We all should be unique and distinct not picture perfect or carbon copies. LOL

If she is happy with her ears, then I would leave them alone. If you wants them pinned then do it. It is her decision.