We are having issues with our ds staying asleep. He is 3 1/2. He will go to sleep in his bed (some nights better than others) but he always wakes up in the middle of the night. Anywhere from 2-4 times a night. When he calls out or starts crying, he's usually not totally awake. I find that if I don't go into his room, he will completely wake up and the crying gets worse. Then it takes longer to put him back to sleep. Sometimes 45 min to an hour. However, if I go in his room as soon as I hear him, he will settle back down immediately and he's down in 5-10 min. I am not sure why he keeps waking up in the middle of the night. I work and have to get up around 6:30 every morning so this is very tiring on me. But lately instead of going to his room and putting him back to sleep I have been putting him in my bed. I know this is not the best thing to do and he is getting used to sleeping with me, but I am so tired in the middle of the night. And I guess it's laziness too on my part. I know I'm doing what's easiest for me, not what's best for him. I could use some advice and everyone I've encountered on here has been so great. Also, he's in bed between 8 and 8:30 and wakes up between 7 and 7:30. Thanks in advance.
Sounds like he's having nightmares or night terrors.
The only thing you can do is continue to go in to him and comfort him.
He will eventually grow out of it, but nightmares ,or terrors you can't discipline or ignore away, they only get worse if you try.
I think it's important to realize that there isn't anything wrong with him or with what you're doing. It's very normal and healthy at this age to have very vivid imaginations. Those imaginations are naturally going to cause bad dreams.
There is nothing wrong with you bringing him in to your bed at night. If anything, it's helping him to know that you are there for him and he can count on you. If it causes you to lose sleep or you have some other reason that you don't want to do it, then you can try other things. It's not hurting him, so please don't worry about that. If it really is what's easiest for you, the keep doing what you're doing.
On the floor of your room, put a sleeping bag or floor mat there.
He can go there, if/when need be, to sleep.
Not in your bed.
We do that with our kids.
It works.
We get sleep that way and they do too.
Just explain to your son.
At a certain age as well, from about 2 years old, they get night time 'fears' as well. It is developmental based and their cognition and imaginations are changing. It tweaks them too and their sleep.
We cannot turn 'off' their imaginations....
When he gets older, he will sleep longer and without waking up.
I did that too at that age and older... I grew out of it.
My parents just let me sleep with them...
I simply missed them or was scared in my room. Childhood.
I have really FOND memories of them, of my childhood, for the way they handled it. I still remember it.
They didn't battle about it.
They knew, I would outgrow it.
One day a child won't even want to cuddle or be near you.
Your son seems to go to bed and wake up in the morning at a rational good time.
My kids are like that too... except they wake up for the morning at 7:00. Sometimes 6:30. It is just their body clock.
all the best,
Susan
I agree with Susan. Likely it's nightmares or something frightening him. If you can, be there for him. It's ok for him to sleep with you if he finds comfort in it at this age. Enjoy it while you can : )
You just described my youngest son. Hubby and I sat him down and explained to him that he is a big boy now, he uses the potty day/night, goes to school, dresses himself, etc and he can also sleep in his own bed. We did this on the weekend so he wouldn't bother hubby's sleep. The first night was horrible were up down all night tucking him back in, telling him we love him but he needs to o to sleep, the second night he woke up twice, the third night he slept straight through.
It sounds like your little boy is having nightmares or something is disrupting his sleep. As tiring as it is, I would continue to calm him down, reassure him, and tuck him back into his own bed. Our son is a very active sleeper and moves around the bed a lot. He also wakes up when we wake up if he sleeps with us, which is earlier than I'd wake him up. Hence, having him sleep with us is not an option, if any of us want to get any rest. Given that he's down in 5-10 minutes after you go into the room, I'd just keep doing that. My son is comforted knowing that I'm nearby and responsive to him. Sometimes I even sit with him while he falls asleep, even if it's for an hour or two in the middle of the night. Hence, I KNOW how tiring it is but I'd just keep at it. Consistency is key and will prevent him from coming into your room in the middle of the night for any old reason or just because he feels like it. Good luck!
OK, I'm a minority, but...
We are one of the few countries to make ourselves feel guilty when it's natural, not lazy, to love, protect, comfort and hold our children at night when they are scared and alone.
It's not natural how quickly we demand our children to grow up -- I work full-time, and each night, I hold my children an hour or so, and this assures them that night is safe, I'm here for them, they are worth loving -- their subconscious grows to gain more self-confidence than if I forced them to "soothe" or comfort themselves. I'll never again have this opportunity to affect them and show them how valuable and worthwhile as people they are before they really DO have to leave.
Night-terrors are not something a child can "soothe" away and usually a child will not wake from them -- my daughter's have come and gone from time to time and it's normal for us to have these patterns.
Your son seems to be getting plenty of sleep and his subconscious will work through and move on within a month or so -- developmentally this is good timing for it. Your being there helps him resolve and work forward.
You are a great mom to be so supportive!:)
Hi L.,
You don't say if you have another nightly "adult" bedmate and what his/her take is......
I have a couple opinions/suggestions - you can take them for what they're worth.....
1. It's only a problem that your son is in your bed if YOU (or your nightly adult bedmate) think it's a problem. If you're able to have intimate 'happy time' in your bed before your son wakes up and everyone loves to cuddle for the 2nd 1/2 of the night then you aren't being lazy - you're being welcoming and loving.
2. Are you teaching your son bad sleep habits.... maybe, who knows? probably he can't self-soothe when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Maybe he's lonely. maybe he'd rather be with mommy. who knows???? if he can fall asleep on his own when he lays down at other times I'd say he CAN self-soothe and he's just lonely, had a bad dream, misses you.... whatever.
3. What should you do? well, the only way to get him into the 'habit' of NOT coming into your bed is to be UNWAVERING for 21 days (the length of time it takes to build a habit). So, when he comes into your room you simply walk him back to his bed, kiss him goodnight and go back to bed - letting him cry. This, I could not do, and alas co-sleepers for a bit we became. The cry-it-out method is effective and it's not harmful, but both of us worked full-time and are cranky w/o sleep. Plus - extra cuddles are kinda nice :-)
If you can tolerate having him in your bed for a couple years - then have at it. When he's 5 or 6 he can go back to his bed with some tough love - when he's old enough to logic it through in his head.
One of the things I did do with my daughter (b'cuz at some point she started sleeping like a flippy-floppy fish out of water and I had some bruising on my ribs lol - so the extra cuddles had to go!!!!!) was to get a doll and have her 'fall asleep' while trying to put the doll to sleep. So she would pat the dolls back, and lay really still and close her eyes and if she opened her eyes then her doll would wake up etc etc etc. That seemed to work - I guess it depends on how nurturing your son is and if that would work for him.
Good luck.
B.
I think if you keep bringing him in bed with you, he will not learn to soothe himself back to sleep and will keep waking up at night.
You could try a weighted blanket. They help a lot of children and even adults with sleep problems.
http://www.weightedblanket.net/
