Driving by Self with Kids?

I think hubs is the unreasonable one. Sooo he does not want to use his vacation time but has issue with you going solo? Sounds like his prob.

No you are not being unreasonable. I have taken trips with my kids without a husband many times. (I'm guessing single moms do it all the time!)
Have fun!!

I don't "get" this, quite frankly. It sounds to me like you feel you have to apologize to your husband for wanting to take a vacation at a resort with your family that is free, just because your husband isn't in the mood to be around family. Quite frankly, he sounds like he's being a real jerk.

Stop trying to placate him and tell him that if he doesn't want to have a good time at a resort, that he can just stay home. You can drive 8 hours just like you drive 1 hours 8 times. Get in the car with plenty of snacks, toll and gas money, and just GO. And have a better time without Mr. Bad Mood.

Dawn

Wow, I have traveled with some or all of my kids, without my husband, many times over the years.
I get that he may be nervous about you being on your own with the kids on an 8 hour road trip (my husband tends to worry about me too) but you are a grown woman, and a mother, he needs to get over it.

I travel with my kids alone ALL THE TIME.

Last March we went to Raleigh, NC for the weekend...that's a 5 hour drive.

Every May we beat my husband to our Memorial Day spot, which is 3 hours away.

Last July I took all 3 kids to visit my sister in SC, which is an 8 hour drive, and then we met him in Myrtle Beach mid-week, which was another 4.5 hour drive. We followed each other home from there.

Last November my daughter and I drove to my sister's house in SC and my husband and the boys followed a day later, this was for my sister's wedding.

This Easter, I'm taking the kids to visit my sister in SC again, an 8 hour drive alone.

This September I'm planning to take the kids to Boston for an extended weekend, again an 8 hour drive.

My husband doesn't have the amount of leave I have, so he can't always come. He comes when he can, and never gives me a hard time about a trip. My kids are turning 6, 8, and 10 by June, but I've been doing it since the youngest was 3. So they were 3, 5, and 7. My kids travel VERY well, so that makes a big difference. I drive a hybrid so I don't have to stop for gas on an 8 hour trip. We stop once for lunch and a potty break. That's it. The kids sleep and play their games...so it's very easy on me and them.

I'd tell hubby to come and enjoy, or bite his tongue and stay home. No way would I stay home just because he can't make it.

He doesn't want to use his vacation time to go on vacation? Then what is he saving it for?

You'll be fine. Just know that that trip will take longer if you are by yourself. Know your route well. Know where you can stop for the bathroom (every 2 hours is a good estimate). Know where you can stop and eat/play/walk.

Have snacks, a few small "new toys" and books. If you have a portable DVD player, have movies.

Enjoy your trip. I have taken my children on MANY trips by myself (with much younger children) and it's not a big deal. Just remind the older ones that they need to be on their best behavior because it's just "you". I have always had more vacation time than my husband and he's always encouraged us to go away for long weekends to visit family (4 or 5 hours away) and it's never been an issue.

8 hours with kids that old is completely doable. It's an adventure. Map out stops on way. If you have a plan, your hubby would be more likely to be ok with your driving. Have emergency numbers for triple A or your insurance has a number, also. Plan for the kids having stuff to do. Be fierce!

I take the kids on vacation without my husband all of the time. I figure if something is going to happen it will happen whether he is there or not. Do you have a cell phone? Roadside Assistance? Your kids aren't babies. You are not being at all unreasonable! I would be extremely insulted if my husband felt I was not toally capable of looking after my children on my own!!!

I don't know why you should not be able to do this yourself... you are an adult, I assume your kids don't require 2 parents to wrangle them.... no big deal.
Get AAA in case of issues with the car and off you go.
Enjoy.

I have driven 8 hours with the kids many times. Unless you are driving into the wilderness, you will be fine.

I'd remind him your kidsa aren't infants and it's not dead of winter on back roads where some kind of horrible stranded situation could happen. Try to make him go through his fears. Sounds like almost a knee jerk reaction on his part. What's really going to happen if you have a cell phone etc? An accident could happen going anywhere 2 miles away from your house... Maybe talk up the idea that he can have a week to totally chill and relax after work and that week you won't have to pay for any actitivies at home like maybe you would if you all stayed home. No way would my husband stop me from going btw. Maybe think of something he does want to do for a week of his vacation and talk about how you can do that all together.

If your vehicle is safe to drive on the highway and you are a relatively good driver then you should have the ability to drive anywhere you want. You are a grown up and just because he doesn't want to go with you should not limit your travel in any way.

Many of my friends load up the kids, with kids younger than yours, and drive all over on summer vacation. They drive a few hours at a time then stop to let the kids play and/or eat a snack or meal.

Tell hubby that you are a capable adult person who would is able to drive anywhere you need to. Let him know the dates that the kids and you are leaving with him or without him.

I regularly take road trips with my two children and without my husband. It really isn't that hard. In fact, you may find that being the sole adult is easier in some ways. You will have control over when and where to stop, what to eat, etc. You're talking about a single day - a long day, but a single day.

If your husband doesn't want to go, why is he throwing roadblocks in your way? Why doesn't he want you to drive? Do you have a medical condition? If there's no concrete reason for his objections, then maybe what he really fears is that you are showing some independence. He doesn't want to go, but doesn't want you to go without him? I don't see you as the one who is being selfish here. I strongly suggest that you sweetly tell him that since he doesn't wish to make the trip, he can stay home, relax in the evenings, and not use his vacation time, while you and your kids go and spend time with your family. Then GO, and have fun.

Now, some road trip tips from a "pro." Be sure the car is road ready and have AAA, so if something does go wrong (which can also happen if the person with the Y chromosome is on the trip, BTW) you have back-up. Make sure your cellphone is charged. Then go to your library and check out several books on CD, the secret to a tranquil car trip with children. (With your age range, I'd recommend the Narnia books or the Little House books - they will engage the older two for sure, and maybe even the 4 y.o.) Also, if you can, take one new activity book or other book per child for both the outbound and inbound journey (coloring book, sticker book, maze book, puzzle book, etc.) Throw it over the back seat when the natives stat to get restless. Pack loads of snacks that are easy to distribute and eat (dried fruit, nuts, and cereal work well), plus PBJ or something similar for lunch. Pack a small cooler full of string cheese, cut carrots, juice, and water. Then take an extra gallon of water in the car. Also take wet wipes (they're not just for diapers), a roll of paper towels, a kitchen knife, paper cups, and old plastic grocery bags to use as trash bags in the car. Make sure you have a small first aid kit in the car (a good idea even if you're not road-tripping).

Plan to stop every couple of hours for potty breaks and stretching (15-20 minutes per stop), and consider planning one longer walk-around or activity stop. See if there's anything interesting between home and your destination that your kids would enjoy doing, even if it's just a 30 minute play break in a town park somewhere. Yes, this will extend your travel day. When Google says a trip will take me 8 hours, I figure on 9 or 10. But making enough stops means that we arrive at our destination sane.

Leave very very early, take breaks every two hours and before you know it you will be there. Have fun!

My husband travels most of the time. My kids are now 7, 5 and 3 and we (myself ALONE and the kids) have been on numerous extremely long car trips over the past 6 years or so. We regularly see family in Tennessee 12 hours away. We trek up to New England, Pittsburgh, Philly, NY, whatever. We're going to Colorado in the summer, and possibly through Montana to Seattle....Sometimes we do the whole haul to TN in one day, sometimes we break it into a motel stay.

Sure it's more luxurious to have TWO adults on such trips-but since that was never an option, we just dealt with it. Now we have SOOOOOO many fun memories of our trips and my kids will always remember me driving them all over tarnation. We have lots of fun. We don't even have gizmos and devices, just a radio, books, and conversation and paper and pens. We take breaks when necessary to run around. Once we get to TN, we help my mom with my grandma, no one helps me with my kids, but it's no problem. Your kids are big!

Your kids are PLENTY old for this, it's really only hard (but still doable) when one is an infant or mid potty-training and the Motel is not equipped with cribs (I'm talking to YOU Hampton Inn, Harrisonburg, VA).

Now if your husband FORBIDS it because he's worried, then that's his right I guess. I have a friend who said he would "never let his wife drive the kids far alone"....um...OK...but he doesn't have to because he doesn't travel 95% of the time.

So. I would tell him you'd really like to go, and you don't want to force him to go because you respect his need for a break and you promise to drive carefully and see what he says. It could be really nice fore everyone if it can happen. It may free you guys up for future adventures. The whole family doesn't have to do everything all the time. Help him break out of his shell a little :) Remind him you've done the drive before with him many times, so it's not like you're going into the savage wilds.

Whatever you do, don't try to guilt him into coming because you secretly don't want to do it alone. Decide how you really feel, and if you WANT to go alone, ask him with full sincerity. It really will be fun!

I have driven 6 hours with DD by myself. I think that if the car is serviced and in good repair, you have your GPS, cell phone and snacks, why not? Is it more that he's not going or more that he doesn't like you making the drive solo. Would he worry if it was just you or is it that the kids are along?

My DH is a "I like all the family together" person and sometimes I specifically say, "GO BY YOURSELF" because I don't want to and honestly I think making everyone do everything together can be smothering.

I would offer to him that you'll drive down, and if he wants to join you, he can come on his own later. I've done that, too. Come mid-week vs Sunday.

What if something happens? You'll call 911, or AAA and you'll handle it.

What exactly are you concerned about? Getting in an accident? Or the kids just being antsy?

Really, on the chance there is an accident, you're better off without your husband in the car -- then you'd just have more people hurt and incapacitated. Just take a defensive driving course if you feel like you need one, make sure you have AAA and everything, make sure your phone is charged, and take a break if you get tired. On a trip of that length, the ideal thing would be to leave early in the morning and build in a midday excursion, so everyone gets to stretch their legs.

In terms of the kids, I wouldn't do this myself, but the solution for most people would be to get your device of choice and load it up with movies for the road.

I'm saying all this b/c really, if your husband doesn't want to come on this trip, then it's a pretty big "ask" to insist that he use his vacation time. I personally prefer that my husband NOT join me for vacations with my family -- if he comes, I'm always dealing with his desire to get away from the rest of the family for a few hours, listing to him gripe about extremely minor things my mom says and does, etc. If he's not there, I just enjoy my family and we have a great time.

same here. i have driven 7 hours with all three my kids. my DH hates the drive... i always give him the option of coming or staying....

Since your kids are older, I think it would be fine to drive it by yourself.
Just tell your hubby that you'll miss him but you understand he can't go.
Then when you are taking your trip by yourself, just be aware of your
surroundings, be safe, don't drive at night & don't trust other people.
You have'll have your cell phone, your map etc.
Bring plenty of snacks & portable DVD players (borrow some from friends
if you need to) and enjoy your trip.

When my kids were younger I did home day care. My vacation times were pretty much whenever the families I cared for took vacations. These did not usually coincide with hubby vacation time. So we had family vacations when he was off. However there was always weeks in the summer when my daycare families took off. Every summer I put my kids in the car and drove from aurora Illinois to Naples Florida (about an 18 hour drive) to stay with brother. We would stay any where from a week to a month. Depending on how much time In had off. Not sure why it would be selfish to take your kids to visit family unless you are using your vacation time and that means no family vacation late on.

I too travel with my kids all the time-flying, driving, cruising. We perfer different kinds of vacations although we will usually do one together once every few years.

With your GPS and a cell phone-you'll be fine.

If he doesn't want you to drive , then tell him to pony up the cash for the gang to fly.

I take solo trips with my kids all the time. My parents live 17 hours away and I will be headed that way with my kids in June. Hubby just doesn't get tons of vacation time and he doesn't always want to use it to see my folks. I get it. So I take the kids and go.

I am not sure what his concerns about traveling alone are, so it's hard to address them. We get the car serviced by a mechanic we trust. I tell him I am traveling cross country and he looks it over (checking hoses and belt, etc.), changes the oil, fills the fluids, that sort of stuff. I usually travel with anti freeze, fix a flat, jumper cables and a few tools just in case. I review how to change a tire and how to jump it with my hubby. And I hope that if I can't fix something, I will be able to find some help. So far, there has never been an issue. (Well one year the track on a window broke, so I used duct tape to hold it up until we returned home :) ). Many insurances offer AAA type services, you can call and have it added to the policy before you leave.

I always have my cell phone and a charger. I periodically check in with my husband and whoever I am off to see. Just to give them idea of where I am. My hubby likes to hear from me and if something should happen, he would be able to narrow down my location a bit easier if needed. I also bring the laptop. I don't have a smart phone, but I can use the laptop if needed. Fortunately, wifi hotspots are readily available in many places.

If he is really concerned about the distance, you can stop and get a hotel. Personally, I would do it all in one shot, but I do have to get a room when I go to see my parents, because 17 hours on the road is way too much to do solo.

I make sure to have cash and a credit card with me.

I keep snacks and dvds next to me in the passenger seat, so I can change the movie or pass out snacks to kiddos as we drive.

It may seem daunting because you have never done it, but really it's no big deal. And if he is just genuinely concerned about you traveling alone for whatever reason, why not invite a friend to join you? That way he can stay home, you aren't alone and everyone is happier in the end.

I have been in abusive relationships and read books on the topic. I am not saying your husbands reaction to the options for your trip are verbal abusive but it def sends up red flags as not being a normal reaction.

Could he be planning a trip durring that time? Does he just want you at home with him? Its almost like he is trying to put a guilt trip on you and has you stressing over what to do?

But in his defence I dont know how often you plan things with out him and if he is just upset because this is something you do often. Plan family things before asking him about it and just expecting him to be fine. Its a hard one to figure not actually knowing you and yours and how you function. But its odd that he wouldnt go with you and you would want to go with out him.

My DH was nervous the first few times I left for a trip on a long drive with the kids without him. He felt this lack of control and anxiety - lets face it, everything precious to him was in that minivan as we backed down the driveway... I had assure him that we could handle any emergency - which is when I signed up for AAA and bought a GPS!

AAA is *SO* worth the $50 (we now have bought up to a higher level of coverage as our cars have gotten older). I can't tell you how many times they've come to fix a flat on the side of the road or towed my car to a service station. Once with my elderly, disabled mother and my kids (8 & 11 at the time) I locked my keys (and handbag) in the car. AAA was there in about 15 minutes!

Tell him what your plan would be for the drive - assigning the kids different responsibilities (older kid as copilot, middle kid as entertainment manager - keeping movies and electronic devices in order, younger kid as snack manager, etc.) t he route you'd take, the time of day (I find leaving early in the AM is the best option - load up the car the night before and everyone's fresh when you leave). Your kids are old enough to reason with so it's not as if you'll have a baby crying in the back seat for a half hour hoping he'll fall asleep).

I can understand why your husband may not want to commit to a vacation with your family. When I had only 2 weeks of vacation I hated to commit to taking half of it for something 6 months away that I wasn't crazy about doing. You can get him to understand why you want to do this, why you'll be just fine on the drive and make sure he knows you want to come to an agreement on this. I am old fashioned in that my husband has veto power - so he gets the final say on most things. But just giving him that authority is enough - he has only vetored soemthing once. He is less oppositional about stuff because he knows if he feels very unsure about something he can tell me not to do it and I'll honor it. Husband/fathers have a kind of 6th sense about things that could put his family in danger. (We mom/wives have our own kind of 6th sense about people and relationships usually) so far in 18 years of marriage I think he's only vetoed one thing I wanted to do - and it ends up that we would have spent nearly $1000 on a long weekend that ended up being a disaster for those who went (bad weather, horrible hotel, etc.) We were so glad we didn't go!

anyway - I think it's all about understanding his perspective, letting him know how and why you'll be OK drving the 9 hours without him (constant cell phone calls to him, GPS, on baord entertainment for the kids to prevent arguing, and AAA), communication that you understand why he doesn't want to commit to using half of his vacation to be with your family, that you dad will be there to be the "protector" while you're absent from your husband, etc. And if as the date gets closer he wants to go that will be fabulous! And keep in mind the timing - my DH is always WAY more agreeable right after sex when we're lying in bed naked & talking... (HAHAHA)

Good luck mama. So often if not the message - it how we communicate it. Planning is essential.

Maybe he would feel better if one family member flew into where you live and made the drive with you?

I regually made six/seven hour drives alone. But I never really enjoyed them...

So maybe that might be a compromise to make him feel better...

I went on a three week road trip from AZ to CO to NE to IL to WI to AR, and back to AZ alone with my 4 kids (youngest 3 at the time). It was just fine. I plan things like this. If my husband wants to come, he does. If he doesn't, or can't, because of work he doesn't. It is not an option at all if we go.

8 hours is nothing, and I would do it. If it makes him angry, then tough.

Though, if you want to make it easier for you travelling, I swear by books on tape, or download one to your phone. You can listed to a story while the kids watch dvds. Its amazing how fast the time goes this way.

I agree, you probably should have talked to him first.
Although I would have asked my husband first, and he is not willing to go, I think you should be able to make your own decisions.
Personally, I think you will be fine. If your husband is that upset about it, he should go with you.

I have driven many times with my 2 girls, even when they were pretty young- babies and up. I don't think it should be a big deal to your husband to let you all go.

Hi, M.:

There is a deeper problem than you driving to the resort.
There is a problem with you and your husband's marriage.

It sounds like you want all the control in the marriage and
your husbands feelings are being discounted.
Marriage is a partnership.
Thank God you have a husband who works and cares
about you and his children.

You need to work with your husband to suit his needs.
You made a committment to him, not your father who is
paying for your stay at a resort.
Good luck.
D.

I have not yet one it but will for the first time this summer more than likely but my kids will be 14 and 11. My drive will be about the same distance I think. My husband can't take time off as he wont have vacation time and it will be my 11 year olds national compatition so we wont be able to miss it. I would just assure him that you will make plenty of stops. Talk with the kids ahead of time about how they are to act when you stop places and what is expected of them. Personaly I would not give him the option of telling you you can't take the kids. If he don't want to go that's his choice you should not have to give up that family time with your dad because him!