Doesnt Know the Meaning of No

Congrats on the potty training!!
As for the "no"ing... It's a phase, be consistent with her and the consequences!! That's the key!!

For the shoes.... Pick you battles, hun!! Shoes are not a big deal... I know very well that it's frustrating and seems really redundant to us adults. But for her it's not a big deal!

AND I WILL STRESS THE USE OF A CARSEAT!!! At age 3 she is not old enough to be in a booster. She needs to be in a 5-point harness!! If she can get out of the seatbelt by herself without much trouble image what sudden stopping from 40 mph would do to her!! I went through some special classes when going to school for a childrens specialty educator... After what I seen there I'll tell you my 9.5 year old is still in a full back booster seat!!!

Selective hearing is common at this age lol.
I suggest two approaches. First, give her a Time Call about picking up her toys "You will need to pick up your toys in 5 minutes because we are going to the store." After you tell her to pick up her toys, and if she tells you to do it, remind her they are HER toys, not yours and it's HER responsibility. Don't yell, stay calm and matter-of-fact, even emotionless, about it. Don't get pulled into an emotional battle with her about it. If she won't comply, act confused. "Why on earth would you leave your toys out for someone to step on them [list other possible consequences]."

Second, she will test boundaries. But pick your battles. Instead of fighting with her about the shoes, put a special basket in the car for her to put her discarded shoes into. Encourage her to learn to put them on by herself. If she chooses to go unshod :) I would let her, it's good for foot development.

One more thing. She is technically too young (in most states) for a seatbelt booster. She should still be in a 5-point harness until AT LEAST age 4. She needs to meet the weight, height AND age requirement. PA is not that specific, but I kept my kids in 5-pt harnesses until the age of 5, they are much safer that way. How safe can she be if she can get out like that and make you pull over? That really worries me, she could even CAUSE an accident that way.

this:
"A convertible or front-facing seat with a 5-point harness is the safest option for children from 30-40 pounds who are not too tall for their front-facing carseat."
from here:http://www.car-safety.org/faq.html#Q4

I'm no mother of the year, but I always try new ways to parent my son so I don't have to hit. The clean up issue I took a trash can into his room and filled it with everything that was on the floor. The can was empty and I let it set in the kitchen (like it was trash) for that day. Letting him know he can't go in it to get any toys. I also let him know that I don't play with them so I won't miss it. After that day he cleans (well straightens) up his room if I mention I will clean it. I know sometimes things can be rough. But our children are always trying to see how far they can cross the line. You need to stand your ground. I was 26 yrs old when I had my son and my mother passed when he was 3 yrs old. I 35 now but its hard. But I do have my sister and she parents the same way. For example her son got in trouble on the bus. Nothing serious but the school was thinking about suspending for a day. My sister said don't do that he would like a day off of school. So they asked her what does she recommend, so she said have him clean the bus. So that weekend my sister told her son to the bus lot and she had him clean the entire inside of that bus. Front to back and he hasn't got in trouble since. Please know that it's going to hard sometimes to lay down the rules. But she will respect you so she grows up. My son in now 9 and now we know he is ADHD so we work with that and he still trys to see how far he can go. But he know now with one said "Your on the last nerve" and he stops. One more thing, we have a rule in my house about the truth. I tell me son if he tells me the truth I won't be as mad and won't yell. So he comes to me and says mom I have something to tell you. Like he last progress report. He said "Mom I know your going to be mad, but I want to tell you the truth I've dropped two grades down." Then he handed me the report. All I said is yes I'm not happy but I thank you for telling my the truth and will you try and bring it up for us. He said yes and has been do good. Sorry this is long but I hope it help.

Were you married or just had your daughter outside of marriage? Either way does she see her father on a regular basis. Most people see the problem but don't see what's causing the problem. I see that she is reaching out because one parent is lacking in your daughter life. The fustration you have with your daughter she feels greatly. You need to get a male role model in her life( that's if her father is not there). It could be an uncle a grandfather a cousion...which ever will help.Then you need to set some ground rules for your daughter. Stick to them and make her relize that if she does not obey you that she will have to sit in a time out chair. Buy a timer and set it at 3 minutes.(what ever her age is). If she has to go into the time out chair 20 time a day then do it. It will decrese each day as she will get sick and tired of being in it.Do not except no when she says it. Tell her it is unexcepable and show her that you love her but she needs to listen to you. Good luck and I wish you many blessing....

I have the same problem with my daughter. She just turned 3 the end of november and she doesnt listen to me at all! Her favorite word is "no". I get so frustrated because everytime i take her places, whether its with family or out in public she acts up so much and when i tell her to stop, she keeps doing it. It makes me feel like i have no control of her what-so-ever. I dont know what to do either. I just wanted to let you know that youre not alone. A lot of people tell me its normal and thats the age they do that-but they dont understand that she doesnt listen at all!! Other people tell me that shes out of control and i better do something soon. But what are you supposed to do? Ive tried everything...If you hear anything form anyone, please inform me. It gets a little frustrating after a while, im sure you know the feeling. I'll keep in touch.
R.

J.,
I am learning that staying consistance is the best way to deal with it. I look my daughter in the eye and make her look at me, then I tell her to pick up the toys. I let her know that she has a choice to pick it up or she will not play with it until she learns to clean her mess. It is starting to work, but sometimes it kills me. I feel like the meanest mom in the world. I have also been watch a show on Discovery, I think it is called Tiny Terrors. It is a great show but it is on late at night, 11 pm I think.
Good luck J.,
D.

Your mom is right. It is the age. They all do this at this age. She is testing you to see how far she can push you. The most important thing to do at this point is be consistent. If you say you are going to throw her toys away then you have to follow through with that. I have done the same thing with my two. They thought I was kidding, but when they saw me with a trash bag in their room and I was putting their toys in it they got the message loud and clear. (FYI: I didn't really throw them out. I have them in the closet, they don't know that though.) Maybe another thing you could do with the toys is if she doesn't pick them up you can take them and she will have to earn them back with good behavior. Remember you are the mom. What you say goes. Do not be afraid to discipline her. Set the rules and discipline her if she breaks them. I've found standing in the corner with your hands up or sitting on your bed with nothing to do for a while was pretty effective with my two at that age. If you stay consistent she will learn that she cannot get away with things, and her behavior will improve. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but stick to your guns. She will come around. Good luck!

Hi J.,
I also have a 3 year old daughter. She does some of the same things, like not wanting to stay in the car seat and taking off her shoes. The "no" thing hasn't been too bad, though. I think it is a phase and she will out grow it. Be consistent. Be considerate (she is still just little). She'll learn. Good luck!

you must have my daughters twin. i am going through the same problem minus the car seat. i still have mine in a 5 point harness booster seat. eddie bauer makes one that still fits her. i saw a scary email about a little boy who was in a car accident and passed away as a result from the car seat belt being too big for him. he would have lived in the 5 point harness one. this will also keep her in. believe me i know.

my husband and i have the same battle with the toys and we have a 6 year old who does not help. they scream and fight with us. we have used the trash method with the fisher price little people(why are there so many pieces?). dont you know she helped put them in the trash bag. what i did was started making a game. we race. whether i am folding laundry or doing dishes i will race them to see who gets done first. if it is a huge mess i will help. i was reminded once by my very wise grandmom that she is only 3. 3 is a tough age. they are toddlers but still they are babies. they need to be taught how to do it and they will catch on to the concept of cleaning up.

good luck and keep me posted. i would like to know if there is anything else out there that could help.

I went through this when my 9 year old was three, I was exasperated! I went to GNC and got some vitamins for her nit the regular daily vitamin, but these actually had a claming effect, and they worked she started listening and behaving better. If you go to a health food store they have these products in the kids section they have different brand names, but it could be worth checking out. Sorry I don't remember the name of what we used, it's been awhile, but your post brought back memories...