Does Raising a 6 Year Old Girl in a Bar Affect Her Behavior?

I live in Wisconsin. Here there is nothing illegal about a child being in a bar with a parent or guardian. It's not uncommon to see families in bars for lunch or dinner.

I just looked up Nebraska law, and it is the same. As long as she is with a parent or guardian then she is allowed to be there, but she isn't allowed to drink alcohol.

My husband's father was a bartender so he spent a good deal of time in bars as a child, particularly after his parents divorced. When he was old enough, he helped to serve food and clean tables. He was not a problem child or teen, and as an adult he has a good relationship with his dad, a strong work ethic, and isn't much of a drinker because he knows what alcoholism does to people.

It's not the location that causes lack of boundaries and poor behavior, but the quality of the parenting. You're with a man with whom you have serious differences in opinion. Because it is his child and not yours, you don't have legal standing and will have to defer to him. You can only control your own actions and decisions. You will probably have to accept that things are now as they will continue to be, and from there decide whether or not you can live with it and be happy, or if you need to move on in life without him.

It doesn't matter if you are right or wrong.
This is not something you can change or win.
Your values are not those of your husband or his family.
Your husband and his mother see this family business as her legacy - and they probably expect she will be running the bar someday as a mother and grandmother herself.

Sometimes you can see a train wreck coming from a long way off, you can't prevent it so there's no point for you to hang around to watch it happen.
They aren't going to listen to you and they certainly will not want to hear any "I told you so".
I have a feeling it's why his prior marriage broke up.
Time for you to cut your losses and leave.

I grew up with a bar-owning father and uncle. Things I learned at the bar:
How to play pool
How to play pinball
How to pour a beer from a tap
How to count and roll change
Proper customer service
The structure of a business
Why you should throw out the customers that are causing problems
Not all who drink have a problem
PALCB laws

You know what caused problems for me? Other adults judging my dad for how he spent time with me.

Diane B's advice is spot on. Please let go of this relationship and work hard to figure out why you are attracted to these kinds of men.

1) I'm pretty sure that's illegal, so call the cops and 2) why are you even with this guy? No matter how good the sex might be this doesn't sound like any kind of family I'd want to be a part of.

Her environment is just one of many things that influence her behaviour.I suggest the tension between you and her Dad and grandmother can be as damaging as her spending time in a bar. If you aren't able to relax and let her family raise her as they see fit, I suggest you move out. As a stepmother you have no legal right to make decisions regarding her care. Your responsibility is to her father and taking care of that relationship.

BTW many children spend most of their time with their parents in a business setting. What is important is how she's treated while with her father and grandmother. Have you spent time with them in the bar? Do you know their patrons and if she is involved with them? Do you know what is happening other than people drinking? What has been your experience with alcohol? Is it possible you're biased? Might you be able to change your attitude when you have more experience?

If not, your relationship with your boyfriend and his family will become increasingly more difficult.

Obviously it is not ideal.
Diane's advice is spot on and I agree with B. Good luck.

lots of kids are raised running around the family business, and it's fine.

so, yes, wherever a kid is being raised affects their behavior, but that doesn't mean this bar is doing it in a negative fashion.

some bars are gross and slimy and full of unpleasant people, bad language, sex talk and inappropriate behavior.

but many bars are bright and lively and fun, run well and professionally, and perfectly safe for kids who are being watched and given safe boundaries.

what does 'her behavior is livid' mean?

i think it's delightful that this child isn't afraid of strangers. it's been a weird blip in our culture to inoculate small children with stranger danger fears.

i don't see anything to be alarmed at in your post.

it looks like you don't have custody and are bitter about it and looking for things to criticize.
khairete
S.

According to your post yesterday, your husband very recently got custody, so this is a new thing. Also according to your other post, the reason that her behavior is livid is because she doesn't see her father as a figure of authority, because until now she was raised by her maternal grandmother.

Now, 24 hours later, all the problems are caused by her spending time in your husband's family owned bar with her paternal grandmother.

Something doesn't add up here.

In any case, I suggest marriage counseling for your and your husband, because bar or no bar, this poor little girl has had enough disruption in her short life, and she needs for you and her dad to be on the same page in terms of parenting.