Does He Tell You That You Are Beautiful?

Yep every day. Married 38 years! Not a day goes by that he does not tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. He doesn't see my ostomies, central line and g tube. He sees me for who I am. I am a very lucky lady. He is a very special guy. We have been to hell and back together. Holding hands the whole time. Came thru much stronger.

No. He doesn't tell me that I am beautiful. But.....he shows his love in so many ways! He smiles at me, flirts with me, hugs and kisses me, does things around the house, goes to work every day, writes the most heartfelt appreciative love letters etc.

Would I like him to say it sometime? Yes, but I know that overall, he loves me wholly and completely. He values and respects me and loves me just as I am. I am so thankful for my husband-----we do tell eachother daily, I love you-- I miss you etc. GL

My husband does not even notice when I wear makeup. And for telling me I look nice I usually have to pull it out of him. So you are not alone!!!!

I sometimes get a 'you look nice'... he's been looking at me for a long, long time... :) And he always says nice things about a new outfit or haircut, but we aren't much for appearances, I guess.

My husband gives me very nice compliments on my cooking, on how I am caring for our family... this morning he said "Thanks for all you do for our boy. You are a great mom and doing a big job." Honestly, *that* is when I get all goofy inside and feel good-- he notices what I am *doing* with my days and appreciates it.

We are both older and rounder, too. But so much happier, I think, than when we first met.

I hope you can enjoy those positive changes you have made for yourself, deep within, and do know that guys are simply *clueless* that we would like a little sugar now and then from them, just a 'wow, you look great' would have been perfect, huh?

Mine does, but not often...verbally. He's really a man of few words, and he always has been. It's more in the way he looks at me, reacts to me, shows me affection, etc. I would rather have my husband make me FEEL beautiful and have it obvious by his actions. Often, words are just words.

Perhaps, you were expecting a verbal gesture, and that's not what he gave. He could have been throwing you compliments, but not with words. Or, he could just be one of those dudes that thinks about how great you look, and it doesn't cross his mind to let you know. Talk to him about it. He won't know what you need, unless you tell him!!

Congrats on your weight loss!

he does. not daily, and often not when I'M feeling at my purtiest. but when he does, he does it with such sincerity and love that i cannot doubt it. and he does it sometimes when i'm feeling at my fat and homeliest. and he usually does it spontaneously, not when i'm either preening and eliciting compliments, or moaning and eliciting comfort.
maybe if you tell him how much it would mean to you to hear it sometimes? men really do think we read their minds (because so often we do.)
:) khairete
S.

Aw. Reminds me of a guy I was dating for awhile years ago. We went to his friend's wedding and I'd gotten a new dress etc. We were only dating so compliments should have been a given... He didn't say a word how I looked so finally at the end of the date I did say something about it. He said "but you always look nice!" He seemed genuinely confused. So maybe your husband is like that? I have to say too that I'm always a bit hesitant to tell someone who lost weight that they look good bc then I'm wondering if they think I thought they looked bad before... So it might be something like that. If you have a generally good relationship with your husband, let it go but teasingly say something to him about it. My husband is good with appearance compliments btw but not so good with some other stuff! Hopefully your husband makes up for this in other ways!

If it helps any, my mom and dad have been married for almost 22 years. My mom recently lost 75 pounds. She looks INCREDIBLE. But I highly highly doubt that my dad has actually told her that she looks good. He is a great guy and loves my mom very much but he is just so shy and quiet (Even with my mom!) that I can't picture him actually saying the words 'You look beautiful'.

So maybe your husband has noticed, he just hasn't actually said the words?

Trixie:

CONGRATULATIONS!!! On your weight loss!! That is WONDERFUL!!!!

I'm truly sorry that your husband hasn't said anything to you. While it would be awkward to ask - I would ask - have you noticed that I have lost weight? I need to hear things like this from you. I worked on this and made it happen.

I would HOPE that he is hasn't said anything because he was "awstruck" by your beauty!!! And THOUGHT it showed with his eyes, his touches, etc.

Yes. My husband gives me compliments. And really!? It took a lot to get them out of him - while we were dating - he would say " you look nice" etc. but it took A LOT of communication and telling him what **I** needed to hear .... we've been married almost 17 years...

Talk with him...tell him what you need and expect!!

First- great job on getting yourself healthy and feeling great! That's wonderful, keep up the good work.

Second- yes, my husband compliments me every once in a while and always when it "counts". He's also the first one to tell me when something doesn't look good, sound right, match... whatever.

My husband is (by nature) pretty critical, so when I say every once in a while, we're talking rare that he compliments me. Then again... I don't know how often I compliment him either! I should probably be more conscious of that as well.

Sounds exactly like a question I had a year ago. My husband is the most wonderful man I've ever met, yet that is his flaw. He's uncomfortable giving compliments. And, unfortunately, I've learned to accept it. It's not as if he doesn't show me his love in other ways; his sincerity, his honesty, his integrity, his tenderness, his humor, his work ethic. His actions remind me every day how much he cherishes me and the kids. ... He just has trouble expressing it. And sadly, I've kind of gotten over it. I can't say it still doesn't make me a little blue.

Can I ask if your husband compliments your children? Because THAT I would have a problem with. My husband can go years without telling ME I'm beautiful, but I make sure he doesn't skip when it comes to the kids. And yes, I mean beautiful inside and out.

Sorry to hear this. I bet he noticed. Maybe he was just flustered by how pretty you looked! I know that my dh used to give me compliments, but even when I was younger and sans the stress of our young kids, I would shuffle the compliments off because they embarrassed me. I think he just kind of stopped doing it so much because of that... Maybe something similar has happened with your dh...

Yes, mine does, but not necessarily when I'm all dolled up...

That said, I have learned after 12 years of marriage that my husband is not a thoughtless jerk. Sometimes, things which are obvious to me simply do not occur to him. Your husband is not thoughtless, he is not a jerk, it just didn't occur to him to compliment you.

Perhaps he was thinking it and just didn't have the chance to tell you. Or perhaps he can not see the dramatic changes in you because he sees you everyday.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Tell him how you feel and gauge his reaction. You will be able to tell how he sincerely feels. Especially if he is quick to apologize and tell you that you are in fact beautiful. While it may be something you would be apt to acknowledge, he may not be so inclined. Cut him a break and be proud of yourself. The better compliment he could give you is to tell you how he has seen a vast improvement in your self confidence.

My mom's had to "retrain" my dad a few times over the years. I think it may be a thing for all men.

"She knows that I love her and worship the ground she walks on. Why do I need to tell her?" His exact words and I've heard a few other men say similar.

Sometimes you just got to tell them, " Hey, Caveman! Look, sexy wifey, come here and tell me I look good." I know it's not the same as him thinking it on his own, but some days you have to treat your guy like a puppy dog. My husband suggested this. He calls it dog training for the husband. Offer them a treat, tell them what you want, when they do it you give them the treat. Eventually they'll do it with out the treat, but it's nice to give it to them just cause and they'll figure that out too.

My husband actually surprised me recently. I had to go to a spouse's event (military) and so I got a little dressed up. Nothing super dressy, just jeans, small wedge heels, and a blouse, plus actually straightened my hair and put on makeup. As I was getting ready to leave and was telling hubby and the kids goodbye, he looked at me and said "You look nice, honey." I think I caught him a little by surprise, but I was glad I did. :) He also drops a random compliment here and there during the week.

Sorry your husband hasn't said anything. :( I'm sure he's thought it. Is he the type who does more through actions than words? If so, it could be helpful for you to tell him that while you certainly appreciate the way he shows he cares and thinks you're beautiful, that for you, it would help to HEAR it once in a while.

Trixie-

Glad for all your changes, and that you are looking great and feeling good. Sometimes when one partner changes their life for the better whether its getting smarter about their spending, furthering their education, improving their health, losing weight or anything, it can put the other one in an awkward position of feeling left out/ left behind. Instead of being helpful, appreciative, supportive, or complimentary, they might become sulky, or ornery.

I don't know if that is the case with your hubs, or if its just oversight or a failure to speak up.

Mine compliments me daily, sometimes several times a day. I try to do the same.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

First off.... YAY for you! That's fantastic.

To answer your question, yes he does, I think pretty much every day, at one time or another. He does it every night after I wash the make-up off my face, that I know for sure. :)

Tell him that you need to be told that, how important it would be to hear.

Honestly... he is not overly wordy about things like that. We've been married for 16 years. But it isn't the length of time we have been married. He was never overly effusive verbally about my appearance (or anyone else's). He will notice sometimes and say "You look nice." with a certain emphasis. But I have never "needed" anyone to bombard me with compliments on my appearance anyway. Probably one of the reasons we are such a good match. LOL

But he does appreciate me. Not just my appearance, but ME. And that says more than anything else. I do find it odd that he didn't even say something fairly innocuous, like, "you look nice". It's so hard to judge such things though. I mean... to be fair, if you have a relationship where appearance is an issue for one of you, or where he gets shot down for saying the exact wrong thing every time when he wasn't trying to, then maybe he felt "safer" staying mum on the subject.
You know... the you can't win for losing so why try, thing. But, I don't know you or your relationship, so I don't know (and am not saying that it is the case)...
I probably give my husband about the same amount of compliments as he gives me. But probably less. I wonder if he worries about it. Probably not.

I'm sorry your husband didn't say anything. My husband usually tells me at least once a week if not more that I am beautiful.

Congratulations on the weight loss!!! You put in the work and it paid off! As for your husband, he probably just assumes after all this time that you "know" he thinks you're beautiful. I'm sure he meant to tell you that you look gorgeous. The main thing is that YOU feel beautiful!

As for compliments, I am lucky. I get them daily from my husband. Ever since our first date six years ago.

Yes my husband does still compliment me and we have known each other for over 20 years. His compliments are frequently enough for me.

Curious, do you compliment him, if so how often? Rhetorical question. Sometimes it helps to give what you want to get.

Perhaps your husband is telling you in other ways that he still thinks you are beautiful. Take some time to consider this option as well.

Hubby and I recently lost some significant weight. So his way of letting me know he thinks I'm beautiful is pursuing me for more physical affection. LOL. Perhaps your husband is doing the same.

Congrats on the new changes you made for your health and keep them up even if hubby doesn't compliment you.

Yes, I'm a redheaded Leo, he knew what he was getting himself into. I also tell him daily how much I love him, as well as frequently calling him Mr. Handsome. I don't expect to get, without regularly giving, ya know?

he doesn't tell me often. he knows i am comfortable with who i am. i'd like to hear it sometimes without fishing for it, but it is what it is. he just doesn't think about it.

Compliments have definitely fallen by the wayside over the years (been together 12 years, married for 8), but a few weeks ago my husband told me I was sexy (and we actually weren't in the bedroom), and then Saturday night while we were having dinner on our date night he did just interject "you are so beautiful" during our conversation. Needless to say, it felt really good.

BUT, he also frequently tells me that if I got back into shape I would be more beautiful than my sister, who is a knockout. That doesn't feel too good! I told him not to say that stuff to me, because rather than motivating me to get healthy, it just crushes my self esteem. So, if you need positive reinforcement from him, let him know. It does make a difference.

Um, not too much, but sometimes, and usually when I have little to no make up, go figure! Sometimes I will get all dolled up and will say I look nice, but I think he just prefers me regular! I think men don't always get why we need all that fluff to feel hot. Don't take it too hard! He may have thought it but just never said it!! Congrats on the weight loss, go girl!

Yes, my husband does and it means alot to me.

Is there any chance that your hubby has mixed feelings about the "new" you? Is he worried about his own appearance, or that you might not find him attractive anymore? It's just a thought - not sure about that.

It might not be his style, either, but maybe he shows you in other ways.

I wish more men "got" how important it is for women to feel beautiful.

ETA: Great job on your weight loss and healthier lifestyle! Do you have any idea how hard that is to do? You are THE woman!!

Everyone needs affirmation in some form or fashion (even our SOs need it).

I was married to my exhusband for over 20 years and not once did he ever say I was beautiful, pretty, etc. Not even on our wedding day! He made it clear when he disapproved of how I looked, but never uttered a compliment to me.

My new DH almost never lets a day go by without telling me that I'm beautiful and how much he loves me. Talk about going from one end of the spectrum to the other. It's very nice to hear and has done wonders for my confidence.

I would talk to him about it, tell him you are not fishing for compliments but it is nice for a person to hear every now and again. Do you give him compliments? My husband tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am. With an extra 100 pounds on me I often find it hard to believe, but he keeps saying it none the less, maybe because he knows I find it hard to believe so he figures I need to hear it all the more?

I bet you looked fantastic!! I'm glad your friends and family told you so:)

To answer your question, yes, hubby compliments me daily. Let him know how you feel

Aw that's too bad :-(
Men aren't always great at expressing themselves, and unless he's always been the kind of guy to hand out compliments he probably isn't going to start now.
I must admit I'm guilty of this as well. My husband often asks me how he looks when we're getting ready to go out and most of the time I wanna just say, you look just like you did yesterday, and the day before. Of course I don't say that because I'm sensitive enough to know he's looking for some kind of affection or reassurance.
What does your husband say when you ask him how you look, is he complimentary then? He probably just needs some prompting.
And congrats on the weight loss, whoo hoo!!!
p.s. If HE is overweight maybe he's feeling insecure about YOUR weight loss (?)

He needs an attitude adjustment! I lost 10 lbs slowly over a year and I know how hard that is! You da woman! But, no, H won't directly tell me without prompting. I'd say that is pretty standard. :(
But for the first time in yrs he thought we might go to the company picnic. I'll take what I get and construe the rest! ;)

I do not think that I am beautiful. So, I would not want anyone to use that word to me--it would sound like a lie. I am attractive, have a nice body, smart, funny, etc. But, my partner had BETTER tell me that I look nice when we go out and NOT after we return home. I need that confidence boost on the way out the door!

my fiancee when we first met would tell M. multiple times a day. he would make comments like "you deserve to hear it every day" and i'm so lucky to be with someone so beautiful. Now almost 3 years later...yes he does tell M. on ocassion....but his friends tell M. more often then him!
I have wondered if after a few years it dropped off a lot what it will be like in 10 years=/
currently he tells M. a perfect amount. I hope it stays this level or gets better=) here's to hoping=)

You should tell him it hurts your feelings he hasnt mentioned anything. if you feel silyl saying that out loud, text or email him
or write a note
plus make sure to tell him

Hav you tried putting the moves on him and "dressing up" for the bedroom for when he gets home from work with no kids home? perhaps that would motivate him