Do You You Recognize Good Advice for Your Question?

This site is helpine me bet a better person. I sometimes get annoyed with moms who do things differently. One in "in control" of the buffet at school. I was told by the principal to set my dishes on the table. She ran over and explained I was not to do that and she was spacing them herself and other things. I still think it is nuts and over the top.

Before this site, I would have thought mean things, assumed she was picking a fight for no reason, and probally have confronted her contolling.
I was able to remain peaceful and think maybe I don't get it. I asked her to explain exactly what I should do since I am new and I want to be a help.

Thanks to moms who help me understand we see things differently.

I have come away from here with good ideas. A month ago I was really struggling with getting my daughter to sleep. Most moms told me to get my husband involved, which I did, and IT WORKED!! it only took a week! Shoot, I had been struggling for 9 months on my own since I didn't want to wake my husband. Good thing I listened to the other moms! There was even one who told me maybe I needed to co-sleep. And while I respect her idea and it working for her, I knew it wouldn't for me. Doesn't mean she was wrong, just means that it wasn't for me.
I love to read things about teachers. We have a couple on this board and it's always an eyeopener for me on how to deal with teachers.
I come away knowing that this board is full of people from all over the states (although there is a lot from TX!) and even some people from over seas. Things are done differently in other families and in other parts of the US. I like to hear what most people have to say.
L.

Hmmm, whatever you're drinkin' tonight, I'll take two!

A wise woman once said, the day I stop considering points of view different from my own, is the day I stop growing.

Oh wait that was ME who said that!!

I totally adore and admire all the crazy bitches on this site, I have learned something from every single one of them!

:)

Hi C.-

I have asked relatively few questions here...particularly considering how
L O N G I have been here...lol...But those questions I have asked, I feel I have gotten helpful responses.

My kiddos are older now.

In terms of 'giving' advice/comment...I try to make 'my' comment relative to personal experience *I* have had regarding whatever is being asked. I generally respond politely...and cite whatever I have to share in a manner that it *might* be 'well' received...

IF there is a *push my buttons* kind of topic...or posting...I will draft a response...and let it 'sit' for a while before deciding whether to post...edit and post...or merely not respond.

I L O V E LOVE love the fact that there are SO many members here from SO many different locations...life experiences...and life 'situations'...

Rarely has a day gone by when I have not read questions/responses and learned a little something.

I comment where I feel I can relate something...I ignore some things...I take away different perspectives almost daily...and I try to 'pause' before I comment on something that is a hot topic for me...

I wish 'all' on this site well...and even though it is cyber...I do feel I 'know' some here better than others...AND...just as in real life...I 'like' some better than others!!

Best luck!
Michele/cat

C.:

I think we all recognize advice - good or bad. It's all in how we take it. What do we come away with?

I personally like to learn something new every day.

there have been people on here who have opened my eyes to a new way of thinking...seeing something from the other side of the coin, road, mirror, whatever you want to call it.

There have been people on here who browbeat their "opinions" or way to do something to others and wonder why no one really wants to hear from them or why they get reported...some think that their way is the ONLY way...claiming open mindedness and accepting of others...but they don't really.

Some ONLY want advice/opinions that support their way of thinking. And anything that goes against that - well, it sucks and we are all mean people for not agreeing.

Opinions and advice go hand in hand. They are based on knowledge, experience, morals, values. No one here has walked the same mile. This is an open, public forum where the life experiences are vast and varied....no one will feel the exact same way nor give the same advice...much of the advice or opinions given here are great....some not so much...like you say - take it with a grain of salt..

I hope I've answered your question.

Here's my advice: next time, use paragraphs to break up your post! LOL... & I do mean, LOL directed to myself, because I'm the one who had to go back thru twice to see if I was missing anything!

Here's my opinion: love, love, love your post! Yes, I do learn daily from Mamapedia. I have opened new windows & immediately researched medical conditions, behavioral issues, how-to's, & even looked up some really unusual words/phrases! Vacation locales are also fun to check out. I truly believe that, as adults, we cannot assume we have no need to learn, that we know all we want to know, & even worse....that the other person has nothing to teach us. To me, that is a death cycle for life.....

There are some posts which I have a knee-jerk reaction to....situations where I just don't want to jump in. In those cases, it's usually because I have nothing proactive or helpful to say.....situations where I want to say "get off the pot or...." or "stop being a witch" or "grow up"......:) It amazes me how many posts fall back into "H.S." behavior, where the poster is feeling a need to be vindictive or is planning retaliation. To me, that is sooo sad & it disheartens me to read other Mamas supporting behavior so juvenile in nature! & I openly admit....there are times when I do fall into that pit of Hell myself!

But after all is said & done, I do enjoy Mamapedia. For me it represents our life cycle. Yes, it's frustrating to read another "am I pregnant?" post....but that is life cycling around. We may have "been there/done that"....but it's a whole new world for other mamas. To assume that question has no bearing nor place within this forum....is truly a "shame on us" viewpoint. To ease my soul, I just skip over ?s like that.....& yes, I always have a strong desire to say, "take the test/see the dr". LOL.

As for personalites....woohoo! Boy, does Mamapedia have them! But doesn't life? To me, that means Mamapedia is a true representation of Life! Perhaps what we're reading does follow the rules of internet usage which we (hopefully) teach our kids: "how do you know that gamer on the other end is a 15yo from N.Y? He could be a 50yo man sitting naked in his chair & lying out his butt to you!" .....my sons were horrified when I used that analogy with them, but -boy- did it stay with them! LOL....

Moving on: yes, threads are removed. & it's a danged shame! I am strong enough to be able to join into conversations about politics, religion, etc.... without resorting to profanity, hate, & intolerance. Soooo sad that so many Mamas can't allow others that same freedom. :( And that ties in with your comments of "judgment"...boy, is it on here! Ouch! & that would be MY judgement! ......LOL, one more time! Smiles to you!

I think (for the most part) advice here is neither good or bad, it's all about whether the advice works for you and your situation.

For me, I like to read the responses I get because it sometimes makes me look at things differently. I may not take anyone's advice but at least I listen to everyone's opinions!! Some people get very nasty on here and I don't understand that; I like to look at this site as everyone just coming together to help, not hurt. I may not word my questions perfectly or even my responses but I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings. I feel I may be more experienced than others in a certain topic because of my age; sometimes I'm less experienced than others in certain topics because of my age. It's different all the time. I just like knowing you're all out there to help when needed. Good question, or should I say essay!! lol!!!

Theresa and C....please make me three!!!

I asked my very first question three weeks ago (re: Catholics and miracles) and I really needed a wide variety that may have experience in what I am going through (my friends couldn't do this). My best friend's grandson drowned six weeks ago and has no brain activity and has been on life support. I wanted to get other's perspectives of the situation and all but one of the ladies were wonderful. I sent flowers and tried to respond personally as I was so thankful, even it it wasn't my first reaction. I learned a lot.

It's so sad to read that someone flat out doesn't come to learn even though there are so many questions and extreme situations in her life that she is far too involved in. I know we can provide much needed advice but if she is just passing through, what can we do. I wish she were as receptive as I was.

I was helped greatly! It gave me wonderful ways to look at this awful situation!

Goodnight!!

Some people just want empathy and support, some people like a healthy debate, some people are open and really looking for help, some people have thick skins, some don't.....all different types. The other week a lady asked a question about what to do about her child, and she explained what she was doing (moderate), and it wasn't working, thus the question. She got a totally equal split between experienced moms who had dealt with that specific issue, some more lenient and some more strict advice, and her update quipped: I am NOT going to do X or X! Admonishing all posts who were too lenient or too strict. The funny thing was, it left absolutely no option, since she had covered the only other bases. It was like.....OK...and you wrote for what reason??.....
I personally write hoping for either straight answers to the question, or a desire to hear different things. I try to have a thick skin. There's always one egregiously rude and clueless response in ANY question though, no matter how mundane. I see it in almost every post anyone posts. It's funny once you just accept it.

As my hubby says Communication is a hard thing. Most of the time when I ask a question it is about facts. The best this or cure for that is open for opinions but not judgement. And as for that, I have the opinion that we all judge and it's not a bad thing all the time. It used to be called discernment.
There are opinions that are just not smart, opinions that are meant to hurt others, opinions that have agendas that are only poorly hidden and I ignore those and yes, judge them to be not worth my thought process. I do give quite a bit of advise if I can give valid, experience related advise. Most of the time I reach out because I hear the ring of truth and truth seeking in their question. I try to be as encouraging to mothers on the edge as I can be. I enjoy hearing the funny stories that a quirky question can bring. Also as when i am praying with a group, I like to hear my fears put in different words and prayed about in a fresh way. We all like fresh echos of our opinions.
When you answer a person's question you open yourself up to them. Sometimes they will thoughtfully consider it, others will react with anger or being defensive. Whatever happens, you are no longer in charge of what happens to your answer. It's pretty obvious that you had a bad experience and it's led you to be frustrated with the response you got. Maybe you should be more discerning with the questions you respond to. Emotion begets emotion. If you discern the person is thinking irrationally, maybe leave that one alone! Just my opinion!
Good thinking question.

The only thing I can say is that we always should learn from others even when we agree or not. We have to be open but at the same time don't forget our values and convictions. Listening is important but learning to take and consider what is actually valuable is more important. We learned from everyone, from the poor and the rich, from the tall and the short, etc....from every single human being.....

I don't come here to learn. I come here to pass the time. I can't clean all the time, I find no value in tv, I love the Bible and listening to messages, but I can't do that all the time either.

It's interesting for entertainment value to see the variety of questions and answers on this site. If I can give a mom thumbs up when they are looking for similar experiences, awesome. If I don't agree with something, I'll throw my ideas into the ring. But I don't think anyone is going to be eager to take my advice. On the occasion that I've been able to shed some light on a legal matter or real estate matter, etc... again, that's awesome.

I really don't like the trend I'm seeing lately where some people want to squash topics and say that certain ideas or post topics are "inappropriate". I've seen quite a few topics that were distasteful to me. But I don't believe that anyone has the right to run off topics just because we are not personally interested in hearing it. People are diverse. If it were not so, I'd be bored here and wouldn't come back.