We have a dear friend that just gave birth to twins. One is healthy and at home, and the other had open heart surgery about 2 weeks ago and then went into cardiac arrest yesterday, but seems to be doing ok today. My heart is bleeding for her, and I want to be there for her, but she lives in another state. The question is, do I send the gifts for the babies now or wait until the other baby goes home and is safe and sound. This is such a touchy situation so if anyone has ever been in her or my place, please let me know what you think is best, and please say special prayers for baby Colt.
I wanted to thank everyone for their advice. We did send a gift, and my friend was so delighted. Baby Colt is now home, and we sent a fruit basket to welcome him home so the family has some easy and healthy to eat while they are focusing all their efforts on the twins. Thanks again!
I think if they are both the same gender, get some baby things, but not 2 of the same things. Clothes, sleepers, etc are always needed, or bathing items, lotions, shampoos, etc. Maybe throw in some bath bubbles for mom too!
Send them now. They need every support that you can give. My in-laws wouldn't congratulate us on our last pregnancy until I was out of my 1st trimester. I had lost a pregnancy before that one, so it really hurt me to know that they didn't have the faith in God and encouragement for me to see me through that time. Let them know that you have total faith that he/she WILL get better!
I would send the gifts. It shows support and hope for the little one. My prayers are with her and the baby!
I agree with the others. Send now! Even if something horrible did happen, both lives deserve to be celebrated!
C.,
After reading Barb's response I would just send a plant or something to the mother congratulating her on the birth of her children, and put something in the card letting her know you are praying for her child. When both children are at home send the individual items to the children.
I'll be praying too for baby Colt and the whole family.
God Bless,
In view of what Barb noted, send gifts now but make sure they are not geared specifically toward either baby. It makes things more normal and even though the baby is having problems, the fact that it is currently stable is a good sign and the parents need all the love and support they can get.
Send both a gift now, celebrate their birth. Then maybe when baby Colt is stronger and at home, you can send a little something extra.
edited to add:
After reading Barb's answer, I feel terrible for writing mine! Even so, please let me offer that there is a very difficult line to walk when it comes to life and death matters regarding our smallest little ones. There can't be anything easy about losing a child, and no amount of eggshell-walking or sensitivity will make everything all better. Because of this, - and perhaps I'm being callous, I so very much hope I'm not - but please allow me to leave my response below even in light of Barb's response...
YES!!! Your dear friend has been robbed of so much of what many take for granted already, please don't hold back on celebrating with her the miracle of what she has: two precious children!!
I didn't have twins, but unfortunately felt really guilty at times for feeling such JOY! over being a new mama when my newborn preemie was in the hospital. One relative, upon hearing the news of his nephew's birth, even said, "I'm so sorry." That was, quite frankly, one of the most hurtful things I heard through the whole ordeal.
I would much rather have heard, "Congratulations!" from everyone, because that's how my heart felt. Even when I was tired and sad and feeling down, even when it was tainted just a little bit, the joy I was experiencing was something to celebrate!
So, while I can't imagine what pain your friend might be going through right now, she also likely has twice that in joy for her babies. Help her validate that joy, especially if one doesn't make it, God forbid. My guess is that it wouldn't be fair to her to wait on sending two gifts.
She would likely love to have your support as well -- I'd highly recommend writing a heart-felt letter so a phone call doesn't take time from her sleeping or caring for her new family. She'll prolly call you when she can.
HTH!
Please consider my advice.
I gave birth to twins in July 2008 at 32 weeks gestation. I had an emergency C-section. My daughter ended up in NICU for 4 weeks; my son (her twin brother) was born sleeping. Everyone had gifted the twins during two baby showers we had PLUS via snail-mail as our close friends and family are 1700 miles away from us up in the Northeast.
The absolute hardest thing I had to do was look at two of everything -- one for the boy, one for the girl -- and be able to use only one set of things. Equally hard was to pack away the boys things (boy-themed clothing, toys, etc.) one by one because he was not here to use them. Additionally, returning everything to the store where they came from was pretty horrible because we didn't have receipts and had to explain "one of our twins was stillborn, so we don't need this XYZ anymore."
I would wait until both are home safe and sound if you want to get individual gifts. Otherwise, sending one beautiful flower arrangement / plant stating "Congratulations on the birth of your babies" will suffice for now.
Just my two cents :)
