Do You Reply to a Stranger's (Kinda) Email or Text? Rude or Not?

Personally, if I wasn't getting a response vis email/text, I'd send a handwritten note to school with my child to be given to the room parent. If that didn't work, I'd reach out to the teacher. Good luck. :)

Ignore it.
I'd ask to be taken off the distribution list.
Then I'd either block the number or add it to my contacts and assign a no-ring tone (silence) to it.

I agree with you ...just basic manners. i would not let my child attend. i like my kids around nice kids.

Just asked to be removed from the list. You'll be out of the loop and your kid may miss out on some stuff but you won't be so annoyed.

I guess I don't consider my kids' room moms strangers. Even if I never met them I know they are parents at our school, parents who take precious time organizing activities and raising money for ALL the students, including mine. And I wouldn't get offended if I didn't get a personal response from them either. These women have kids, jobs, husbands and other responsibilities just like me so KUDOS to them for doing what they do, even if it's not perfect.
So in answer to your question, what would I do? I guess I would sign up to be a room mom next year, so I could gain some perspective and understand the challenges of trying to please 25+ families' wants and concerns.

1. Turn off the notification on your phone and just check your email once a day. You're annoyed about something that you can control easily.

2. A lack of response isn't something to be kinda greatly offended about. You can address this very simply. Click "Reply All" to the blanket email and type a short email stating "Has anyone gotten a response from _________ about _________? I've tried to call, text and email her to let her know that I'd like to help and that I have some questions, but I'm not getting a response. Perhaps I have the wrong number or email. Can any of you wonderful ladies help me?"

Replying to everyone, including the original sender will get you a quick response because the original sender won't want everyone thinking that they don't respond.

As someone else said -- I wouldn't consider a room parent a "stranger." Maybe not someone I know well or a BFF but not a stranger for sure. I think you over-thought the whole after-party issue, as well; unless the mom actually offered to drive kids to her house, I would not have assumed that she was going to take my child with her.

If you object so much to blanket e-mails, suggest cheerfully that the room mom check out easy web sites like SignUp Genius or MySignup. These let anyone create an extremely simple online sign-up that lets all the parents hop on a web site to check off what they'll bring to a party or what hours they can be at school to work on some activity. Much easier than e-mails flying around and a lot of "Wait, didn't Sally say she was bringing cupcakes or did Bill say that three e-mails ago?" Be positive and make a constructive suggestion to the room mom about using an online sign-up tool. Our schools have used them for several years for everything -- teachers use them as well as the PTA and other organizations. And they're free and they also send reminder e-mails with your own specific information (You signed up to bring a case of water bottles on 10/24 at 11:00 to Class Party, for instance).

Regarding the many requests for cash, that is best taken care of at the start of the year with a single request that is enough to cover the entire year, except perhaps if parents want to chip in extra at holidays or the end of the year. I would wager that room mom was reluctant to come right out and ask for, say, $30 per family for the year, so instead it's coming at you piecemeal instead. Not a lot you can do there unless you want to do it differently as room mom next year -- are you willing?

Just ask the room mom for her mailing address (doesn't your school publish a school directory?) and send her a check. I never sent money with my child for any party stuff.

I don't get your strong animosity toward the e-mails overall, though. These moms are volunteers who are there to give all kids including yours a good experience. And it's possible that the mom you e-mailed today about the money just hasn't seen the message yet. I would suggest getting more involved with helping so that you feel you can make suggestions like online sign-ups or a single request for money. The more involved you are as a volunteer yourself, the more you have the ability to have some input.

You have to remember that the moms are spending their equally valuable time on your child's class and not raising money for their own personal benefit. If they're throwing too many parties, I can see being annoyed and then I'd probably raise it for the class to vote on. Otherwise, schools need the money nowadays and I know our room moms are often just the intermediaries versus coming up with these fund raisers on their own. The constant need for cash is tiring I agree. I'm mainly tired of it though bc it seems like it's the same families volunteering and donating all the time while others just ride along. But I know our kids need the private funds nowadays so I try to put my annoyance aside and think of them. If you send a check with your child, it should be written out to the school or an organization that you trust. If it's just to the mothers, then it depends if you trust the class moms. Are you ever at school to meet them?... They are likely getting all sorts of emails themselves so busy and haven't had time to respond to you in particular. But please try to remember they are volunteering and making YOUR child's school experiend better hopefully. I work FT so can't volunteer as much as some moms so am incredibly grateful to them. They are working for all the kids. I think about quitting and realize a lot of my time would be taken volunteering... It's pretty selfless of them. They likely could get paid elsewhere. So I would trust sending a check to them. Do you really think they're going to go spend the money on themselves?...

ETA: after you SWH, sorry. I figured public school. I can see your annoyance more now. I have to wonder if it's a bit of a snobby clique then? You're new and work FT so they aren't going to be "bothered" with you?... I consider private school to get away from all the budget problems of publics and constant fund raising and then remember I hear it happens at privates too! Frustrating. Why can't they just set tuition to cover all this?...

Um, have two minds about this.
Last year the room parents requested help for a classroom party yet never responded to my replies. Don't know why, but I did my own thing and didn't take it personally.

My guess is (and I could be wrong) that sometimes the 'room moms' are women who do tend to get overwhelmed with email/texts and just can't keep up. Maybe they are already busy ladies, I don't know. Is there a reason why fundraisers aren't being announced in the school bulletins on a weekly basis?

I'll also say this-- maybe you get a lot of requests because enough parents aren't stepping up? I know that this is the case right now in some of our school's classrooms-- and I also know that the room mom in that situation is beside herself-- she has a job, three kids and is trying to help do this as well. I have a lot of understanding for her. And if I don't get a response but feel led to send something, I make an effort to talk to that parent either at drop off or pick up. That may not work for every parent, but it does work for us.

I don't respond to blanket emails from the room Moms or send money unless very specific instructions are given, and our room Moms have been pretty good about that. For example they will say, "send $5 in an envelope marked (such and such) on (such and such) day.) Or they will tell us specifically what items to buy to contribute to a party or something. If they are leaving it open-ended and then not responding to emails, I think that leaves you off the hook, but maybe try to grab an opportunity to get face-time with her.

Block their phone number from your phone. That way they have to contact you in person.

I haven't read other responses but I am a Homeroom Mom and I found this weekend 8 emails that were sent to my Spam/Junk folders from the other parents in the class. So don't take it as rudeness, instead send the teacher a quick email or drop a note to the Mom via your child (the old fashioned way LOL)

As for all the donation request and such - just because it is a private school it doesn't mean a thing, some families maybe going through financial issues you don't know about, the school maynot have the funding levels as before and the teachers still don't get paid enough (believe me).

If you want a guaranteed response back from room moms, cc the teacher. Also lets the teacher know you tried to contribute to whatever the class needed.

I'm always happy to help out with whatever the class or school needs. I may grumble about the expense, but there are genuine, basic needs at schools these days with funding down, so I do what I can.

I would set up a different email account to use for class communication. I have a Yahoo account that's for things like online purchases. That way, my regular inbox doesn't get flooded. A separate email can save you from the constant pinging.

Our daughter's school has a blanket text that goes out it does not take incomming texts. Its just a notification thing. Are you 100 percent sure that is not the case? If its private they probably gave you a list of names and phone numbers of each student. Call them directly or show up at the next pta meeting and see how they react in person. Personally I've not had a good experience with PTa parents or their kids. Granted that was public school and has kept me pretty leary about even getting involved with the pta in the private school. I usually just speak to the room mom and see if they need anything.

I would expect the moms to respond to your questions and would be annoyed if they didn't.

Are you sure that the emails are coming from an email account that can receive messages? Sometimes blanket emails like that come from accounts that can send messages but, if you write back, they don't ever actually go to a real person or cannot be received at all. Double check that, as there is a slight (though unlikely) case that they never get them.

Have you ever met the room mom? Do you ever see her when you drop off or pick up your child from school? If so, try striking up a conversation next time you see her about the whole system and what the best way to contact her is when you need clarification on an email she sends.

I get your frustration, but I'm confused on why you took great offense to that. I think not replying is the rudest thing in the world, but they may be busy. If you don't hear from them, I would assume they don't actually need anything.

Often times my kids room mom's send home notes that I never get. So I miss a lot of the things, but I stay in contact very well with the teachers and always know what's going on (minus one time in our very difficult first round of third grade).

Honestly, it drives me insane that my husband has the notification sent to tell him every time an email comes in...so annoying! That thing goes off all the time. I have to check my email to know I got a new one, and that's fine. For dance (the one where I would need the most up to date information) the room mom (a very good friend of mine) will text everyone to say "check your email - it's important."

So I guess I went off track a bit here, but don't be offended by this, there is nothing to be offended about. Don't een stay frustrated about it, because then it's only you dealing with your emotions over it. It's just not worth it.

Check with the teacher on what she needs if you aren't getting what you need from the room mom(s).

I had the head of PTO of a private school constantly doing this. She would send urgent emails claiming there was going to be a food shortage at the event. I would instantly respond by trying to call, then texting and emailing. She never once responded. Worse she had the nerve to ask me and others why we brought so much food because everyone wants to contribute. LOL

It may not be the most polite answer, but if you tried to follow up and did not receive a response, then don't participate.

But first, check and see if the emails ended up in your spam folder due to the volume of recipients and/or replies. Some email providers will dump an email if it has 3 or more replies on the same subject line.

If you feel like trying to be helpful, you can point that out to the sender and everybody who replies.

It would annoy me, too. Sure, send out a generic notification. But then RESPOND!

Don't send it. In fact I would send an email saying if I don't get a reply I won't send anything.

I wouldn't send anything unless/until they respond to your inquiries. They are not the only ones who can ignore a text/e-mail!

If it is for something that you want to contribute to, then contribute. If you have questions or concerns, and they don't respond to them, then don't contribute.

'Oh, I must have missed the window of opportunity. I was waiting for an answer to my question first.'.

Also, is it possible that the email you are sending the questions to is an unmonitored email that the PTA uses?

The only other thing you can do is to actually attend a PTA meeting, and ask the ladies, in person, for their contact information.

I think you may be a bit off base here. For the first instance, unless I missed something in what you wrote, it doesn't sound like an offer to pick everyone up but an invitation for you to drop your child off at the house, at which point you would be able to meet the other mom.

For the second, if you don't know what a fundraiser is for, that's probably on you and not them. Room moms typically don't run fundraisers on their own, they're communicating on behalf of the school's PTO or PTA, which has meetings at which the budget is discussed and fundraisers and expenses are voted on. The minutes and budget are probably on the school's website. If you choose to not go to those meetings or read the minutes, that's on you. Also, most fundraisers are sent home with a packet that has instructions on who to make checks out to and you send the money in with your child and the teacher collects the orders/money and gets them to the office, who gets them to the PTA/PTO. Did you not get or read the initial info?

It sounds like there's a communication breakdown here. Either you're new to this whole process and are asking questions that they have already answered via other documents, meetings, etc. or your child's school is doing a terrible job of communicating things in general and then it's left up to the room moms to follow up and then they get bombarded with questions that some prior communication could have and should have covered.

If it's the former, try to figure out the best way for you to stay on top of the overwhelming info that comes home. If it's the latter, go to a meeting and speak up with some helpful feedback and suggestions. It sounds like some help would be welcome.

I would just send the $ in an envelope with her child s name on it, preferably not cash. Yes they are rude.

I read the posts here and I guess I don't understand why they do see this as annoying. It IS annoying to have your phone go off constantly. And it's more than annoying to answer an email and the person ignore you.

Firstly, I'd go find that room mom who is sending out these multiple emails and ask her point blank if her email address receives as well as sends. If she acts confused, tell her that she never answers any of your return messages. Then listen to what she says. If she feigns ignorance, tell her to look into her own spam box and see if that's where your emails went. Put her on the spot. If she cannot receive your emails, you need to know and SHE needs to know. If she's ignoring you, then you know how to proceed. That's when you ignore her emails and don't participate.

Have your phone block her messages. There's no reason to put up with the constant beeping.

I do think that there is a clique in the school, from your description. Best to ignore that and do your own thing. If they want to do all the work, let them. You can volunteer in the classroom with your child's teacher and away from the PTA.

Hi, Mom:

Ask to be deleted from the list.
If no one responds to your request, put the e-mail on your
spam list and delete without responding again.

Good luck.
D.

So frustrating!!!

I agree with FC_mommy. Some people do not realize that emails might be going to their junk email. (not so tec savy) That might not be the case, but it's a possibility.

I was thinking along the lines of the suggestions made by FC_Mommy & love-my3kids. See if there is a way the teacher can help you out. You are trying to participate and/or contribute. Seems like something the teacher would want to help you with.

I have to say that ChristyLee's suggestion to do a "Reply All" email is a bit passive aggressive. But it also might really do the trick! Maybe these gals needs someone to (nicely) give them a wake up call. Hello? We are trying to respond here? Answer us, please.

Good luck!

Yeah, I wouldn't send them anything withotu some direct contact. People assume that everyone communicates the same way. Unless it's been established that all business will be handled via text/e-mail/telephone/homing pigeon, I would reply to direct contact only. Maybe that's just me. I don't mind maximizing the use of our technology, but I can't appreciate the assumption. The appropriate thing to do is to make sure that everybody is on board.

May I suggest that you pick up the phone? When it comes to school communiques parents are TERRIBLE about answering them...I do not know why. And regarding the tons of PTO emails, do like the other parents do - ignore them. Change your notification for your emails so you don't get notified every time or start a new email account and give the PTO that email account and then you'll have more control. If it's a private school try to make friends with some of the staff and see if you can get the lowdown on what's happening. Attending a PTO meeting might give you insight into what's going on too. The first couple years at a new school can be difficult.