Do You Pay Your Parents or Inlaws to Watch Your Child?

I think it's wrong for her to ask you to pay. My mom watches my kids all the time and she would think I was nuts if I offered to pay her.

I don't pay the grandparents (and they watch her many evenings while I'm finishing work). But I do stop by the store on the way home and pick up their favorite banana cream pie, or bring Grandma flowers sometimes. But she would never ask for anything. I'm sorry you're in that awkward situation. db

wow!! No. My mom watches my son all day now that we had to take an office, and she was actually offended when I tried to give her money, I mean my son eats at her house and things like that so, I still gave her some, but she didnt really want it.
Maybe she thinks that the times to bond are times when she requests it, which in my opinion is really unfair, but I would pay her like a baby sitter, and let her know that I thought it was a bonding opportunity and didnt think it was going to cost, as it was once, also, dont have her watch him again, let her know that is a door that she closed herself. Her loss!!
I hate it when family make things awkward, but .... theyre family!. Good Luck!

I have tried and tried to get my parents, inlaws and my sister to take money for watching my kids and they REFUSE. If we are gone for long periods of time, I purchase them a thank you gift that they feel bad taking! :)

I am taken aback by your MIL's request for money. Every grandma I know can't wait to love on their grandbabies!

I understand that this is hurtful. I would be hurt too. You don't want your child to be viewed as a chore to his grandma, you want her to delight in him the way you are used to a grandma doing.
Unfortunately, you can't change her expectation. I would get a babysitter and save visiting grandma for something to do as a family. If she offers again, just say that you would rather save the money.
Good luck!

Sure I pay my MIL. I pay her with the joy of letting her hang out with her grandbabies!

Well, if you set it up that she is babysitting then she is doing it for YOU and not to spend time with her grandson. Your context and perspective seem skewed toward YOU - not the relationship between your mil and your son. She probably felt like you hired her so you could go have fun.

Instead - find out when she would like to spend some time with her grandson and THEN you make plans within the amount of time she would like to spend with him. Or wait until she offers. You expecting her to be a free babysitter isn't in her job description. If you get a date or some alone time out of it, all the better, but you aren't entitled to it.

A bit backwards maybe, but context and perspective are important so that your MIL doesn't feel taken advantage of. It shouldn't annoy you that your MIL had to have help raising her son and didn't pay for it - that was her situation. everyone's situation is different. Clearly the background expectation in your family is different than in your husband. Some families don't believe it takes a village. They think they are done with raising kids and/or chose not to have kids, so they aren't going to help raise yours. So YOUR job is to assimilate yourself into THEIR experience - not the other way around.

Having said that........

My mom helps me with watching my daughter A LOT. I am a single parent and broke and she has taken on a TREMENDOUS amount of helping me. I am also in grad school and my mom is who is with my daughter when I am at school or if I have to stay late at work. I don't pay her cash. My daughter is older (10) now, though, and if they are going to a movie I will offer to pay - or I will have bought the tickets ahead of time and just give them to her. Or I'll get her a gift certificate to dinner and that is where they will go eat, or I bring something for them to cook or rent them a movie.

For dates, though, I always get a babysitter (again, unless my mom has offered). I don't expect my mom to be my sitter so I can have a social life.

I always and without fail offer to pay my mother-in-law and, of course, she refuses every time. I figure they're taking time out of their day and life to watch my kids so I can relax and have a good time, so they deserve some sort of compensation.

The right thing to do is to offer. A grandparent isn't obligated to watch your child. However, after reading these posts I'm going to assume that my in-laws are the exception since every time my MIL babysits for my kids she tells me that "being around my grandkids is payment enough".

It would depend on how the arrangements were made. If I asked her to watch my kids while I went out on a date, I might consider getting her a 'thanks' gift card to a restaurant or a small box of chocolates. We would not exchange money. If she contacted me about watching my kids so that I could go out I would NOT offer her something.

is she kidding - no way should she expect payment. my mom watches our son all the time and has never asked for a dime. now, my grandmother was my "before school" and "after school" childcare for years, and my 3 sibs, and my mom made her take money each week for that. but that's a whole different story. if it is a standing arrangement, maybe. but not once or twice a month. NO. how rude of her to even ask.

I'm a grandma and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE watching my two grandbabies. I treasure every moment with them. I would never expect to be paid for watching them. The only time that my daughter has paid me was when I've kept him for several days and she gave me money for diapers and formula. Then I kept him for a week when she was in the hospital, and I had to take him to a daycare while I worked, so she paid for that. I would never ask or expect money, and I would actually feel offended if they tried to pay me.

My parents and in-laws have never asked for (or expected, I think) payment for watching our children. It is only occasionally and a few hours at a time. I had never thought of it, truthfully.

It is only for twice a month. In your home... thus your utility bills/food etc.
Not hers.

If it were an everyday thing, then yes, it would be fair to supplement her with some kind of money, for babysitting.
But this is only for date nights, as you said, 1 to 2 times a month. Which is not much.

Or just ask someone else?

Is she strapped for money?

My Mom lives with us... still, I don't put my kids on her for babysitting. IF me/Hubby go in date-nights... she does babysit. But she does not ask for money. Because overall... I do not put my kids on her, nor daily, I don't use her as a babysitter by default.
BUT, I do give her money, for my kid's things, IF she takes them to a quick take out for dinner and snacks. I don't expect her to pay for them, with her own money. It is my kids...

I don't think you are unreasonable.
What does your Husband think? Its his Mom....

all the best,
Susan

Never! If I were going to pay someone, I would hire a babysitter... That is a grandparents "job" :-)
My parents only wish we went out more often just so can have alone time with our daughter!

My parents and in-laws kept our kids a bunch. They couldn't wait to spend time with them and our kids spent a lot of time with them - especially with my parents. A LOT. It would never have crossed their minds to ask for payment.

So, yes, I can understand where you're coming from and it would irk me as well.

Having said that though, it's a real situation you are facing and one thing I would urge you to keep in mind is your son. Even if it's for pay, it's still time your son has with his grandmother and if the time together is good, it can't be replaced by anyone else and once this window of time has passed- well, it's gone.

If you can reconcile in yourself to do that (unless there's more to the whole situation/relationship), I'd at least consider it. Or perhaps sit down and honestly talk with her about it and see why she feels the way she does. Could it be she really doesn't want 'the job' of sitting any more? If that were the case, problem solved. Get a sitter.

It's hard for me to wrap my mind around, but we all see things differently. Hope you can find a peaceful solution that works for all of you. Please let us know how it turns out. Good luck!

It's hard without knowing the full context of your situation - did she volunteer to watch him for you or did you ask her to? Family's can be tricky and I know that no one likes to feel obligated. If she volunteered to watch him so she could spend time with him, then the request for payment seems out of line. If you and your husband asked her specifically to watch him so you could have date night, then I think you should have talked about payment up front, that way there would be no confusion.

I think you and your husband should have a heart to heart chat, that way this doesn't fester.

I never paid my mom when she used to pick up my son 3 days a week after school, for a couple of hrs, till I got home from work. But for her B day and Xmas I gave her a GREAT gift from my son. Mind you my mom is a pip and I wouldn't put it past her to ask, but so far she hasn't and I ain't offering. However, if my mom was in a financial bind I probably would offer. Is that the situation with your MIL? Is she having financial problems? When someone has money issues they ask for things, like $$$, that if their situation were different they never would have. But if money is ok, then NO, you don't pay them.

Hello, I have babysat all of my local grandchildren while their parents have worked. Those who could afford it, paid me. Those who couldn't afford it didn't. When my daughter's ex stopped paying child support recently, she was going to continue to pay me and her sister (we alternate babysitting). I told her that until she got this resolved to not pay me and my other daughter told her the same thing. Anyway, I would never accept payment for any of them going out and having me watch the children. I would also not accept payment for keeping them overnight or over the weekend while they were out. That's just crazy!!
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

I feel your pain/sadness. Unfortunately, I know a few grandparents just like your MIL. . . . With that said, you might want to look into some other alternatives other than your MIL for future date nights. Some children museum/centers offer programs for date nights. Also check out little gym or my gym for the date night programs where they feed and babysit the kid for 3 hour for $12-15.

What did your husband say when she said that? Next time she watches him take her aside and ask what you owe her and tell her you don't want your son to hear because you don't want him to think that you have to pay grandma to spend some time with him it would just break his heart. If she charges hire a sitter from now on and if she questions it tell her the sitter is cheaper and that way the special time your son spends with her will be because she wants to, not because she is getting paid and to call you anytime she wants him and you can run out and have your date night at that time. I think if it was a set weekly thing while parents worked and grandparents could use the money the parents should pay unless it meant no food or shelter otherwise.

I agree that asking for $ to watch your grandkids, unless it was previously agree ahead of time, it wrong.

However, let me play devil's advocate a little bit..... If your MIL is one of those people, who, despite being told that the door is open for drop-by visits, she is not comfortable coming to visit unless you specifically invite her.... and the only time you do specifically invite is to come over and watch the child while you go out and have fun..... Well, that might lead to some bad feelings. She may have done a really bad job dealing with those feelings, but maybe the asking for money is her way to letting you know she's upset. And/or it could be that watching a little one is too much for her and she is asking for the money as a (bad/inappropriate way) to say that she doesn't want to or can't handle the energy level of playing with/entertaining a little one for 3 or 4 hours....

I do understand your being upset about that--even if she felt it was justified, that is not the way to deal with it. But perhaps approaching this from a "killing with kindness" approach would be better. In a separate conversation, invite her over for a regular visit with her grandson, maybe dinner and a visit 2x a month or a Saturday afternoon at the park 2x a month or something. Let her know that you heard her concerns about not being a part of the grandson's life and so you are offering this as a way to remedy it. Then, wait a while and ask her if she would LIKE to watch him for a evening by herself. Be honest and let her know that you typically do not expect to pay her, and also let her know that you don't want her to feel obligated to do it. Let her know, sweetly, that you would appreciate it if she wanted to, but that it was perfectly okay for her to say no and no hard feelings either way if she did.

I saw my mom struggle with this (fortunately, she is not one to try to pay "mind games" or anything). She has a very hard time saying no, and I watched my (oblivious) brother walk all over her..... My parents provided free daycare for my older brother's 2 very high energy, high emotion kids during the week.... And then, my brother would call up on a Saturday night and say, Mom I'm bringing the kids over so Wife and I can go out..... My mom couldn't/didn't know how to say no..... I heard my brother to do a couple of times, and took him to task for it (in a nice way---he's sometimes just plain oblivious, and figured if Mom didn't want to do it, she'd say no.....) And I told my mom that I was upset about it, and she 'fessed up that sometimes it was too much but she was having a hard time saying no. She did learn to say no, and my brother did learn to be more considerate and ask well in advance, and deal with it if she said no (My dad would never say no, even though it was mostly Mom watching the kids, and he wouldn't say no for her, either).

Anyway, just some thoughts to consider....

My husband and I babysit our grandson all the time. His parents have work schedules that change all the time and whoever is off watches the little guy. Charge them to watch him? No way! We love being a part of his life and we feel lucky that our daughter-in-law joined our family and gifted us with this blessing.

Maybe you need to sit down to tactfully and kindly express your surprise that she asked to be paid. Let her explain her thoughts. You communicated well with us here...extend that to her. It's always better to try and openly communicate, try to understand then support each other, than have hard feelings. [shrug] Maybe she needs a little cash? Maybe she had something planned or maybe she wishes she could take him to have pizza and doesn't have enough money? Who knows? You'll never know unless you ask her....

Our families never asked for money. I always wrote them a thank you note or sent them a picture our daughter drew.

Of course my inlaws rarely watched our daughter as a matter of fact quit asking them cause they would cancel on us at the last minute or "forget".... My mother would never ask, but all of them are very financially secure.. On their special days.. Mothers day, Grandparents, birthdays, Christmas we always mentioned we appreciated all of their help during the year..

Maybe MIL really needs the money. Maybe she thinks if she offers she does not expect money, but if you all ask she thinks she should be paid? Give her the benefit of the doubt maybe her parents paid their parent to sit the kids and she thinks this is normal?In the future your husband needs to find out what exactly she is expecting..

Very Odd..

Our situation might be a bit different. My parents are having financial difficulties so we DO pay them (although we offered they didn't ask). It's really just a way for us to help them a bit while they can "save face" so to speak. My in-laws on the other hand are very comfortable financially and we do not, nor do the expect payment.

My mom watched my son for me 2 days/week all summer so I could work (usually leave after he gets on the bus during the school year) and she didn't WANT to be paid.

Sounds like your MIL WANTS to be paid...so pay her...or get a different sitter. Don't be offended. I do think sitting for a "date night" is a little different that sitting for work--just pay her. It's your choice, not a must-do thing (the date nights). Be glad you have someone to count on even if deep down it's not your families normal attitude. It's not mine either, but there are some people out there that think differently.

No, I do not pay my family to watch my kids AND they would NOT ACCEPT MONEY if I offered! If that is what she wants, then either pay her or hire a babysitter. If she asks why you got a babysitter, you could say it is closer to home (that is if your MIL isn't too close to your home). I would also add, "Since we are paying for a sitter, we didn't want the extra expense of gas too, having to drive to your house." Since she was so bold to ask for money, I would not hesitate in being bold right back!

I would be very offended too, but some g-parents do look at watching grandkids as a chore :(

My mother watches my two kids at least once a month and often overnight and doesn't ask to get paid, and trust me she is the type that would normally demand money, she's not the generous type. However she loves seeing her grandkids and doesn't see it as a chore, she gets excited to have "sleepovers." My in-laws are better off financially and wouldn't dream of asking for money, although they don't sit very often anyway. I think family shouldn't expect to be paid unless they are doing it on a regular basis and need the cash. Otherwise I think its kinda rude, I would just stop having her sit, or just do it very rarely and pay her since she expects it.

Personally I would watch family or close friends kids without expecting payment, it is such a huge help and often with friends its reciprocated, I'll watch your kids then you watch mine...

I cannot imagine my parents requesting to be paid when the watch my son!!! My parents take my son several times a month for a few hours at a time usually, though more now since I'm pregnant again and have terrible round the clock morning sickness. I also don't offer to pay my siblings or any other family members who watch him, as they would be totally offended. I do try to reciprocate with favors, errands or small gifts occasionally to show how much I appreciate their help, but that's just what family does, helps each other out. My mother in law lives 1700 miles away, but when she has come to visit us has watched her grandson while hubby and I went out to dinner, or took a nap, or whatever, and she is also happy to do it, she loves to get some time alone with the kiddo.
I'm sorry your in laws are being so petty about this.

I never pay the grandparents, or my brother and SIL for watching my kids. They never expect it, and I think that would feel odd to pay for spending time with the grandbabies. I have given my mom a bottle of wine before or bring them treats that they don't normally buy for themselves. Gourmet nuts, chocolats things like that.

I'm a granny who's endlessly delighted to spend time with my grandson, but I don't think the birth of children automatically obligates anybody, family or not, to volunteer for or agree to being a free babysitter. I know if my daughter and son-in-law were to ASSUME that I should give up my plans for an evening so they could have a date, I might feel surprised and annoyed.

However, they don't assume. And my daughter has actually given me, against my arguments, generous one-time payments for a year of babysitting, has offered to pay for my gas (I live 40 minutes away), and makes sure I am generously fed while taking care of my grandson.

It is awkward to bring up the subject of payment AFTER the fact, though. That suggests that there were assumptions on both sides that should have been discussed before the evening began. Double fail.

There are adult women who, once they put in hard years raising their families, are grateful to finally not be required to take care of children. And since aging often brings with it a decline in physical energy, flexibility, strength and comfort, watching kids can be a big deal.

I recall that when my daughter became pregnant, I felt real despair, thinking I would not want to be asked to babysit, and yet not wanting to seem unloving or unsupportive. Fortunately for all of us, things have sorted themselves out and I have a fabulous time every week with a wonderful child. But it didn't have to turn out that way.

I have a home-based preschool. My MIL worked with me for about 4 years, 3 days a week. During that time, she lived here on those days, as it was about a 45 minute commute from my home to hers. I paid her (very well) for her time during the day. I fed her 3 meals a day, snacks, entertainment, she had her own room, with cable, took her everywhere with us & paid for everything for her. My husband and I would go to dinner once a week. One day, I was doing her taxes for her, and while adding up her hours & pay, she commented that I needed to add in her hours for watching my girls once a week, even though I didn't pay her for that. She had quite a little attitude about it & I was floored. 1) She's the gramma, hello! 2) I paid her so much for everthing else, I couldn't believe she was asking. 3) How about taking this up with your son?, though she would never say anything like this to him! But then I decided that she has a great relationship with her son (my husband) and our daughters, and she is pretty reasonable toward me, so why let money come between us. I gave her more money for the entire month and left it at that. Maybe she needed the extra money, who knows. She doesn't work with me now. She comes down about once a month and stays for a week. She does a lot of things with my girls & I make sure to give her money for all the things she wants to do with them. My girls also spend one week each summer with her. My husband and I send food, money for more food, money for movies, the street fair, all the extra fun stuff they like to do - and we make sure to send enough money to cover all three of them! I never want to let money interfere in their relationships - their relationships have a far greater value. Ask your MIL how much she wants, if she needs any help with her monthly bills, be concerned, maybe there is another reason she is asking to be paid. Peace to your family! B.

My Mom has NEVER asked for money. She feels very blessed & privileged when she gets to babysit for me which is about once every 3 months. She adores her grandchildren!

However, I will give her gas money if she drives to my house.

My MIL looks after my oldest son a lot before he turn 3... As a joke, my FIL always asked how much were we going to pay them to baby sit, since my son was there pretty much every day before he turned 3... Until one day my husband (their own son) asked them how much they're going to pay us to let them baby sit him, then he got quiet down... It was never a issue that we don't have anyone to look after him, since I don't work. They were the ones who asked and demanded to see him everyday and wanted to baby sit. (they only live 10 mins away from us)

To me, as long as they asked nicely and behave themselves. I will never take away their time away their grandsons. As long as they ASK. I only ask them to baby sit unless it's no way I can bring the kids to where I'm going and I always ask them first if they (my MIL, mostly) are available.

If I were you, I will hired a baby sitter next time you and your husband are going on a date. I will put your MIL as the last resort which there are no one else to call and you have to go out and leave the kid home.

Why not ask the grandparents instead of expecting? They should be the ones to decide if they want to do it for free not you.

She should have been up front and asked you before if she was going to be paid. I personally would be really offended!! I don't think it is appropriate to pay grandma to watch her grandchildren. If it is on a regular basis and it was instead of putting your child in daycare, then yes-- maybe weekly pay would be beneficial. But in this case, she sounds greedy. She should be treasuring the time with your child instead of looking for how much money she is going to get. I wouldn't let her watch my child again either! Good luck with this- I know its hard.

Molly

INSANE! Wow...I can't believe she would ask for money! My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, my Mom have all watched my kids and I've never paid them anything, nor would they ever expect or ask for anything. I don't blame you for being annoyed. I would be too!!

First, I want to say that I agree with you 100 %. That said, could she be in financial distress and actually need the money and be too proud to ask? Other than that, I understand about relatives living nearby and not coming over to visit. I am expected to pack up my toddler and go to their house where it is NOT kid-proof. It has been said/implied that our house is too hot or too messy or not enough room. Duh, I live with a 20 month old. I hope your situation works out. God Bless.

I think it depends on the personality you are dealing with. There some grandparents who do not want to deal with the grand kids. They are happy when they see them love to talk to them but don't want the parent to leave without them. I've heard it said I've raised my kids and now it's my time. However don't sound like your MIL can make this statement.
My grandma watched me and my sister all the time without pay while my mom who was a single mom worked. However, my mom won't watch my kids and I know not to ask. I don't doubt that she loves them but she is not the type to watch kids. She told me last year that she was too old to change diapers. She is 55 years old.

No way. My mom has my daughter every afternoon for a couple hours. She'd be hurt if I didn't let her babysit...

If your relative had financial problems, it would be a win-win for both of you. You could help them financially and they could provide a service, as you said about daycare. But for most families, and for a date night, grandma shouldn't get paid to spend time with the kids.

TOTALLY RUDE!!!!!!! It's not a job, it should be considered "quality, bonding" time~

Wow. I haven't read any of the other responses, but both my parents and my husband's parents have watched our daughter for 4.5 years while I work 20 hours a week. Both sets of parents also babysit when we need a date night. Not once have either asked for a dime.

BUT my MIL's mom (my husband's grandmother) did make my MIL pay her to watch her two boys when they were younger while she worked. My MIL was a divorced mother, flat broke and often going to the local church for help with food. Let me tell you, that has always stuck w/ my MIL and she NEVER forgave her mother for being so heartless and cold. And, btw, the grandmother did NOT need the money. So, I guess there are all types out there, eh?

That's nuts & I don't think you are over reacting AT ALL & I wouldn't give her a dime...........my MIL rarely watches my kids & I always wait for her to ask to be paid although she hasn't yet I wouldn't doubt she will someday

Updated

That's nuts & I don't think you are over reacting AT ALL & I wouldn't give her a dime...........my MIL rarely watches my kids & I always wait for her to ask to be paid although she hasn't yet I wouldn't doubt she will someday

Wow, that's flat out bold. And rude. I wouldn't ask her again either. And yes, I agree, if you were asking her to provide daycare, it would be in all fairness to pay her to do so. But not for date night, not when she is grandma.

That is just weird that she would ask after the fact. I agree with some of your responses that if it's for just a few hours a month then no you shouldn't have to pay for her to spend time with her own grandchild. A daily thing then yes because it does become costly. My MIL doesn't even watch my daughter for anything but an " EMERGENCY" and she repeats this every chance she gets. And yet they complain they don't get to see her much. I can't figure them out. My mom lives out of state but she would so love to spend time with my daughter (with out pay). So maybe next time you guys decide to go out hire a babysitter and let MIL do her own thing. Watch she will even be calling you guys to see her grandchild.

Wow, that's strange. Maybe this time (since she asked to be paid), just pay here. Then don't ask her again to watch your son. In a couple of months when she questions when she gets to see her grandson next, just comment that you can't afford her;-)

We unfortunately don't live near our parents so don't have grandparents help. But, my parents watch my two nephews TONS and have never wanted compensation.

I realize I am late...but no. My mom and MIL are like almost the only people I trust to watch the kiddos and I would never think to pay them. It is similar to you, they watch them occasionally and I am careful not to ask too much but when I do they are super excited bc they get to hang out with their grandkids. More than that, I do have a couple really close girlfriends and I never pay them if they watch my kids nor do I expect any payment if I look after theirs. It isn't often and we are close so I would never involve money in the mix. I think it is odd for a grandma to want money when she is hanging with her grandchild. Just my opinion. As you said if it were like full time daycare then that could be different although I do know plenty of grandmas who do this to help their kids out and don't ask for money, I guess that is just a case by case thing depending on the situation. I don't think I would be too keen on having her watch my child again either. What did you husband think?

I have never paid the grandparents to babysit my kids while we went out.

My MIL has babysat all three of my kids while I worked. And for awhile, when they were financially strapped, and we were doing pretty well, I paid her.

Maybe she was just kidding?

I can not believe she asked that! In fact, I have never even had a friend accept money (although I do offer) for sitting. The only sitters I have ever paid have been teens, and once with a friend when she took my kids for 4 days so hubby and I could go to Paris. My family would be offended if I offered to pay them!

Gosh, I don't know!! My mother made it very clear to me when I was pregnant with my first that she would NOT be watching my kids...she already had hers. Nice, huh? But, since they have been born her tune has changed. I RARELY ask them to watch my boys, but any time that I have there has never been a question of payment. (When I say rarely, I think she has watched my kids maybe 6 times in 8 years) I know that she loves my kids a ton, loves having them around, but they are a handful.
I think that if I were in your shoes I would never ask my MIL to watch my son again. But, that's just me!
However, I do think that I would get her some kind of "thank you" gift. You are lucky that you have someone close by that is willing to watch your kids twice a month. Date night twice a month would be heaven.
L.

If it is an every now and then thing, ABSOLUTELY not. If it is a daily thing, then yes. So I think you are spot on. She sounds like my mil. NEVER offers to take the kids. She even had us skip our anniversary trip last year (first time ever away alone) and she came up, and didn't offer to watch the kids so we could even go to dinner. Amazing.

When my parents watch my kid while I have some alone time with my guy, I never give them money and they wouldn't ask "how much are you paying me?" It's only once or twice a month like you said. I'm glad I wasn't you at the time because someone would have gotten told!!! That's HELLA wrong!! Never again would I ask her to watch my kid!! What did your husband say to her when she asked him that? OMG!!!!

I'm gonna answer this one before even reading the other responses. NO, I do NOT think you should pay the grandparents to watch your children! That's crazy! Might as well hire a babysitter. What kind of message does that send to your kids if you have to pay your own family to hang around them????

I work full time. My mom and my MIL share the childcare duties. 2 or 3 days a week each they watch my two kids from 7am 3:30pm. They wouldn't dream of asking me to pay them, they are doing it to help me and my husband out, save us money on daycare or babysitters, and have special, priceless time with their precious grandbabies.

My sisters and I watch each other's kids ALL the time,without paying eachother. That just seems weird to me. Even my younger sisters (who don't have kids yet and therefore I can't recipricoate yet by watching theirs on occasion) do it for free. Anyone else in my family (cousins, aunts) who occasionally watch the kids would never ask to be paid. And I would feel so tacky asking them to pay me if I watched their kids for them!

Maybe instead of MIL you should find another family member or friend with kids you can take turns with. So no one has to pay anyone and everyone benefits.

I have two kid's and have NEVER paid to have my MIL watch them. She likes to do it if she's able.

Good Luck!!

.

I have the sort of parents and in-laws that there is no talk of paying. For some grandparents, if its watching the child so parent can work, I think payment is appropriate. But for date night and the chance to spend time with grandkids I think it is strange. It would just plane make me sad that my mother or MIL didn't look forward to her time with grandkids. If she virtually raised a grandson recently, then she may be burned out. I would still use her for babysitting. Just deal with your disappointed that she isn't that kind of grandma. Perhaps the more time she has with your kids, and the more bonding they do, the more she'll warm up to being "that" kind of grandma.

If she is watching just a few hours here or there, I would not. If she is watching them on a regular basis (a couple of times a week) I would. However, I know my in-laws won't accept money for watching my kids. Was your MIL kidding?

I would say to ask her before the next time arrives what she wants to be paid. Then you can decide to have her or someone else watch your child.

Are you sure she wasn't saying that in jest? How odd! Our children only have one grandparent who is still living and he lives out of state but, when we go to visit him, he will watch the kids for an evening so that my husband and I can go out and visit with old friends. He's never asked us for money for that and I think he would have turned it down if we offered it to him. But to show him that we do appreciate what he is doing for us, we will buy him a small token gift or we may treat him out for dinner just to show that what he has done is not lost on us.

That does strike me as really odd that your MIL expects to be paid. It seems to me that grandparents shouldn't mind watching their grandchildren every once in a while just so that they can have that quality special alone time together.

I agree 100% with you!! If your mother in law is watching him a couple times a month and asks you for a contribution I think that is wrong. That is her grandchild. I would think she might look at her time with him as quality time and not as a job. Like you said, if she was watching him on a regular basis than I could see paying her. Mostly because like you said it becomes more of a job when its 40+ hours a week. But a couple times a month, I wouldn't see paying her! My dad watched our son for the first six months of his life full time. And we paid him. That was on our part though. He never asked and didn't want to even take it. But it does become more of a job. And we would pay a babysitter which we do now. But they watch him once in awhile now for a night here & there or even a weekend once in a great while. They don't expect the pay & wouldn't ask neither. I would feel insulted if my mother in law asked for a contribution for watching our son. Honestly, I would feel the same way. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her watching him if she treated babysitting a chore. You are fully in the right to feel the way you do! Good luck with her.

No, that is silly. My mom and MIL woudl be offended if we paid for occasional babysitting. My mom actually is our day care provider about 20 hours/week and we don't pay her, although, for that I would understand.

Only if she takes all four of them for longer than an overnight. And even then, it's for food. They can eat a lot lol!

ok I read your follow up...

first I was like no paying grandparents for babysitting. I never have for "date night" or on occasion. Once my mom helped me for several weeks while I was looking for new child care. it was 2 days per week for probably 8 weeks so I would grab some gift cards. But that was a temporary child care situation, NOT occasional babysitting. Like you said.

Since I read the follow up it brings a new perspective. Although I still do not think paying her to wacth you kid is ok. So don't. but when she said she had not seen your son in so long and you asked her to babysit maybe that is not what she had in mind??? My brother had my mom's first grandchild and that was the only time she got to see her for a while was when they asked her to babysit. And she jumped at the opportunity. But then she realized that she wanted to see her socially and NOT just when she was babysitting her. So MAYBE that is where she is coming from???? Maybe bring that up with her and check?? She may want some one on one and some where she is not "in charge." Good luck, still don't pay her.

I don't think a grandparent should ask to get paid to spend time with their grandchidren if they are only watching the periodically for date night or to run an errand etc. Routine babysitting, as you said, different story. I pay my mom to babysit my son while my husband and I work. My MIL joked the same way to me, to the point of annoyance and I finally told my husband that it was his place to tell his mom we didn't appreciate it, unless she truly expected to get paid. She stopped. Of course, my husband and I disagreed at first until he realized I was so irritated that I was going to say something and that would have created a division in the family.

All the best. Have your husband talk to her.

my daughter is active in the national guard i watch my grand son anywhere from 6 days a week to 2 weeks at a time sometimes a month at at a time some times 12 to 15 hrs. a day i quit work to watch him she pays me $30 a day i drive him to school and pick him up 5 days a week she wants to claim her payments to me to the irs so she can get the father to reimburse her she is not married and does not live with him

This probably should have been discussed before watching your son, but I can see why it wasn't. Most people I know don't pay their parents to watch their kid(s) if it's just a few hours. We live almost 3K miles from grandma/grandpas, but whenever we visit them or they visit us they beg us to go have a date night while they have bonding time with our munchkin (she's only 2 and a half, so if I'm in the room she typically gives Mommy all her love). Not once was payment ever mentioned. A friend of mine's MIL watches her two boys every day while she and her hubby are at work and when they offered to pay, she wouldn't hear of it. She wouldn't even let them pay her health insurance. Honestly, I think if we were to offer to pay our parents, they would either laugh in our faces or be insulted. However, I do like to get them a little something as a thank you when they watch, like bringing home an order of Cinnamon Knots or a box of chocolates, etc. But I think, unless it's to the point where they're like a nanny or daycare or something, that money cheapens/taints that special bonding time. It's bonding time, not a job, not a transaction.