Do You Find It Difficult to Make "Mommy Friends" as a Working Mother?

I find it difficult to make mommy friends no matter what if I work, stay at home, mommies can be very difficult to get "in" with.

I have so been there. My kids are older now and it is easier. But I remember how hard it was to find other mom's that you can relate to sometimes when you work, the best relationships I've had have been through activities my kids are involved in - such as soccer and meeting other working mom's there or kids they went to daycare with. Over time I have found a great working environment where family is supported and I can work from home when needed. I work in IT, so a lot of my work can be done remotely. Hang in there, it does get easier. I remember one job that I had that I was always fearful of losing my job every time I was late or had a sick kid. It was a large, older corporate environment and very inflexible. I left because of that. I am now in a place that is flexible and supportive. It took some time to find the right place and balance, but I have been there for almost 7 years now and I love my job and my home life. Hang in there!!

What about programs like Gymboree, My Gym and Music Together? I would say join those and then go out of your way to be friendly to the other moms. Meet them all and determine which ones work and then just throw it out there-would they like to start a playgroup that would get together on off hours? You caould even do a Happy Hour play group. I am a SAHM but we used to do that in my neighborhood sometimes. But you WILL need to go out of your comfort zone and really work to meet these women. I think that many would like to get together but just need a push.

Also-you don't say what your childcare situation is. I met lots of parents when my kids were in preschool. Volunteer to work a party-lots of working moms took the time off to do that and it was great to meet them.

Ew-and you are working with a bunch of mean girl bullies. Get away from them if you can. They are probably jealous of you that you are in the best years of your life and theirs have passed.

I am a SAHM and have joined all the things to meet moms. I did all the story times, took scrap classes, and tried to know all the parents at preschool. It is very hard to find true mom friends even though I went to all these places and have much free time. I even introduced new people to others who they became friends with and helped them settle in(like a matchmaker).

A neighbor ended up becoming a lifelong friend after we had a gas leak and we had to evacuate. There are a couple of women who I talk to at school.
All feel left out, will not join the PTO clique, and have about given up on making any friends. It is so frustrating.

We all need friends and support. I wish there was a way we could find each other in real life. I know when I am struggling, it is hard to reach out with rejection so possible.

Hi T. - as others have said, it's very hard. I work with almost all men so little chance here at work. I saw one other post that suggested playdates and that's been the most helpful. It's like I use my kids to make friends for me. ;) Of course, it hasn't worked entirely but at least I'm friendly with some other moms and as my daughters have gotten older, we help each other out etc. One mother from preschool is hosting an "Open House" on Saturday. When I confirmed it wasn't her daughter's birthday, she said she just wanted a chance for the parents to meet. So you could try that. But in general, any child your daughter seems friendly with - invite for a playdate. And do you have a local mom's group? We do and a couple of years ago, I looked up playgroups and there was one I joined. It meant leaving work a bit early but it was worth it. No one became a close friend but I like some of the moms and we just started a book club now that the kids are older. I'm glad to hear SAHM's have the same problem though... It's frustrating. And then wait for the opposite problem - kind of forced interaction with the mothers of your daughter's friends who you have NOTHING in common with and pre-kids, wouldn't have hung out with...

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone, but I totally understand how you feel. I have a home daycare, so my working hours are even longer than most working moms and because of it I've had a hard time making friends even before my daughter was born. My daily human contact is with my clients and the kids and that's IT! I have always tried to be friendly with my clients, but we really only see each other for a few minutes in the morning and again at pick-up. Even when we are friendly and they invite me to birthday parties, that's usually as far as it goes. A group of my former clients have become friends, will make playdates and have get togethers with each other, which makes me happy, but left me out before I was a mom and leave me out now because my daughter is much younger than their kids. Most of my few non-client friends have kids now, but we see each other rarely as their usually doing family things on the weekends and in the evenings. My husband works nights and weekends as a restaurant manager, so it's just me and my daughter 90% of the time. I try to invite people over for dinner often, but don't get many takers since my husband isn't home to hang out with the other hubbies. Mom's groups, etc. all occur during my working day and I can't even join a book club or go work-out because I have no one to watch our daughter while my husband is at work. You're not the only one out there struggling with balancing work and family. I know you said you weren't looking to start your own mom's group, but why not? I'm sure there are other working moms out there who feel the same way you do and would love to have the chance to meet people. I've thought about doing the same myself and maybe this will get me motivated. I wish you lots of luck!

Wow this could have almost been my post 5 years ago. I was desperate to not only to meet other mommy friends for myself but to have my DD meet up with some friends because during the week she was watched by Grandma.

I remember at one time I finally found a mom meet up group that did things on the weekends. Unfortunately it had a hard time getting people to participate...so after a few meetings it disappeared.

I work with older women, also. And none of my friends had kids at this time.

Fast forward to five years later and we have so many friends/family to hang out with sometimes I wish for some quiet weekends. What changed, lets see my friends started having kids. Family/cousins had kids. My daughter started Pre-K last year and we became very close to a family from her school.

Just give it time, and keep trying. Oh, and I never let anyone make me feel bad about being a parent. So if your getting that feeling from SAHM or Part time working moms or been there done that moms just blow it off.

Good luck to you!

I feel your pain! By the end of a work day, I am so tired that the just idea of picking up the phone and calling a friend is exhausting.

My son loves the library and we ran into the same issue with the story hour being on a weekday morning. We were able to go to one (day off) and I spoke with the librarian and asked her if there was a chance she could do one in the evenings. She said she would do a "bedtime storytime" one night and if there was interest, maybe do more. We live in a TINY town and had 10 kids show-up! We now have monthly story hours and we rotate who brings the coffee. The toddlers sit in a circle and read, do crafts and play for a half hour and us "working parents" hang out and chat. It's not weekly, but we really love it.

I also enrolled my son in swimming lessons and we have become friendly with the other mommy's in his swim group. Again, not really "social friends", but women that I see weekly and we talk about things other than work.

Just ask, the worst they can say is no!

I have been feeling this way EXACTLY! I have been trying to accept that this is just another thing I have to 'give up' (along with the quality time spent with my daughter in her early years, seeing her 'firsts', ect) because I am a working mother. Every time I see a local play group for stay-at-home moms or an event scheduled for kids during the day during the week, I just want to scream.

Bitter, party of one?

yep, thats me.

I've done it all... SAH, WAH, W, School... the pure and simple truth is that it's hard to meet and CLICK with other parents period.

Just because they're parents doesn't mean either of us are going to like each other (actually it makes it harder, because in addition to us liking each other for us... we also have to parent in ways that are close enough we can stand each other's parenting). Just because they're parents doesn't mean our KIDS are going to like each other. Just because they're parents doesn't mean our schedules (nap, play, work, free times) are going to line up at ALL. Just because they are parents doesn't mean that our socioeconomic status is going to match up enough to be able to do things together (ex: I've had parents who spend about $50-$100 on their kids' activities every playdate and parents who can't afford the gas to meet up at a park half way between our homes). Which leads to; Just because they're parents doesn't mean that they are going to live anywhere near enough me that we actually CAN meet up without it being a major hassle.

Sorry for the earlier post it was meant for another query.
Anyway, I am a work from home mom, which people seem to confuse with a SAHM. It is the worst of both worlds. Because I am home, people think they can drop by or call whenever they want. And, when my son is here and I want to be with him, I still have to finish my work. Yet, all day I a here alone - no idle lunch chatter or office gossip. Other working moms don't take what I do seriously and SAHM moms think I put work before my kids. The point is that we all feel alone and isolated sometimes. Even if you had a hundred moms to pick from at work, there is no guarantee that you would enjoy being with any of them. I don't know how old your children are, but once they get involved with school life, you will find yourself with people that have more in common with you through the PTA, class get-togethers, parties, play dates, etc.
Good luck,
C.

I could've written this post, except for the hostile co-workers part, though the rest of the co-workers part is also true for me.

I haven't been super successful, to date. But I have had some luck by going to the Parents of Infants & Toddlers outreach group at our church. It's held 1 Sat each month from 11 am to 1 pm, and bagels/juice/water/coffees is provided. They open the toddler playroom with all the toys and parents come and can relax and meet new faces. I've made a couple good friendships this way, and for a while, it was pretty much the only social thing I did. This was the the Unitarian Universalist church, which is about as welcoming, and non-prostelytizing (sp) as you can get (IMO, of course). You might see if other churches or community centers in your area offer this.

Another thing you can try, is if your child is old enough, enroll him/her in the "tots" programs through your Parks & Rec system or things like Music & Me or Gymboree. (We've found the P&R system has more offerings at a lower cost, but sometimes the quality is not as high).

Do any of your neighbors have kids? We lucked into our neighbors becoming grandparents shortly after our LO was born, and that really helped us develop a rapport/friendship with them. It's not a deep friendship, and our socialization is superficial, but they are genuinely good, nice people, and we both try to help each other more as neighbors. And our son plays with their grandson about once per week for a couple of hours or so, which is also nice.

Still, I struggled, and continue to struggle. Often, I'm so tired by the time I get off work, it's a struggle just to get dinner on the table and baths and bedtime.... It's really easy to feel (and truly end up being) isolated.... Our society is really not very family oriented--the hunter/gathers were really more on track in that regard, LOL....

You might check out other sites, like www.meetup.com to see if there are any meetup groups that you might be interested in. I tried to go that route, but at least in our area, most of the playgroups aren't taking new members. Of course, you could start your own group, which might also be okay (I'm an introvert, and that definitely didn't appeal to me.)

Good luck... I'll be sending "happy vibes" your way... :)

My husband and I both work in the same place. I work in a 'man world' where most of these guys either never had kids or have/had SAH wives to tend to ill children. My husband is contract while I work as a direct employee so I get paid if I have to stay home with either of the kids but he doesn't. You have no idea how much flack I get at work having to miss a day here and there for the kids. I don't take sick days for myself... I come to work sick (which they b*tch about too) but I know if I took sick time for myself AND my kids, I'd get repremanded by mgmt. I basically say shove it because I know they won't fire me for the 5 days in the year that I took for sick time.

Now... On to the making other mommy friends. YES! It's EXTREMELY difficult. The few friends I do have, have kids that are older than mine. I'm trying to think of a way to meet some of the mom's of the kids at my son's daycare. Anytime I take the kids to the park, no one is there or they're antisocial... Or their kid shows NO respect for others and mom doesn't correct the behavior.

Too bad you don't live in Michigan (which I don't blame you... lol). A lot of women don't quite get the 'I NEED to make money even though unfortunately we sacrifice time with our kids to do so' moms. Anytime I've met another mom around my area, they don't quite understand why we can't get the kids together on a Tues morning. When I tell them that I work full time, they give me that 'disapproving' look and say, 'well another time then'... And that time never comes. What they don't understand is that I make as much, if not a little more than the spouse that is supporting them. And to raise 2 kids... You need to.

I'm not saying that all PT workers or SAHM's are like this. But there are many. Other than trying to get to know another mom from a school or daycare... I still haven't figured it all out either.

T.,
I think all moms can have a hard time making "mommy friends" regardless of their work situation be it FT, PT or SAHM.
I work PT and have made lots of friends through my son's school, PTO and sports activities. I have also made a lot of "acquaintances" that I would not consider "friends" but are nice to know!

Not sure exactly how old your daughter is, but once kids get to the soccer, school age, exposure to other parents is very high.

I've made friends who work PT, FT and friends who are at home full time.
In my circle, there seems to be no discrimination or cliquishness based on work status.

My FT working friends often take a day or half day off to get involved at parties and activities at the school and that's great. When we get together it's obviously on weekends or evenings.

You could start your own evening play group and if your daughter is in daycare, pass out little info slips to the other moms.

I know there are "mom cards" that you can have printed up that has your name, child's name and contact info so you don't miss any new opportunities that come up at places like the park.

I'm thinking your girl is pre-school or pre-pre-school and I can tell you that that is the hardest time to meet others that are similarly available.
Just ask! When you pick up, find the mom of O. of your friends pals' and ask if they'd like to go grab a bite O. evening, or arrange a play date for an upcoming Saturday. You don't have to be "friends" first to arrange a play date, after all!

As for your coworkers, I don't think (as previously suggested by a poster) that these are women who are jealous that "their best times are behind them" nor do I think that's the case, it's simply that you are at different stages of your life right now. Without diversity, the world would be a boring place! I'll bet if you asked them a child care question, they'd love to respond with their opinion. As for this feeling that you have that they're "against you" I highly doubt that it's because you have a child! maybe they're just rude. Maybe it's just a personality thing!
As far as making career decisions based on "finding more working moms" I don't think that's wise. Base your career decisions based on your goals and strengths! Not on some current co-workers' attitudes. Everyone returns from a day off to a pile of work (at least I do!). You're not expecting preferential treatment b/c you're sick or home with a sick child are you? I doubt that. Do you do their work when they're off? I think you're taking the co-worker thing too personally.
Just put yourself out there and take advantage of situations as they come up. Good luck!

you can try meetup.com

You can start a working mom group in your area on there, or there might be an active group already

Hi T.,

I only skimmed the responses, so I'll probably repeat some ideas. I see you're in Sacramento (I'm close by), and I know that there's programs like Music Together, Little Gym, Gymboree etc. that offer Saturday classes. Since you'd be with the same group of moms/K., that could be a way to meet other moms. Also, where did you deliver your K.? I joined a mom's group through Sutter which was fabulous. Our K. are 3 now and we still get together--SAHM and working moms. If it hadn't been for these ladies, I would feel much like you do now. My point is--see if the hospital has any referrals for such groups. I've also seen MOPS groups that meet on the weekends (if that's something you're interested in) as well as another group in the Roseville/Rocklin/Granite Bay area that does lots of weekday and weekend activites. I can't remember the name of the group, but you might be able to find it through a search.
Do you like to read? What about joining a book club? Not everyone will necessarily be a mom, but you might meet some women that you connect with there.
I definitely agree--it is hard being a mom in this society!

Yes, meet up groups. Do a search in your area. I have made some good friends through meet ups.

I have all kinds of mommy friends. Most of them are part of my church family and I love them all. They all offer advice, support, encouragement and I hope I do the same for them. My sons, neices and nephews are part of the older section of kids at the church but all of the kids get along so very well. I also love that my church has so many activities for the children big and small. Sunday school, youth group, festivals, parties, movie nights, purpose driven girls, and young men's mentoring.

It is awesome to just be a part of a people who really care about you.

About your current work experience, change it if you can. A new environment may do you some good or the actual problem may be your attitude. Get some clarity within yourself to determine which is the true case. I had to do an introspective at many points in my career and so many of those times I discovered it wasn't them but me. As I changed, so did they too.

I find it difficult making "mommy friends" period! I am a working mom, but not your "typical" 9 to 5 Mon to Fri working mom. I work 3 shifts a week (12 to 15 hours per shift) on overnights and weekends as an emergency veterinarian. This actually gives me more time at home than I would have if I was in the average "day practice" (which would consist of 10 to 12 hour days 4 to 5 days a week). There are a couple of other working moms with "normal" working mom schedules in our neighborhood, and some other moms that stay at home. It's hard enough with my crazy schedule, but even when I am home, I never see other moms out and about. There's even one SAHM that has a daughter the same age as mine (3) and the girls seem to really like each other, but as much as I have extended the invitation to get together for play dates, this other mom doesn't seem interested and is not particularly friendly or outgoing. My best friend is the same friend I've had since high school and it just so happens she has twin boys a year older than my DD and the kids love each other so we get together for play dates all the time. She is a SAHM but I think she has a hard time meeting other moms as friends too.

Not sure if I can really give much advice, just letting you know you are not alone...