I was reading a blog about this subject today and it really got me thinking about it, do you care what other people think of you? If they think that you are a good mom or if they think that you are pretty, smart, a good person, etc.? Here are my thoughts on the subject:
Everyone cares what others think of them to some extent, we are social creatures and we need to rely on the goodwill of our society to some extent; no one wants angry villagers with torches and pitchforks knocking at the front door.
As a teenager I cared very much what others thought of me, which isn’t to say I conformed, I wanted to be seen as different, superior even. I wore nice preppy clothes even though all the other kids in my school were really into grunge. I read the newspaper (remember those?) and pointedly CARED about the world at large while disdaining the silly concerns of high school “children.” In short, I was pretty darn annoying.
Now, I care considerably less about what people think of me, yeah, I’m the fat mom wearing jeans and a stained tee-shirt at the park, so what? I’m not as up-to-date on world issues, but I do care much more about the people in my own community and I am kinder and less harsh in my estimations of others. Is it still a bit of a persona I wear? Yes, I guess so, but it is hard to really, really “just be yourself;” everyone who is sincerely trying just to be themselves still cannot help but wonder what other people think of that “self” that they are projecting.
And when it comes to parenting, no matter how many times I say that the choices I make as a parent do not imply that I condemn the different choices that other parents make, of course I think that my way is the right way! I sometimes wish I could give other parents advice and that they would really listen to me and do as I say and even be grateful to have me as their parenting guru (c’mon, how awesome would that be!). But in reality, most parents are going to do what they do regardless of whatever wise (in my opinion) advice I may have to offer. Even when it comes to “expert” advice, I think that parents gravitate towards the expert that they already pretty much agree with, whether that is Spock or Sears or Ferber. So I keep my mouth shut…and try not to silently judge the other parents too loudly…
So what do you think?
Thanks for all the responses! What I find interesting is that idea that even when people are adamant that they DO NOT care what others think of them isn't that still a persona they are projecting? They want people to see them as 'the person who doesn't give a da** what people think.' I think that no matter what, it still affects us to know that someone out there disapproves of us for some reason. We should try to care as little as possible about it, but still, we really do care.
I think it's a function of age.
By the time you are my mothers age (77), you just don't care what ANYONE else thinks.
You've been there, done that and got the tee shirt several times over and anyone who's not as old as you just does not have the life experience to have an opinion that counts.
I'm well on my way to becoming my mother.
Not really.
I care more about different TYPES of things that other people might think about me.
Now that I'm more mature, it's not about an outfit, a hairstyle, the car I do or do not drive...it's about character....so maybe I care to present myself in a way that shows good character.
And I care a whole lot more about the character of others than I care about shallow, superficial things: I care about kindness, generosity, integrity, passion for a cause, having a positive effect on the world, having a sense of the big picture, being proactive rather than reactive,
As for the other crud--not a rip!
And as I change, and mature, the things I might really notice about others changes as well.
Before my divorce, I didn't really care at all.
NOW? With my ex convincing the court that I'm a terrible person because I let my son sleep in my king size bed when he has a nightmare? That I'm a terrible teacher (homeschooler), because my 3rd grade son tested into 7th grade? That my son is a hermit never around kids because he only has EIGHT best buds, & 15 close friends??? That I don't get up until 3pm despite phone records, college courses, kiddos classes/camps all starting between 8am 9am...
I'm going cross eyed.
My ENTIRE LIFE is under a freakin microscope right now, and it's crazy making. It doesn't matter how much 'proof' I present... I have a label of 'unfit mother' in the eyes of the court.
WHY?
Literally because my ex is admitting to being an abusive alcoholic, but I'm not 'admitting' to the lies he's telling about me. My handing in STACKS of documents proving the lies to be lies and I quote
'Mother is uncredible, and unfit, as she will not acknowledge any claims made against her, and this social worker is merely presented with more excuses. See ref 1-33 in evidence.' (aka my phone records, class schedule, kiddis testing results, afidavits from his friends parents, his coaches/teachers, etc which all clearly show multiple sources refuting crazy town lies).
So yeah. Right now? I durn sure care what others think of me. Hate it.
Yeah, everybody cares what others think.
As I get older the less I care about what people think of me with the exception of my immediate family.
As for parenting there are NO EXPERTS!!!! There are too many people that are full of themselves and want to dictate how to raise your child their way.
I do what works best for my family and I don't expect anyone to agree with it or to do things the exact same way. I don't always agree with how other people do things but I don't think that makes them bad parents.
Hi H.!
I care to an extent. As a parent of two boys, I do take advice from others if it fits my boys and the situation. Every child is different, so I think that's why we all find that hardly anyone takes advice when given.
There was a time where I wouldn't step out of the house without makeup or my jewelry on. I felt naked if I did. LOL Now, I rarely wear makeup, even though I love makeup and jewelry, but I don't wear it as often and the only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring. Sometimes I'll wear earrings or a necklace, but I'm not fanatic about it like I use to be. Ha ha ha....I find myself not putting up with bs as much, but in turn if someone apologizes to me and is sincere about it, I am quick to forgive. I"m like you, jeans, t-shirt are my favorite clothes...lol. I would wear dresses if I thought I looked good in them, but I don't. And that is truly because 'i' don't feel as though I look good. Well, perhaps a long dress I would. :-D For me, I would be greatful for someone who wants to be there for me and to help with advice and such and also needs me as well. I strive to do what is right and honorable because I want my kids to grow up doing the same. I care what others think of me in that way, but I mostly care of how I view myself. There are so many people out there who don't do the right thing ( and knows better), and some people who will cheat, deceive, manipulate, and steal...etc.....but I also know that there are good people out there. I think the most important thing we can do in this world is to make sure we pass on the good in us....that way our children can carry that into their adulthood. Can't go without mistakes of course, but how we rise from our mistakes is what really defines us. Great question here....
"Honey folks are going to talk about you until the day you die....
and there aint nothing you can do about it.
LET FOLKS TALK!
It aint about what they call you, it's what you answer to! You remember that you here me?"- MADEA-
I care about what those I respect and who are close to me think.
I agree. But I also think more and more people are opening their minds and not just deciding to agree with the expert of choice. I think a lot of people are so much about their self and what others think, or should I say care about the ones that matter to them think.
I do care what others think sometimes way too much. It hurts to be misunderstood or be the lone wolf. But at the same time, I'm not going to change myself just to please someone, unless it's something I really feel needs to be changed. Another person is not my judge and I won't be answering to them when I die. Telling myself that has helped me get beyond my insecurity of what people think of me.
I wish I didn't care as much as I do. It gets tiring.
Yes, I care and I do not pretend otherwise.
If your walking in the right path....DON'T give what others think a SECOND thought.
I have never cared what other people thought of me, even as a child and teen. Honestly, I always assumed that EVERYONE would love me, because there was o reason not to love me. I obviously figured out as I got older that there would be people in the world who wouldn't like me, whether or not they had a reason, and I never really got too upset by that either. The only time I ever cared about anyone's opinion of me was if I had DONE something to someone to cause them to not like me without meaning to. THEN it bothered me. Other than that, well, you can't please everyone.
To this day I still kind of feel like people in general will like me, and if they don't well, it's their loss. I honestly don't care. That being said, I don't want important people such as the police, or DCF to think of me as a bad parent. Ya know? I have had to have loads of contact in the last 7 yrs with DCF because we got custody of our nephew and niece, and even while we were under a microscope with them and the courts to make sure that we were the right placement for the kids, I wasn't all that worried about what they thought. I obviously wanted them to realize that we were good people, and the right home for the kids, but I never went out of my way to impress any of them. We have had social workers in the past for the kids, one in particular, who really really didn't like me at all. Not sure why. I DON'T care at all. I see it as her problem. I know that I am a good Mom to all 4 of my kids. I may not be the same type of parent that someone else is, but that doesn't mean that either of us is better.
I guess the only people who I really and truly DO care about what they think of me, would be family. THAT does make me crazy. When you feel like your own family doesn't approve of you or something that you have done. It must be something in me somewhere that would cause me not to care at all about others opinions in general of me, but with family I am really needing to feel acceptance? Hmm. Great question though. Now it has me thinking. LOL!
I really only care about what the people I care about think. If I don't know you, I really don't care what you think. Now, if you are going to pay my bills and feed my family, then I'll care what you think. Short of that, I could care less.
Like you I cared more when I was younger. :)
So far as parenting goes age has taught me that most people can't handle my kids and I wouldn't know what to do with theirs. So if someone wants to critique my parenting it will roll right off of me.
I completely agree with the expert shopping. I have no expert because when I went looking for a book that dealt with a kid that sounded like mine it just didn't exist. So I went with a wing and a prayer. Since two of mine are adults and viable members of society I have become cocky in my old age. :p
