Do I Make the Older Ones Let Little One Play?

The 5yr old does not need to be mean, but the 2yr old is also a "baby" to her. I would continue to find activities to do with her when the 5yr old has her friends over. The 5yr old and her friends at that age would think she is getting in their way. If anything else, find activities where they all can include the baby or have her play with toys or something IN their presence to feel a part of the bunch.

When your 5 yr old has a playdate it's her special time to play with her friend. Although it would be nice if they included your 2 yr old it's really important for the 5 yr old to learn how to play and interact with her friend.

Plan activities with your 2 yr old to keep her occupied and entertained so she isn't neglected but isn't bothering the older children.

Oh, don't make her play with her little sister. My sister is four years younger than me, and we always had to include her when I played with our neighbor. Sorry, but I really resented her for it. Different ages, different interests.

And they need to. It's too bad the kids are so far apart but it's just mean to make the big kids play with the baby toys.

Your 2 year old is in no way old enough to play with the same toys the bigger kids are playing with. They are choke hazards to her. Even little Barbie shoes can choke your 2 year old. A button on a dolls dress can too. A wheel off a Hot Wheels car, all sorts of things can cause a little on to choke.

Since they are different ages there is no way they should be playing with the same toys or in the same room.

That said. She's invited these kids over to play with her. Not play with her little sister. The little on needs to do her own thing during that time. I know it will be hard but it's necessary.

Your five year old needs her friends without the baby. When home together the older one can spend some time with little one, but when friend is over that is different

I wouldn't make the older girls play with your 2yo. That's a good way to make the kids not want to come for another playdate.

I would find something for her to do while the playdate is going on. And perhaps you could reach out to a local group (church, YMCA, montessori) to find opportunities for her to play with other 2yo children.

You need to talk to the 5 year old.
Your 5 year old should not have to include and play with the 2 yr old when she has friends over, but at the same time, she needs to be kind and still treat her younger sister with respect. Kindness and consideration don't go out the window just because one has guests over.

That is where you need to direct her in how to do both. Does she have to include little sister? No. But she also cannot slam the door in her face. Can she close the door? Perhaps, but she can also do it in a way that is not offensive to her sister. No snarky "we don't want to play with a baby" comments. Saying, we are going to play with just each other right now. And we need to close the door for privacy, is a much nicer thing than slamming the door in her face and saying "no babies". Right?
That is the approach you want to foster...

Little siblings can be annoying. But, that is where you also play a part, Mom. When your 5 year old has friends over and wants to play without little sister, you need to have something ready to occupy the little one. Go in her room and play with her one on one. What a great way to have one on one time with your youngest!

I have a son and a daughter. 3 years apart. Son has had playdates for years. He is now 14 1/2. He'll have his learner's permit this summer. (EEK!) But through all the years, we have always expected that our son treat his younger sister nicely. And often, surprisingly enough, his friends are more than willing to include her. She is 11 now, and in 6th grade. She plays minecraft right alongside her brother and his friends. They will all sit on the porch and play. Or take "Exploderz" guns and run around in the yard shooting each other with them.
She is a fun kid. They are friends.
Part of it may just be their personalities. Part of it is probably that from the very beginning, not being nice was not an option. Ever. No exceptions. BUT, we never forced our son to play with her, either. But he had to be nice. And if he COULD include her without it interfering in what they were doing, we encouraged it, and he didn't mind it. And neither did his friends.

Maybe have the playdate at the other kid's house? Then you can keep your little one home. At least once in a while. Maybe play with her a part of it, but don't make the whole playdate be with the 2 year old. They are just so much older and different. It's not fair to the older ones. Yeah, it's a bummer for the younger.

Everything Victoria said? Brilliant. Do exactly that.

I would recommend setting aside some specific time when the big girls get to play with the baby. Make it fun for them -- can they (gently) choose clothes, hats, hair things for her? Most 5-year-old girls would be thrilled to have their "own" real baby to dress up as a princess. You just need to keep close watch. Then, after 20 minutes, multi-age time is done, and you can do a special project with the little one.

That gives the big girls a chance to be gentle and mature but it doesn't rob of them of their own time.

Before your girl's friends come to the house you can take her to park and play. When she gets tired you bring her to the house, and while she naps, your older girl plays with her friends!

In the summer this happens with my daycare kids as there is a big gap between the school aged kids and the 2yo and under. The 'big' girls like to setup dolls and play house...and the 'little' girls just run through all their work like a little tornado. I understand both sides...I feel bad for the little ones who just want to play...but also empathize with the older girls who are trying to play games without have it being torn apart.

I usually set aside time for both. I would set up card games or sprinklers...or something that all the girls would enjoy (with my help of course) for 30 min to an hour. And then after that, the little ones and I would find another activity while the big girls went into the back room to play. I found as long as they closed the door and stayed in there...the little girls would forget about it. If they ran out and in a bunch of times..I would tell them they had to let lil gal in with them.

Of course I have to deal with that on a daily basis...if your 5yo doesn't have friends over often...you may want to just let them have their time. I'm sure soon enough (a year of so) they will all be playing together...hopefully!

My son is 8 and my daughter is 3 so we have this same problem. We made the very strict house rule that you are not allowed to exclude anyone. He has to find a way to be kind to his little sister and include her ALWAYS. He is not allowed to shut the door on her. EVER. It is hurtful and mean. I have to help him think of ways she can be involved...so it's a bit of a pain bc yes, I do need to help facilitate things a bit. But I also work hard to distract her with something really fun or have her help me cook cookies or get out the finger paints when his friends are over. I try to keep her busy for part of his playdate so he can have big boy time without her. Then I have to remind him to be kind and to not exclude her. Now that she is 3 I have started having her have a friend her age over at the same time. This really helps!

Hi, Mama:

This is what you call boundaries.
Do you want your children learn how to accept someone else's boundaries, or do you want them to learn to bully and get their own way?

Don't you want some quiet time without your children?
What you need to do is set up some expectations before the visit of your 5 year old's friends.

Expectations meeting:

1. Ask your 5 year old what he expects to happen when his friends come by?
2. Ask your 2 year old how does he feel about the 5 year olds expectations.

3. Let them decide how they can handle the visit.

Good luck.
D.