Do I Break My 2 Yr Olds Habits Before or After New Babies Come??

I think one thing at a time would be best. There will be some mornings where babies will wake up and you will have to get up but not every morning. Perhaps with that you can use it as a good time for her to "help" a little as far as get up time goes. She can learn that a few mornings a week mom will have to get up and not have as much time. You can get an alarm clock even if you think that will help. Maybe you can change the tradition so that there is something new you do together that will allow the same closeness? If not, I suggest just shortening the time but still having some every day. She will adjust to that better than a complete cut off. Also, if dad can help in that department..perhaps he can do the "cuddle duty" on weekends now and again so you can sleep in and they will have their time making pancakes or something. Either way, you can probably count on her not giving it up completely very easily..so I'd go with small steps. With the pacifier just start conveniently leaving it at home..she can have it only at home at first. After a few weeks, simply say she can only have it in her room....and finally, when she starts falling asleep in her stroller on her own, in her bed, etc...(also start losing it..more often..stick it in a discreet pocket, keep it there and don't let it out so its not actually lost..but only give it to her when she's NOT whining about it. She can be happy to have it but start looking for a replacement comfort item. Find a soft stuffed animal, or a blankey. She's old enough for either. My six year old-almost seven year old has an old raggedy elephant that she got the day she was born and hasn't left her side..not once. (except the occasional washing).

You could "lose" the binky, before he is old enough to realize that they can be bought at the store...

I am sure there are some great advice below, but wanted to share. Keep the morning snuggle time!! That is her special time with you, and I am sure she will still snuggle with the babies in bed too. You never know, the twins may sleep through this special time with your oldest. When a new baby comes it is so important (and hard) to fit in special time, so I say let her in for her mommy time!
As for the pacifier, I wouldnt worry to much about it. Two of my four broke of the binky when they were 3 1/2. If you try to break her of it now, she may just lapse back to it. It is a source of comfort for her, and she really is going to need something familiar with such a big change about to happen.
Just go with the flow, no need to stress yourself. Congrats on the twins and wish you a easy delivery!

You aren't going to break habits in 4 weeks. Having a pacifier is not a bad thing. Removing it now is a poor decision. She's going to need any routine, any comfort she can find and you can provide while her world, as you both know it, changes drastically. You will probably be getting up around 5:30 am to start feeding or will have just fed your new arrivals. She may want to come and watch and this can be her opportunity to watch quietly. I would recommend getting her her own babies, preferrable two dolls, so she has her own set of twins to care for. So while you're changing diapers or feeding, she can watch and do. It will keep her busy while you're busy. Have them for her at the hospital, so she can get hers when you get yours. You will need to carve, seriously make the effort to set aside some just one on one time with her, regardless if you were having one new baby or octuplets, she needs to be reassured you're still her Momma and that she hasn't been replaced. Your heart will grown and you will find the capacity to do it all. Enlist your husband to pull his weight and make the time for her as well, and then watching the twins while you and her go out. It could be as simple as going to the grocery store with her and leaving the twins with Dad or Grandma. Congratulations!!!

It's probably better to let everything be for now since your twins are likely to come in less than a month. Our ped. had us make any changes we wanted to make for our toddler when I was about 4 months along. Her reasoning was that then our toddler didn't associate the changes with the baby and she won't hold it against the baby. It makes for a better sibling relationship which is a good thing in the long run in my opinion! :)

Good for you, S.-- not that anyone wants you to feel sad but empathisizing with how tough this may feel for your little one is the true sign of a good mother -. I would encourage you to leave her as many ''comfort spots'' as possible in her day--- as the babies begin to interact with her- and smile at her - and enjoy her -- she may be in better shape THEN to give up some of these -- than now-- that's my read--- you don't want a 2 and a half year old trying to comfort herself with a newly reduced supply of ways to do it-- that leads to tantrums and really unhappy behaviour. Just my opinion--

Blessings,
J. - aka - Old Mom

Just an opinion...but with so many changes coming down the pipes...I'd try and limit the ones that you can, especially the ones that give her a feeling of comfort and security.

My Pediatric dentist recently told me that any damage to teeth by a pacifier was done by the time they are a year old, so there is no physical reason to take it away...she also warned that if your child is really attached, they will switch to fingers or thumbs instead - and then breaking the habit is REALLY hard. Also, if the pacifier has become a security object (which my Pediatrician says it is by this age), pulling it away in close proximity to the twins would be pretty hard....since they use those objects as coping skills.

Good luck!

My concern would be the massive adjustment she is going to go through with the arrival of the twins. I have an almost 3 year old daughter and we are expecting twins in December, so understand your concerns very well!

I have actually been spending more time cuddling and talking to my daughter explaining the changes that are going to happen when her brother and sister arrive. I want her to enjoy the anticipation of their arrival and not feel like she is losing anything because of them. So in our case, we have a rule about coming to bed, she has to wait until the sun comes up to come cuddle with me (husband is already at work). This is just to prevent her from coming to bed earlier and earlier and returning to our bed all night when we will already be sleep deprived and I'll be dealing with nursing too. Also not really an option with 2 newborns about to arrive and trying to keep everyone safe in a cosleeping environment (toddlers sleep too soundly and move around too much). We will also utilize a co-sleeper or something to keep the babies nearby and allow cuddle time while they are sleeping, but I explained that she is going to have to share mommy when the babies come because they will need milk and I will need her to help me take care of "her" babies.

In regards to the pacifier, I have seen a huge trend in children regressing with the arrival of a new baby. Multiply this with twins, I am not sure removing the security of a pacifier will help prior to their arrival. She may very well become moody and tempermental without something to cling to that is familiar. If she is already potty trained, expect accidents and possibly a desire to go back to diapers as some children feel being "babies" again will garnish more attention. The pacifier, if removed will most likely just be taken from the babies and used more often if deemed taboo by your daughter as well. So talk to her and see if she would be willing to give it up and work on her having it shorter periods or see if she will willingly give it to you. If she is highly possesive or gets upset at the idea, I would say let her keep it and wait until the New Year to try again.

Good Luck!
A.
www.punkinbutt.com
"a select harvest for all your cloth diaper needs"

Hi there,

I wholeheartedly agree with Jerri: making big changes in a child's life (in this case, removing two comforts) before such a large transition may be well-intentioned, but it often makes life harder for everyone. I've worked with families in both the daycare and private settings and found that when it comes to new siblings, older kids will regress in some way or another. This may not happen immediately after the new arrival in the family appears, but could kick in a few months down the line. On several occasions, I have seen children who were toilet trained in the months before baby came go back to wearing diapers or wetting themselves.

Looking at it from a "whole family" view (not what's best or convenient for any one person), these habits and customs of the pacifier and morning bed visits should be allowed to work themselves out naturally. If the bed is too crowded, think about how your daughter can engage with you close by...perhaps a child-size rocking chair or a sleeping bag on the floor while she plays dolls or listens to books on tape as you nurse. I'm also a big fan of Picture Story Books: just fill up an old photo album with interesting pictures from Nat'l Geographic and the like. No text to have to read, just images that you two can share stories and discuss. (Huge hit with my toddler groups!)

Eventually, she is going to give up these things on her own. At some point, the pacifier will not be a big deal to her. At some point, she's going to find the bed too constricting and grow tired of sharing the space and find her own way of staying connected. If you are willing to stay in tune with her, you'll see what she's needing and give her some solutions to choose from. But, for the most part, kids really do work through these things in their own time, in their own way.

I had a conversation with my daughter's pediatrician before her baby sister was born regarding the paci. Our daughter turned 2 when I was expecting, and had been "off" the paci at daycare since about 15 months. However, we still let her have it at home for sleeping, or soothing when she was really cranky. I was worried that this would make it hard for her to eventually give it up. My pediatrician's advice was along the lines of, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Meaning, if our daughter was truly only using the pacifier to soothe at tired moments, even over age 2, she was still getting a benefit from it. She then made sure that it was only for soothing. She said if our girl was walking around with the paci all day, talking with it in her mouth, and basically making it a fasion accessory--then it had to go. Since that was NOT the case, we still let her have it for late-day soothing, and bedtime. She's not as adamant about having one as she was even a month ago, so I think she's phasing out of it.

I know she can function without it, because she goes to daycare from 7am until 4pm and does not have it then, for naps or whatnot... but I don't view it as a crutch at her age to use it at sleepytime. Funny thing is her darling baby sister doesn't use one at all! We're probably not going to push it either ;) I teach middle school and asked my students one class period if any of them "remembered" their pacis... one boy said he used his until FIRST grade!! His parents are both doctors too :)

One other bit of advice my pediatrician gave us... If you do make any big changes before or after babies arrive-- they need to be six-weeks out in either direction. She said six-weeks is the optimal time for a toddler to adapt to the change of having a new sibling, and if you do it during the period when the baby is born, expect to have to start again.

Hi S.,
I kind of had the reverse situation. I had 21mos old twins when our new single came along. We were going to break the paci habit but since we did not know how they would take to the new baby, we kept the paci. Well, they loved the baby and the transistion went well (she is now 5 1/2mos) and any day we will make the "break" from pacis.

It may be a hard transition from being the only "baby" to mommy have two to take care of. I would just tell you to do what you feel is best. There are no rules and a book can not tell you about every single situation. Twins will take up alot of time and so I would savor any bonding moments with her and talk about her new "babies" coming and you will want her to help you. My twins were 21mos when the baby came but I talked to them about "our" new baby coming and they have been so helpful and love her so much. No jealousy (of course, they had to share us to start with)which is different from being the only one.

We have the baby in our room and the twins still come in the early am to snuggle and it works out fine.

I belong to a local Twins group and there are alot of new babies in the group. Really nice people so if you want some extra support. Feel free to PM me and I can give you some info.

Good luck and wishing you the best.

Well, you don't have much time so I would choose 1 behavior that you believe might be the most difficult to deal with when the new babies come. I would think that would be coming into bed with you early in the morning. SImply because you will be exhausted and/or trying to nurse two infants. Does your husband leave for work before she even comes into bed with you? If he is still around and hears her then perhaps he can nudge her and walk her back to her room. Do not carry her as she will most likely be asleep and unaware of the move back into her bedroom. Since the babies are not quite here yet you will be able to do this as well. When you put her to bed at night let her know that she is a big girl and is expected to sleep in her own bed all night now. Then in the early a.m. when she crawls into bed with you immediately get up and walk her back to her bed, tuck her in, and tell her it's not morning yet. Repeat as often as necessary. We used this exact technique with our 2 year old and it stopped in only a couple mornings. But whichever you decided to tackle...realize that regardless of what you do to prepare your daughter for two new siblings, it's still going to be a rough transition for her (and you) for awhile. Do what you can to include your 2 year old in the care of your new babies. And make sure you have some fun activities planned for her to do outside the home with a favorite family member or friend when you need rest the most. Also, make sure you still have some (even if it's 5 minutes to sing a song or read a book and snuggle here and there) exclusive mommy daughter time when the babies have just been fed & changed and are content for a few minutes, lay them down or hand them to your family members who I'm sure will be visiting. This will lessen the shock and perhaps feelings of abandonment your older daughter may (or may not) be feeling as her whole world is changing. I'm in the same boat with a 2 year old and baby due in Sept. Good luck!

Yes, definitely break the habits before the babies come - you'll be too tired to do it after and she needs to learn to be able to soothe herself to go to sleep and not need the pacifier. This way she won't be trying to take the baby's pacifier when they come. We did this with both our kids, broke them of their binkies completely by 18 months and started at 12 months and it was much less stress keeping track of 1 binky with the new baby instead of binkies for everyone.

Good Luck!

S.,

Just remember that whatever you do now, she will regress once the new babies come. I would definitely keep the am cuddles and try to keep your routine with her as normal as possible so she knows that she's still important to Mommy and Daddy.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I have a two year old and a new baby and my advice is to let your older child keep as many of her comforting habits as possible. Getting two new siblings will be difficult for her and I think it will be helpful for everyone to allow her some stability and not try to change too much all at once. I'm not sure how the logisitics of that AM sleep would work but i think the emotional side of it would be beneficial for you and your daughter after the twins come.
In general my advice is: 2 years old is young. Don't push her to be the "big girl" too fast. She needs constancy and comfort when everything else in her world is changing and new. Pacifiers and snuggling in the morning are a great way for her to feel safe and loved and confident.

Pick which habits you want to work on. You may not get everything fixed.
About the Paci I know many first kids who go back to a paci after a little one is born...sometimes even taking it away from baby. That may be best to leave alone or just limit to when you are falling asleep or cuddling with mom/dad.
If you do let her continue in your room in the morning you may want an option for her if she is awake and you are feeding the twins. WE got a portable DVD player so she can watch some of her shows while I may fall back asleep. I limit this time to 30 min so she doesn't get too much tv time.

I think that she's old enough to give up her pacifier, but that getting in bed with you in the morning is acceptable for a long time. She'll feel better if she can come snuggle with you and the new babies after they come. My son is 5 years old and just recently stopped getting in bed with us in the morning. Good luck! :)

I am not an expert but I would suggest doing what you can before the babies come. One reason is that the babies coming will a hard enough adjustment on your toddler that you won't be able to change anything huge for awhile. The other reason is that you don't want your toddler to associate the changes with the baby. You don't want her to think that she can't haver her pacifier and get into your bed because of the babies even if it is true.

Hi, I am also expecting twins! Congrats! Anyway, I spoke with my pediatrician and he told me not to make any major changes in routine or (in my case) nursing my 19 month old son. So much is going to change in a few weeks that he said if I do make any progress it's most likely that my son will regress when the twins arrive. I'd leave the paci issue alone for now and I would definitely keep to your morning routine. Instead of making her routine change so much you should try to get the twins on an accommodating schedule to hers. Good luck! Do you know of any twin groups in the area??? I'm in SW and would love to join/start one! When are you due? Are your twins fraternal or identical?

As of this last Tuesday we got rid of our sons binki by snipping a hole in the end of it... he took on suck looked at it and gave it back... he did this a couple more times at different times of the day... but now if we give him one he just hands it right back. It made us feel good because it gave him the choice.. and not just taking it away.

As for the snuggling... awe... I think it is a good thing.. your DH is gone to work... bed is big... snuggling is good bounding time... I say keep snuggling... and if the babies wake her... she'll go back to sleep once she knows whats going on... :) Keep up the good work and rest as much as you can now!!!!!! :)