As some of you may know my husband, kids, and myself all live in Missouri along with most of my husbands extended family. All of my extended family lives in Ohio. My husband and I came to an understanding when our first child was born how their Birthdays and Holidays would work around this situation. We would do an every other year thing.
My daughter is turning two in June. Last year we celebrated her First Birthday here in Missouri. My Mom, Sister, Dad, and Step-Mom all came out to Missouri for her Birthday. This year the plan is for us to Celebrate her Birthday in Ohio.
Here lies the problem. As badly as I want to do this I know it is going to be expensive. Things haven't worked out like we had planned and we weren't able to save alot for this. My husband has been off work with an injury for an entire month.
I am torn between going to Ohio like my heart wants to and providing her with the big extravagant party here with all the gifts in the world. Okay not really....but you get what I'm saying.
If we go to Ohio it's going to be impossible to get her alot of gifts. I know that shouldn't matter and it won't matter to her since she is only going to be two but I think I will still feel guilty. What will people at the party think while she is opening gifts and there is nothing from Us or only 1 gift? I don't want people to think "Why didn't they just stay home if they can't afford to get her gifts." A bit dramatic- yes- but hopefully you get the point I'm trying to make.
What would you do?
No, my family would never ever say anything. They are wonderful. I guess I am just feeling guilty that we can't get her everything in the world. :)
She's only two! You could give her a box and she would be happy.
Take the trip. Experiences are more important than gifts. And I bet everyone who responds agrees.
If the questions comes up and you don't want to feel cheap, then say you gave her a few things for the travel there. At two though, no they don't really care about the gifts. It shouldn't be on how much you spend anyway. One gift is totally fine even if you have million stashed away in the bank!
Oh, Mrs. R.,
You are giving her a huge gift for her 2nd birthday - a special day with her Grandparents and extended family. She will be surrounded by love and laughter and cake - you will have photos to remember the special. It is not about quantity, but quality.
Go to Ohio
Have a wonderful party
God Bless
Well - if I were at that party - I would probably assume that you did your gifts from you at home or you are going to do that when you get back....who wants to tote the gifts all the way to Ohio and then back to Missouri???
She's only 2. I don't even remember what we did for my daughter's 2nd birthday, and of course, she doesn't remember. I know that we brought treats to her daycare class and maybe balloons. I suppose we got her a toy or two...
Do whatever is best for your whole family. If a visit is something everyone will enjoy, then go.
I doubt anyone would even notice unless you make a big deal out of not having one. Or you could say you left it at home so you wouldnt have to cart extra back. Personally, we dont do gifts, we go to the zoo or out to a movie. Plenty of people give gifts so our 4 year old has never noticed.
You should go! She's not going to wonder why she didn't get tons of stuff from you. At 2 they barely even register their birthday so don't sweat it. Besides, she's probably going to get tons of fun stuff from all the relatives and you'll have a haul to take home anyway. Go away, see the family, enjoy yourselves and it will be awesome!
I forgot to give my son his birthday gift, it is still sitting in the closet! We were so busy with the party! He turned 6 and never asked what we gave him, we gave him a party with a pinata and a cake and cupcakes for his class at school !
You shouldnt worry about what anyone else thinks, and it would be perfectly normal for them to assume you did your gift giving at home already.
Children don't care about big extravagant parties - adults care. Kids learn to care from the people around them. And 2 year olds really don't care. Heck, they have more fun playing with boxes.
Go to Ohio. What does a 2 year old need? Love, food, clothes, emotional and intellectual stimulation. You don't need a bunch of stuff to do any of that. People will think you are visiting from out of town and didn't want to schlep a bunch of stuff. But honestly, who cares what they think?
We usually get our kids maybe one small gift, like a new book or toy and then do something fun for the family. I really don't think party guests are going to be keeping track of what gifts came from whom... people really don't care all that much about our kids as we think they do.
At 2, her main focus is going to be playing with the people there. When my daughter turned 2 I had some family and her little cousin that is around her age over and felt guilty about it beforehand (I actually asked a question on here b/c we were relatively new to the area and didn't have a lot of friends). She didn't care at all. She played with her aunts/uncles/cousins. I got her gifts and she had gifts from others and she was excited for what she got, but if they weren't there I doubt she would've even cared. If you get one gift then get something she really likes. My daughter loved my lil pony so one thing I got her was the birthday my lil pony car that came with a mommy pony and a baby pony and it was $10 at walmart.
Update:
Also since I sense that your worried about what family will think (you said they wouldn't say anything) my family is outspoken (on my mom's side) and louds you out, not to be mean that's just how they are, and they are so busy playing with the kids and talking to each other that even when opening presents they don't keep tabs how many is from each person lol. Don't feel guilty (easier said than done, I know I felt guilty I didn't have tons of kids over last year), she will just love the fact she's surrounded by people she can play with :)
Go to Ohio! You family there will be so glad you did, and chances are they will buy more than enough gifts.
Honestly, we haven't really given our sons much for their birthdays. We have parties with family, but we haven't done too much with presents. They remember the parties and the fun with their family!
If we're having a big family party, we only get our kids a couple of things. They get so much from everyone else and truly don't even notice that we've only gotten them a couple things. I am more about making them feel special on their birthdays with spending time together, not having them do any chores, doing fun things. I try to deflect from the gifts because I don't want them to always expect extravagant presents every year.
Some of my friends bought only 1 gift for their children's 1st, 2nd and 3rd birthdays. The reason? The kids got more than enough toys, clothes and presents from the rest of their families! It was like Toys R Us exploded all over their house every holiday. Once the kids got older and they stopped having big family celebrations they bought more gifts. Why buy stuff just to buy it?
Go to Ohio and see family! That's the best gift ever! Not only will it bring joy to the family but your daughter will receive plenty of other presents. She won't know the difference, or care. And I'm sure you'll have plenty of wonderful things to bring back for her from her party!
If you can afford the trip go for it. I believe they remember the fun and family more than the gifts. I know my boys who are 4 and 5 just look forward to my SIL and her two kids coming over and playing w/ them. We usually have a BBQ and just hang. And I have gotten in the habit of making whatever birthday cake they cake they want. Like this year I made a dinosuar for our 5 yr old and little car cakes for them to decorate for our 4 year old. Its all about the family and fun.
It would be difficult to find a gift that is more important to a 2 year old's development than family.
My father lived several states away, far from all his grandchildren. He could not have managed to travel for each of their birthdays, so he traveled for none of them. So, although I had managed to visit Dad just days before our son's birthday a time or two, that Grandpa had never been at one of his parties. As my son was turning 11, we asked what he wanted for his birthday. He said he only wanted one thing. He wanted my Dad to be at his birthday party. So, since we could not get Grandpa to the party or the party to Grandpa, the gift we bought him that year was a plane ticket to spend a week with Grandpa that summer. There are only about 3 birthday gifts we got him over the years that I actually remember. That one is at the top of the list of best gifts ever. Because Dad became ill, my son and I happened to be with Dad on my son's 13th birthday (which happened to fall on Easter that year). One of Dad's friends made a special effort to make Easter dinner for us and to make it a birthday party as well. That was the last day we saw my father alive. My son got his wish to be with that Grandpa on his birthday. I remember the details of day like it was yesterday.
So, all I can suggest is that you set yourself down and really think about the question you are asking and if you don't already know in your heart what the right answer is for you.
If you decide to make the trip, you might decide to get your daughter one of those first cameras for babies (http://www.savingcentswithsense.net/2011/04/babys-first-c.... Then you can get a binder or album of some type and decorate it for keeping her birthday memories for years to come. That will not only be something meaningful for your daughter, but will eloquently express that being with her family IS her real birthday gift. Just a thought.
I would go to Ohio and let her enjoy being around family. There is nothing wrong with getting her one or no gifts. For most kids, it seems like its about making a big deal about her day (ie cake, family saying happy birthday, etc.). My older son just had his birthday party this past weekend and his actual birthday is today. My husband and I still haven't given him our present to him and he hasn't even noticed! We don't give alot of gifts for birthdays. One of our neighbors doesn't even do parties for her kids, and is conservative with the presents she buys for her kids. Its really about making the day about her. And its also about doing what is right for your family. Its important for her to know her extended family and what better time to do it than on her birthday! Just shower her with attention and I'm sure it will be the best birthday ever.
My family celebrates a whole week for birthdays and the kids get one surprise a day. So to keep from going broke, we give little gifts like books or do things like zoo trips or movie night and their choice of dinner. I have never given my child more than one present at their party and it has never been a problem.
I would not worry at all about the present count, most 2 year olds are more interested in the boxes or the cake than what gifts they got anyways.
If you are truly set on going to Ohio, then you should go and start picking her up some little gifts now...at 2 there are TONS of GREAT and VERY inexpensive gifts...like books, paints and paper (my DS's FAVORITE), baby dolls, wooden puzzles...etc. etc. Heck you can buy the *cutest* hard cased 'CandyLand' board game at Target for like $10 bucks...this was also my DS's favorite at that age, still is these days actually!
Don't worry so much about the amount of gifts...it's not that important and you will be surprised at what you will be able to come up with even if you only budget in $40-$50!
You're worrying too much about what others think. Really, it's no one else's business, & in reality, no one will probably notice. Lots of parents give their gifts at a different time, anyway. Take the trip, and enjoy being able to see your family. Not giving your kid a million toys she doesn't want or need doesn't make you a bad parent.
Besides, at 2, she won't remember EITHER party, presents or not. And parties should be about celebration, not a contest for who can spend the most money on toys that the kid doesn't even need. The expectation of getting tons of presents at a birthday party is set up early on by parents. If you keep it moderate, they won't expect it. Your child will enjoy a trip to see family much more than some generic toys, trust me.
Relax :-) Go to Ohio & enjoy. You're a great mom, regardless :-)
Actually, I think we, as parents, teach our children to be happy with lots of gifts or just a few. We are the "guilty" ones most of the time, and it becomes worse when we have a large family...... At this age, kids just enjoy what they get and, they are happy with the cake and all the joy among family members or friends on their special day . Do not feel guilty about it at all, and forget about what other people want to say. It doesn't make sense, it is YOUR family,it is YOUR daughter and you can do whatever you want or can do it to celebrate nicely her b-day.
It is true that we want for our kids lots of b-day's presents, but it is good and reasonable to teach them to be happy with less than more. In my opinion we should give to our kids more than what we had and less of what we are capable of giving them and teach them to be the best human being on earth...Just my humble opinion......
first off, you will always feel guilty if you have to do less for your child. from name brand clothes, the newest OUTRAGEOUSLY EXPENSIVE toys, we all cut back at times and feel guilt over it.
S., she's two. she WON'T CARE IN THE LEAST. as you pointed out in your post, the only ones who will notice are the adults. is it really about what they think?
third, and most important - if the "family" that you're sacrificing birthday presents for her to go see, would even think the comment "why didn't they just stay home if they can't afford to get her gifts" then they don't deserve the money and effort of you going to visit them. are you SURE they'd think that, or is that just your paranoia? because family, at the end of the day, is ALWAYS most important. more important than a 2 year old's birthday presents any day.
At two, everything you do for your child's birthday (and Christmas and any other holiday for that matter) is for YOU. Your kid won't care. We never got our son any presents for his birthday or Christmas until just this past year, when he turned 4. I doubt he is scarred, and no one would ever call him deprived. He gets plenty as it is from grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
Go to Ohio, spend this special time with your family. A loving relationship with her family is the best present you could ever give your child - it's way better than any number of toys.
Go visit family and don't worry about gifts. She's 2 so she won't know the difference.
In the grand scheme, your daughter isn't going to remember what you, or anyone else for that matter, got her for her 2nd birthday. But she may very well remember that you took her to Ohio to see her family! (My now 7 year old still remembers that trip we took to Baltimore when she was 21 months old! Not necessarily all of the details, but she remembers the trip.)
If you are that concerned about the gifts, here is what we do with our kids. More often than not their birthdays do not fall on the day of their party. So, we have the kids open their presents from Mom & Dad on their birthday, then they open their presents from everyone else on the day of their party. 1-no one else really needs to know what you felt was important they get for their birthday ;-) 2-it keeps the child from getting in present overload! 3-it makes the kids feel extra special, like they got 2 birthday parties! LOL
In my opinion, your family time should come first. And as a 2 year old, you could probably give her an empty box and she'll be thrilled with it! :-) (I know my kids were always just as happy to play with the box! LOL)
Best of luck with your decision you will make the right one for you and your family, J.
She will not care. She really won't! She's gonna be more interested in the packaging anyway. Boxes/bows. We give our girls their gifts from us on their actual birthdays and not at their party. Even if the party was the same day as their birthday, we would do it seperate. That is special family time. If you really can't afford to go to Ohio, then I'm sure his family would understand. Save your money. Buy mulitple inexpensive items if your into quantity. Colors, color book, books, baby doll, clothes.. She doesn't understand and whatever you think you have to get her, is for yourself (for show), not her. I;m not saying don't get her nothing, just don't break the bank!
