I asked this yesterday...just wondering if anyone has anymore input...
I am in a very stressful situation, at least for me, and I believe for my children as well. The relationship with my husband had a very rocky start, and yes, I still don't know why I stayed and didn't end it back then. Well it has been almost 9yrs and I now believe that my oldest son (mine only, not his) has been "damaged" because of all the stress between us...my son has no respect for my husband and they when they argue my son speaks to him with "hatred" and sometimes I sense the same in my husband's words towards my son. I guess it's because my son was a witness to many of the heated arguments my husband and I had. I ended up in the hospital after I attempted suicide three years into our relationship, which now I know was the stupidest thing I have done, I was so deep into the pain and depression of the relationship that I didn't even think of my kids...I don't know what to do now, I feel that I woke up from that nightmare and that I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, it has been better in the later years, but still I was never able to really fall in love with him, and then I think of the pain I could cause my children...Please help...I did forget to mention that we have a daughter together, and that I have a daughter of my own as well (i have three children total)...both my daughters adore him, but I believe it is because they have never really witnessed the heated arguments or if they have they choose not to think about that...i do recall my youngest hugging me and saying she was sorry that her dad was so mean some times...I am horrified at the thought of sharing our daughter...
Run for the hills now, before your son thinks that it is okay to treat people like your husband does. You are not doing your children any favors staying in a relationship such as this. If you have doubts then you need to act on them and get a divorce. The health of your family depends on it.
So you are saying your daughter's happiness is more important to you than your son's? Sorry but you have been with this guy for far too long. Get out now...there is no reason to stay. Your daughters will be even happier with a harmonious household I can guarantee you. Your son did nothing to deserve any of it. You would go along way with him if you left this man now. Can you imagine how betrayed he feels? His own mother letting someone treat HIM so badly and his sisters so NICE??? Yeah-he IS damaged and it is up to you to get him out of there before it gets any worse.
This is a mentally abusive relationship. Take a step back and look at all the damage this man is doing. I think you should make yourself strong. Go and see a counselor or do whatever it takes. You will be able to see things more clearly. Kids see a whole lot more then you think. They know what is going on and you are doing so much damage. Your little girls think he is a great guy because they think this is the way that love is supposed to be. If you leave this man and never look back you will find a new respect for yourself.
Divorce is hard and can be even worse when you're not living with the other person as far as the arguing and the stress they put you through. When he's trying to fight for your kids and not paying child support and brain washing your kids against you and making you feel like you are evil for leaving their father and not having your children for all of the holidays and their birthdays if it isn't your weekend can be worse so really think about how bad it is now and if you choose to leave now. If you can work it out that would be awesome but I also understand where you're coming from. It may seem like a break at first but then you will need thousands of dollars to pay a lawyer and spend many days at court trying to get things worked out. I wish you luck. I have spent years going through court hearings. I did win but still have issues with my ex and we can't even have a conversation without a hateful argument. It's really sad but reminds me why I left him. I also thought I could get my son away before he started all the negativity and following his fathers patterns. I was too late and his father fills their heads with garbage all the time. The good thing is that your son wouldn't be going to visit him if you do separate since he isn't his father. Since you only have 1 child with him it may not be as bad. You do need to have a positive home life for your children. You should have a private talk with your son and ask him how he feels and if he would feel safer if you leave your husband. He may open up to you. Good luck. It's a hard decision.
This sounds so sad! Over 9 years? What is it thats dose not work in this relationship? Is he abusive? Children are very strong , Stronger that us at times. If you truly feel this hate for him you should leave right now!! Unless you can prove hes a bad father you have no choice but to let him see hes child.Sounds so sad, I have been there, Do what you know is best for your children. Its never to late to teach them the right way , -good luck!
it sounds like you have already made up your mind. obviously you don't love him so why not just leave, especially if he drove you to the point of wanting to commit suicide. Now just be strong and make the move.
good luck.
You said it has been better in the later years; have you both changed (less heated arguments)? If that is so, is there hope for a better communicative, respectful marriage? If your marriage is salvageable, you two must start to work out your differences, talk about your interpersonal relationship, change your communicative styles, forgive each other... Hopefully through respect and communication, good feelings will come along. If you both could work this out, your children will benefit from these positive, mature ways of changing things; and they can communicate and forgive also. You should talk over this to your husband and see if you both want the same thing. Set aside some private time to talk even if it will end up arguing. If you both want to stay together, it will give you incentive to change your style of communication, learn to hear each other, see each other's point of view. Could you also get help from a counselor, a level-headed friend, or a paster etc.? Best wishes to you and family!
