Disciplining My 2.5 Yr Old

Nervy Girl has good suggestions. Separate the kids when it gets too tense. I have the opposite problem. My youngest is the "good" one and sets good examples. Her older brother is selfish (resents sharing) and needs to be disciplined every. single. day. She hears criticism from him constantly! Hang in there, I know how frustrating it is for you.

so, she screams and pukes.
that'll get old.
don't try so many things, and definitely take yelling, bribery and candy out of your lineup.
don't overtalk it either. she's barely verbal.
'NO', giving the toy back to the older child, and firmly removing the little one from the play area and letting her freak out are all that you need to do.
keep it simple, and keep it consistent.
khairete
S.

First, your little one is still very little. She has big feelings, which are normal, and needs a lot of boundaries and guidelines from you.

One thing I would work on first is ensuring that your eldest daughter has a place to play alone, without her little sister interfering. Consider putting a swinging gate in her doorway, so she can play in her room with the door open without having her toys taken. If that doesn't work, find another way of keeping your younger one separate. Little toys a problem? Consider setting up a pack-n-play and letting your older one sit in there with the small pieces. I did this quite often as a nanny and it worked pretty well.

Your littlest one needs your calm guidance. "Suzy's playing with that one now. Let's go find something for you." I'd also be clear that "you can have it when she's done" if it's appropriate to that toy.

Since she has a hard time with this "NO", I'd also move her to her room if she has a tantrum. "You can scream in here. Come out when you're done." Tantrums have their place-- in one's room. Don't go in and reason with her, just let her be mad and cool off. Eventually, she will learn that she can have a turn-- it is REALLY hard for them to understand at such a young age. Offer substitutes when you can, see if you can distract/redirect, however, it sounds like you have a very strong-willed little one, so being consistent about NOT giving in is really important. She will learn to just scream until big sister gives her what she wants. You might consider reinforcing this by taking her away from her big sister when she screams so as not to make it your oldest child's problem to solve by acquiescing. "You may not scream as sister. Come on, lets go to (your room, my room, anywhere else)." Provide coaching for 'asking nicely' when you can, and consider giving your eldest a lots of positive feedback when she does what you ask-- not give in. "I know she was screaming and so annoying, and you let her figure it out on her own. That's so helpful. We are all teaching her how to ask for things nicely."

Remove the younger one from the situation, let your older keep the toy, and let the younger freak out all she wants. She'll get real sick of screaming and puking. Tantrums can happen and they have a place, but that place is not at the scene of the crime. Put her in a room or her room, and tell her that she can come out when she is done. I promise, she won't freak out forever.

The issue is NOT your older giving the toy back, she is just being kind. Do NOT leave it up to her, to regain the toy, or telling the little no. I hate to discourage niceness. YOU come in and diffuse the situation and return the toy to your older. That way, she doesn't have to feel mean. She clearly doesn't want to.

She's only 2.5. Maybe you can just explain to older sister that's she's just a baby, still, and thank her for being so tolerant. I think it's sweet of your older daughter to give in to her baby sister. There's nothing wrong with promoting kindness in your eldest.

I think you let this go, and you can start worrying if she's still taking toys away when she's 4. At this point, it's a non-issue, imo.

They are toys, and not work making her puke over. Your older daughter will easily find other things to do.

You need to explain to the 5.5 that its her job to help her sister learn how to share, that 2.5 year olds don't understand sharing, etc. and that she needs to help her sister learn how to take turns.

I'm a fan of double toys with certain things. On top of that, you are going to need to monitor them when they play until the 2.5 year old gets it. When she goes to grab, you teach her about nice hands, and tell her to use her words, etc. if the oldest isn't ready to share, you then distract the 2.5 year old with something she loves or you help her offer a toy trade. Our job is to teach them how to share. Yes, 2.5 year olds are all about ME, so you and the 5.5 year old are going to have to respect this.

TOs and punishment to 2.5 years don't work. Instead, you need to encourage and model the behavior you expect. Your 5.5 year old needs to do this too.

At this point, it sounds like a power struggle area may be created between you and the 2.5 year old, so you have to disarm it. Calm voice, lots of ignoring by putting her in her room, etc.

If 2.5 takes a toy from 5.5, try saying "if that toy is so important that you have to take it from 5.5, then that will be your only toy today", and find a way to remove all of 2.5's other toys (put them someplace where 2.5 can't reach them). (And then "remove the audience" and take 5.5 away to do something else, maybe you can play a game with her or something while 2.5 internalizes the "one toy" concept.)

2.5 needs a punishment that leaves 5.5 out of the equation - focus on 2.5's selfishness etc, not so much on the act of stealing from 5.5.

Since you don't mention other evidence of a nasty power struggle between the daughters, I'm guessing this battle might really just be about 2.5's desire to "have all the toys".

Okay. You do realize that almost every toy the older child has is a choke hazard for the younger child right? If it's a barbie it has shoes that could choke her to death. If it's a toy that has a battery in it she could break it and accidentally swallow a small battery, she could swallow anything that can fit through a toilet paper roll.

Big sis needs to go in her room with her own toys and shut her door. That way the little one can sit outside and scream herself to sleep but she won't be bothering the older girl. Let her sit and scream and scream and scream. If you don't let her see that this behavior gets her nothing she is only going to get worse.

She is going to do this and more to get whatever she wants.

If they are sharing a room that's just too bad. The older one has to get rid of every single toy that is a possible choke hazard. Otherwise you need to make the older girl go to your room to play toys, or to some other place so she can have privacy.

Letting little one have her temper tantrum without reacting to it will let her realize that no one is going to give in to her so she'll stop doing it.

1-2-3 Magic is a great program for the toddler/preschool set. Look for the book at your library or on Amazon. But like anything else, you have to be consistent.

I know how you feel. My middle child and youngest are both boys. The little one constantly wants what his brother has. Like your oldest, my older son usually gives in because it's easier than listening to the little guy scream. I am going to revisit 1-2-3 magic with my little one.