"Disciplining" a 15 Month Old

same situation here my son is 16 months I was told to redirect him to something else, it seems to work sometimes.
www.Discoverytoyslink.com/LisaRyan

Hi H., as a mother to a 3 1/2 year old and a 16 month old, I am very familiar with this situation, unfortunately there isn't much advice for that age except try your best not to yell, because all youare doing is teaching your child to yell. (Same with hitting/spanking) BELIEVE ME, I am NOT putting you down in any way, I yell and do all I am telling you not to do all the time (especially at my 3 1/2 year old)....................what you need to try to do is teach consequences if you tell your child no and they continue to do the offense, you either pick them up and remove them from the situation or take away the toy, etc. Now your child will scream even louder the first couple times you do this, but then will eventually realize what happens when they are naughty...........all the best to you!

i totally agree with all of amy c's advice. also try the "scream free" resources. they have books and a website and newsletter, etc. i have a 19 month old and we read the dr sears discipline book and use his methods starting at 14 months. it really works. check out askdrsears.com. good luck

I just wanted to mention that having to repeat things a dozen times to toddler that young is really normal! (Yes, it's darn frustrating, but really normal.) At 15 months, they really don't have impulse control. So even though you know he KNOWS he shouldn't be doing something, developmentally, he can't help himself. I find it's not too helpful to think of a young toddler as "naughty" any more than it is to think of a baby as "naughty." Oftentimes, they are just doing developmentally appropriate behavior. Yes, sometimes it is annoying like throwing food on the ground over and over again to test gravity for example. That doesn't mean you can't lay the groundwork for good behavior though. You might find it helpful to recognize what your own triggers are take a deep breath and center yourself before responding to a particular behavior. And if you get to a point where you lose it and yell, apologize to your son and play the scenario out in your mind of how you should respond next time. When I'm sleep deprived and feeling really short tempered, my first response which I've worked hard on curbing is to yell too. So I totally feel for you. I don't know what specific problems you're having with your son, but if they involve hitting or throwing, I wrote a really long response to someone in the requests and responses section under "14 month old hitting!!!" I'll mention what kinds of "discipline" I used around that age that you might find helpful.

1. Making the environment a "yes" one as much as possible. If there is something he is constantly getting into (In our case around that age, it was the dog's water dish. So I just started picking it up whenever my daughter was in the kitchen. One less thing to stress over.) remove it or make it inaccessible. A lot of times, certain behaviors are just phases and it's easier to prevent them as much as possible until the attraction diminishes. She's 2 years old now and we are able to leave the water out again and she leaves it alone for the most part.

2. Pay lots of attention when he's doing good behaviors. If he's hugging/petting/kissing the dog, then point out how gentle he's being and how the dog likes when he's nice.

3. Try to avoid saying no as much as possible. Save it for the big stuff (like when he reaches up to touch the stove) so it doesn't lose its effectiveness. Instead of yelling "No, don't touch!" when he grabs your cell phone, try saying,"Oops! That's mommy's phone. Let me put that up. Here's your phone." It might take being creative, but there are lots of ways to say no without using that word, you know?

4. At 15 months, redirection was still my best "tool." If she was in the middle of a bad behavior, like going to hit me, I'd say, "Are you going to give me a high five??? All right! I love high fives!" Or if she was trying to jump on the couch, I'd say why don't we play with your blocks (or whatever activity I know she likes) together?

5. I think it is really important to tell your child something they CAN do when you have to tell them something they can't do. A toddler doesn't always know what to do when you tell them NOT to do something. If my daughter was standing on a chair, I would tell her, "We don't stand on chairs. You need to sit on your butt and put your legs in front of you." Or "Food is for eating, not throwing. You can put the food on the napkin if you don't want to eat it."

6. I also get down to my daughter's level and make sure I'm looking her in the eyes when I tell her something in a firm calm voice. "If you stand on that toy again, I will take it away so you don't get hurt." And then I do what I said if the behavior continues. I think as long as you are consistent about how you respond to something and follow through, it will sink in and you won't have an "out of control" kid. And like I said earlier, having them repeat an undesirable behavior over and over is totally normal. A lot of times they are testing your response to see if you will respond the same way, every time. This is where consistency pays off in the long run. Dr. William Sears has a book and a website with lots of articles on many child issues and while you're checking things out online, I would totally recommend browsing his site.

H.,

I found that this age was extremely difficult w/my son, who is now 3. It seems all of a sudden he was a perfect baby and then turned into a little monster!!! I beleive they do understand that they are doing wrong but don't understand consequences. What worked for me & still does is 1-2-3 Magic by Phelan (book). Don't expect miracles overnight but keep enforcing discipline (consistency) is key and it may be frustrating but it works. My son "got it" after about 2-3 weeks at 15 months and all I have to do is count now & a lot of bad situations diffuse immediately. Good Luck

krisitn

Hi H.,

I'm recommending a book by No Greater Joy Ministries, that every mom (over 50 of them) have proclaimed it to have changed their life in the most positive, profound way - especially in the face of toddler discipline problems:

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Hi H.! I am the mom of a wonderful 17 month old daughter, so I can fully understand the age bracket that you are talking about. I'm just going to ramble off a bunch of ideas, and please don't take any of them personally, or in the wrong way! First it would be good to see what exactly is making Sebastian misbehave. Is there a way to avoid the situations altogether? for example..is he getting into cupboards...well, then you can install safety latches. Is he taking soap out of the shower..then get everything up high. These are obvious things..but you get the idea...are any of the things that are causing you grief things that you could rearrange to avoid the situation? Next, I find that it is a good idea to look at the things you are saying no to. Are they dangerous, or just annoying? sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and realize that even if he is making a mess, he is just learning. It is his journey. Okay, then you can look at....when are these situations occuring? is it all day, or maybe when you are not really paying full attention to him, and he gets into something ( and again, I am in no way saying anything derogatory to or about you..I don't even know you...I am just using my life and things I have learned). I know I have found it very challenging to be fully present for my daughter and still try to grasp at a few moments of "my own life". So, are you feeling frustrated because you just want to type an e-mail or something and he keeps getting into something? In that case, see where you can re-adjust your time. I have STRUGGLED with time management, but I know my daughter, Star, needs me present, so I do things that I can with her in the day ( i.e., fold laundry, dust, etc)..and I wait to mop until nap time or night time. I also find just leaving the house almost everyday with her is beneficial to my peace of mind. She has dropped her afternoon nap...so a day at home means lots of messes, a day out means activities, bonding, and getting errands done to boot. Okay, next, you could look at your life and how you find peace. Do you ever do yoga? If not, I would highly recommend taking just one class at a yoga studio to just help you learn how to relax and find peace. Alternatively, when Sebastian goes to bed, take literally 2 minutes and sit in a chair. Close your eyes and practice deep breathing. this is the easiest way to change your mood or stress level. Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, hold for four and exhale through your nose for 8 and repeat. It is AMAZING how this can melt stress. I am suggesting these things, so that you will have the ability to access this peaceful feeling anytime you need it. Soon it will take just one breath for the same result..and you can employ this when you feel yourself getting heated. The next thing to look at is being tired. This is your WORST enemy. I know it is hard..I am a night person..and I just want to find my hobbies again...but it is just better to turn out the light and get a proper night sleep. You will get so much more done the next day, and be a calmer mommmy. Sometimes I am so pooped when Star goes down for her am nap..and I always have so much to do in that time, but if I try to do it tired, I have a very unsuccessful day...but if I take a 45 minute nap, I end up having a much better day.

Okay, so after looking at all those things, maybe sometimes Sebastian is just naughty. What is he doing? I find the best response to Star's bad moves is to remove the object if possible, and give it as little attention as possible. For example...when she started table food 1 year ago, she had a few episodes of choking..not real choking..just coughing and of course, nervous mom that I am I would get all riled up and really react. It is scary to think your baby might be choking..she was always fine..but she learned that sort of cough really got me frenzied...so to this day, she does it. that is one of those things you can't ignore, but she likes it because it gets a rise out of me. Sebastian could just be playing games with you. try to ignore him and see what happens. Star used to throw her cup off her highchair MANY times a meal. At first we would respond..NO..., and she would laugh ( we weren't laughing) so, we would take it away, and try again in a few minutes, and not really even look at her when she would throw it. BUT, we modeled how you properly place your cup when you have finished drinking...and when she would place her cup on her tray, we would make a BIG deal about it..so she got more of a "rise" out of us for doing the right thing. We also knew that she was learning cause and effect, and gravity, and so we let her learn as well. When you are reprimanding Sebastian, ask yourself if it is something you really have to say no to. Star likes to get in the dog food...and I think that is gross...but she likes to hand feed the kibbles to the dog. At first I said no..but it is a way she and our dog bond, and she is learning to share, and working on motor skills...and best of all, all the little "annoying" things are phases. I know she will be over dog food next month..so I let her do that, then wash her hands. and finally, when all else fails and you just can't take it, use time out. He is too little to sit in a chair for that...I keep a pack and play in the dining room....Star is getting too big for it, but if she is really grating on my nerves and being naughty, I say "if you do that again it's time for time out" Then I force-redirect her, by placing her in the pack and play ( which has toys in it....it's not really a punishment...but it stops her from the action). I have noticed that when I get to that wits end, it is because I am tired..so there again, try to sleep. And as a last step, if he is being naughty, and you can't take it, put him in his crib where he is safe, give him a few books and toys, and go outside and sit and breathe for a few minutes. he will either still be mad when you get back, but you will be able to deal, or he will be interested in whatever is in his crib, and have a mood change for the better. In this last scenario...and this might be controversial, but I think it is better to go where you can not hear him. Even go in the bathroom and turn on the fan. Now if he can climb out of his crib, or gets so upset he throws up, this is not a good idea, but if he is safe, go for it..briefly. Whew...I think that was a long response! the biggest things I will end on is find the peace within yourself, and just know that these days will pass...don't get so frustrated..know that one day your little boy will be all grown up and that these days are passing by. Treasure them. I have had to learn to just kind of put some things aside...My daughter will be in school one day, and I will have time again, but now is time for her. I hope any of these suggestions have helped..and I hope I have not offended you in any way!!
:) A. C.

I also HIGHLY recommend the book 1-2-3 Magic. Hit the library! But keep in mind that it's hard work for YOU. Disciplining a toddler/ preschooler also requires disciplining yourself. As his parent, you are also his teacher and it's your (and your husband's) job to TEACH him how to behave, not to just hope that he'll figure it out on his own. It's important to realize that simply saying "no" won't cut it -- you need an appropriate punishment that he'll understand, like a time-out chair.

Trust me on this -- I've been tougher on my 2 1/2-year-old than my wife's been when it comes to following the book's time-out methods, and the little one tends to obey me more than he does her. Our house is like a lab with a control group. ;)

Also, at his age, don't worry too much about the length of time-outs. By the time you carry him to the time-out place, he may have forgotten why he's there. But just keep putting him back there as long as he repeats the misbehavior, and he'll figure it out. You just have to stick with it.

Finally, don't worry too much about yelling once in a while. Try not to do it, but don't beat yourself up if you lose your temper now and then. Kids are resilient!

Hi H.,
I am no expert, just a mom of three. I know how hard it is when they do not listen. I do not think it is a good idea to shout at a 15 month old baby. I think when you start to feel that way you should put him somewhere safe and go take a deep breath and calm down. Take a few minutes just to relax. You do not want your baby to learn to shout. They pick up everything from us. I am sure you are a great mom. We all have something we need to work on.
S.

Try a naughty chair. We have been using one since about 13 months old. Now my daughter is 2 and we send her to her room to sit in it. Its a great form of disipline. (only sit them in it for a minute or two at first since he is so young. It seems like a long time to them)
Good luck.

I am trying to remember how young I started time outs... put Sebastian somewhere safe for about a minute and you need to step away and refocus. (Just like in the classroom, I always found that time outs were beneficial for both sides!)
I think most of the discipline at this age, though revolves around redirecting behavior or preventing it in the first place.
As Amy pointed out, see if you can remove whatever it is that he is doing or remove him from the area and give him something else to do. (My daughter always loves to color, read a book, blow bubbles...)
Amy made a lot of other good suggestions, too!
I know that parenting and teaching carry different stresses and responsibilities. I also know that we don't want to send our children off to school (when they go) to be one of "those kids" that don't listen, etc...
Good luck...
T.
A teacher on leave with a 27 month old daughter and a 2 month old son

A few pieces of advice that I was given and have found helpful:
-start communicating now with him (even though he is young and probably doesn't understand) by explaining why something is not ok to do (aka it is hot, it can hurt you, it can fall, break, etc.). As the kids explore, they are learning so much even during negative behavior we need to teach then why we are saying "no."
-I started out doing the same thing as you and was frustrated until a girlfriend suggested that I help him find something more entertaining. Typically it would escalate when I was trying to get something else done and not paying attention to him . . .so he got into trouble. Instead, now I take a few minutes to remove the object I don't want him to play with, explain why, as well as help him find something more suitable. I find that I get more stuff done this way. It takes a little time for him to adjust but it works.
-As he gets older, you may want to start the "consequences" disciplining. This is when you say, "if you do not put that away/stop hitting the window, etc., then I will take the toy away from you, we will not be able to go outside and play, etc." This is tricky to get used to as sometimes it bites you in the butt. The other day, I told my son that if he did not listen to what mommy was saying, then he was not going to be able to go to his friend's house for a playdate. He said, "Ok mommy, let's stay home." Ouch. I had to regroup and offer a different consequence as I needed the playgroup. ;-)

So this is my 2 cents for what it is worth.