Discipline for 5 Yr Old

Hi, C.:

Parents are role models. Do the parents listen to each other?
Do the parents support each other's decisions on discipline?
Do the parents give the child choices?
Do the parents ask questions instead of giving advice?
Have the parents sat down with the child and discussed what the rules are
normal behavior an then have them written down?
Have the parents sat with the child to discuss options for discipline?
Have the parents asked the child for feedback?
Just some thoughts.
Good luck.
D.

I second the book "How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk."

No 5 year-old is going to be "well-behaved" all the time, and they do want/need to be listed to.

Hi C., I have a 5yr old little girl. And yes, she does have days that she ends up talking back to her father of all people. What we have done for discipline is given her a choice, she either stops talking back and acts better, or she can go and stay in her room until she is ready to apologize. There are no toys, just a bed, some books, and her dresser in her room. Really quite boring in there. Sure it might take an hour or two for her to calm down and to actually think about it, but so far its been working. Now if she acts up, we give her the choice and most times she will apologize right away and start behaving.

Christian books are the best. I know several-but they all have spanking. You probably want some "positive parenting books" with child psychologist authors. Those are the non spanking ones.

The key is nipping disrespect in the bud. that's the most important thing. All the positivity in the world will be taken for granted if there is never a consequence for wrong actions.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com is excellent and my kids do NOT talk back.

I'm in the same boat with my 5 year old son. Sometimes he's the sweetest most lovable child and other times.... well, he's not! Love and Logic series have really good ideas on how to talk to your children and let them "own" their choices and decisions - even talking back.

I like parts of this book, but don't agree with it all. I like her approach of discipline -- that is discipline that does not include spanking. She shows you how to use her "ladder" for behavior modification. It has helped a lot with my 4 year old. http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Time-Out-Beth-Grosshans-Ph-D...

There are also age specific behavior books that might help. Here is the one for 5 year olds. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Five-Year-Old-Serene/dp/044050...

I would also try to figure out what, if anything specific, is triggering his misbehavior. If you observe for a while, you might notice it is specific things or specific times of the day, which would help you modify either his schedule or something to help. For instance, my daughter was horrible when my husband would leave for a business trip. So, we both talked to her about why he has to go, and that just because Daddy is gone, she can't be mean to Mommy. That helped her understand.

Keep in mind though, that all kids test their parents and get in bad moods. It is just part of being a kid.

We also have used the cotton ball jar method. You make a set of house rules, go over them with your child and make sure he understands the rules. Post the rules in a prominent place in the house. Get a large, clear jar and some cotton balls. For every "good" rule your child follows, he gets a cotton ball. If he breaks a rule, he loses a cotton ball. When the jar is full, then he can either chose something special to do with you or a treat, or whatever you decide is an appropriate reward. For example, we let our daughter chose from either going to a museum or other special family activity, or maybe an ice cream, or some extra stories at night before bed as her reward. This has also helped. Just make sure if you use triple cotton balls, that you have a large enough jar b/c the larger cotton balls will fill a jar very quickly. We use a large jar and the triple cotton balls and my daughter fills her jar about every 2 weeks.

Good luck!

Jane Nelson, who writes the Positive Discipline series, has a great book - I think it's called Positive Discipline for the Christian Parent or something like that. All her books are fabulous. She even has an online forum and I believe there is a specific forum for Christian parents.

Good luck

My husband and I are taking some Conscious Discipline parenting classes to help us with our 4 1/2 year old daughter. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey is the core Conscious Discipline publication for parents and it has been really helpful for us so far. It has really helped us to see our daughter's behavior from a different perspective. We're learning to say things to her in a different way so she understands better and is more willing to cooperate - sometimes it's all about the words you use or the tone of your voice when you talk to them. We've also learned some effective strategies for avoiding power struggles.

Whether or not you choose this book or another one, I hope you are able to find one that works for your family. Good luck. :)

So, when he is not 'nice'.... why is that?
What are the triggers?
Is he tired?
Hungry?
Bored?
Just testing limits?
Just doing it for the heck of it?

He is 5.
You can talk to him too.
Hand in hand with 'punishments' or discipline... is, also teaching a child about what their part in it is. And that they are a part of a family. There is "Teamwork". There is helping. There is responsibility. There is chores.
There is, doing things because that is the way it is. Not just because you get a reward for it or not.

Once a child goes to school, they do get influenced by things and other kids.
SO.... you also need to teach a child, HOW to cope, HOW to problem solve, HOW to 'discern' what is good/bad/inappropriate. Because otherwise, they don't learn that. They only learn 'reactionary' things... not the 'why' of it.

A good book is "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman. And, "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk."

It is not only 'expecting' a child to act a certain way... but for the parent to also learn... how to trouble-shoot for their kid. How to manage these things. In a positive way.

Punishments/discipline alone... it not full-circle. It does not teach a child, why or how come... it just teaches them that they get punished per the tolerance of their parent.

Also, no child is perfect.

My late Dad.... his take on it was this: Although he was no push-over... he said that a child needs to learn.... how to express themselves. AND they need to KNOW, that their Parents and their home... was a 'safe' place to vent/have issues/and to talk about problems. Otherwise, a child will have NO WHERE to let their hair down and deflate. And that, the Parent is not just a "ruler" with a stick. You need to have a 'relationship' with your child... to understand them and accept them... Good OR bad... and that, they can come to you, for anything. At home.
If expected to be "perfect" all the time everywhere, then WHERE can a child make 'mistakes' and learn???? Without fear?

all the best,
Susan