Discipline.. - Kaneohe,HI

As a mother of 3, I wanted to tell you that at this age (toddler) it's more about consistency and re-direction than actual "discipline". Don't let anything escalate with her to the point where she feels too upset - try to get her onto something else positive. Also, a large dose of a good sense of humor is essential. Always discipline with love and remember that every decision you make goes into making her personality and shapes who she becomes as an adult.
Have fun!
M.

Your daughter is pretty young to be so concerned about disapline. Shes not quite one,and Shes not yet able to grasp your purpose,for a time out. In her young mind,she would simply look at the disapline as cruel or hurtful.This can be very confusing for her. I believe it to be far more meaningful and productive,to (TEACH HER) in a loving way. Until she is at an age,where she can understand,I would table the idea of disapline, and concentrate on nurturing,and teaching. I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.

The key word is "guidance" - you MUST set up boundaries and consistently and without fail guide your children to stay within those boundaries. Many parents fail in this area, especially when #2 comes along, they tend to allow themselves to get distracted or give in to make it "easier" - which actually makes it much harder in the long run. How you do this? Develop a watchfulness that does not seem overbearing to your child (observe is a good word). Seems too easy? But so many parents fail to observe their kids enough! Catch them doing the right thing as often, if not more than, as they are doing the wrong thing and discipline/praise accordingly (and by "discipline" I mean create a consequence that is age-appropriate, but does not create fear, but respect, of you in the child). I actually praise more than I need to discipline at this point. Something else I don't do, nor do I ever need to do - HIT or SPANK! Because my children have a very clear understanding of our boundaries and I am consistent and effective as a parent, I never need to result to corporate punishment. Another key result, kids will be getting the attention they crave when you observe/guide/praise/disipline correctly, they will not need to throw those terrible tantrums or rebel at a later age which, in my opinion, results from lack of attention - parents not taking time to "love" their children properly, which takes work! (Some readers would get mad here, but if you parents of tantrum-throwers really take a look at your routine you'll probably see that I'm not mistaken). But if you take the time to set up your boundaries (even while they are babies) and guide them so they know "structure" - which is something all children crave - you will have a much happier family life with your kids.

I chose to parent not dicipline.

Hi Nashes, Good luck on # 2. Discipline is a touchy subject with many moms today, I'm old school, you and your husband need to decide what form of discipline you are going to use, and be on the same page together, My husband with our kids would give 2 swats on the butt, that was it, he always talked to them first, and after so they would know daddy is not mad, but discipling because he loves you. Also we picked our battles, some things are just plain normal things, when our kids got older they would grounded from nintendo or something like that, one this sweetie never discipline them while you are angry, be consistan, firm but loving. You'll end up with the greatest kids, I know we did. J. L.

I strikes me that you need some parenting skills, and there are many sources for Mom and Dad to learn methods of teaching children the behaviors that you feel comfortable with in your home. parent groups and books, online, and from sites like this one. I can't really believe you are disciplining an 11 month old. Guiding and correcting, redirection and encouragement take energy and thought and planning and co-operation but you can do that! and get amazing results with your little child.
Yelling, spanking (there is a place for getting attention with physically removing the child from the situation) and intimidation ( you are bigger by far) go in the realm of discipline. It's alot of work to redirect and sometimes we have to be smarter...you may want to hold off on more kids until you have some increased set of skills, the next child can add alot of stress.
I have a child with autism, so I know what I'm talking about when it comes to the stress factor and the effectiveness of using discipline.
Good luck Deb

You just barely hang on - like that poster of the little kitten slipping off the branch of the tree. The first 6 months are the hardest, but you just settle into a routine. Try to get the older one to feel some ownership of her baby. We gave my daughter the job of singing a song to her baby whenever she cried. She also got to help bathe her sister, they took a bath together. If the older one feels like the sibling is hers, she might not be as jealous of your time. It is such a blessing to have siblings, I love having two kids and they love each other and they both want to have more (my husband and I are done, however!) I won't lie, you are the focal point of everyone and always "on call" until the kids are more independent, but it is such a special time and it really does go by fast!

i recommend (and so did our pediatrician) the 1-2-3 Magic program. another good book is Children are from Heaven.
we're up to our necks in trying to discipline our 3 year old son and it is so much harder now that we have a 5 month old daughter because proper discipline requires patience, attention, time and follow-through...something in rare supply these days...
good luck to you! the important thing is to make sure you and your partner are on the same page so that you don't cancel one another out on accident.
C.

Communication is the utmost importance as this becomes a great issue on any topic in any family relationship. Whether it is finances; coping/negotiating arguments; parenting styles; sharing responsibilities, etc. If both parents are able to learn or share same values/morals that they will teach and model to their children, this will make it easier and bring less stress to the family as a whole.

Parents will need to support one another, as they may be outside influences (family/friends/sitters, etc.) thay may be involved with good intent, but not helpful. Discussing this openly will prepare a much better environment for the family as a whole. Especially, for your 11month, who is already at a stage of imitating behaviors and speech.

Children and Parents are unique and to have positive communication can be successful in all developments & discipline. Even with us as adults. Good Luck!

read "children: the challenge" by Rudolph dreikurs. I read it 5 times and continue to read it as my 4 kids grow older. It's a quick read and short chapters but totally changed my views and thus my behaviors toward my kids.

enjoy...akth

We found that taking away the toy was a good fix. After a few times of the toys being taken away it sure changed the situation. Funny thing though, I kept putting the toys in the pantry (I don't cook much) and a few months later, I opened up the pantry and wow, what a stash. Opps, you are eventually suppose to give them back, which I did. I just forgot about them since everything began to go smoothly again. Time outs are good...I didn't do them but my friend did and they worked wonders on her boy.

The hardest thing for me to realize when I had my second was that he wasn't just like my first son. None of the techniques that worked with my oldest worked with my youngest and I had to rethink everything...most challenging. So, my advice would be tailor your discipline plan to best meet the needs of your child and that having different plans for different kids is ok.

My in-laws mastered this idea. They had five kids, two with special needs, and each kid was disciplined in his/her own way, "equal" wasn't the goal. It was designed for that particular child. For example, my oldest sister-in-law never mastered the curfew concept. She had a curfew until the day she moved out...at age 20! My husband, two years her junior, mastered curfew at 16 and by 17 had no curfew at all because he had shown enough responsibility to not need one. Both my husband and older sister-in-law thrived in public high school, but my middle sister-in-law did not, so she was enrolled in private school, which worked much better for her.

Hope this helps!

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.