Dinner Time W/ My Toddler - Help!

I agree with all the Moms who have answered... I know personally how frustrating it is because I myself have had pickie eaters and grandchildren who are the same... What type of foods does he like? There is really nothing wrong with just cooking what he likes? The hardest part is letting go and not getting upset...and I do know that to be difficult...but when you do...believe me they will start asking for food.....
Good Luck

My situation is a LITTLE bit different in that there's a bit of time between dinner and bed time, but what I do is if I've fixed something reasonable (not too spicy or something), then they will eat it. If they don't want to, that's fine, but they aren't getting anything else other than what I made. If they leave the table without finishing, I just stick it in the fridge. When they come to me later asking for food, I pull out their dinner and reheat it.

Listen to the doctor.

my rule of thumb is: the food on the plate should equal the size of their hand. Dorky, huh? But it seems to work. Been serving kids for years now, & rarely is the plate not cleaned....nor the child still hungry.

Check out the food pyramid (or whatever it's called now), & see what's recommended for kids his age.

With new foods or disliked foods, my rule is: one bite for each year of age. So if he's 3, then he has to take 3 bites of each food on his plate. By using this method, he can do fun activities for the counting end of it.... hopefully bypassing the parent/child battle of wills.

Another method which works: allow your child to have some autonomy in choosing the meal. Do not give him full control. Instead, each family member gets to pick a choice. For example, if you serve a meal consisting of a meat/main dish + salad + vegie.....then give him one of the choices, like the vegie. Does he want a green bean or some corn? By allowing him to help determine the meal, he will be better engaged in the process. :)

Let it go. You offer him food. He either eats it or he doesn't.

Please don't let this become a battle. You really do have to trust him. If he doesn't eat what you put on his plate, then he doesn't eat it. If you continue fighting him on this, as he gets older he will find other ways to get he food he really wants.

Make meal time a happy time. If he chooses not to eat, that's fine. No reason to get upset about it. If eating the food you offer is a requirement to getting the treat, that's fine. Be very matter-of-fact about it. No empty plate = no treat. But do not allow yourself to get emotional about it. You'd only be asking for trouble.

Ours are 5 under 7 and I agree dinner time can be crazy!

They do get a healthy bedtime snack, usually a bowl of whole wehat cereal. We eat around 5 or 6 and bedtime snack at 7:30. Bed by 8.

They don't always eat dinner (or just pick at it) but then I save it for later if they want it. But we still allow cereal before bed. I have enough going on to scream at them about food.

And still, they often whine how hungry they are before bed. I think it's just a stall tactic. Anyway, they are allowed an emergency banana RIGHT before bed if they want. Normally they don't even like bananas, but I'm happy to see them down a whole healthy piece of fruit! :)

Unless he is sick, not growing or underweight don't let it stress you out. Why should it, really? If he eats, great, if not, oh well. He's not going to starve. Enjoy your time at the table, talk and laugh, let him see you and your husband eating and smiling and enjoying yourselves.
Kids go through phases where they eat a lot, just enough and very little. It sounds like he's in a "very little" phase right now. Can you imagine how stressful it would be if someone was trying to get you to eat a certain amount of food, night after night, when you really weren't hungry? And how bad you would feel if these were the people you loved and wanted to please the most?
Please let it go. As long as you continue to offer good food and a happy dinner environment he will be fine.

My son went through a bit of this at the same age. After trying a few things and letting dinner become a battle, we stopped. When dinner was over, we simply put his plate in the fridge. IF he said he was hungry later, we would offer to heat up dinner. He got NO other options. It didn't take long before the dinner battle ended.

As far as treats go, in our house, the kids usually never know if we will have dessert or not. Most nights we don't. When we do, the kids have to eat a well rounded meal, NOT clean their plates. If they eat a little of everything without argument, they may get dessert. If they whine and fuss or refuse to eat things, dessert will never be an option. We don't hold it over there heads, it's just not offered. If they ask then we explain why they aren't getting dessert that night.

I wouldn't stress on it and I completely agree with the doc. It doesn't take much to fill up a three year old. Look at his fist - that's how big his stomach is. I would just keep doing what you're doing, except I wouldn't stress him out. Just sit and have a nice relaxing dinner. If he eats, great. If not, oh well. Just have nice dinner conversation; don't make his eating or not the center of the attention and you might see him try a thing or two once the focus is off of him.

I would not allow an after dinner treat if he doesn't eat - but if he does at least try a few bites, then a small snack.

I think just taking the spotlight off him will help. Maybe not tonight, but eventually.

Good luck! Hope you enjoy your dinner tonight!

Imagine a food you hate. I make that food for you for dinner each day and say you have to eat it or else. As an adult you decide to choke it down so you're not hungry....a kid is not going to do that. He will go hungry as long as you make him go hungry. He'll go so hungry that he'll make himself sick.

I decided to not be a dictator at meal time and start enjoying meal time again. I fix foods the kids like and we don't have those issues anymore. The kids eat what we have because we have foods they like.

You know what? Since I took the pressure off and stopped making life miserable for everyone by forcing mealtime to be unpleasant the kids have acutally relaxed so much that they try more foods now. My granddaughter has tried all sorts of new foods now and is eating a more balanced diet.

When I was being a dictator she would not even take a bite of something new or something she had made her mind up to not liking.

Once I stopped acting like that she tried yogurt, she tried corn, she tried peaches, mandarin oranges, pears, and oh so much more. She even likes blueberries after years of her gagging and puking when I forced her to try a bite.

So I learned the hard way that MY attitude was what was wrong. Kids have just as much right to not like a food as I do. They have the right to say no to an adult and it's my job to teach them they can say no or they may not ever be able to say no to an adult who tries to make them do something sexual or otherwise wrong. Kids get to say no too. They need to be able to say no and not have consequences. Why can't they say no, they don't want to try that food or taste it.

They should have just as much right to do that as I do.

Kids won't eat when they get hungry, they'll just go without and get sick. They won't eat something they've decided they don't want or don't like.

I completely agree with your doctor. I would stick to your guns. Don't make him something separate that you know he likes just to get him to eat. He sounds really stubborn, but if he gets hungry enough, he will eat.

I am not sure how you set up your dinners, if you bring all the food to the table or fill the plates before coming to the table, but have you ever tried letting him "fill" or scoop his own food on his plate?

Being "full" is a concept that young kids have a hard time understanding. I try to make sure that if my son wants "extra" of something, it is not until his fruit/vegetable are finished, that way he isn't just eating all carbs. If he eats his spaghetti first and it is gone, he needs to eat his green beans and oranges before he can have more pasta (that was the case at lunch today) and he ate most of his green beans and said he was done. I couldn't tell if he had eaten any oranges, so I made him eat 2 pieces (because he is 2 years old and I wanted to make sure he got a "taste" of the oranges).

There are going to be times when your son doesn't eat much - if he is getting sick, sick, or getting over being sick, growth spurt, tired, etc. There will be times when your son eats everything in sight!

Maybe having your son help cook would help him get interested in his food, too. My son LOVES helping to cook, dump in ingredients, stir, bake, etc. It takes a LOT of supervision, but it is fun to get them excited about preparing food as well as eating it.

If he did not finish his food, I would not do dinner treats. I wouldn't resort to "bribing". My husband and I have been known to save our son's dinner plate (if he really doesn't eat much) and if he says he is hungry before bed, out comes the dinner plate!!! :-)
Good luck! I babysit an 18mo old who is a VERY picky eater and it IS quite stressful!! I am SO glad our son is not picky - but being 2.5, he has his moments too! :-)

Take the stress out of it for everyone by letting it go, stop worrying about it all and stop making it a power struggle.

He will not starve. Make him foods you know he likes. Don't set a 'time limit' on eating!

My kids seem to survive on very little. It really is amazing how small their stomachs are and how small of portions they actually do eat.

My rule of thumb that I have used over the years, is how ever many years the kids are, that is how many bites they have to take. So, we sit down to eat. They say they are done...if it looks like they haven't eaten enough, I tell them "Ok, you are 3? 3 more bites and you can be done" As long as they take their 3 bites they can have snack, if we have one.

My 9y/o is a serious light eater...but he is healthy and strong!

I am sure your son is the same.

Relax.

One more trick I have done from the very beginning is to put one bowl of fresh fruit and one bowl of fresh veggies on the table with every dinner. It is amazing how much kids will actually munch on these raw fresh fruits and veggies when they are consistently offered! It doesn't have to be anything fancy either: Mandarin oranges (even from a can) and some snap peas...or even some olives and sliced apples...cauliflower and sliced peaches...just anything and everything...but if you do it every time you sit down for dinner you will eventually be amazed at what fruits and veggies your child will end up liking!

Meals do not need to be stressful unless you make them that way!!!

How well does he eat at other meals? If he eats well at the other meals, it could be that he just isn't that hungry at night time. I find that my 4 year olds tend to eat really well in the morning but that dinner time can be a bit of a battle.

If mine are hungry but keep requesting other things, I tell them they need to try 3 bites of everything on the plate, especially if it's something that they have eaten and liked before. If it's something new, I may suggest just one good sized bite to see if they like it.

If they just don't want to eat, I let them know that I'm going to put it back in the fridge and if they get hungry, they can have it later. Usually though, they just don't ask for anything later.

Also, I find if I don't give them an afternoon snack (or at least one not within a couple hours of dinner time), they will eat a lot better at dinner time.

My husband and I both work so some of our meal issues are because they just want to play with us instead. So I've also found that if I do something goofy with their food (like make it into a face - eyes, mouth, nose), they are more inclined to start eating at least some of it. BTW, the faces I make with their food are pretty basic...not fancy like some of the pictures of kid lunches I've seen on the internet. It still works. They think it's funny and will say stuff like, "I'm going to eat the eyes first."

I too have this struggle with my 4yo. She has had problems with food her entire life so far. Major texture issues when she was first learning to eat solids and on baby food until 20mo. She has a core set of foods that she eats. I learned a long time ago to let it go and let her try new things on her own. It used to be a huge battle, tears shed by both of us and bribery just to get her to eat. She just wasn't ready to try new things and that's ok. I always offer other things and she has just recently made so great strides. I think it helps to see her little brother eating everything we put in front of him LOL. I'm not a fan of the clean your plate club. My parents did that to me and it caused huge eating issues with myself. I don't want to force my own kids to eat something they don't want to. And try to remember that it takes 5-7 times of trying something to like it. Try not to make dinner the focus, try to steer the conversation in other directions. Many times kids will forget and just start eating the food while trying to follow the conversations. If my kids eat whats in front of them they get tons of praise and not a bribe anymore.

I thought the book Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter made a lot of sense about eating.

I wouldn't worry about portion control at that age. I can remember my DD eating twice as much pizza as me sometimes at that age and I was horrified that she would be a huge fat overeater. Some days I couldn't believe how much she wanted to eat. She figured out how to moderate her portions. When she eats a ton it is because she is having a growth spurt or because she's been running around for 12 hours (as they will do). They really need to learn how to know when they are full and me telling her that one piece of cheese is enough, really may not be at all.

Food is one of the few things they can control. You will not win the battle. I think different strategies work with different kids. Expecting my kid to taste everything would never have worked. Ever. But, for others that works fine.

I didn't like the eat this or else you can't have that strategy. I think it sends the wrong message (not that I haven't been driven to try it). I think it is reasonable to say if you don't eat dinner you can't have a snack later but eat your veg or no dessert sets a bad precident, it can devalue the veg.

It is hard but I think the best strategy can be to let go of your stress about it. Offer healthy foods. Ellyn Satter says 3 meals and 2 snacks at predictable times so they kids know to expect them. This also means they are hungry at meals so more likely to eat what is prepared. If they want to eat it, fine. If not, they don't eat it. He won't starve.

I agree with your ped -- this is the only thing that worked for us. If your son is waiting for everyone to eat and staying at the table, that is AWESOME. He is probably getting what he needs during the day. But don't let him sucker you into snacks later on. Give him a multivitamin and don't stress. He won't starve himself.

My son is about the same age and one day he will eat like a horse and the next day he will eat three saltines and a fruit roll up. His ped said to look at his diet not on a daily basis but over the course of a month -- his food will average out.

Good luck!

All you can do is offer healthy food. You can't make him eat it. To ensure he eats something, make sure you always offer at least one thing on his plate you know he will eat. Do not make an issue out of it. If he is healthy, gaining weight and has energy he is fine. Give him a multi-vitamin, keep encouraging him to try new foods. Take him to a buffet once in a while and let him pick what he wants to eat. It's a great way to get them to try new things.

This is totally common. I was just having this discussion with my Moms of Toddlers group. You wouldn't believe how many of those moms described the same thing, including me! My daughter will take one bite of dinner, if that, these days. She actually took 3 bites last night and I was overjoyed. And it was something I had never made for her before! Anyway, it's true they will eat when they are hungry. If my daughter doesn't eat her dinner, then she doesn't get anything else. No snacks. Occasionally if I think she really is hungry, I will offer her a bowl of Cheerios with milk before bed. But yesterday, for breakfast, she had 3 waffles, a cup of pineapple and 2 yogurts. So I felt a little bit better knowing she would eat when hungry. Hang in there, it will get better!
P.S. my first daughter ate everything I put in front of her so I've never dealt with this before either!

I have a few thoughts..

1. DONT let this stress you out.. Kids will eat when they are hungry. Make sure his snacks are not too close to dinner.

2. I had the same issue/ still do to a point. My son barley eats dinner. But if I look at the other meals and snack during the day and he is eating enough.

3. We changed his diet to gluten Free and he eats more and more of the right things now.

One of the things I was about to do right before it was suggested to go Gluten free was to make a velcro food chart.

My idea was to have cut outs for each of the servings of food. Ie.. 4-6 servigs of veggies/fruit. 2-3 Grains, Meat Milk etc. My idea was to have the 15-20 serviings a day laminated and velroed to the top..
Then I was going to take an 8 X 10 of my son and show a cone going to his tummy.. and show a plate.. We would move it from the top to the plate, and then once he ate it it would go to his tummy.

This was a visual thing that I was hoping would help him eat more rounded and the right amount of servings of each food group with out going crazy in some of the others..

We get out of control with fruit and milk/dairy in our house between milk with meals and drinkable yogurts etc..

Something like this will also help you see what he is actually eating, You might be supristed that he is complete before dinner. Also, make sure snacks are Fruit and veggies, you can never go wrong.

Good luck.

I would give him something he might eat, something he will eat and something he probably won't but should have on his plate anyway. I wouldn't even mention treats or bribes. I would encourage him to eat his "growing food" and remember his manners when he doesn't like something. If you know it's not a food he will eat - like my DD won't eat chili - then offer a reasonable substitute. It is easy to keep lunchmeat in the fridge and put some on his plate for such a meal. He can eat all the same sides. I would encourage him to eat but not make it a battle. Just matter of factly excuse him at the end of dinner and say that's fine, but no snacks or treats later. Sometimes DD is truly full and I'd rather she have control over how much vs eating b/c we made her clear her plate.

I think you should listen to your pediatrician and just STOP making it a struggle.

If your child is hungry he WILL eat. Most of US (adults) have vastly distorted views of how much food we really need to consume (let me clue you in... we NEED much less than we think we need, same goes for our kids). Trust that his body knows whether or not and how much food he needs - he has portion control, he is listening to his body's hunger cues... by trying to make him eat an amount that YOU determine is appropriate you are teaching him to ignore that. Isn't that the opposite of what you want?

You offer the food, it stays on the table while you are eating dinner, he can take it or leave it. Period. No enticement, no bribes.
As for after dinner treats - why not leave those out for good and give him a treat sometime during the day if you so wish. I just think there is something wrong to tech kids that they must eat, even if they don't feel like it, in order to get a reward....

Good luck!