Did You Grow up Doing Chores and How Do You Keep Your House Now?

Updated on December 16, 2010
N.D. asks from Vancouver, WA
28 answers

someone posted a TV question awhile back and it got me thinking about childhood chores and their relationship to adult habits of cleanliness. my sister and i both had chores to do around the house but our rooms looked like disaster zones. fast-forward to the future and my sister is kind of a neat-freak (no kids :P). my house is certainly not spotless. after living with some friends, i do tend to pick up more than i used to.

also, if you did have chores, were there particular ones that you hated and continue to hate? i have always hated doing dishes and still do (especially pots). i'd rather scrub a toilet.

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So What Happened?

it seems to me that it really just depends on the person's personality but that growing up doing chores at least taught you how to clean, even if you don't do it now. the people who were never taught but want a clean house are at the most disadvantage, having to learn how to clean in adulthood. interesting input everyone :)

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E.S.

answers from Richland on

I am just like you with chores! I hate doing dishes more than anything! I had to do chores when I was younger and it made no impact on the cleanliness of my house now. True for my husband, too. He had to do chores and hates to do them now. I also hated sweeping and mopping because we had a huge kitchen and dining room with linoleum floors that took forever to get cleaned up. The only ones I didn't mind then that I stink at now are organizing jobs- cleaning out the fridge and organizing closets, stuff like that.

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H.L.

answers from New York on

I didn't have many chores - help with the dinner dishes once I was 13 or so, help out here and there. I'm innately very neat though so always kept my room neat and my house today is almost always very neat and clean. Just how I am. My sister didn't do many chores either growing up and her room was always a disaster. Now her house is usually quite neat though. So I don't know if chores as a kid have much of an influence.

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A.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I did every inside chore there was as a child--dishes, laundry, bathrooms, help w/ cooking, setting the table, clearing the table, sweeping, moping, vacuuming,dusting, windows, etc. etc. I had to do some of them daily like dishes. The others like laundry, bathrooms, etc. were done once a week. I also helped stack and carry firewood. I weeded and watered the garden. And I helped care for my handicapped sister.

Today I still hate dishes. I'm glad I have a dishwasher.

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

In our family, we had a rotating chore schedule that included dishes, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, tending the garden, and tidying the living room. (6 kids.. lol) for punishment, we had a hat of the 'bad' chores no one wanted... things like cleaning the cupboards, washing the trash cans, cleaning the toilet, etc. I have actually become more of a neat freak since having my DD, but the place still isn't perfect. I HATE dusting. I will gladly do everything else if someone else will dust for me. lol.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Nope. Didn't have chores at all. My mum would just periodically freak out and start screaming at us and spanking us. It was a miserable experience. We were never taught how to clean, never given increasing levels of responsibility... just randomly screamed at and demands placed with no kind of foundation. So I do the opposite with my son. I'm adhd, so cleaning is a bit of a life challenge... but being in the USMC *taught* me how to clean. Thank god I now know how. I sure as heck never learned to as a child. Don't get me wrong... my mother is an amazing woman... but there were some gaping holes left in my upbringing.

Same token we never had an allowance, and when we worked had to sign our paychecks over because "we couldn't be trusted". So all of us rather quickly killed our credit and banking once we were "let loose on the world" after graduating. Ugh. Again, I'm doing the opposite with my son. He's had an allowance since he was 3. By 5 he'd saved enough to go half on our puppy (adoption fees and projected food and vet bills for 6 months), and he saved enough to pay for half his laptop this year at 8. He'd have saved for both much sooner, but he also spends his money on himself and others and donates a portion of it as well. He's better at age 8 with cash than I was at 18-20. He also gets his first debit card this year, so he can be taught to use it (and check it and balance things) now, while he's young and have several years of practice before he starts having serious money and bills (he also starts paying some of his bills this year). Because, darnit, if I can avoid him screwing up his finances purely because he doesn't know any better, I durn well am going to.

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A.J.

answers from Washington DC on

My 3 brothers and I all had small chores. I think mine was the most time consuming as I did the dinner dishes. We did have 2 ladies who came in weekly to clean the house, but we were tasked with cleaning out rooms before they came in.

Now, I have 3 kids, a dog and 'try' to work from home. I'm not good at housekeeping, and am pregnant with a 4th. I just hired 2 ladies to clean my house weekly. So much pressure off of me!

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I can remember doing 'helper' jobs when I was younger, such as setting the table. When I was 9, and my younger brother came along, my sister and I were made responsible for much more; instead of folding our own clothes, we now were taught to do laundry from start to finish. Clean the bathroom from top to bottom. We washed dishes, peeled potatoes (this was daily; my stepfather had a deep fat fryer and LOVED fries), learned to vacuum with the old Kirby and it's endless attachments and the jobs increased with age. The only thing we weren't taught to do was cook, which was too bad, but I made up for that as an adult.

Now, I keep a fairly tidy house. There are some spots that are cleaner than others; the common areas are always more picked up than say, my desk in my bedroom or my sons room. The basement? egad. But I also have a preschool in our home and that area is very, very clean. I don't mind housework, per se, and don't have a dishwasher, so my pet peeve is washing silverware. And I'm teaching my 3 year old some basics such as sorting his clothes out of the laundry, folding napkins and towels, picking up his dirty clothes and putting them in the washing, clearing his place at the table, etc. Kids actually do like to learn things that give them a healthy sense of contribution, and this seems a gentle way to start, just by having him do a lot of side-by-side with me right now.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I definitely did house chores, especially if I wanted to go somewhere. My daughter is five and I am just starting to introduce chores to her too.

My older daughter had to do chores and she hates chores. Her room has always been a mess, but now she bought new bedroom furniture and she cleans it every day.

I HATE putting away the clothes after doing laundry.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I had a few chores when I was a child. I was required to make my bed, and I took turns with my sister setting/clearing the dinner table. We were also to unload the dishwasher, which for some reason I hated doing.

Unhappily, I didn't learn how to appreciate the need for this kind of work. When you have a home, some things have to be done, and if you understand that they must be done and have a good attitude about them, then you can do them more willingly and be better teachers of your children.

My mother (who, if she were living, would be 105) always said that she regretted not teaching us better in this regard. She never had to do much at home, and lived at home long after college, pursuing a career, until she married my father. Then she had to learn housekeeping quickly - by trial and error - so she wasn't the best teacher for us. (Back in those days it was not considered unusual for young women to stay in their parents' homes instead of moving out as soon as possible.)

I had to learn organization after I married. I'm a packrat and a dreamer and although I knew how to do a few things, I had no idea how to be responsible for them. I feel as if I'm still working on that.

My children had more jobs to do than I did at their age. I thought it would be better for them to develop these skills. They didn't like 'em. But now that they're all on their own, they're finding these abilities useful.

What chore did I learn at home that I loved? Don't faint. Believe it or not, it was polishing silver! And I still enjoy doing it. I love to watch the piece take on a shine - coming to life, as it were.

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T.S.

answers from Charlotte on

Well, my older sister and I had chores.. but it was mostly just clean our own rooms and it wasn't specific on who did what whether it was washing clothes.. vacuuming.. dusting.. ect. However, when it came to washing dishes.. we didn't have a dish washer so we washed dishes by hand (my parents still do till this day) so it was my sister's job to wash the dishes and mine to dry.. mainly because she would get mad at me if I washed because she felt I took too long lol..

I HATED cleaning the bathroom though because it's a dirty job and nobody ever appreciated my work in that room.. my mom always said I didn't do it right so I mostly stuck to dusting.. vacuuming.. and washing clothes..

The funniest part about it now though.. at my parents house.. until the day I got married and moved out.. I had a tendency to leave things around the house such as.. the cup I would drink from.. my dinner plate.. magazines.. ect..

Well, now that we are all moved out and on our own.. my sister who is a doctor and could afford to have a cleaner home due to her salary and the fact that she creates her own schedule.. (she doesn't work a typical 40 hour week but still gets paid for it..) and me.. a person who is currently not in such a comfortable position.. I am the one who actually keeps my home clean while she does not.

She also was always the type who felt her whole point of existence was to be extremely domestic.. and instead it seems as if I have become more domestic than she..

I just find it a bit funny how childhoods in the same household effected us differently..

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

My 3 younger sisters and I were given an endless, joyless list of chores to do daily. My grandmother lived with us and did most cooking and laundry, but we cleaned the kitchen and washed dishes, folded clothes, vacuumed and dusted, wiped and polished the house, changed our bedding and cleaned our rooms, and had long lists of outdoor chores.

I don't remember my mom doing anything but bossing us around and making us redo things that didn't meet her specs. Never a hint of appreciation for a job well-done. (I learned many years later that she had a desperate need to keep her daughters under control and extremely busy, so we wouldn't marry the wrong guy or get pregnant out of wedlock, like she did.)

I grew up HATING chores of all descriptions. I let my own living space get messy when I finally lived on my own, and barely kept the house under control when I married (too young the first time, to the wrong guy, wouldn't you know?). My home was clean, but not organized. Just like my brain, as it turns out.

When I was a young adult, I had a wonderful experience – I showed up a little early at a friend's house for a worship group, and he was finishing the family dishes. He was happy; I would even say radiant. I chatted with him as I helped him dry dishes, and this young man genuinely had gratitude for his home and family, and a love of service, right down to the bottom of his sweet soul. It was a revolutionary thought for me – I might be HAPPY doing necessary tasks?

I began paying attention to my attitudes, and changing them. I made the astounding discovery that work and generosity and serving others can bring happiness. Not fleeting ego or body satisfaction, like buying a new blouse or eating something tasty, but a real, solid joy. It was (and still is) transformative.

Fortunately, I learned this wonderful lesson in time to leave my own daughter with a less-stressed relationship to chores. Now my grandson and I do tasks like clean up his room together, or weed and rake outside, happily, with a playful attitude. I demonstrate again and again that work, like play, can be a satisfying and happy experience, and something we can do with love for ourselves and others. And he's getting it – at five, he cheerfully volunteers for tasks and favors to others.

Now, I confess that I'm still disorganized and a bit messy. But this is more a personality quirk – I'm an artist, and genuinely crave having a bit of creative chaos around me, ready to transform into some new inspiration. Fortunately, my husband is quite similar, so we each have our messy work areas. My kitchen and bathroom are clean and sanitary. The living room stays clean enough to welcome guests on short notice.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

My mom died when i was 8, the housework and the dinners were up to me after that. It wasnt forced on me, i gladly did it, My mom had given us stuff to do before she died that was at our skill level. Im so happy she did. Its important to be self sufficient, we all know people who arent. I keep on top of my housework, my bathrooms could be more modern, but my dishes never sit, my carpet always shampooed and my laundry non existant. I have more junk drawers than i would like, but i blame my husband for collecting random garbage and attaching importance. My mom was creative, and my dad was organized, they infected me with a sample of both and my kids are falling in line too.

I was a messy teenager, but as soon as i got my own place and especially my own kids, the skills found their way home to me.

i think its important to keep the chores fun, for example my daughter hates putting up her clothes, so she traded me, now she puts up dishes.

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

I still hate doing the dishes!!!!! Yes we had chores growing up but our rooms were disaster zones although once I was a teen my room was never too bad. My boys 3 and 9 have chores to do but they don't get paid if they want money or want something they have to do some extra around the house. Of course the little one doesn't do too much. They must keep their bedrooms and the playroom clean. my oldest will sweep and my youngest will vacuum they both help put their laundry away. Now if I could get hubby to pitch in....

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L.L.

answers from Seattle on

We did chores as a kid, and lots of farm/yard chores in addition to the indoor cleaning. I still prefer the outdoor stuff over inside, and I hate vaccuming.

As an adult, my husband and I have broken down chores and each taken what the other hates the most (when he is not deployed that is). So hubby vaccumes, grocery shops, and does dishes while I sweep/mop, do laundry, bathrooms, pet clean up, and outdoor chores like mowing. We both pick up after the little one, who is one and does not do chores yet. We are trying to start involving her in picking up her toys.

My home is pretty neat when my husband is around, but when he is gone I get a little overwhelmed handling career, kid, and home by myself (being pregnant doesn't help much either with the energy level) so i tend to let some things slide a little, and then every couple weeks I will make a big push, and end up staying up to late gettting every thing caught up. Not 100% ideal, but I do my best. I am not a clean-freak, but I like to keep things tidy.

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J.A.

answers from Spartanburg on

OHHHH, good question...

I was responsible for my room, my bathroom, household trash, and a pet.
I like to say (and think) that my mom taught me the "right way" to clean, even if I don't always do it as often as I should. I still pester her about being super clean and tidy...she is a freak about it, at least compared to me, though I love her for it :)

All of my responsibilities formally started around 1st to 2nd grade. I certainally had to "clean up" before then, but this is when I remember having real, daily chores.

I was a very messy teenager and I took the messiness to college. My sophomore year I roomed with a very neat person, and learned to contain my clutter, my junior and senior years I took over the responsibility of cleaning our dorm room.

I moved thousands of miles over the couple of years after college and learned to live with less, I had several housemates and learned to pick up after myself in communal spaces, at least, and always made an effort to do my assigned "chores", though my personal room continued to be cluttered.

My parents moved from my childhood home and I had to find something to do with or somewhere to put ALL MY STUFF from MY ENTIRE LIFE!

So today I have a semi regular schedule that I follow to clean bathrooms and dust/vaccuum by. I make an effort to de-clutter the common living spaces in the home I share with hubby and two kids, and relentlessly get rid of things I have, quite literally, been schelleping from place to place for ten years.

It is a work in progress...somehow I think I turned your question into something else... sorry, but there's my story!

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H.L.

answers from Portland on

I have always had to fight my constant battle with clutter. I want to do so many things and cleaning was always at the bottom of the list. I am chronically overbook and time management is a challenge. So, the organizing and cleaning is hard to keep up with.

My chores as a kid were dishes, bathrooms, dusting, etc. I don't remember disliking them that much. What I had trouble with was organizing my own room and keeping it that way. The rest of the house was spotless. My family was naturally neat. Now, I live with my husband, who is just like me, so we have to fight to keep up with our bad habits. We love a clutter-free home, but have trouble stopping our busy lives to make that happen. I'm learning to develop systems and routines to make time for me...and my house. I firmly believe it's an issue with me always running to the next thing to help my kids or attend an event for a friend or family member, or letting work take over. My own needs and my need for organization get left behind. I'm working on setting aside time for my home each day and actually booking the time in my schedule like it's an appointment. Sometimes I just don't know how other people manage it all.

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

My parents both hated doing chores and they delegated as much as possible to me. By mid high school I was pretty much running the household. Yes, I am a bit of a neat freak but with a spirited 4 year old and a pack rat/mad scientist for a hubby I have had to compromise on things. I will always hate scrubbing shower stalls! It's a pain to move around inside of it and the door always looks dirty again when it dries ugh!

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

My sister and I each did our own laundry (starting at ages 5 and 7) and rotated the rest of the chores, which were: dusting, bathroom dishes (included counters, table top, putting leftovers away), drying/putting away dishes, feeding/walking the dog.

Both of us keep out homes relatively clean-like a deep clean (deep clean means 'clean everything WELL', light clean means 'make it look cleaner') is weekly, but they can be messy at times. Clutter drives both of us bananas. My least favorite chore now is laundry. Sis's least favorite chore now is dishes.

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M.C.

answers from Detroit on

I grew up pretty much an only child since my siblings were adults and out of the house. My mom did everything in terms of chores, but let me help out here and there if I was bored. My house is clean, but messy. The one chore that I despise more than anything is making the beds. I never got into doing the bedspread, pillows, top sheet, etc. At 41, I just learned what a duvet is. I'm the only person that I know that just spreads out her comforter on the bed and that's what I call making the bed. I envy people who have pretty beds:(

M.

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J.R.

answers from Glens Falls on

I grew up doing lots of chores, way way too many chores IMO (think Cinderella here) and I'm obsessively clean and neat now. Maybe as a reaction to how much I did as a child or maybe because I'm obsessive, I did not require my daughter to do many chores at all - her room was basically her only responsibility. She is the opposite of a neat freak. (I love my daughter so that seemed the nicest way to say it.) I can see where too many chores could go to either extreme as an adult. I think too few chores probably goes to the non-neat side more. Reasonableness is probably the best answer to stay away from the extremes. I don't really hate any chores, sometimes I resent the time it takes and sometimes I stress because I am compulsive, but I don't mind doing anything.

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K.L.

answers from Bellingham on

My mom never made us do chores. She had A LOT of chores as a child and practically raised her brothers, so I think she was trying to give us the childhood she wished she had. I often wished for chores, I wanted to feel useful and helpful. I occasionally made my own chore charts and would try and help out, but without her support, really so it never lasted long before I lost interest. She hated anyone to be in her kitchen, so I never learned much cooking.

In my teen years I took over doing my own laundry. I moved out when I was 17 and ended up working low-wage jobs in restaurants and hotels. That is where I learned to clean and cook. I didn't know how to do anything. I also lived with a girl who was a neat-freak and it inspired me to be clean.

Now I like things clean, but I don't always like cleaning. I kind of do it in huge binges where I will deep clean the whole kitchen once in a while, going really crazy on it. But daily I just try to keep things organized and stay on top of the daily stuff like dishes and clutter. The never ending-ness of it can be a drag. I clean like crazy when I know guests are coming, some of my friends tease me that my house is always clean but it doesn't feel like it to me!

I tried to implement a chores/reward system with my kids but it didn't really work. They don't want/need money for anything badly enough to want to work for money. So now they are expected to do things to help the household, not for money (I don't get paid!) I am not hard-core but I'd like them to know how to run a washing machine, cook some basic things etc. so when they do get out in the real world they are not embarassed like I was that I didn't really know how to do anything!

I don't mind doing laundry. I rather like making beds and vacuuming. I have never enjoyed cleaning the bathroom, and cleaning the kitchen can be a drag.

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J.P.

answers from Seattle on

I always had a list of chores after school. In particular, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathroom, laundry. Others were shared with my brothers. The thing I hated most was cleaning the carpet. Fast forward to living on my own in college, I wasn't really a neat freak, but wasn't messy either. Fast forward some more to married life and with the help of my freakishly clean husband our house looked like no one lived in it. Now 5 years with a toddler, you can tell we have a child but we are still REALLY clean. I have relaxed a little just due to no time to keep up.
I think my chores as a child helped me know how to do them more than wanting to do them. And to this day, and the dismay of my husband, I still HATE cleaning carpets.

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S.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hmm, I love the question and can't wait to read more responses. I have to admit, I don't remember doing many chores as a kid, and both my parents worked (although my mom didn't always work full time). I am not sure if my sister and I just did what we were told to do without an argument from us OR if we really didn't have to do any. I know we had to keep our rooms clean, but that is all I remember. I hated doing dishes, in fact, when I was about 13/14, someone took a picture of me doing dishes since it rarely happened! I still hate doing dishes, and although when we bought our current house back in July and it has a dishwasher, the cheap side of me says it is too expensive to use, LOL. Actually dishes is my husband's job for the most part. I do them when he works nights as he eats and leaves for work, 12 hour shifts (6pm-6am), so no time for him to do supper dishes. Here is the funny part about that... I actually paid him $2 this week so I could use the dishwasher the 2 nights he was working! I put everything in, even the pots and my kids are "supposed" to put them away in the morning.

I wish I was more of a neat freak than I am, but that is a work in progress.

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J.S.

answers from Sioux Falls on

We were responsible for cleaning up the kitchen after supper and every Saturday we had a list. It was my mom, brother, and me working together. When everything was done, we could go play. Now, I make a list for myself! I feel better when my house is clean and neat, though I do have a tendency to pile things, like random papers. I have given myself one spot to do that, so that helps. Fun question!

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C.R.

answers from Kansas City on

My chores were to clean the bathroom once a week and help with the dishes every night after dinner. I still hate cleaning the bathroom, but dishes don't bother me much. My house is not spotless by any means, but it is not disgusting either. Basically just kid stuff and laundry makes it messy. My room was a disaster zone growing up too, but now not as bad as it was as a kid/teenager.

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

facinating question! My mom was a single mom, not a good housekeeper at all. Basically when I was old enough to do anything it was ME that did it! I remember only really "cleaning" the house right before a party!!! No kidding! And I'm 43 and kind of the same way. I kind of "keep up" with stuff but don't clean things consistantly. Only before we have a party. Weird. But I am married to a wonderful man who was raised by a VERY strick mom who made all her kids do everything so he is like that now. He basically does everything, he says he's just "used" to it. Lucky me...I know!!! But I do think it has a lot to do with how you are raised.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Single parent, my sisters were out of the house by the time I was 11 ... so yeah I pretty much did EVERYTHING including cooked dinner most nights out of the week. I still love to cook, but the cleaning mmmmm not so much, I will pick up but really clean, I hire someone to do that! And my room was always a mess b/c I had to clean the rest of the house ... the last thing I wanted to do after the living room, kitchen, bathrooms, laundry, office, cooking dinner, doing homework and clean up after the cats (2) was my bedroom!

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I grew up in the country, with animals, lots of fruit tree's....we had no choice but to do chores. The chores I hated the most would have to be
*cleaning the dog kennels (smelly poop piles everywhere)
*shovling the rotted fruit (nasty smells and gnats/flies everywhere)
*washing silverware
*dusting (we didn't have paved roads so lots of dust)
Lucikly, right now anyways, we live in the city and have no dogs or fruit tree's. LOL. My mom was a nazi about cleaning. In fact when we were all outside maintaining the property she would be inside cleaning, and we would have to strip down to our undies and get hosed off before we were allowed to come in and take a shower. Strangely, just like you, my room was always a mess.
So anyway, now skip forward to me being an adult, and having a toddler....my house is lived in, but its definately not dirty. Sure i go to bed with a few dishes in the sink, and we have a nice stack of advertisements and junk mail on the bar, but im ok with that.
The chores I hate the most are laundry (it's never ending) and I still hate washing the silverware. =)

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