Did Anyone Else Feel So Confused with the Thought of Baby #2... - Indian Head,MD

I miscarried my second pregnancy and it took me 8 months to get the courage to try again. Some people try right away, others take years. They're all completely normal.

Whatever you decide, just do it because you want (or don't want) to raise another child. Children don't *require* siblings. Just ask my 5, lol.

I can totally relate to this. My son is going to be 3 in July. My hubby and I always planned to have #2 when #1 was 3 or 4 so this would mean we need to start TTC soon. I keep finding excuses to procrastinate it. I will share some of my 'excuses'.

I work full time so I am already very busy. I am unsure how my schedule can handle another child.

I love my son so much...how can I possibly love #2 as much?

I have such little time with my son now (evenings and weekends) that dividing that between him and another child doesn't seem fair to him.

Our house is too small to add baby stuff to the mix.

I change my mind daily about TTC #2. As of today we plan to start trying in July....maybe it will be a different story tomorrow :)

It is a tough decision that only you can make. Best of luck to you whatever you decide is the right thing for your family.

I was just so happy with my first son, I used to think that it was so nice how the dinamics and interactions of the three of us that I was not sure how another little person would fit in our lives. We always planned on having two kids so I was very very confussed and not totally sure I wanted a second one.

I did try, I too had a miscarriage that let me very very sad and scared but I tried right away since I had already been trying for six months with no success and I was getting "older"... I got pregnant right away for my doctor's surprise....

Fast forward, today, I have the most amazing little girl, that big Brother loves and spends most of the day together, playing, talking, fighting and planning what to do next... if it's going to make momy crazy the better. Both papa and mama can not take our eyes off her, and right now, because of ther age she makes us laugh all the time... She complete us, our family, now I know we were always ment to have her.

Not only I love her deeply and I now understand that YES it is possible to love another person as much as I love my first one. My son has a friend, a companion, someone that understands and loves him and they have each other for all their lives. I love to observe them when they are in "their little world" and it melts my heart when my son wants to protect and/or cries when he thinks something could happen to his little sister.

My two kids make my life, just one look to my girl's eyes and I know that everything was and is always worth it.

Our first son BEGGED us for a sibling. I never even wanted ANY children. I liked my life, so when I found out I was pregnant with him, I freaked and cried. I got over it and nurtured my body and baby. So, after a homebirth and a long delivery, I really had NO desire for more kids....but our son begged us and we realized how important that might be when we die. Being left alone on this planet seemed unfair, as I watched an older woman, with no children, a dead husband, no siblings and no parents dive into demetia very quickly. (Not that demetia is caused by having no one around, but she really had NO ONE and that made me really sad.)

We decided to try for #2 when our son was 3. It took us 3 months of trying to get pregnant and some progesterone cream. He was 4.5 WEEKS late, over 10 pounds and a really intense homebirth. I WAS DONE. I even had an appointment made for my husband with a local urologist for a vasectomy appointment. He decided he was about 85% sure he was done having kids. REALLY???

I should say that I own a local business that my husband now runs with me, but at the time, it was me working and bringing the baby to the office to breastfeed all day long. My husband was home watching #1.

A little over a year later, I became pregnant with #3, who is 22 months younger than #2. What on earth were we thinking? Another homebirth and a really dramatic girl showed up. I was SOOOO done. My husband refused to get a vasectomy. He's not sure he's done. REALLY?

About a year ago, when #3 was 2 years old, I started to feel "not done" having kids. (I'm pretty sure I'm nuts. LOL) I am currently a week past my EDD with #4 - but I can tell you, I AM DONE....without a doubt and so is the husband. We have great kids, work and homeschool. His vasectomy appointment will be made after this baby shows up, by HIM.

My point is, I went from wanting NO children and having some great vacations to having almost 4 children and giving in on how I spend and save my money. I can tell you, siblings are great for our kids. Even now, they are so excited to meet the baby. When I told my oldest we were pregnant, he hugged me so tight and said, "Thanks mom," like I was giving HIM a present.

Having a sibling allows you to bounce ideas off of them and feel connected in a non-so human connected world. The idea of your life changing like that IS scary. I'm even freaking now about how we are going to find our balance again, but we always do. Having one kid doesn't mean that life will always be perfectly balanced and calm, but having two means they have someone to lean on when life is not balanced and calm - and you and your husband are not alive anymore to protect your son. Very rarely do we think past our current lives. There are no certainties, so just breathe and follow your intuition.

Good luck.

Absolutely - adding another little person to a busy family can be overwhelming to think about. But once that new little person is there it's just such a blessing to have them. We knew we needed to add a sibling so our daughter would have that other person in her life so she'd learn that it's not just about her. I was sitll working full time, my husband was ready to enter the NYPD academy - but I wasn't getting younger and we were under some pressure as I was alreayd 39 by that time. So we jsut went ahead.

I loved my DD so much I didn't think I'd ever be able to have that kind of love for our second child. HA!

Our son is SUCH a blessing. Where my DD has some personality habits that make us crazy and she's super smart - my son is the easy going kid in the family. He's had some learning problems - which he's been able to conquer with special ed and persistence - but he's added such a wonderful balance to our family I can't even imagine life without him.

Our kids are different from eachother in so many ways. But they both add such a depth and beautiful interwoven complexity to our life that we never look back and have second thoughts about either of them. They love eachother - and although they quarrel from time to time there's an abiding love that htey have for eachother that they readily admit to.

Before we got pregnant with child # 2 I watched a co-worker who was an only child, go through a serious illness and death of a parent, she had no sibiling to share her burdens with. Then she went through her husband's serious illness and death. She had so sister or brother to walk with her through these times. Coming from a family of 5 kids I could just not imagine such a thing.

My kids are now almost 12 and almost 15. They really care about eachother. I heard a Christian speaker talk about how God created the family as a place for kids to grow up and learn about the world and themselves. A place to try out different approaches to life and learn by trial and error what works and what doesn't. They learn so much from bouncing things off siblings that wouldn't be learned from a parent relationship.

If you wait until you're "ready" you'll never have a second child - because things will never be "ready". So just go - you won't regret it. If I had been younger we would have had another, and maybe another - but oh well. ;o)

Good luck Mama!

Yup! It's totally natural! It's the fear of the unknown. I felt like that while I was pregnant with #2. Toward the end of my pregnancy I was having regular panic attacks at the thought of a 2nd baby. Now that she's here, I can't imagine our family with out her. :)

I also suffered a miscarriage and it was really hard to bond with the baby while I was pregnant. Looking back, I should have gotten some counseling, but it all turned out ok in the end.

Good luck!

Well I can say I felt that way, but I didn't have much choice on #2. Niether one of our first 2 were planned. So when we had #1, we were happy and content. About 6 mos. into being new parents, I took a PT on a hunch and well yep I was prego again. I couldn't believe! How was I going to handle two babies, when I was just learning how to take care of one period. When I went to the docs they told me I was already 3mo in. I was scared out of my mind! Hubby was a reassurance though. So our first two where 1 yr and 2 wks apart. I was really more worried about adding our 3rd (who is soon to be 10mo), since we waited about 2.5 yrs to try again. But our older two love him to death and we are adding #4 coming Dec or Jan. (yes we are done after this one. hehehe). I think everyone has their worries, but somehow it all works out in the end. Plus your son is older and he can help you out. :)

We waited a long time for number 2 - I was set that I DID NOT want anymore kids but just couldn't commit to it (was on pill, wouldn't get tubes tied, didn't want dh to have vasectomy) etc and really struggled with the decision. One day I looked at my son - who was 4 at the time - and realized that he was growing up fast and that I did want another baby. So for me it kinda solved itself - we got pregnant - almost lost her at 9 weeks along (uterine hematoma) but she pulled through - it was scary the whole time. Needless to say - I think you KNOW when your ready - listen to your head and heart.

I am sorry you've had a difficult time. The thought of #2 and being scared is very natural especially after suffering a miscarriage. There will never be the right time to have another. There will always be challenges in life and bills to pay. If you want another there should be no reason why you can't. Blessings.

Probably about a jillion people