Desperately Need Advice on Kindergarten

Updated on August 21, 2008
C.M. asks from Miami, FL
5 answers

I am seeking advice on what to do about my daughter's kindergarten situation. A little background:
For the past 2 years my daughter was in a pre-school that we loved. She was very happy and thriving there. The main drawback was a classmate in her class that she just did not have a great chemistry with. They loved each other and would want to play together, but after about 10 minutes of playing something would inevitably go bad and things would turn ugly. I'm not saying my daughter was always the innocent one - she can definitely give as good as she gets. But she on,y had this problem with this one classmate.
Knowing that the kids would be at the same school this year, I approached her PK teacher at then end of the school year and asked if it would be inappropriate for me to write a letter to the elementary school asking that the kids be in separate classes. The teacher said "no" and in fact she agreed with me and had already investigated with the elementary school who it would be best to have the letter come from. She told me that a teacher at the elementary school had recommended that she (the PK teacher) write the letter recommending that the school put the girls in separate classrooms. She was told that it would be taken much more seriously if it came from a teacher rather than a parent. This is how it was left on the day of school.
Fast forward 3 months to 3 days before school is supposed to start and I find out that the kids are in the same classroom. I called the PK, but the teacher was not available so I spoke with the Director of the school. She told me that when the PK teacher told her that she intended to write the letter, the Director and school adviser told her not to do it because it would start both of the kids off with a negative reputation and a black mark against them. So the letter was never written. So instead of having 3 months to figure out how to deal with the situation, I had 3 days.
Since the elementary school she got into (it's public) is in very high demand and there are now mandatory classroom caps (18 students per teacher) all of the K classes are full (with a waitlist). So I felt it would be an unreasonable request for me to ask that they change her classroom at this late date. Instead I saw one of her teachers and let them know about the situation (without placing blame on either child - "it's just a chemistry thing") and that they would be better off sitting separately in class. They were fine with this.
Today at the first day of K, my daughter was all excited to go. She saw some of her friends and all was well until we ran into the other child. As usual things started off fine, but within minutes they were at each other and when my daughter tried to disengage from the other child, the other child continued to antagonize her. Until my daughter ended up hysterical in tears and did not want to go to school or let me go. What started off as a great and exciting 1st day for my daughter, turned ugly for both of us because of yet another run in with this classmate, who wasn't even supposed to be in her class.
On top of all that, I find out that the school has combined 2 K classes so that there are now 2 teachers with 36 students in 1 tiny classroom.
So I am at a loss about what to do about the entire situation. Should I wait and see if having 34 other students between the 2 kids is enough of a barrier to break their relationship? Should I go to the school and ask that they switch my daughter's classroom? Should I go so far as to changing my daughter's school to one that is in a less desirable and less convenient area, but has a good reputation educationally and a much smaller K class (14 students)? My daughter is generally a very happy, secure, bright child who loves school and loves other kids, so it kills me to have this experience tainted for her. I just want her to enjoy K as much as she did PK and everything else she loves.
Thanks in advance for your advice.

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S.I.

answers from Miami on

it is within your right toask the school that your child be moved to a different classroom. technically they can say no but if its in the best interest of the child they will do what is necessary. as a parent you have more rights than you would think and if you really have an issue that you need solves you shouldnt be afraid to call the high up people in the school system. but first and foremost schedule a meeting with the priciple and see what can be done for you and your child. they will not move the other child so it would be a request to move your child. just remember that you have rights as a parent and usually the school will work with you. also never rely onsomeone else to to do something that you feel is important like this. as i am sure you have found it doesnt work out well. good luck.

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C.O.

answers from Miami on

I would schedule a meeting with the school principal and address the situation from now. Perhaps, there are some ways that changes can be made. Usually the decision is up to the school principal not the teachers. I feel a child should be happy from the beginning.

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L.H.

answers from Miami on

every public school has a school counselor.
go talk to the counselor & tell her/him everything you just posted here. it is her/his job to help with this situation, even (the counselor) going to the Administration to request/suggest a change of placement.
You are the best advocate for your child!

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I.F.

answers from Miami on

Dear C.,
what you discribe and what someone call "chemistry"issue sounds to me like an karmic account between your daugther and this other little girls.
The same way adult can experience this type of situation our kids at very early age can do to, and if you don`t have some spiritual tools to deal with it it might be very frustrating.
The reason , you haven`t been able to take care of the situation (separated them for example)is a sign that is telling me that you and your daugther should not run way from it, something very enligthinning is laying there, it`s just a question to discover it!
I have given spiritual reading for over 15 years now, and i can just tell you that there is an explanation and a solution to this situation and you might be suprise of the outcome
you can always reach me if you need any help, all the best I.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Miami on

Hi, C.. Well, here's my scoop on the kind of classroom you're describing:

I was enrolled in a public school (I can't remember if it was K or 1st grade) where there were about 40+ kids in one enormous classroom, with 2 teachers and 1 aide. I was miserable. The teachers were, too. I was a very good little girl and a very good student, and the teachers were so overwhelmed with caring for such a huge sea of little kids that they singled out good students like me and made us sort of captains over the rest of our group, which in my case turned out to be kids with learning and behavioral problems. Instead of being allowed to be a carefree student, I was forced into an adult role of mini-teacher and monitor. It was always somewhat noisy in that room, because even the sound of 40+ kids writing with pencils or reading quietly to themselves, is massive. I hated that class, and was soooo glad when my parents had to move me to another school because my father switched jobs.

It's bad enough when public schools have to resort to such classroom nightmares because of lack of funding or whatever... but you are PAYING these people to not only stick your daughter into an overcrowded classroom! Furthermore, they are so thoughtless as to refuse to prevent a problem that a trained and degreed educator tried to warn them about! It's not a "black mark" if two 5-year-olds can't get along with each other for crying out loud. They should have listened to you or the PK teacher, but instead they decided to ignore the situation entirely.

Therefore, I believe these people do not deserve your money. I also believe they do not deserve the good reputation they seem to enjoy because they are obviously not at all concerned with the emotional and psychological well-being of these two children.

Yes, I believe you should take your daughter out of that school, and I believe you should not worry about whether or not another school is prestigious. At this stage in her life, your daughter needs to enjoy the process of learning in order to instill and develop her LOVE of learning; this is WAY more important to her well-being and to her future than the reputation of her kindergarten.

Give her a good foundation and then build her educational reputation a little later on. Otherwise, if you force her into an emotionally draining or damaging situation, she is going to associate the emotional turmoil with school and learning itself, and this may hinder her intellectually for a very, very long time.

Trust me -- it is VERY hard to lose a hatred of school and traditional learning once it starts. I had a great deal to overcome in order to get through school and then go on and get educated for a career. Ironically, I teach remedial college English, mostly to people who speak other native languages, but I also have to work hard to repair the damage that lousy schools have done to students who endured them.

Please, please, don't set your daughter up to hate school and rebel against learning. Let her be a happy little girl while she's learning.

Peace,
Syl

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