Depressed Hubby

D.,

Please don't give up on your depressed hubby. And, being a depressed person myself...believe me, he feels bad enough about feeling bad.

I know that it is hard trying to be supportive, my husband has to deal with me and we go around in circles. I HATE that I have to deal with depression (and it just makes me feel worse when someone tells me to "suck it up"...I would LOVE to, if I could).

If he's not already, have him talk to a doctor about antidepressants. There are so many different ones now, that one is bound to at least help him get out of the rut he's in...and if he's like me, and doesn't want to take pills, be patient and supportive and find some way for him to get help.

There is always the Depression for Dummies book, you could read. Not to mention other books on the subject.

Depression is not something that one can decide to be done with. Unfortunately, it is an evil little monster that takes away our self-esteem, eats at our confidence and really makes it easy to spiral into a dark abyss of lonliness. I can't tell you how many friendships have been lost because I wasn't the fun loving "upbeat" gal everyone expected me to be, when I REALLY needed my friends/family to pull me out of my ever widenening pit of despair.

A suggestion for you would be to talk to your husband, read a few books on depression (both of you), and get him some help...and I know it's hard, but most of all, be patient and most of all, understanding...I guess the best analogy would be when a woman has PMS, you know that your behavior isn't "rational" sometimes, but you just can't seem to help it...does that make sense?

I'm sorry, I just glimpsed up and saw that he's been to the doc and won't take meds...I was that way for a looooonnnng time. Try getting him to take walks/exercise with you, eat lots of salmon, and if you think he'd do it, try St. Johns Wort...all are things that are supposed to help with depression. And if it helps, let him know that I understand about not wanting to take meds...but I finally gave in...and things are getting better! :)

I am sorry that you and your family are having to deal with this horrible disease. My thoughts are with you.

I completely understand you. My husband is going through a similar situation. What I have to remember is that he is going through something that has nothing to do with me but affects me and our son very much. I go through so many emotions in one day, I feel as though I will be losing my mind. I try to be supportive and it's not enough for him. I try to be a cold-hearted B17ch, thinking that this will make him snap out of it, and he says I'm going to far. He was once on medication and he was doing so much better. But he didn't like how he felt. And then he suffered an accident, had two surgeries, and this threw all his progress back to square one. I know this sounds bad, but he actually loved being the victim and loved anyone who gave him attention because of his accident. Today, about 3 years later, he is doing better, but refuses to work. When he is low, he blames me for not working/providing financially, even though we agreed I would stay home with our son until he went to school. I don't know if knowing someone else understands you because I know there are times I just want out. But I try to put myself in his shoes and don't know what I would do if I were him. I'm glad you opened up and vented. I am also glad that I read your message. It helped me very much. Thanks. I hope the best for you and your family.

Hi D.,
Sorry to hear you are going through all of this. Depression is very difficult to deal with especially when it is someone so close to you. How old is he??? 40ish? My hubby will be 40 in a few months and went through some terrible depressions, I don't like the way I look, I think I will grow my grey hair long, I can't grow a mustache...what do you think, I'm gonna ride my motorcycle everyday, I need more tatoos, and the list goes onnnnnn! Thankfully, he went through it and and we got through it. And yes! The I hate my job, will we make it?

I don't know what to say to help you through this, but hang in there. Write us mom's and let it out and hopefully it won't last forever.

HUGS!
C.

Depression is a serious illness. It is highly correlated with, for example, heart disease. (Check out Peter Kramer's Against Depression.) Would your husband go off heart medicine because he didn't like the way it made him feel?

Fortunately, non-drug options can help a lot. Plain old walking and other forms of exercise are at the top of the list. Check out this URL on a well-respected website.

http://www.psycheducation.org/hormones/Insulin/exercise.htm

Hi D. -
A really good book that can make the difference is "The Mood Cure"...maybe that will help.

Good luck to you! - L.