Debate with Husband on Taking Kids to the Circus

I can't stand circuses but I did take my sons when they were little (not knowing any better).

Many Americans have a romanticized view of circuses (from growing up) that bears very little resemblance to the horrible reality that circus animals can experience.

I'm with you. Plenty of other things to do.

The way they treat the elephants, using those shape hooks to force them around, cutting into their flesh, that right there is enough for me to say we will never support any circus with out money.

I would only take the older child. How is she going to learn WHY people shouldn't treat animals this way if she never sees it? Isn't that how YOU learned to hate this treatment of animals?

She learns from you. You can have a talk with her beforehand.

You know, a few years ago we took my kids to the circus and outside there were protesters passing out pamphlets about the ethics. I had never considered any issues about it before, but after reading the little tract I decided that would be our last circus outing.

By the way, I am not typically an animal rights activist, but I also don't believe in treating any of God's creatures the way that the circus animals are often treated.

I like the circus and I took my kids when they were little. I also eat meat, although I admire the commitment of vegetarians. I am glad there are people such as you out there to take on causes that I am too busy or lazy or lack commitment to support.

Your position is an honorable and commendable one and your husband should support you in it. There are plenty of other things he can take the kids to, such as, as you said, a human-only circus. When one partner in a marriage is passionate about something, the other partner should support him/her.

Your husband needs to back you up.

I'm with you.
I want no parts of the circus.

As for the argument that says you "can't fight city hall"?
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Not good enough for me.
I say money talks and..you know what...walks.
Stick to your guns!

I had the same objections and I didn't go, but my husband took the kids. This was years ago, our kids were in the same age range as yours. They were horrified and none of them ever want to go to a circus like that again. This was a well known circus, too. The kids said the animals looked sad and it was weird to watch them do the tricks.

That was our experience.

I took our daughter when she was 5. Yes it was THE circus. Costs a fortune, I felt. On the way home I asked her, well what was your favorite part?

She said "When the Elephant pooped. That was a funny."

Yep, that was it.
I thought great, I have just spent over $150. so she could have an up close experience about the circus. We read a lot and it seemed like there were always books that talked about the circus in some way. This would be her real life reference to what it was all about.

She hated the clowns and told me "I do not like the clowns. I want to leave if we have to talk to the clowns."

And so our daughter has never cared for the circus since. This was her up front experience and I and she are fine with that. I have always felt I wanted our daughter to come to her own conclusions up front and personal. Of course as she got older and learned more about the life of Circus animals, it reinforced her opinion..

She is still conflicted by Zoos. She understands that they are used for teaching, and for rescuing, but she feels sorry for the animals and wishes humans could have empathy for all creatures, without having to see them with their own eyes.

I love seeing them live and being cared for, but it also steals a bit of my soul when I visit a zoo.

I think you and your husband are focused on two different things here.

For you, it's the animal welfare issue. Which, many of us have acknowledged, is indeed a worthy thing to be concerned about.

For your husband, however, it is reliving a moment he enjoyed as a child and wants to share with his children.

Of course, they are your children too. And that's where the hard part comes in-- accepting that the two of you have differing priorities.

There is something grand and magical about seeing a traditional circus as a little kid. I remember going. I also remember taking a little boy I used to nanny, going as an adult, and feeling very aware of the fact that this wasn't the life the animals were supposed to have. And feeling bad.It's clear your husband hasn't (yet) had that experience.

So, just something to think about-- he's not wanting to take the kids to the circus to watch animals being abused-- your husband is wanting to recreate something which he loved as a kid. So, try to keep that in mind. If it were my husband and I in this situation, to be honest, I would probably let him take our son, because of what it would mean 'for them'. Because, sometimes love is really illogical. It's probably a lone opinion. I don't support factory farming, don't eat land animals... but I would let my husband take my son if it was really meaning a lot to him. Because I might want to be treated the same way if there were something which meant a lot to me to do with our son, too. They might go and find it upsetting, like some posters have experienced-- but I think that sometimes, it's really important not to let *my* values dictate everything that happens in the relationship. It's a group work.

The most troubling aspect of your post: Does your husband habitually dismiss your strongly held beliefs and just do end runs around them as it suits him? Does he usually demonstrate for your kids, as he is doing here, that it's fine to just blow off mommy and do what you like?

When you object to something else, like a movie with a topic or message or rating you feel is wrong for your kids, is he going to say, "Well, YOU stay home if you have a problem with it; I'll take the kids myself"?

When you DO want to take the kids somewhere that you feel actually works with or even upholds your values, such as a no-animals circus, or anyplace else (church or some other spiritual place comes to mind as an example)-- Is your husband then going to play the game of "Well, you can take the kids, but I am not going to go because I think what you believe is silly/'over the top'/dumb" etc.? It's fine if he doesn't want to go, but would he badmouth your choice in front of your kids?

I think there may be a larger issue of whether he respects your personal beliefs and is willing to show that respect by not undermining what you believe in front of your children.

And that's what he's doing here -- pooh-poohing your seriously held convictions. I'd really examine whether that's a pattern in other cases, not just in this one case. If you see more of it, it may be time for a serious talk or even counseling. And if you think you and he need counseling but he pooh-poohs or mocks that idea -- there's an even bigger issue, isn't there....

The only circus that I will attend that has any animal performers is the Big Apple Circus. I haven't been to that one in a long time, but when I was little they had AHS endorsement for no cruelty to animals. They had horses, dogs, and one family of elephants where they kept the family unit together. If they cam e to town, I would check up on their current "report card," but would probably go. Other than that, no way. Cirque de Soleil all the way :) My husband rolled his eyes a bit, but he has learned to live with my "hippie vegetarian ways." He would probably be annoyed at giving the money to AHS in protest, though.
Googling anything about animal cruelty in circuses is probably effective, but heartbreaking. I can't imagine people wanting to go after seeing these things. I know I'm off SeaWorld for life after seeing bits of that film....

I agree with you and don't go to the circus myself, but it'll be a cold day in hell before my husband skipped an event he wants to take the kids to over my disapproval. My kids ask why I don't go and I tell them that I think it's a sad and miserable life for the animals and that I feel bad for the performers too. They've gone anyway a couple of times but I know they had second thoughts about the animals.

FWIW we're big fans of our zoos and aquariums. I think the ones near me that we go to (The New England Aquarium and Franklin Park Zoo in Boston) are really well run and that the animals are well cared for. There's a really cool farm near us where the owner rescues animals and let them roam around freely. She's got 3-legged animals, animals that are a little blind or deaf, some that were abused, etc...peacocks, horses, pigs, goats, chickens, etc. The little goats are awesome. You'll sit down on a bench and they'll climb up and sit right next to you. There are some cats and pigs who live together. It's a really cool experience for the kids and something I gladly support.

Good for you! I'm impressed with your stance. In my younger days, I actually went with an animal rights group and protested outside the circus! Some people were rude to us, but many took the pamphlets and a few even told us afterward that they would no longer be going to the circus. And it does make a difference- there is a long list of major companies that used to sponsor the circus but have stopped due to the cruelty.

Glad to hear that you and hubby worked through it and moved on. My daughter has never gone to the circus and is glad. She is 13 and somehow still managed to have a normal, fun childhood in spite of never seeing animals beaten into submission! :-)

Way to go mama!

I completely agree with you.

We took the kids to the circus. They were thrilled. They got to pet an elephant. They still remember it, seven years later, and are very compassionate and love animals. I'm with your husband.

there were circuses long before you, and will be long after you. if your husband wants to share this experience with the kids, let him. i understand your point of view, but i also understand you needn't have posted because you wanted to say what you believe, not to see both sides of the argument. so in the end your kids won't go, or you will end up having to battle your husband about this.

Sorry but our whole family enjoys going to the circus and we go to aquariums and zoos too.
There are quite a few animals that are extinct in the wild and would no longer exist if they weren't kept in captivity.
As the human population ramps up beyond 7 billion and climate change speeds up lots of animals are going to lose their habitat and will go extinct.
Will you feel happy or justified if your kids never see a tiger, a polar bear, an elephant?
Let them see while they can.
Your grand kids might not be able to.

I used to work for a national animal advocacy organization. The things I saw of circuses when I worked there were enough to make me stay away from them even 25 years later. Circuses are awful abusers of animals. I never took either of my kids to one, and they didn't suffer for it. If your husband takes your kids, fine. But you certainly don't have to go.

I'm with you and would never take my 7 year old to one with any animals. We also do not go to zoos and he will not be going to Sea world. We are teaching him about respect for animals and support organizations that support animals in a natural habitat. We support animal rescue and sanctuaries to rehab animals that have been abused or confined.

We go out to the woods and admire wildlife like deer, birds and frogs. That's what I want my son to appreciate.

My kids will never go to a circus either. I am SURE that they will be just fine growing up without going to the circus.
If this is really something you feel THAT strongly about then your husband needs to really actively listen to your concerns. Just because he listens though, doesn't mean he'll change his mind.
I think Cirque De Soliel (or however you spell that!) is a great compromise. Although probably MUCH pricier.
L.

How old are your kids?

Maybe Google Search "are all circuses inhumane to their animals...."

But yes, circuses are known for mistreatment of animals.

What circus company is the one, that is coming to your town?
maybe research them specifically....?

I don't think he is trying to fire you up, I think he honestly sees no harm. The two of you are just in disagreement on the issue.

For the sake of not having a fight over something that doesn't affect you personally, let him take the kids and you can find something else to do for the day. Your children will grow up and have their own opinion. Perhaps they will agree with you.

out of curiosity, how do you feel about zoos?

I agree with you and would never take a child to one with animals either.

Teach your children what you know about the mistreatment of animals by circuses and then let them tell your husband how they feel about attending and contributing to the cruelty. Of course, research the particular circus he intends to take them to first.

I have lots of allergies. Given how miserable animals often make me feel physically I am by no means an animal lover. However, after attending the B & B circus a few years ago I was appalled by how badly the animals are treated. I came out of the circus feeling kind of sick. I will never go to another circus again.

I can understand how your college paper shaped your views.

Not all circuses are bad any more than all people are bad.

I've been to several circus performances. The ones I liked the best were Sea World and Disneyworld. (Not the typical circus). If you are so much against the local circus offer to take your kids to the Disney Circus in Disney World. That should satisfy your husband and give your kids a wonderful experience. (Giving your circus money to a charity would NOT be very smart.) Take it to Disneyworld instead.

If you are so against they way they handle animals are you a vegetarian too? I've been to a slaughter house. Circuses are much nicer.

Good luck to you and yours.

I see your point and know others who are anti-circus; however, I do not share your beliefs. I took my kids to the circus over the summer and they had a really good time. While I obviously know that there may be questionable treatment behind the scenes, the children don't know this at all when they are watching. They won't feel that the animals are being mistreated or that anything negative is going on.

Are you a vegetarian or vegan? Do you eat animal products of any kind? Do you ever wear clothes or have accessories that come from animal products? Leather? Wool? Etc? If so, that isn't really any different than the circus. Both involve mistreatment of animals, or at the very least poor living conditions. I'm curious whether you make a distinction between animals for entertainment and animals for food/clothing.

Honestly, I don't fault you at all for your opinion, even if you do eat meat. I'm just saying that, in my mind, there isn't much point in separating the two I think your kids would love the circus and I do think it's something every kid should experience once in their lives. But, if you're really against it, that's fine. Circus Vargas and most (if not all) Cirque Du Soleil shows are animal free.

Me and my son go every time they are in town. We love the circus. Do you really thing you not going will make any kind of difference. It won't, you should go with your family and enjoy some family time. We always have a great time. The last time we went there were a lot of protesters that I found more offensive then anything. I get it people are going to disagree with everything in life but I say you need to get a grip and take your kids.

Unless you are a vegan who wears no leather, it seems an odd place to draw the line. But I get it, they are cruel. And risque, I took my kids to a hokey small one and it was surprisingly stripperish with the trapeze ladies....I was wondering what the Amish families in the audience (lots in our area) were thinking...

I think if you are against them sincerely, you should stay home (and let them go) and be an example that way to the kids. It's good they know mom has convictions. My mom was an animal rights activist and vegetarian when I was young and she would tell us why we should boycott certain razor companies etc. She hated zoos and never took us to a circus. I respected her for it and learned a lot.