Daughter Won't Stop Drooling and Biting! Edited

Hi M. - a couple things could be happening: have you considered that she might be getting her next set of molars? It is very painful and can account for the drooling, hands in her mouth, etc. Molars coming in can also cause headaches and earache pain. I would be grouchy too.

The other simple explanation could be the "terrible 3s" - they are way worse than "t-2". My oldest was perfect angel until his 3rd b-day and then whining and tantrums started. You would be the best judge of that.

I would recommend talking with her doctor who might be able to observe and evaluate some of these behaviors.

If you live in Colorado, there is a state Dept. of Education program called Child Find. The office you call depends on the school district you are in. Here is a link to the info page for the Colo Dept of Education and for a directory so that you can locate the appropriate office to call. They offer free testing and subsequent treatment for kids who are having development problems in speech and behavioral areas -

http://www.cde.state.co.us/early/early.htm#childfind

http://www.cde.state.co.us/cdesped/download/pdf/CF_Direct...

Does she have her 2 year old molers? Mine is behaving very much the same way. He is a total pill as of late. I have been doing tylenol at nap time and motrin at bed time and other teething remedies during the day. That seems to be helping. Those molers are tough!!! I noticed the other day that the back of his mouth is really swolen around gums. Doctor confirmed on his checkup.

My little boy has something called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Sometimes it looks like autism, but it isn't. A book that can help you is called "The Out of Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Integration Dysfunction" by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A. Your daughter may very well not know how to tell you how she's feeling because of this. The book is very easy to read and you can know right away if your child may have this. It's something that usually doesn't need medication, but occupational therapy; and you may not even need a therapist for her because the book has ideas of how to help her. Check out the book and see if it is your daughter.

The spinning and flapping, lack of eye contact are a little concerning. These can be signs of autism or Asperger's syndrome. I would get her evaluated by a developmental ped ASAP.

Okay, it's entirely possible that she's doing everything she can to gain control of situations and not listen to you, but it's also possible that she may have some sort of a condition. I would try taking her to a doctor. While she may still be too young to be officially diagnosed, a doctor or specialist may examine her and find that she has symptoms of Asperberger's, or something else. The drooling, difficultly discplining, no eye contact, and arm flapping sounds very much like a kid that I know, and he needs all sort of special techniques. It's hard to even think that something may be wrong with our kids, but if you really are as desperate as you sound, then I would definitely try getting an expert opinion and help. Good luck.

OH GOODNESS! To hear you say you are almost giving up isn't good at all! That isn't what your daughter ever needs to hear or feel from you.

She is three, a time of strong wills, independence, confusion of growing up but wanting to be a baby too, inability to vocalize frustrations. She needs you to be there, she needs you to understand what is going on. Kids DO NOT wake up in the morning and decide to piss parents off. Behavior issues stem from hunger, not enough sleep, wrong nutritional intake, changes in the family (you just had a baby less then a year ago), to all sorts of reasons, but kids don't want to be bad or you to be angry.

I learned in therapy with my daughter that you CANNNOT control a child but you have to teach them to control themselves.

Does she make eye contact otherwise, if she is happy? Does she do the same things over and over again in play, does she socialize with other kids her age? Is she able to speak well?
My only concern would be having her evaluated for mild autism. I know that is a scary thought, but trying to determine if her behavior is typical three year old behavior or if something deeper is essential. Early intervention if it is something out of the norm can save her and you in the long run.

Both of my kids never had terrible twos, but lordy at three it was a nightmare. Even when my daughter turned five I finally had to call our Pediatrician to recommend a therapist, a play therapist because I was so beyond what to do with her and her bad behavior anymore. Finally we found a way to communicate, for me to understand her better, for me to lessen my stress and anger and us to work together. It was a long road but we got there. She had a lot of issues due to my divorce that I was so unaware of.

Consequences are essential, boundaries and establishing them are priority. You have to keep your cool, be consistent, be firm but loving. Sounds very hard but it can happen. I still lose my cool and AM NOT the perfect mom, but I know now to step back and figure out what is going on with my kids to understand how to get behavior back on track.

Maybe your daughter needs more one on one time with you or your hubby? I know my daughter adjusted to her brother coming when he was an infant but when he got mobile and more in need of eagle eyes is when it was hard for her to adjust to the lack of attention.

Find what works with her, losing a priveledge, losing dessert, taking a toy away,naps, something has to be important enough to bring the bargaining table. I would read as much as you can about autism though and if you have even the slightest concern, have her evaluated, you owe her that much.

Don't give up, we all have been there to one degree or the other. Nobody I know has perfectly well behaved children.
Try diet changes, more sleep, consequences to are working for you and all that. Just giving her a place to cool off and then go back and talk about what happened. Keeping them accountable for their actions is a tough lesson but so important.

Hi M.,
You are so funny. It is true atleast, you would have visitation on the weekends! Or he would and you would have a break. Ha-ha! Maybe, there is some ironic truth in your words. Why don't you ask him to take the baby and allow you to spend sometime with your oldest. I wish now that I had asked more of the girls daddy when they were babies. Of course your entire mommy existence will be filled with "maybe I should have did this or that differently". It is not an easy job. I too had a biter who was strong willed. But looking back she was smarter than both of us and was manipulating every situation and I did not even realize it until she was 5 years old! I guess if a puppy can train a human in two weeks it is not such a shock that a baby can manipulate her situation too. Don't leave her alone with the baby or any other children until she learns not to bite. I lost a babysitting job because she bit the neighbors little girl until she was bruised! Boy! was her mom mad at me! And I was mad at my little girl because I really needed that job. I think she is hearing your words too. What if you try telling her that you are not going to be fooled by her anymore that you know she can understand you and no more biting! She might not respond to your words but she is not deaf, just extremely intelligent and strong willed. Just decide on a list of things you are going to try to do differently with her, both possitive and negative in response to her biting. You have a smart little girl on yours hands and you are going to have to be smarter than she is. Which should be easy for you she got her intelligence from someone.
You will get through this don't worry. K. K.

M.,

I am sorry that you are so frustrated with your daughter right now! Leaving will only cause more damage, so please stick with it!
I would suggest adjusting her sleep schedule- she may not be getting enough sleep. Also, it sounds like she may be having reactions to foods. The preservatives, sugars and processed foods can cause so many problems with kids, and since she doesn't know how to respond to how she is feeling, she is acting out.
Can you visit a Natropath? I really believe that with some dietary and sleep changes, you will experience a whole new, pleasant kiddo! It is really worth looking in to.

Good luck! I hope that for you and your daughter (who no doubt does not like stressing you out like this!) find solutions that will bring peace and sanity into your home.
H.

I would take your daughter to a pediatric developmental specialist. She seems to have some possible characteristics that would fall into the autism spectrum. Some things to watch for are sudden regressions. Like unlearning something that she already knew. The hand flapping may be a self stimulating behavior that is a characteristic of aspergers syndrome. Or.... She's just really stressed and is acting out. You never know with kids. I recommend taking her to a pediatrician at least. I hope this helps. It may be a long road and I wish you much luck.

I didn't have time to read responses you had already. but does she communicate? Have you considered autism. autism can be very challenging to see in girls because generally, they can talk better. Jst a random thought.

I would take her to her doctor to out rule any medical reason for her doing these things. If every thing comes up fine, I would ask the doctor for ideas on dealing with her behavior. It would at least help you to feel that you are taking positive steps to solve the behavior.

First, I'm not a doctor and my advice is based on three things: biting, drooling, and lack of eye contact. These things by themselves may mean nothing but combined they sound a lot like the early signs of autism. It may be a very mild type and only your doctor can confirm but if this came out of know where (another autism sign) then I would definatley have her see a doctor.

this behavior warrants a doctor's appointment- explain to the nurses what she is doing and get professional advice ASAP

The behavior that you are describing sounds very serious, your child needs to be evaluated for a learning disablity, possibly even autism. It is also possible that she is suffering from a traumatic brain injury. Or it could be even that she has been abused and her symptoms are more emotional than mental. Please take your daughter to her doctor and ask for referals to other health professionals until you can find out what is wrong, it is SERIOUS, not just a simple disipline problem.

I would seriously get her to the doctor fast and have her evaluated. Her behavior sounds like autism. Good luck.