S.A.
Hi S., I have 2 kids, my daughter was a breeze-it's now that I have to seek parenting advice for her. However, my son...we called him the "terrible one"; he never waited to turn two, and go through tantrums, he did it immediately after birth. He is now 5 years old, and I still have moments! I read some of the other responses and a combination of most is what worked for me....
1. I cut out day time naps...instead I had quiet time activity (coloring, stories, etc). On the occasions, when I knew a nap was what my son needed, I laid down with him, and picked a movie that he liked, but wouldn't care about staying up to see (cause he'd seen it a million times already), then waited. The good thing was 9 out of 10 times we both slept...it was great!
2. 5 Second Rule. I changed bed time from 8:30 (which worked better when he was an infant) to 8:00 pm-the clock in his room is set faster so he really goes down at 7:45. (DON'T STAY IN THE ROOM-trust her to do the right thing, and work with her while she adjusts. Staying in the room says I want some company, so she stays up to keep Mommy company) Those 15 minutes, I don't stress out about the 20 excuses for not staying in bed (bathroom , water, hug, kiss, homework!). However, once 8:15 (his time) came, lights went off, blanket went up, and the 5 second rule started (if he got out, I gave him 5 seconds to get back in-or else...-count backwards from 5 to 1) You can use the countdown when your child is finished using the potty, and starts lingering in the hallways, etc....now they're playing.
3. Reward system. If he went to bed when asked, stayed in bed, then slept in his bed all night, we could do an activity he liked the next day. If he didn't, he lost an activity; but could get it back if he took a nap...either way, I feel like I get what I want.
4. Consistency. The hardest thing for me was tuning out the cries that came, when he did'nt get his way. The easiest thing was hugging myself once I did. If you don't remain consistent in whatever plan you choose, your daughter is going to walk all over you. Remember, you have a new baby coming (tantrums, are going to increase 10 fold); you have less than 3 months before that baby is going start mimicking what big sister does for attention in little ways, then exactly the same...You have to be prepared to show them both that you're the boss, and hide in the bathroom while tough love does it's magic.
5. Tough love. It doesn't mean no love, but the opposite, love them more (you just saved a lot of money on toys, candy, ice cream, and all the other stuff our kids make us by to avoid embarrassment). Don't forget, they are not embarrassing you, they are embarrassing themselves. If you start mimicking them, they would stop and look at you like you were crazy! I do it all the time, and the one thing I love is at first, my kids got mad at me for making fun of them, then they cracked up laughing...now they don't even bother, cause they KNOW I do not care what the mom in the corner is saying.
But, those same Moms are giving me a high five deep down, cause I didn't scream, yell, or hit...and my kids were laughing in the end.
Good Luck, and keep us posted.