Daughter's Reaction to Grandma's Discipline "Normal"?

Hi A.,
I would have a sit down talk with her. Involve your husband as well. I walked in on ANYONE screaming at my kids I would probably freak out. There is no reason why she should be screaming at your 2 year old daughter. Yes kids can be challenging at times but screaming isn't going to solve anything, it's just going to terrify the child. If the talk doesn't go well I would personally not let her alone with the kids. Not to mention I can't believe she has a FAVORITE grandchild. I would feel so bad for my child if the other was the favorite. It sounds so mean. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I do think you are right to question the reaction.
Chris

There are some people that just can't deal with certain personalitys... Or ages... Or sexes...

I would talk to her about it and ask her what the screaming was about... It could be nothing... Perhaps she was demonstrating to her how loud SHE was... Perhaps she was loosing her cool and needed a time out herself. You won't know until you talk to her. Perhaps telling her (if she was loosing her cool) how YOU would usually handle what ever situation it was... Or when you start to lose your cool that you leave the room etc...

You even say in your about me section that she is "challenging"... Is your MIL oldschool about kids are seen and not heard? Do as I say kind of thing?... Does your daughters personality fit in with that?

I would say that your daughters reaction probibly had nothing to do with a couple of weeks ago... It would have come out sooner...

I have 3 kids and at times (tired, sick, hungry, grumpy etc) they can have the same over reaction to repremand. Maybe she always does that with grandma because she's figured out grandmas weakness for the hiccup cry, or maybe YOUR weakness for it... And really if they arn't disciplined very often by someone then when that person does repremand them, the reaction tends to be bigger...

Ask hubby if he remembers his mom yelling at him or any siblings... Talk to the MIL about it... And if she says she can only handle one at a time don't force her to take both.
We have 3 kids and they LOVE their one on one time with grandma and grandpa... Just make sure that there is a rotation and it does not skip...

I think your MIL was completely out of line to scream at your daughter in that way, especially over something as trivial as a puzzle piece. I completely support your keeping them separated for a while, and I'd even keep Nick away as well. Just because he's her "favorite" (which, by the way, is ridiculous) doesn't mean she won't snap at him like that one day. If she questions it, tell her that after you witnessed what you did, you felt some time apart would be beneficial. Ask her how often that happens so you can space out their visits accordingly, and make sure she knows it's unacceptable for her to do that.

As for your daughter's reaction - I would say it's telling. I would be pretty terrified of my grandmother if she yelled at me like that. She's only 2 years old, for god's sake! How ridiculous.

If I were you, I would STOP all overnight visits for BOTH kids immediately. I would sit down with her and your husband and confront her. It doens't have to be nasty...but ask her exactly what happened. That seems like a completly harsh punishment for dropping or knocking puzzle pieces on the floor. I think more of a pick it up and don't do it again is sufficient.

They are your children. YOu have the right (and the obligation) to know all that goes on with them. Don't be embarrassed to ask and don't feel that it isn't your place, or non of your business.

Hi A.,

First I would talk to your MIL about what you walked in on when she was watching the kids. She shouldn't be screaming at either of your kids in that manner, period. And the fact that she has made it known that she favors one child over the other should cause some concern also, that's not typical of a grandparent.

Then she's at your house and does something in my opinion much worse that she should be getting a scolding for and reacts calmly..... huuummmm.... Seems your MIL knows she got caught and is trying to show you that she isn't freaking out. Maybe she just can't handle both of the kids at the same time, she doesn't have the patience anymore... Heck, I have a 6 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl and I sometimes don't have any patience!!

But what she did to your daughter at her young age is wrong and I would not trust her again until you talk to her. See how she reacts to you confronting her and then decide from there if you leave her there without someone else.

Just curious, what does your husband say? Maybe he should talk to his mother. But then again, that would make things awkward between you and the MIL, since you are the one who walked in on her treating your daughter poorly.
I look forward to your follow-up. I hope things go smoothly, good luck!
J. in Macomb.