Daughter Not Eating at School

I won't make to big of a deal about it, I had the same
issue with 6 of my kids at one age or another. They will eat if they are hungry ad forcing them or telling them they have to, will really make matters worse. (speaking as a teen who was forced to eat and became anorexic). An easy solution would be to have her give you some ideas on snacks she may want to bring in, just in case she may get a little
hungry. That is what worked for my children - they are al so different though ;-)

You don't mention how old your daughter is, so my answer may be way off the mark. But my daughter who is in first grade was coming home without her lunch being eaten. Kept saying she wasn't hungry. Finally we discovered that the real problem was that the lunch lady was horribly mean (and I know that from past history with my other daughter to be absolutely true) and was making children cry. She'd started a rule that if you don't finish your lunch you can't go out to recess. So my daughter just wouldn't open her lunchbox or even start her lunch, so no one would see that she hadn't finished. My daughter lost a lot of weight, so we talked to the school and resolved the situation. When I mentioned to my sister-in-law, it turned out my 10 year old niece had the same problem in 4th grade. The lunchladies were also mean and had the same rule - she also stopped eating. So - all I'm saying is - check if there is a positive environment in the lunchroom or some other reason that might be causing her to not eat.

You didn't say how old she is but it sounds like her friends may be influencing her to not eat lunch as well (not necessarily directly but if they're not eating, she probably wouldn't want to be the only one chowing down). Anorexia is a definite concern so be sure to speak with her and try to figure out her views on anorexia, nutrition, body image, etc. so you can better address what the real issue is. If she's telling the truth is in all honesty just not hungry, perhaps you could give her healthy snacks she can munch on throughout the day.

Like the others have said, you don't mention how old your daughter is, and that is certainly a consideration. Is it just eating at school that is the issue, or are you noticing other eating relating problems as well? What were the guidance counselor's thoughts? I don't want to scare you, as it may be just a phase or a way to fit it, but eating disorders are real and are very common among young girls, and with especially young girls they can be "influenced" by their peers. Eating disorders can start off very quietly, can do undetected for a long time before coming to light. Again, I don't want to alarm you and I obviously don't know your daughter or her situation enough to tell you that's what is going on, it may very well not be. But as the mother of a girl with an eating disorder, who began by skipping lunch at school, I would encourage you to get information about the "warning signs". A wonderful resource is www.nationaleatingdisorders.org. Good luck!

My niece did the same thing. After trying not to make a big deal out of it, it came out a little later (and after a few MONTHS of this happening) that she thought she was fat, and didn't want to eat because of that. FAT is about the farthest thing from the truth with this girl, she is a bean pole, but in her group of three other girls, two are on the chunky side, so it may have been in solidarity with those two, not that that makes it right either. What's funny is she would come to my house after school and literally scarf everything in sight, she was so hungry! It was pretty much just a phase, as she is eating again at school and I don't think anything the school, her mom or I told her that made a dent in her thinking; I think she just got tired of being hungry.

Is it possibly the food is just not that appealing? Try home lunches, or if that is a no-go for whatever reason, pack a snack in her school bag; a breakfast bar, raisins, a banana, or something, and explain that even if she is not hungry for lunch, it is important for her brain to get food at lunchtime so she can continue to learn in the afternoon.

My own daughter is not a breakfast person, and would really prefer NOT to eat in the morning, but after waging war over it--you have to have SOMETHING--the fuel for the brain conversation worked, and she now grabs herself something small every morning as part of her routine, usually half a banana and milk, or a granola bar and a few sips of OJ.

Good luck!

You didn't say how old she is, that will make a difference in response to your question.

How old is your daughter? I started doing something similar from about 6 grade until I graduated high school. I know it's awful to say but I just hated eating in front of people. I never wanted to bring a lunch from home because it wasn't "cool" to do that and I never wanted to buy lunch because I felt funny if people saw me eating. I was very thin like right around 110 lbs maybe a little less. It is unhealthy but that's just what i did. I guess it's a hard thing to handle. Maybe talk to her a little more about it. Ask her besides her friends not eating why doesn't she want to eat lunch? I mean I'm fine, still thin 109 lbs and I'm 27 years old, have had 2 kids but I'm a very healthy person. So this doesn't mean she is going to have health issues and it might just be a phase she grows out of. I would just keep an eye on her. Watch her eating habits at home etc.

First I would want to try to figure out why she isn't eating? You don't say how old she is but maybe you could buy her some healthy snacks to take to school with her so she has access to them, granola bars, carrots...something she likes that is also nutritious? Is it the school lunches? I personally never liked and rarely did eat my school lunches, I just thought they were so gross, they cook them in huge vats, and it just didn't seem appetizing at all and then they were served on the same lunch trays that hundreds of people used..just icky, I thought. I didn't eat all the way till Jr.High, when they started offering other "things" you could buy like pretzels and such. I did eat a good breakfast and always had a snack after school.

Hopefully it is something like this and not that she is feeling peer pressure from other girls at school to be thin, or what not...nobody wants their children to have issues with food.

I don't think one nutritional lecture is going to win over tons of peer pressure if that is the case. I would suggest practicing what you preach and letting her into your food choices. Explain to her why you are serving what you do for dinner and breakfast and maybe providing quality snacks for after school. It is probably a phase and I wouldn't worry a lot unless she stops eating at home. Best of luck to you, Nat.

Not really sure how to answer that one. I had trouble eating lunch at school as a teenager. 1.) Couldn't stand the site and smell of gross greasy cafeteria food...still can't 2.) Didn't like stuff out of my lunch box b/c it wasn't super cold and I'm not a big sandwich eater. So, my lunches from 5 grade up consisted of a bag of chips, package of starbursts, rice krispy treat, a container of pudding or fruit bowl. Horrible, I know. But my mom always made a wonderful huge homemade breakfast consisting of eggs, or biscuits, or oatmeal, or pancakes..etc. I always ate. Then I would eat a snack after school and once again my mom would make a nice hot homemade dinner and I would eat it. So, although I wasn't eating the best lunch, I was getting enough food at home. I would find out why she isn't eating at school...make sure it is not because of her friends and at least make sure she gets plenty at home.

my oldest doesn't like to eat lunch and he will rush through it or not eat because it cuts down on recess time. Find out if your school is the same way. Our school is once they are done they can go out to play they have teachers outside so the kids don't have to wait for the entire class to finish. If she is anything like my son he'd rather be playing the sitting down eating.

I was scared because i always like to have someone Walk me through new things and I couldn't get anyone to go through the cafetria line with me in HS so i never ate either.

Depending on the school and grade, Is she eating a "morning snack" at school? I help in a kindg room and the kids are offered snacks from 9 am -11 they can eat if they want or not well on the day s that they are offered pudding or bags of cookies they sure do eat it, even if it's at 10:45 and lunch is at 11:30