Daughter Doesn't Want to Wear Dresses Anymore; Wants to Be a Boy like Tarzan

Let her dress up as a boy if that's what she wants! You might be able to compromise on the hair and ask if a ponytail would be okay or let it be long like Tarzan? It's okay for her to be interested in "boy" activities and if she's usually had "girl" toys around, maybe she's just exploring things that are new to her!

If there are times when it really matters what she wears (such as Easter, a family gathering, etc.) then maybe mark it on the calendar and let her know that you are chosing what she wears for the event that day. She can see that it's coming and prepare herself. She might even be willing to do a "6 days you pick, 1 day I pick" thing. You could give her stickers to put on the calendar for the days she chooses what she wears to help her see it. She's probably too young to reason really, but she can understand and visual aides are probably right up her alley!

I don't know if this helps, it might just be an opinion, but... for what it's worth. I've not been there -- I do have a five year old boy who, when he was 3 & 1/2 (& I was pregnant, which he was in love with) he wanted to "grow up to be a mommy", felt upset that he never had the choice if he'd be a girl or not, etc. it wasn't something that upset him terribly, or anything that he wanted to change about himself, and he grew out of it. But my plan was always to just ride with it. (within limits actually). I've heard countless stories about kids who go through these stages; a boy who wanted high heels, a girl who wanted a boy's haircut, etc., a boy who loved Barbies... and in the cases I'd heard of, the parents just went with it (respected it), and it just turned out to be a phase, and something that did not persist until much later. I guess you could look at it this way, get her that boy haircut now, before she's a rebellious teenager and goes for Sinead!

Personally, I think they are just trying to identify with something that they aren't (I remember wanting to pee standing up when I was a kid, because all my friends were boys, I just wanted to do something they could do). And once they are around it, they experience it, and understand it.. I hope this makes sense. My son, also would want to do things i did, paint his nails; picked out hot pink, etc. At the same time, his new best friend was a girl. Shortly after he started hanging out with her, (and our baby was born) his fascination with wanting to do mommy / feminine things wore off.

Do push it, and it might blow over. If you push it, it will become a power battle. My daughter wanted to do everything her older brother did, but in a lacy dress, then as soon as it was dirty, she would come in, demand a change and then go out and play in the mud or climb a tree. The laundry was incredible.

Sigh. I long for those days. Ever since she was in elementary school she has stopped wearing dresses.

You don't say what gender your older child is. If she has an older brother it maybe that she wants to join in with the guys. That life is more fun with them than it is by herself with the dolls, etc. Or, if she has an older sister that is approaching that age of where she doesn't want to share her things or doesn't like having a little sister underfoot, your youngest is just carving out her own niche. There's no reason to be concerned. Ask her why she wants a short haircut. Maybe she's tired of the snarls and tangles. You could compromise, somewhere in-between for the length. Dresses for girls at school are impractical anymore. For all the playground activities and floor time that many spend in class, pants work best. My daughter always wore tights with her dresses, when she wore them because her legs were cold. She's the oldest of three, had her doll house, Barbies, American girl dolls, etc.... but she still liked playing with her younger brothers' legos, trucks, cars, tools, etc. In short, everything in our house has been a shared experience. Her brothers didn't play with her dolls, but the did get into setting up her doll house (Playmobile) and loved to play with her. To be honest, Tarzan is far more interesting than Jane. Let her be who she wants to be, play with the things that allow her imagination to grow in a multitude of directions. If you have concerns about her orientation and express them too loudly, then she's going to pick up on it, that you don't like who she is... and I don't believe that's what you want to convey to her. Regardless of her orientation she's your daughter, she's no different today than the day you delivered her. She's yours, precious in every way. Enjoy her. Let her take you on this journey that's her life.

Don't worry! Being Tarzan has nothing to do with what he looks like. It is about what he can do! She wants to be the confident brave adventous person, not the scared timid person. At this age, the actual sex of the person means very little to a child.
My daughter loves to wear dresses. However, she would prefer to make mud pies and "shoot" people sometimes. Sometimes she wants to make forts and be the "bad guy"... but in a dress.
Just go with the flow... However, when it comes to cutting hair. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. But it does grow back. Offer to put it in a ponytail or something. Tarzan has pretty long hair as I recall. You never know what their motivation might be.

Remember that children do not see the "sex" of a person right now.. Like they don't see the "color" of a person. They know boy/girl. But it doesn't mean more to them than that's a cat and that's a dog.
Some phases last longer than others. Be patient.

Personally, I would rather have a girly tomboy. :)

Oh, bless her heart -- I promise - this, too will likely pass. I really enouraage you to take a page out of an hysterically funny book ( How to Raise Perfect Children) -- by ''Miss Manners'' which has more really solid advice than I expected-- and really child- friendly-. Here's the advice regarding clothes - SHE gets to decide what she wears for playing and every -day messing around ( with guidance from you regarding school) but YOU decide absolutely what she wears for '''' state occasions''- church, family parties- holidays--- and of course you will offer her as many choices even for those occasions as your budget allows- but there are times when Tarzan has to bow to custom, too---.

Blessings,
J.
aka- old Mom

She's 5 years old! Let her pretend to be whomever she wants. This is not something to get all worked up about. I'm sorry if you like seeing her in dresses, but that is your thing. She is just being a kid and experiementing and finding out who she is. The more you try to get her to be girly, the more she may rebel against it. Let it go and just love her for who she is right now!

Hi E.,

the best advice I could give you is to let her be what she wants to be. There's really not much you can do, and it is not worth a power struggle.

My daughter was heavily into the "only dresses" "everything must be pink" Barbie-phase, which was very strange to me, because I'm the jeans & tennis shoe type. And then, suddenly, when she turned around 6 or 7, she was done with it. Now she's a teenager, would like to paint her room black (which we won't let her), wears skinny jeans and hoodies only. Go figure. She still a great kid with the same character, sense of humor, and creativity.

Enjoy her! I personally would rather be Tarzan than Jane too - Tarzan is the one who is a movie star and has books written about him, not Jane :-).

Best,
S.

Hello E.,

I too have a little 5 (almost 6) year old little Tom Boy. She would rather be in stretching pants then a dress - in fact just today I made her wear a dress only because I didn't have any clean socks for her and only had tights. She then gave me the information that she can't run in dresses very well and asked if she could change as soon as she gets home from school. She still like pink and all - and if we pull out the nail polish, she goes crazy painting everyone's nails. She has told me on more then one occassion that she never wants to be a princess and doesn't like princesses. She loves mud and dogs. I myself am a jeans and tennis shoes girl, I think we are related. She does look adorable in dresses and I do love it when she wears them. I just don't expect her to wear them all her life. Heck - our wedding song is "Forever in Blue Jean".

Positively,
M.

SAHM to a doggie girl and married to her dad for 16 years.

I think you are funny. There is no reason to worry - my daughter refuses to wear dresses - when we put one on from Auntie she just cried hysterically. She also doesn't wear jeans - but she'll wear skirts - but not some colors and must be coordinated to the 9s either all colors - or all polka dots - or all one thing that doesn't match.

So don't worry - really I'd rather be Tarzan than Jane - what does Jane do? Tarzan has all the fun!

As far as hair - short hair cuts are so much easier to take care of!

I'm not sure I'd worry about your daughter losing an interest in wearing dresses. Since she is so adorable and cute she must look fantastic in whatever she wears. I know my daughter is going to also prefer pants someday and I'll miss seeing her cute figure in dresses. I know that I have friends who have girls (starting at about age 10 and going through age 16) that refused to wear dresses. Now, they wear both...

Lastly, with regard to boy heros..In the old versions of Tarzan, Tarzan gets all the glory and Jane is subserviant to the adventures of Tarzan. If the versions of Tarzan today have this same distinction, I'm not surprised that she'd rather be Tarzan. He's got all these impresseive abilities and gets to engage in the adventure, excitement and fun.

Good luck!

Again, we are really big on telling our girls that they can do anything boys can do - but can boys do what girls do? Why the separation of activities. We all know in the end only girls can have babies and you need boys to start that process - other than that - who cares?

There are alot of single dads out there now taking care of sons and daughters just fine - 20 years ago that was nearly unheard of. Also alot of single moms out there taking care of sons and daughters - gender does not denote caring or capability in being a parent - clothes and hair should not denote gender too. If she wants to be Tarzan, hang with her brothers wear pants ..... so what. As long as the brother that wants to hang with their sisters and be Jane - its just a name. Maybe boys who play with girls will be better boyfriends/husbands & dads! A little "cross cultural" understanding can go along way.