Daughter Does NOT Sleep!!

First off... you're completely right and sane to feel like you're feeling (as contradictory as that sounds)... because sleep dep makes us crazy (hallucinations, paranoia, loss of cognition, blunted or hair triggered reflexes, mood swings, the lis goes on). So you need a quick fix, Right Now.

Unfortunately there is no quick fix for your daughter's sleep, so you need a quick fix for YOURS. You need a bare minimum of 2 nights worth of sleep, and 3 would be preferable. It's time to rent a hotel room, or crash at a friend's/family member's house for a few nights. Failing either, a room/couch/somewhere in your house where you can lay down and stay there uninterrupted except for bathroom trips. THEN, after you've gotten your mind/sanity back, THEN start working out some long term solutions.

Your DH is probably feeling it as well, but your pregnancy is making things waaaaay worse, because of all of the energy that is being drained from you for growing your baby. So go get some real, honest to god sleep, get healthy, and then start working on long term solutions.

((One thing DH and I did as a long term sustainable solution was to trade weekend days/nights. One night a week I got to go to bed and sleep myself out. Ditto for him. In the beginning when I was a wreck that was sometimes 12 hours, pee, 4 more hours. Creating the night/day of absolute sleep sancity was HUGE for us, and me in particular. Even during a week from hail, I knew I had a night coming to me and I could hold on. Later we ended up loving our "days" so much, we changed schedules around (like working 4 10hr shifts, so that we had 3 day weekends. My day, His day, & Family day.))

Okay, this is not going to be a popular opinion, but I have been in a desperate situation myself and did the following with the approval of our pediatrician: give her Benadryl (probably 3/4 tsp, but you could check with her doctor) to help establish some kind of sleeping routine (although, test to make sure it makes her sleep it makes a small percent of kids pretty hyper). Honestly, when I get sleep deprived I find it more and more difficult to sleep (and I think my son is the same). When I haven't slept in a few days I take Benadryl myself to get to sleep. Anyway, not always a popular solution, but one that may work for you. I feel for you--our sleep "issues" lasted only really for about six months, but they were hell. I'm not sure how I could have done it for 2 years--especially while pregnant.

Unfortunately, I have no solution for you; I was going to suggest the same thing that Riley did. Go to a hotel and sleep for 2 days. Then, switch on and off with your husband.
However, I do want to tell you that you're not alone - I went through the same exact thing with my daughter. She eventually started sleeping for 3-4 hours at a shot (when she was 3), and now can sleep for 12 hours a night (at age 8). In fact, I've found that now that she's older, she needs more sleep than other children her age.
Hang in there, you will get through this.

You need your life back! Please read On Becoming Babywise. It's not a long book--there is a chapter specifically for parents with toddlers who haven't started this sleeping/feeding method from the beginning. I would recommend reading the intro and first chapter along with the toddler chapter first so you can get going. This will make ALL the difference. Perhaps you can use this method to help you with your new bundle of joy as well. Best wishes to you and your family!

I really feel for you. What if you put a blow-up bed on your daughter's floor & you sleep on that & she sleep in her crib. Maybe this will help her transition. If she gets up & lies by you, you can just put her back w/out having a long walk down the hallway, so you could more easily stay in a sleepy state. I do think she needs to be in her bed sleeping fairly well b/4 your 2nd child is born, but of course that's easier said than done. Maybe going from sleeping on you to sleeping in her room alone is too much of a drastic change for her. I do recommend staying at a hotel for a couple nights while dad or grandma/pa handles your child for those nights.

Review your bedtime routine. Stick to your guns about her having her own bed. Have a special toy reserved just for bedtime.
Why does it take so long for her to eat?
Have you pinpointed any one reason why she shouldn't be able to sleep?
If your pediatrician is not listening to your concerns, then get a second opinion.
At 8 months pregnant, you must be pretty tired. When the baby arrives you will be even more tired if you don't get this sleep issue taken care of.

1 - 2 hours to eat? That is too long. My kids get 30m to eat their main meals. After that they get to snack on stuff in the living room/bedrooms.

For the sleeping issue: I would try to move her bed back into your room. Take the first step of trying to get her to 1. stay asleep for longer than an hour, 2. stay on her mattress. I would also talk to her Pediatrician about getting a sleep study. There may be an underlying issue.

M.

I find Mothering.com a life saver. This is the website for the wonderful Mothering magazine that speaks to a more holistic way of parenting. We also co-sleep and are woken many times a night as are many of the moms on the forums at Mothering.com. Go there to get some support and know that you are not alone and you and your children will survive!!

She needs her own room and she needs to sleep. For the love of Pete, get her OUT of your bedroom before you bring an infant into the same room. And I'd second the recommendations about cutting her meals short-- no one that age needs to eat for two hours. Soon you won't be able to indulge that kind of behavior even if you want to and she needs to get used to it. Good luck.

Buy a copy of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Not only has this book changed my life but it's helped a lot of my friends. It will help you with your 2 year old and your newborn as well. I myself have a son who is 2 years 4 months and I'm 7 months pregnant so I know how important sleep is for everyone. Please get a copy of this book, it's wonderful! Good luck. :)

last resort..put a lock on the outside of her bedroom door for a week and do not go to her when she cries..let her CIO..make sure her room is super dark with blackout curtains and sound machine so she doesn't get woken up by noises..and just do NOT go to her when she cries..i had to do that when my son was almost 3..i was going to LOSE my mind....i put a lock on that is a slider lock..i made it so if there was an emergency and if he really shook the door he could get out..after about a week he quit trying...then i stopped locking it..then he started up a couple months later..so i had to do it again..now he sleeps in my bed with me..he's almost 4...i'm a single mom..i put a long body pillow between us and i tell him he can't cross over b/c he kicks me all night and mommy doesn't like to get kicked in the face and the tummy...then in the morning we snuggle..he says.."i'm gonna snuggle u up mommy"
so either try the lock or the long body pillow and don't let her climb over be firm..its already hard enough to sleep when you're pregs..or have your hubby sleep in the room with her and u sleep by yourself for the next few months.. i hope u get sleep..i think lack of sleep makes people so depressed and stressed out..
good luck!

dd

Sounds like you are going through what all us parents, especially mothers, go through at some pointwith our children. We all hit a breaking point with out kids as to what we can tolerate when it comes to sleeping. I spend many a phone conversation with girlfriends over sleep issues and it when we crack that we get serious.
You have to understand that your daughter will survive and thrive if she gets a better sleep, just as you will. After 2 years you have now concluded that cosleeping is not offering the sleep that is needed to live a healthy life. You now have to retrain your family on what it means to sleep. You and your daughter need to gain the confidence that you and her will survive the night without each other. We all go through this transition at some point, whether we cosleep or not.
Not every child will sleep through the night, but what you are going through is extreme. One waking a night is average for a 2 year old, but every hour or so, even 3-4 hours. Ouch.
Take all the advice you can get and try everything. You need sleep. Though truth be told, you are going to get no sleep in a month. I write this at 2am, because I can't sleep after feeding my two month old baby. These first years are rough. You are not alone.

Hi R.,

Boy do I feel your pain! In fact, I posted a very similar question last Friday and got some tremendous feedback. It was labeled "HELP! Toddler extremely clingy". You might want to search for it, and read the replies since there was some great suggestions for sleep trainging there.

That day, I went out and bought the book "the sleep easy solution" - http://www.sleepyplanet.com/products/

Although I haven't read the book in its entirety yet, the authors do offer some suggestinos in the introduction on how to "speed up" the training so you can see some immediate results. Basically they say you can read chapters 2 & 3 and start your training, and then go back and read the rest. Well, my husband and I started that this weekend, and its been 3 nights so far. Although my son still has some ways to go, he has made some great progress this weekend.

You might run out and get that book. Its a fast read, and written with the thought that the readers who are reading the book are incredibly exhausted and sleep deprived.

Good luck! And, if you want another mom to get through it with, email me...we can chat about our progress online and help support each other?

All the best,
R.

Ugh, I feel your pain, though I'm not living that situation anymore! My oldest liked to wake up during the night and we mostly co-slept until a few months before our 2nd daughter was born when my oldest was 4.

I think it's important to know what your daughter's day is like, what she herself is like, her napping and other sleep habits, what her bedtime routine is, etc. When you co-slept, what happened when she awakened during the night? Was she up and ready to play? Did she want you to interact with her? Did she just toss and turn? Have you tried a nightlight? Instead of a family bed and your daughter sleeping in her own room - could you lay a mattress on the floor in your room by your bed?

I read a similar question awhile ago on another site and the M. had taken her son to a sleep center and her son was diagnosed with a mild sleep-related breathing disorder, to her and the pediatrician's surprise. Just a thought.

Hope you get more answers - not a fun time for you, I'm sure!

this isnt a response to the sleep issue, although I really recommend the Baby Whisperer, she has a book for toddlers and I believe it deals with sleep issues as well. Also, it seems you have a feeding problem. She should NOT take 1-2 hours to eat at 2 years. Something that might help is setting a timer. Get one of the ones that buzzes loud and set it for 30 minutes. Tell her when it buzzes, no more eating, the food goes in the garbage disposal. It only took 2 meals of this before my dd would eat with the fam. Good luck!!

This going to sound harsh but you need to make some changes and make them NOW...before your baby is born. I actually hired a sleep specialist to come and help me with my second when he was only 6 months old because he was waking up 7 times a night and I was losing my mind. Within 3 nights, he was sleeping through the night. YOu absolutely have to get tough and you can't feel bad for your daughter. Sleep is the number one most important thing they need to grow and develop normally. You are depriving her of that and believe me sleep is a "learned" behavior just like they learn to do everything else. We teach our children how to sleep and you have taught her to wake up so she does. My son was 6 months old at the time and I realize your daughter is older now but I did question the specialist about how to handle older kids because I had friends in similar situations. Number one: you need to get her out of your room. She needs to be separated from you and have her independence while she sleeps. Being close to you is not helping her sleep, it is only hurting her. Since you don't have her in a crib (which I would do if possible) you will need to keep her in her bedroom at night. The best thing to do is put a baby gate in her doorway or 2(stacked on top of each other) if you think she will climb over just 1. Start a very regular bedtime routine and then stick to it. Wind her down and then put her to bed. She will cry and cry but you absolutely cannot go into her. She needs to understand that it is bedtime and that Mommy and Daddy are going to be sleeping in Our room and that she sleeps in her room. No matter how many times she wakes up in the night, do not go to her. She has simply "learned" to wake up. She can also "learn" to sleep. I will admit that it will seem like you are torturing her, but trust me, I paid a lot of money to learn how to teach my baby to sleep. I was a totally different person once he slept through the night. And if you don't think you can handle the crying...just think of how miserable you are going to be in a month when you have 2 babies to care for. I am not trying to freak you out, but going from 1 to 2 children is a MAJOR life change in itself and without the sleep and strength to deal with those 2 children, you will snap!!! I guarantee it. Do your daughter and yourself a favor and take charge. She will thank you by waking up every morning with a big happy grin because she got the sleep her little body needs and craves. Good luck :)