Daughter Being Bullied by Bigger Boy in Private School

You need to go the the principal, the director, the owners, and be very loud until something is done. No kid should be saying he is going to shoot people. Threats like that would get kids expelled, at many public schools, so why this private school isn't doing anything is kind of shocking.

Bypass the teacher who doesn't seem to be much help. Go to the principal. If things don't get better, then the school board or diocese or whatever the governing board is.

You've talked to the teacher and nothing has happened. Have you talked to the principal? Do you know any of the other parents who are complaining? Can you all to in together?

The fact that you can't speak to the heads of the school and you fear it will be worse for your daughter ...???????? Are you kidding? The boy threatened to shoot you and your daughter......you involve whoever you need to, police included. You address the principle, owners, directors, teachers in triplicate or otherwise. EVERYTHING is about documentation. Document all incidences, threats, physical violence. Begin the process with a letter, physically delivered to the above mentioned 3, explaining the situation in detail. Your letter will close by saying: if these matters are not addressed, I will file a report with the police, and should anything happen to my daughter, I will hold you and this school liable.
Perhaps since there are more of you that have complaints you can take names of those people and include them in your letter.Good Luck!

When shooting is mentioned, that is no small thing. I say give the police (non-emergency line) a call, tell them your story, and ask them the correct procedure. This should not be taken lightly by the school if it has been going on this long. Good luck.

ADD: Ditto what Missy said about this leading to help for the child. If the parents are in denial about how serious his behavior is, forcing the issue when it has gone beyond bratty to potentially dangerous may get him the help he needs. Sometimes bullies are just a-holes, BUT sometimes they are troubled kids that need intervention by professionals.

In light of the fact that he has made a death threat against yourself and your child, I would call the non-emergency number of your local police department and file a complaint. Threats of shooting should never be ignored and the school should have acted on that one immediately. Since this child is still in school and in your daughter's class, the school has dropped the ball big-time and it's time someone takes his threats seriously. Don't think of this as getting him in trouble with the police, think of it as forcing the school and the parents to get this child the help he desperately needs. Good luck!

When my mother got nowhere with my Catholic school in regards to the bullies who were harassing me, she pulled me out of that school. This boy has now threatened her life and yours, why are you waiting to notify the school? Call them tomorrow and set up a meeting. Tell them you will pull your child out and enroll her somewhere else unless this is taken care of. Private schools have way more influence in who goes and who stays than a public school, use that to your advantage.

I don't know why you feel this will make things worse for your daughter. The director of the school needs to know he is a disruption and is hurting your daughter. As well, a threat and you are worried. Pick up the phone.

What will help the school best deal with this is if you will not only to go and speak with the teacher and the Principal, but to also take a written letter stating the conversations you are having with your child.

Make sure they are through email to the teacher, cc'd to the Principal.

This way they have the documentation to show that parents are reporting this.

Make sure you include that you want to know how this was handled.

We had a situation like this at our daughters public middle school. This boy was from a highly regarded family, but their son had emotional problems.

IF a student or parent reported these situations, the Principal had them sit down and write it out.

This was the only way the Principal was able to call CPS and show them, that the parents were not dealing with their son that s obviously had an emotional problem. This boy apparently all through elementary school had shown signs of being disturbed, but the parents were in denial (he had actually been kicked out of private schools).

Your daughter should never have to put up with being threatened. NEVER..

File a police report --- that will get everybody's attention.

I would also get in touch with as many parents as possible. Circulate a petition to have this boy removed from the school or all of your children will be removed and you expect your tutition payment to be reembursed. Nothing talks louder than money.

You pay for the priviledge to be there. They may not miss the tutition form one or two kids but 10 or 20 will speak volumes.

If none of that works contact a reporter, TV or newspaper, and ask a story be done on the lack of displine at this school. The school will not want the bad publicity.

You need to make this into the BIG deal that it is and head straight into the principal tomorrow. Because the thing is he probably 'does' have access to a gun and it doesn't sound like your school would be able to stop him if he decided to bring it in one day and make good on his threat. You DO have to worry about this. If the school won't take you seriously go to the police. If this were our distict the child would be suspended-even if it were a first grader. There is a zero tolerance policy for this kind of thing

" I have thought about e-mailing the owner or the directors but I'm afraid that will make things worse for my daughter."

Your own words.

If your child is attending a school where you feel so -- afraid? Ignored? Powerless? -- that you would say this, then you need to find another school. Truly. If talking to the adults who are in CHARGE of this school would somehow make things worse for your child, there is a much bigger issue here: The school is being run very badly.

That issue aside: The mere mention of the word "shooting" would, in most any public school today, bring about the instant removal of that student until the comment could be investigate and, possibly, the child gotten into some form of serious help. Have you told the principal and teacher and counselor -- all three in one meeting, not just one or the other -- exactly what this boy said? Word for word as your daughter related it? I would tell them immediately and inform them that in most schools any such threat -- however impossible it seems, however much the attitude is "he doesn't mean it for real" -- would STILL mean the child would be dealt with the very same day.

Being compassionate toward a clearly troubled child does not mean being dumb about safety.

Sadly, the boy probably needs therapy and other interventions. It sounds as if he has emotional, developmental or mental issues that need help. He's more to be pitied than feared, but your child's safety comes first. If the school is telling you that "It's only words, your child is safe," tell them that your child's mental state is not safe; she is afraid, and no child should be told that it's OK or normal to go to school in fear.

If you know other parents who have had issues with this boy, I suggest you all go, together, to the principal and teacher and say that your children are in fear. Let them know that as parents, you DO feel for the boy, and you do understand he may have issues that are beyond his control and call for help and compassion. But your own children are fearful, and that matters too, and you need for some specific interventions to take place so that this stops and both he and those he is bullying are able to learn in a safe environment.If you must, threaten them with this: It's a private school, and you can take your private school tuition dollars and walk away to somewhere else.

A boy in my daughter's class in first grade had some issues with this kind of talk and with shoving girls and hitting boys etc. (though he was not older or bigger than other kids). The intervention was swift and firm at school. His desk was moved so it was touching -- not next to, but actually touching -- the teacher's desk. He spent part of each day doing classwork at a table inside the principal's office, not as a punishment for any specific behaviors but as a matter of course in his school day. He was closely monitored by teachers when in gym or at recess. Problem? Instant removal, no appeals, off to the principal's office to do classwork. It took a team -- his classroom teacher (who was very experienced), the principal, the vice principal (who sort of oversaw him in general), the school counselor (who intervened with his parents) and the teachers of gym etc. -- to nip this in the bud. He quickly learned he could not behave in certain ways or he would be instantly removed from everything and thrust into the principal's office for ALL of the day. Very importantly, he also got counseling and other forms of help with his aggression issues.

So it takes a lot of work. Is your school willing to do it? Are the boy's parents? Are other parents willing to work with you to impress on the school that this is not something that can be tolerated, whether or not the parents of this boy say they'll sue?

If you didn't tell them EXACTLY what he said to your daughter you need to. As others said, at this point, don't worry about making things "worse" for your daughter. When I was at a Catholic school in the 2nd grade, a student got expelled for bringing an EMPTY shotgun casing to school. You need to make sure they are at least aware of how bad things are.

ETA: By "them" I mean the principal if you haven't gone to him/her yet or the next step above that if necessary.

If you don't call the principal each and every time something happens, begin to do that now. The principal can only do something more than send notes home when the severity of the problem is documented.

I suggest that the police will be unable to do anything at this point but that you document by writing everything down including dates so that they can see a pattern of threats. The police are likely to tell you first to work with the school (ie principal). Ask the police to write a report for documentation.

How would writing to the owner/directors make things worse for your daughter? Is this not a professional school that handles reports in a professional manner? If not. why would you want your daughter to go there?

I suggest that the reason the school has not stopped this is that this type of situation feels nebulous with no obvious clear cut way of handling it. I doubt that the parents are buying their way out of compliance. It is understandable that the school would want to help the parents deal with a difficult child.

I would ask the principal what specific things have been done thus far. Let him/her know how seriously you are feeling about his issue. Let him know that if the school is unable to stop this behavior you will be calling the police/removing your child from their school.

You need to do whatever it takes to protect your daughter. She is counting on you to protect her no matter what. No amount of fear on your part should stop you from going to the principal immediately and threaten to call the police and the newspaper. Tell them you are afraid for your daughter's life. They will be forced to act once they see that you are taking the death threat seriously.

I would be going to the school and telling the teacher that he threatened to shoot your daughter, and you, and that you're taking it to the principal. Then walk right out of the room, go to the principal and tell him/her that he threatened to shoot your daughter. If nothing is done immediately, then stand there, in the office, and call the police. Explain to the police that this kid threatened to shoot your daughter at school and that the school isn't taking the situation seriously and you want something done to protect not only your daughter, but the rest of the kids at school.

I wouldn't worry about making it worse. Your job is to make it right and it sounds like, at this point, making it right involves leaning on the school and getting that child removed from the class.

Good luck mama!

here is a clue, his parents probably own the school, it would explain why the teachers and everyone else refuses to do anything about him, rather then wait for this attila the mini to put your daughter in the emergency room, get her out of that school. do some checking, because it sounds like his family either owns the school itself or has a controlling interest, but before you pull her out of the school, give your daughter a mini camera so she can document this kid bulling her..it will make suing his parents alot easier! after you bring a 5 million dollar lawsuit against the school for allowing this bully to run amok,THEN put her in another school, the administration in the new school will be only too happy to make certain she is not bullied
K. h

I would talk to the teacher and the principal and someone on the board of directors of the school. Ask to see their anti-bullying program details - yes they should have an anti-bullying program. Anti-bullying programs do not just entail calling the bully to the office. They largely involve empowering the bystanders - the students who are not being bullied right now - but don't speak up because they are worried it might be them next time (or simply because they are human and tend to be sheep, just like adults). They involve making bullying an act that does not provide social benefits to the bully, but rather negative feedback from the bully's peers.

Document any incidents that occur. Bullying doesn't just go away and bullies need to learn appropriate behaviors when they are young enough to change. In addition to protecting your child, we can't as a society just write off all the bullies. Otherwise, some of them may grow up to do something truly awful, instead of learning and growing and becoming responsible members of society. Some bullies may bully because that is the behavior they are exposed to at home and they do not have skills to interact better - or they see that at home, bullying gets adults what they want and seems to be an accepted approach to social behavior.

ETA: How old are the kids? The answers may change depending upon whether they are 6 years old or 16 years old.

I'm sorry your daughter is having to put up with this. This should not be going on this long!

Speaking from experience (I'm soooooooooo glad I'm out of the Catholic school we were in!) the teacher and especially the principal doesn't care! All they care about is the money they've got coming in. What you need to do is tell the principal if something isn't done, you will be calling the police. Give it about two weeks and then follow thru!

I had to do this with my son who was being bullied. Most of the teachers just fluffed it off; one even had the audacity to say "boys will be boys!" Well, I said BULLS*#^ - I told the principal I would be notifiying outside sources (meaning the police, newpapers, etc.) and that's when he finally did something. Wasn't enough, in my opinion, but it was enough to get my son finished with that grade and then we got the heck out of there! I was fed up with the "good little Catholics!"

There were many incidences in that school where I thought the principal should have done more but didn't. When I was helping out there was a little boy in the Kindergarten class that was out of control; the parents paid someone to stay with him ALL day!! They claimed they couldn't do anything else about it. Well, I met the parents and saw how they interacted with the child - mystery solved!! They were a piece of work!!! I'm betting the parents of this child you're talking about haven't done a darn thing! Sounds to me like a perfect candidate for either ritalin and/or home schooling!!!

You have to keep going till this kid stops or is pulled out of the school. Maybe you could get the other parents to band together and file a formal complaint!

Good luck!!!

My own brother was constantly bullied by boys in his grade and older for being gay. At a christian school, no less. It was very difficult to get anywhere with teachers or the principal. My parents went to the Superintendent, school board, and threatened to file a complaint, as well as alert the newspaper. A group of parents also helped my parents as their kids were also being bullied for being "different". It stopped. He also was enrolled in Karate to learn how to defend himself.

My experience is that schools either tolerate bullying or they don't. i would get a group of parents together to go see the principle and let him know he is potentially losing a lot of good students and big $ if they continue to tolerate the behavior.

My daughter and a few of her classmates had a similar incident when she attended Catholic school.There was about 7 parents whose kids complained about being pushed, kicked, and harassed by a bully. This boy had been bullying several kids for 3 years. He never bothered my daughter until they were in 2nd grade. I first confronted his mother who in turn brought his father to deal with me. It became really loud and the other parents stepped forth to complain about his son. He went to the principal and complained that we were harassing him and his son. At this point all of us parents was angry and we basically told the principal either the boy went or we was going to pull our children out of the school. Our united front worked. The principal didn't accept his registration for the fall semester.

sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. i would do some research on how to react to being abused. most situations you can stop it if you have the skills and know the warnings. you dont say how old your children are but i am thinking jr high or highschool as you seem to also be intemidated by this large boy. I usually handled bullies on my own pretty well till I married my first husband...that was an entirely diff bully situation I was not prepaired for. As you might gather my take on being abused is sensitive and I am all for defusing, standing up and calling attention to it. I know its not her fault nor should she be completely responsible for his actions and stopping them but some things that would help would be calling attention to it. "STOP POKING ME" loudly in class (when ppl poked me in my belly in school (idk why guys did this) i would gentley cover my belly and say "oh you poked my baby") silly but it made the poker laugh. Then I would say calmly "seriously dont poke me". Pushing her down is very scary and it should not have gotten that far. Again I would most likely say something silly " oh the big HULK pushed down a little ol me - your so powerful to knock down a tiny girl- use your powers for good not evil." But you must read on how to handle abusive people so she can spot the warning signs and know what to do, how to get away safely. Its a life skill because you might get away from this big kid but then there will be the good friend, boy friend, family member, husband that thinks they could push her around too. she needs the skills and know how to spot them.

I would go to school with her for the next couple of days to see what is going on. If the school is not willing to take action, then you can pull her out of school. I know it doesn't seem fair to your daughter, but her best interest is the bottom line! If she is not happy, safe, and learning, then she needs to go somewhere else:)

Oh, no, ma'am. I don't know what your work situation is like, but I would take some time off and be PRESENT--in my daughter's corner, in the teachers' and administrators' faces, in the bully's face. Documentation is fine, but the baby doesn't get documentation. The baby gets seeing you there.

In what way could you make things worse for your daughter?

If you are a parent who would normally kinda go with the flow, then you will likely throw them off kilter and get more results by making a stink. Keep it legal, but you really shouldn't care about upsetting the apple cart. Your daughter is your apple cart, and she's pretty upset herself.

PS. I like the idea about calling the police. Your baby has been assaulted. (I say "baby" because they're all our babies.)

Why haven't you gone to the police at all?? Why are you waiting?? Your job is to protect your daughter. Its a private school and they are not doing a thing. Get your tuition back and send her someplace else. That school and those parents would know who I am if that ever happen to my kids. The police would also be involved if someone ever threaten my child with shooting me.

As a teacher in public school we are not allowed to ignore threats of any kind. Threatening to have you and your daughter shot is a terrorist threat and if the school does not report it to the police and expel the student then they are liable. In this day and time no threat is considered idle.
BUT if neither you nor your daughter are reporting this then they can not fix it.
You need to report it and find out if any of the other kids also heard this or have witnessed the times that he has physically hurt her. They can verify it.You must report it immediately and your daughter must be told to tell the teacher immediately every time these things happen and then also tell you.