So, I have a very tall, pretty daughter who is about to start middle school. Her brother is about to start 9th grade. He has two good friends and they both really enjoy being around my older daughter (middle schooler!). One of them is going the "shoulder to cry on " route and one is doing some very awkward flirting. Neither of these boys has had real girlfriends according to my son, who is irritated at the extra attention that she gets from HIS friends. My daughter wears no make-up, is not a primper and does not dress in a flashy way. She also looks more 11 than 15 if you know what I mean. I amsure that she is flattered by the attention and she is lonely as she has few friends at our new town.
Things between her and my son are tense, really tense. What can I do as a mom to help keep this situation from getting too crazy? Soon they will both be teenagers and this isn't looking to stop for YEARS. There's even another daughter two years farther down from the first. Suggestions from moms of teens?
Not sure if these posts will be linked or not. Found out that daughter is definitely crushing on older boy. She is not boy crazy, yet, more curious. She admits that he is her first crush. This would all be fine and dandy if he were a "poster" or someone completely unattainable. These two won't go to school together or see each other alone, ever. Should I be even more careful?
He will just have to accept the fact that his sister is a girl and that she is attractive to boys, and his friends are boys. You might want to remind him that chances are good that any girl he is attracted to is someone's sister.
Your son isn't powerless here. He could have a conversation with his friends that his sister is "off limits" because he's protective of her or some such. He could fall back on The Guy Code.
We kinda had rules in place for things like this. I have 4 boys and 4 girls, 4 of them are already adults, and to stop this I made sure it was addressed early on.
Friends may not date the siblings. It is up to the sibling to make that message loud and clear to the friends. I also had an age limit on how old/young the other person had to be (relevant to their age)...that kinda helped.
You need to teach your that friends are off limits and to say so, you need to teach them that if there does seem to be interest they need to shut their siblings friend down. At the ages your kids are this really can create hard feelings. It's better to shut it down before it happens.
Now having said that. My son does date my DD's best friend. My son went to my DD and asked how she would feel about it. they had a long talk and then he came to me, but they were all in high school at this point. They are still together 4 years later. Had he not come to his sister I think things would be different, but he afforded her the courtesy of asking first and that has made a huge difference, and it was all his doing.
Boys often flirt with younger girls because they feel safe and can "practice" without risking rejection from the girls in their peer group. Girls are a bit more mature in general, and boys are a bit less mature - so they're closer than the age difference might make them seem.
She's also more accessible because she's at their friend's house (your son). Both your daughter and the boys find this a mutually beneficial relationship. I'd supervise from a distance - don't leave them alone, don't let her think that older boys are going to be her shoulder to cry on, let both your kids know that a certain amount of practice flirting is normal and generally harmless and that this will end. Your son should just ride this out and know that his friends will soon tire of his sister but may become very interested in girls in their own grade. So he will soon experience being left behind as guys get interested in girls. Let your daughter know that they'll move on to older girls and she may feel hurt. Your son's choice is not to have his friends come over to the house, but he can't control the appeal of your daughter to his friends. She's not engineering this, regardless of whether he wishes she would say something different. He might want to open his eyes to the behavior of other guys with other girls around town - he'll see it's common. I'm not saying she's not participating in it, but she didn't start it.
I guess I would add that, if he keeps reacting to it and getting so angry, he may make it a bigger deal than it is and it will have the opposite effect. This is a good time for him to learn patience and maturity.
And as I said, don't leave your daughter alone with the boys.
He'd best get used to it.
My daughter dates my son's roommate. :)
He did tell the kid that if he broke her heart, he'd have to hurt him. The kid decided she was worth it. :)
When they were younger he used to want to date her friends... So the pendulum does swing both ways.
Soon enough, he will be off to college and it will start over with another group of his friends...
Its going to happen. He Is a couple years older there is not much stopping it especially since his group of friends will mainly be guys. They both probably feel safe flirting n such. HE may have to talk to HIS friends but I don't see any end to this one sorry mama
Your daughter and son are both new in town, right?
You son didn't have any trouble in finding some friends.
I suggest that maybe your daughter needs to get out there and get involved in some activities where she meets more people (her own age) rather than relying on the relatively easy attention from whoever comes home with her brother.
Bummer if she's shy or lonely - what middle school kid doesn't go through that stage at some time or another.
Your son needs to talk with his friends and ask them if they are here to see him or his sister because if they are just flocking around for his sister they are not being very good friends of his and they can leave.
I'm not a big fan of high school age kids dating middle school kids - doesn't matter if the boy or the girl is the older one.
Around here, middle school starts at 6th grade (about 11 yrs old) and high school starts at 9th grade (about 14 yrs old).
Sure it's only a few years difference but it's a world of difference between experience and expectations.
When your daughter gets to 9th grade, she'll better know how to deal with attentions from high school guys.
Right now she's fresh out of elementary school and their attention should not be welcome.
Your son has no right to get "really tense" at your daughter because his friends find her attractive. If he acts like a jerk to his sister, your husband should tell him sternly to cut it the heck out and give him a consequence, if it's warranted.
To an extent, tension among teen siblings is normal, as long as they don't get too rude or hurtful with each other.
If she's attractive, boys will be attracted to her. It doesn't sound like it is affecting her negatively, since she's not a primper, etc. Give your daughter lots of love and attention, and have dad do the same, and you won't have to worry about her looking for love in all the wrong places.
There are definitely some conversations that need to be started in your family.
With your daughter: Modesty, proper lady-like behavior, respect of her brother's friendships, age-appropriate behavior when it comes to dating/boys. I think that this is not just a mom-daughter discussion. It's a discussion that dad needs to have with her....about respecting herself as a person, and expecting that boys treat her with respect as well.
With your son: Protecting his little sister from boys who could potentially push too far. She's too young to be dating at this point, no matter how pretty/attractive she might be. Maintaining boundaries. Expecting his friends respect his sister and not say inappropriate things to/about her. Expecting that they treat her like a lady and not one of the guys.
Yes, there will likely be years of this. It's important that the kids put family first and not allow peer interactions to cause disrespect within the home.
