Crying at Work - Clarification.

This made me think of a funny story- thought I'd share to hopefully make you smile. I worked at a company with several departments. The manager of the accounting dept (where I worked) was a very tough lady, most even thought of her as a bi^#h. She threw so much at new employees and yelled that they were getting things to slow. So it was sort of a company thing- you'd go into the bathroom, find a girl crying, and say "hi, I'm K. (or whoever), you must be the new girl in accounting, and I see you met Barb". It was so sad, but later everyone could laugh about it. It was sort of the bonding ritual of the accounting dept.

Maybe later you can laugh about it. Probably not yet- but soon? :-)

Yes, I do cry at work. Usually, it's family/personal reasons. For example, I found out I miscarried the day after my beloved grandmother suffered a massive stroke. The next two weeks were tough at work, as my grandmother moved into hospice and I was full of pregnancy hormones and the realization that I had lost a child. I would cry spontaneously. My supervisor knew the situation, but my other coworkers did not. I think even to this day that they think I am some kind of basket case. I have been through some personal trials lately, and usually I just go in a bathroom stall and let go. I always feel better. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do!

It happens.
What you need to do is to compose yourself.
O. of my best friends is CFO of a LARGE, major corporation.
There was a period of turmoil (not involving her, but her boss & interim boss) and she told me she used to close her office door and SOB.
Best to cry alone: bathroom, office, break room...wherever.
After it's over, you have to put your game face on & get back to business as usual.
You might consider apologizing to your boss for being emotional & losing control...depends on your relationship....but I think ity's best to just move forward & put it behind you.
I've worked with the same group of people for years so we've lived through MANY of each others highs and lows, family deaths, loss of pets, sicknesses, births, etc. so it's not unusual for any & all of us to "tear up" at work when discussing.

Like Denise, I too cry when I am mad......Actually happenned to me recently.....I have to be at work at a certain time and I was consistently late by 30 minutes since my LO in the mornings would not let me get ready (he knows when Mommy is leaving), then the nanny would be running late (she is not my nanny anymore!), my MIL was no help and neither was my husband and I would practically leave in tears everyday with my son plastered against the garage door crying as I drove off......it was so heartbreaking yet so frustrating.........I would be a mess coming in to work getting stressed and upset.........I did work through lunch on most days to make up for the delay but they are very particular at my work about getting here on time......my boss is a wonderful lady and I am sure she had a hard time bringing this up to me since she knows my work ethic but boy did that unravel me.....I told her that I was not the type of person who would let such a thing happen and it saddened me that it had to be addressed but I agreed with her and would try my best to rectify the situation....so we changed our nanny and put our son in Montessori and now I drop him off before coming to work - I get her on time and he is happy going to school.......the best policy is to admit your mistake, express your point of view and then correct the situation....
For you, I would recommend reaching out to your boss first and then after consulting him you could send an email note to your senior who was on the call saying this was uncharacteristc of you and when you care so much about what you do sometimes you end up taking things personally - basically I was wrong to have that tone but it was only because I care so much.............Good Luck!

I am a firm believer that emotional leakage is best left out of the work place, for obvious professionalism reasons.

The one time I full on cried at work I was 16 and found out the house I was supposed to be moving into/renting the following day was no longer available, and I freaked out and thought I was going to be homeless.

Address the issue with your boss (approach them, don't wait for them to come to you) and apologize for your irrational reaction. Not saying it's right, but they may be thinking that if you can't control your emotions at work, then you could be mentally unstable. I'm NOT NOT NOT saying you are, I'm just seeing it from a professional point of view. If you crack under pressure, they may see it like you're replaceable by someone who can better emotionally manage their stress levels.

Good luck!

Yikes.
There's no crying in baseball.

Sorry hon. But it's one of the reasons that women have a stigma in the workplace.
Your best bet is to just shake it off and if you can, redress the situation calmly in your next meeting.

If you feel that coming again - hang up. Seriously. Mid sentence if you need to, just disconnect the call. You can always say you don't know what happened when you get back on. But collect yourself first.

Good luck!

I try very hard not to cry at work, especially because when I get mad, I cry! So I have to really check my emotions. But I have never been in your situation and been caught off guard and had to defend a product or something I was responsible for be put down like that.
When you think you can keep your composure go back to your boss and talk to him again about why this upset you.
I have been crying all week, I was told on Tuesday that I am being laid off before the end of the month. Different circumstance, but still hard to keep my composure when I need to in front of other people.
Good Luck!!!
Blessings
D.

Oh that really sucks. I am a champion crier, it's just how I process emotions. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm laughing, when I'm tired, when I'm mad - you get the picture. Songs, commercials, movies, books...there I am, sniffling and wiping away tears. I'm also quick to smile and laugh out loud too so I'm not depressed or unstable, I'm just very transparent with how I feel.

I've definitely had times with my boss when I've been frustrated and angry and had to take moment to take a deep breath and hold back tears, or even excuse myself and walk away and have gone to the ladies room to compose myself. I've also left meetings with colleagues that were getting infuriating.

As to how to recover from this, I would just quickly apologize and say something like "I apologize that I got so upset the other day" and then follow that with a plausible excuse like "I was very tired and my emotions got the best of me" or "I was a bit under the weather and just having a couple of off days" but do NOT mention being hormonal. And then let it go.

Then work on recognizing very early on when you're approaching your tipping point. Have some counter-thoughts ready - things that make you laugh or put your in a good mood or help you gain perspective. Literally write these down in a place where you can access them in an emergency - like in your blackberry if it's acceptable to look at that during a meeting or in your notebook or planner if you normally have something that you write in when you're at meetings. If those don't calm the swell, then excuse yourself before you lose control.

Another thing that might help is to have your husband or a close friend role-play your trigger words with you until you are no longer sensitive to them. You sound like someone who takes great pride in her work and that the perception of the quality of your work is a trigger point. So literally, have someone sit with you and say all of those words that you fear and know aren't true (this is sloppy, incomplete, wrong conclusions, doesn't account for x, the methodology is wrong, this can't be right, who the hell did this report?, etc.). I know that when I'm at work and someone questions the quality or integrity of my work product, I do take it personally and my reaction is visceral (I can feel myself getting flushed and agitated and I want to be able to defend my work right then and there) and when I don't get the chance to, I feel like I'm 5 years old again, being reprimanded by my kindergarten teacher. It's humiliating and unfair - but, that kind of thing happens every day when you're dealing with big egos so you have to be able to absorb those blows impersonally and see that the "blamer" is protecting his or her own ego by dismissing your work.

OK, I'm a crier, too. I had to learn to stuff it at work, and never , ever, mentioned moist eyes after an ocassion with a boss. As was said before, many bosses are embarrassed to begin with and don't want a reminder. Just face your boss with calm, forward-thinking conversation.

I do have a suggestion for the future. When you feel the floodgates opening, think "CRY, CRY, CRY" and you will stop! I think it's because we criers have always thought DON'T CRY and then began crying. I really have found this effective.

As to your recent, humiliating situation, may I suggest that the boss was ranting, your immediate superior was just going along because you can't give advice or clarification to a boss who is ranting, and your superior wasn't throwing you under the bus, but thought you'd also just "Uh, huh." the boss too? This has happened to me and I missed the clues and defended the project (to no avail). Afterwards my immediate superior explained that he was just listening to the boss, and would have picked a better time later to pitch the plan. I can share that I learned this lesson only after many years.

I hope you have a much better day today.

Not in that circumstances. I've wanted to, when I've messed up pretty badly. The only time I did cry at work was when I learned my friends son passed away. I didn't know him, but I knew that her kids were her life and it just broke my heart.

I think you may want to talk to your doctor. Your hormones could be WAY off for some reason!
I could understand crying over getting some devastating personal news while at work. But responding so emotionally and not being able to stand up for yourself and defend your work? I'm wondering if you have something deeper going on. Do you feel the same way with other relationships in your life, powerless and unable to assert yourself? If yes it may be creeping into your professional life. If it's not just the hormones you may want to seek some counseling, to help you get some insight into why you react so emotionally rather than more rationally.

I have had this happen. Like you, I was the one to cry in school, (and suffer the consequences). The first time it happened at work, I was on prednisone, my hormones were wacked, and the environment was stressful. I headed to the bathroom. It sucks though when people come in and see you. I tried to make it seem like an allergy attack caused the red eyes, but people new. The second time I was 8 weeks pregnant and a new supervisor. Another supervisor from a different department went off on me and I started sobbing in front of the people I supervise. I again recovered in the bathroom and blamed my hormones, but I lost some respect of the people I was supervising. On the flip side, one of the women I supervised was a cryer. She was in her 50s, and a nice woman, but everything set her off. It got to be very annoying. My boss (a woman), told me she had no respect for that woman because tears don't belong in business. Anyone that routinely cried in front of her was on her list, and she would find a way to get rid of those people. So.. when you feel the tears coming on, deep breaths, think revenge, think anything else, go to your happy place if you can't escape. If necessary, feign a illness and go to bathroom to recover, anything to avoid crying in front of the boss. Tell your boss that you are sorry, it won't happen again, and then don't speak of it again.

I am sorry, that sounds really awful. I rarely cry, but I do understand how it can come out with PMS because that seems to be the one time that I do have a really hard time handling stress and I feel pushed to the brink of tears (nothing ever comes out though, which is frustrating too!) Anyway, my mom has always been a crier- she would cry at church, during any public speaking, at work, even at dog food commercials. She got on medication for it (it MAY have been Zoloft but I couldn't tell you for sure) and it solved the problem. She is much more in control of her emotions and she has been able to stand up for herself at work during some rough times. I would check with your doctor. It seems to me that your best way to handle this is to first, figure out a way to never lose it at work again, and then just kick butt at work as best as you can.

Honestly, I have cried due to personal issues like getting a call that my grandmother passed, notified my boss and asked for an early lunch to handle my emotions. I have not cried over something that was office related - this is why women have a stigma about working in "Corporate America" still.

If your hormones are that off I think you should discuss with your doctor and see what can be done to help - this will be difficult to recover from.

We've all been there. What I find sometimes makes it easier for me - and those involved - is if I start out saying "I'm really upset right now. I want to discuss this matter as adult professionals but sometimes I cry. I will still be ok to talk and I apologize in advance for my tears. I often react this way when I'm very frustrated and trying to get my point across. Please bear with me."

It takes the pressure of you to keep the tears at bay, allows the person your working with to understand there might be tears, and I find it helps me control my reaction a little better. Yes - I still may cry - but it tends to last a few minutes at most.

Good luck

Yes. Twice. The first time was about 3 or 4 months after I started working at Wal-mart. I had a major problem with forgetting coupons... The customers would hand them to me, I would set them off to the side so that they didn't get in the way, and then I totally forgot about them! So I made it a habit to set them in a certain spot (Right between me and the customer) and then check that spot each and every time before finishing the transaction. So this lady came through my line, and handed me the coupons. I told her where I was putting the coupons and set them there. Then she put her purse right on top of the coupons! So I laughed and made a little joke about how I was definitely going to forget the coupons with the purse sitting on top of them. Oh wow... She flipped! She started calling me every name in the book, and even went on to say that none of the customers like me (It's a small store, all of the customers are repeat customers) and that's why she was the only one in my line (She was the only one in my line because I had shut my lane down because it was time for my lunch break but decided to take one last customer before heading out). She made me feel degraded and humiliated. THEN she asked to speak to my supervisor. Ugh, okay... I saw my supervisor a little ways away so I told her where I was going, even pointed to my supervisor, and told her that I would be right back. This lady followed me and started calling me names in front of my supervisor, telling my supervisor that I just walked off on her! My supervisor let this lady vent about me while we both just stood there, gave the lady the spiel about how she was sorry for my behavior, I apologized, and the lady walked off. I explained the entire situation to my supervisor, she told me that it was okay, that she knew this lady, and that this lady was a bit of a nut. Then my supervisor gave me a supportive hug and told me to shake it off and go on my lunch break. As soon as the adrenaline wore off (Which unfortunately was mid-hug with my supervisor), I broke down into tears. I'm not the type to cry (Though I admit that since having my son, I've been a bit more emotional than I was pre-baby). Then I had to walk back to the break room to punch out for lunch and had to walk right past the store-manager and his assistant store managers (There are 3 assistant store managers). I held my breath and forced myself to stop crying, but of course they saw my red eyes and asked me what was wrong and I broke down AGAIN! Embarrassing!

Then earlier this year, I had to bring my son in to the ER because I thought that he was having seizures. It was right around the time that all my wrist problems started so I had already reached my limit of days that I could call in (3 in a 6 month rolling period). After my son was cleared by the ER doctor to go home, I went to work arriving 2 and a half hours late. I was of course "talked to" by an assistant manager and then sent to a register. The customers were all in a bad mood and I was getting glares and being yelled at for every little thing. I went to the bathroom and cried my heart out.

Oh gosh I feel terribly for you. That happened to me once many years ago, in a professional position that I held at that time. I never brought it up again, and just pretended like it never happened. I think my male boss preferred it that way LOL.

Did you by any chance have demanding or difficult parents? Another time in my life I got some counseling (for personal matters) and a side, positive benefit was that I no longer had quite as many "issues" with authority figures.

It might help you to seek a little counseling. Not that there's anything drastically wrong with you . . . it's just that you might have some latent things that pop up every now and then in weird ways.

I would also look at integrative ways to cope with PMS (ugh). B complex, EFA's (essential fatty acids), etc. A good integrative practitioner might be able to help you a great deal.

Good luck.

oh yikes! i'm sorry this happened. yes, i've done it once or twice over the years, and it's just awful. i hate letting myself be that vulnerable and unprofessional in a work setting. i agree with the moms who have pointed out correctly that it's one of the problems with women achieving true equality in the workplace.
the answer isn't to have impossible expectations (some of us do react naturally with tears, even angry ones) but to learn our triggers, manage them carefully, and deal with slips immediately and professionally. when it's happening, do whatever you have to do to get away and alone and compose yourself. the longer you sob in front of everyone, the worse the impression. get to a bathroom and get a grip. then later you can say something to the boss like 'i apologize for my lapse yesterday. it took me by surprise. but i disagree with X's assessment of the situation, and here's why.' layer on the calm professionalism and take back control.
and don't ever EVER blame it on hormones.
khairete
S.

About 4 years ago my older sister was highly addicted to pain killers (she has since gotten off and is back to her! LOVE IT!!) But I called her out on her "disease" telling her what an awful decision she made and I was so disappointed in her, plus words can describe how mad I was for letting her have my daughter for a sleepover. I had NO idea she was on them and we were in Boston (visiting from DC) and I let my then 4 year old stay the night with her and her fiance. Oh it still makes me mad to think about it.

But, because I blamed her, she sent a NASTY email to my whole family calling me out and saying how mean I was being to her. REALLY?!?! She was SO nasty and it just go to me. I cried for hours at work and finally went home. We grew up as best friends so it was a very hard couple of years with her.

You just have to suck it up and move on. It will be okay!

Hi, Anon:

Look at the compass of shame:
www.iirp.edu

When someone attacks you or blames you, the response by a person is shame feeling. What happened to you is normal. Not because of any PMS or other events going on in your life.

Cry, talk about it, and let it be a learning experience.
Good luck.
Thanks for sharing.
D.

The secret is to stop caring about work. You will never get emotionally involved then.

Yes, I have totally done this!! I am not good with confrontation and at my last job, my boss was a total witch! And I finally decided that I had to go to her boss and say something because I was just so miserable being there every day. And he brought HER in to the meeting. I just got so upset at the whole thing that I could barely speak because I was crying so hard. So embarrasing. My coworkers sympathized with me because they knew how she was. When it was over they pretty much pretended like it didn't happen, but I didn't stay at that job very much longer.

I am sorry this happened to you. Hopefully, everyone will just forget about it. Maybe next time if something like this happens again, when you feel it coming on, excuse yourself to the restroom to compose yourself before crying in front of everyone. If anyone asks, blame "woman troubles" LOL. Good luck.