Cry It Out Method of Sleep Training

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Ugh--it is still so fresh in my mind.

We used to go in & pat every 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, etc......gradually increase the time.

I agree with the no picking up philosophy---just pat & soothe. Don't talk too much. Just "nitey-night" or "time to sleep".

"Sleep training" is a myth that makes exhausted parents feel hopeful. But I don't seriously believe anybody can train themselves or their babies to sleep better; can you? It's not a skill to be learned.

Some kids seem to respond to CIO because the need that's keeping them awake is slight enough, or ending anyway. Some give up on crying to get their own needs met, and that's sad. But many kids never come around, and then the parents' hope crashes into despair. Continued exposure to stress hormones is not good for a child's physical health (or yours, either), and can actually produce changes in the brain that persist and cause problems later.

You can't stand to listen to that crying for a good reason – most babies cry when they need something. If he faces stress, loneliness and perhaps fear of separation every night, or hunger, thirst, or other physical discomfort, he could eventually become even more resistant to going to bed.

Some kids, and my grandson was one, simply don't sleep well for their first couple of years. They would if they could. They may need more comforting or connection with parents so they can relax. Have you considered co-sleeping, or have you tried rocking him to sleep? For some kids, there is no perfect solution. But the good news is, he will settle into better sleep patterns eventually.

Be sure your little guy gets plenty of exhausting exercise during the day, and keep him away from blue-light sources for the couple of hours before bed so his brain can manufacture enough melatonin, the sleep hormone.

Try reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It works.

And there is a reason you can't stand listening to your child cry -- you aren't supposed to listen to them cry, you are supposed to respond. Don't train your child that sleep is a stressful time where he has to cry forever and ever to get you to respond. I know you want your sleep, and you want your child to go to sleep smoothly. Making them cry is not the way to do it.

Good luck to you!

Might want to look at current research about this method before you proceed:http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/science-says-.... I feel your pain as 2 of my 3 kids were up repeatedly during the night until after age 2 and I'm still getting up frequently with my 3rd who is 21 months. Good news is that older 2 kids now sleep soundly 10-12 hrs every night and are very secure children. Parenting is hard...it's a 24/7 responsibility. Some parents are blessed with great sleepers from infancy while the rest of us struggle with difficult sleepers but are too tired to talk about it. This too shall pass...I promise! Nurse Midwife Mom of 3

I am of a different opinion. I think that CIO is inhumane and cruel. Babies cry because they need something. Their first stage of social development is trust vs. mistrust. All you are teaching your baby is to NOT trust you to come when they need you.

Letting a baby cry for a few minutes is okay, sometimes that will work and they will drop off back to sleep. But an hour and a half? Geez, you should be feeling tired of that. I bet everyone in the neighborhood is tired of it too...lol. Pick up the baby, rock him a while, get him back to sleep the right way then go back to bed. It's part of being the parent and understanding that idea when you started thinking about being a mommy and daddy. Babies are up all night all the time and they hardly ever sleep all night until they are closer to 18-24 months old.

Hope fully you can get some sleep tonight.

I have never waited that long to do the CIO...I always began it at about 8 WEEKS old. It worked fine for all 3 of our kids and they were great nappers and sleepers..anyone could do our routine with them and they slept great. They still go to bed so well at night...5 yr,9 yr and 11 yr old.

You don't have to put him in bed totally wired...help him get sleepy then put him down. We had a nighttime routine of bath time, story, snuggling and then I would nurse til they were drowsy and then put them down. They just need to be somewhat awake so that he is not relying on you to get him to sleep.

I never had to do the sleep training with an older infant that can get up and stand and wail...that would be harder to do...I feel for you. I know when mine were a little older, I would leave little books and a couple toys in the crib so they could self entertain and they would eventually lay down and go to sleep...or wake up and play awhile before making noises to be picked up.

I think...work on helping him get drowsy then put him down and return to only rub the back. I would sometimes say """shhhhh....shhhh" very softly and rub then walk out.

Good luck and best wishes at a better night's sleep soon...real soon!!!

My 2nd baby didn't sleep through the night until about the age your baby is. But we tried everything, everything you can think of. I read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby. We tried literally everything except CIO. Eventually I gave it a shot and it was the only thing that worked for her. Me going in there only stimulated her more and made it harder for her to settle down again. Anyway we also implemented a white noise machine and a decently bright nightlight and those all together seemed to help. She's an awesome sleeper now. Good luck, I know those nights are hell.

CIO doesn't work for everyone. We had to wait until our son was done night feeding and even then, we modified it to 10 min of crying, then going in and calming him down. Sometimes, we had to pick up and rock to sleep, other times we did not. One way that works for some may not work for others. I wouldn't hold fast to a hard set rule - use your gut. Our son would make himself sick (he has asmtha) if he cried too long - thus possibly choking - so we had to modify our sleep method. Good luck to you.

Try pick up/put down. There is no one size fits all for parenting and if letting him cry doesn't work then try something else. With my DD, I would pick her up, let her calm down, and then lay her down again. It may also help to have a white noise machine like a Sleep Sheep or even a fan to generate a soothing background noise.

the stand up lay down thing becomes a game. so does keeping your hand on his belly to keep him laying down.

just keep the interaction to a bare minimum, keep at it, and don't "give in."

also, don't listen when you are sleep training. put on an exercise video, headphones, scrub your silver, anything you need to do. go in at the proscribed intervals, but don't just sit there actively listening to the crying.

We are pre-programed to respond to that sound. It is hard to handle for good reason.

I don't do it that way. I will go in and breastfeed my child (or you can give water or just go in and lay them down.) I go in and say it's time for sleep the first time. I tell them not to cry but to close your eyes. Then I go out. I go in every 5-10 minutes and I breastfeed each time, lay them down and walk out without saying a word. Each time I wait a little longer before going in. This works every time. usually I only have to go in 2-3 times. Letting them scream for long periods of time NEVER works. I have five kids. Once I figured out the right method, they started sleeping for 8-12 hours at night starting at 6 weeks old. And they don't get overly upset because I go in there to them. Good luck!!

You need to find a way that works for you. We did everything wrong but it seems to have worked out ok so far. We started earlier than 10 months but I don't remember how old he was.We started with rocking for a couple of songs on his cd player. I would let him cry for 15 minutes. (I would go to the farthest corner of the house with a watch and hold my hands over my ears). If he was still crying, I would go in and rock him for 2 more songs and try again. Most nights we just had to do it 2-3 times. This got him to where he would go to sleep on his own, but he would still wake up in the middle of the night. Some nights when he woke up in the middle of the night he would go back to sleep, some nights he wouldn't. It wasn't until he was about 22 months that we figured out that milk upset his stomach at night. He's fine with it during the day, but at night he can't lay flat, it's uncomfortable. We switched to soy and he's been sleeping through the night ever since.
Oh, at one point we had a heartbeat bear, he seemed to find that comforting.

We never let my daughter (now 12 months) CIO-I don't really think it's good for kids to lay alone crying. But, that's not to say she never cried.....starting at 9 months or so, we did what you're describing-stood by her, did not pick her up, just rubbed her back until she fell asleep. Eventually, when she became really secure with that, we would rub her back for a bit and then leave, and then eventually we were able to just lay her down and leave. Now, she is a super sleeper. Every now and then I have to go in and lay her down (because she's standing up playing!) but she is totally happy in her crib. So, maybe for less drama and crying just keep up the back rubbing for a bit. If she gets the message that you're there for her but you're not going to pick her up, I think she'll eventually get better at going to sleep. Good luck to you-it's hard, isn't it!?

CIO did NOT work for my DD. I tried both methods, 'cold turkey' and ferber. I started out with ferber (you gradually let them cry longer and longer... so 5 minutes, then 7, then 10, 15, then every 15 from there is how I was told it worked. You go in, tell them your night-night phrase, then go out.) After a week or so of that not working (my DD would lay in there screaming for HOURS (the longest was 4 hours one night) before I give up and cuddled her to sleep.) After a while, I tried the cold turkey CIO. She cried for 2 hours, to the point that she made herself throw up. Obviously, I wasn't going to expect her to sleep in puke... so I cleaned her up and gave up on CIO. lol. (I did try to make sure that she didn't have some outside issue keeping her up... don't try it during teething or anything like that!)

I went to the 'no cry sleep solution' book, and followed my own version of what it suggests. I started off allowing her to fall asleep cuddled up with me, and I gradually put her in her crib more and more awake, until I was able to just plunk her in and she would fall asleep on her own. It did take a few months to get to that point, but it was MUCH easier on both of us! She does have 'resets' when she is teething, sick, or whatever that take about a week to a month to 're-train' her... depending on the length of what is messing with her sleep.

Sleep training only works for some kids. I second the Dr. Sears link, totally!

Cry it out does not work for every child. It depends on your child's personality and some children never give in. You might have to look at a different method. Sorry!

Cry it out may not work for him if you're going to go in and pat him and reassure him. it may start his crying all over again and make it worse. Try not going in at all. I know with my son if I were to partly comfort him (going in to reassure) it would only make matters worse. I follow Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - which says that with naps you should not let him cry more than an hour and then let him out - don't rock him to sleep or whatever. One hour of crying and then up until as close to next nap time as possible. This is to protect a natural schedule and basic napping times. At night - there is no time limit - he will fall asleep. He needs to learn to do this on his own. Good luck to you!