Couldn't Believe My Eyes

Updated on June 12, 2011
E.W. asks from Jackson, NJ
20 answers

So this is really just a vent at how careless some mothers can be. I was at the pool today with my son and a girlfriend of mine. There was another mother there with her 2 year old daughter who was swimming on her own with floaties on her arms. Her mom was sitting right at the poolside, so that was fine. Next thing you know, I look around and don't see her mom anywhere! It took me a good 3 minutes to find her- mind you, her daughter is still swimming in the pool- now unattended. Then I see her mom on the opposite side of the gate smoking a cigarette!!! She was at least 100ft away- if not more. Oh and at times had her back turned, chatting with another woman. This was the first time meeting this woman, but it was almost like she assumed we would watch her daughter for her. Although, never even mentioned that she was stepping away. I was so taken aback. I wanted to say something, but didn't. Now I can't stop thinking about it. It only takes a matter of seconds for something to happen. It was just unreal to me. I mean, would you ever?

To answer Abbie- Sadly, I'm sure she didn't ask anyone else. There were only like 3 other people at the pool and they were at the complete opposite end of the pool. And there was another parent there with their child, but they were almost as far as the mom and eating lunch.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

11 moms found this helpful
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A.E.

answers from Lincoln on

I would never be outside the pool area or more that 15 feet away(in the chairs between the baby pool and large pool). But my 3 year old has been in swimming and float for life since she was 9 months and is a very good swimmer but at all times she has to were a swim vest (which helps her stay above water if she gets tired), but does not interfere with swimming motions. She goes into the big pool by herself all the time but I am poolside with my 1 year old. I have taken a child out of the pool when I noticed he was struggling and the mother had left with the other child to the diving board, and when she got back asked why he was crying, he told her that when she left he got scared and swallowed water and she should of not left him. I think she learned her lesson while her 5 year old was scolding her in front of everyone.

5 moms found this helpful

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T.C.

answers from Dallas on

That is so irresponsible! I would never do that.

One time I was at Sea World in their water park area. I was 34 weeks pregnant and had my 17 month old son with me. He had a life vest on, and the water was maybe 1-1.5 ft? I think it was around his waist.

My sister was with me, and I was going to go talk to my husband for a second. He was sitting on chairs watching us - not too far away. So, I asked my sister to watch my son for me while I went. She said yes. He was maybe 10 ft from her walking around (?). As I was walking away, I happened to glance over at him. He was falling over as I glanced. He fell face first into the water, and the life vest held him so his face was stuck under the water. He couldn't get his feet under himself to pull himself up. I was probably 15 ft away by then.

I didn't think prego women at 7 months could run very fast, but I did! It was awful seeing his little body face first in the water and him struggling but not being able to do anything. I grabbed him as fast as I could and pulled him up and felt like bursting out crying and crying for fear of what could have happened. He had taken some breaths of water in and had a coughing fit for a while. He then sounded very wet afterwards. You know how you have that really protective feeling for your babies? I felt awful & so guilty for having walked away, even though I had my sister assigned to watch him. He could have drowned so easily with everything that was going on. Life vests/floaties are not life saving devices, especially in little kids who can't control themselves very well.

The scary thing is it is SO QUIET. There was nothing to notify me that he was stuck under the water, except for the fact that I was watching him. It really scared me bad. I won't even leave my kids with anyone in the pool anymore, except hubby. My sister wasn't looking, and I have to wonder if she would have seen him in time. I don't trust anyone else to watch my babies as closely as I would.

And there is the after drowning drowning that happens (or something?) when they get too much water in their lungs. My son's lungs were super wet and he got really sick after it. He developed croup really bad for the next few days from it and could hardly breath at night. My husband and brother-in-law are respiratory therapists, so they were able to keep an eye on his lungs over the next couple days, but otherwise, I would have taken him into the ER. It's REALLY easy for little ones to drown! It doesn't take long at all.

Anyway, the carelessness of this mother is beyond me! It's like the reality of life is way over her head. Thank goodness you WERE there to watch her little girl since she wasn't. I hate stuff like that...

10 moms found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

We were at the pool last weekend...my M., sister and two family friends with three kids. I told my kids to get out of the pool it was time to go...I turned for one second and my M. said "where is baby bear?" (my three year old)...I said "riggggghhht" breathless he was not standing there. First instinct was to run to the pool and check for him. No sign....ok, he took my saying time to go as time to go...he was in the parking lot! Good grief did that child get a talking to.

So...no I would NEVER! I never want that feeling to happen to me again.

6 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

No. Our pool has a "you must be in arm's reach of your child" policy with flotation devices. I would have spoken to the lifeguard or office manager.

Edit to add, the M. with the kid in the vest that fell over - that's why infant vests aren't good for swimming but are good for saving in deep water. They deliberately roll the kid on their back and much of the float is for their head. We had a vest like that for DD on the boat last summer. Not so good for paddling around, but very good if she ever fell off the boat. We stuck her in an inflatable ring for support when we hung out in the water.

It only takes inches to drown. That's true in a tub or pool or bucket of water or puddle.

6 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Well, my friend was at the mall once. There is a restaurant there. Sit down type. Not fast food. The entrance is on the exterior of the mall.
Okay.
So she sees 2 young kids there, maybe like 3 and 5 years old. They are sad, crying. They are by themselves. She looks around, sees NO adult there with them at all. She asks them "are you okay?" They older child says, their parents are IN the restaurant, eating. Meanwhile the kids have nothing to eat. The restaurant was not over crowded. There are glass windows fronting the entrance, so the kids can see in. My friend included.

My friend, walked a bit, but kept her eyes on those kids. Then, the Dad comes out, hands them some fries on a napkin, then goes back in the restaurant. The kids, are STILL outside. Alone. The parents are inside the restaurant, eating themselves. At a table.

My friend, told the Security Guard.

Cannot believe, parents do things like this.
Baffling.

6 moms found this helpful

S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

I would NEVER. Unreal.

5 moms found this helpful

L.!.

answers from Austin on

About 2 years ago, a boy at my daughters preschool drowned RIGHT UNDERNEATH THE LIFE GUARD'S CHAIR. And he apparently could already "swim" (at age 5). I recall hearing that the drowning risk for children goes up to age 8, based on national statistics. Even kids who know how to swim swallow water and get in trouble.

I never, never take my eyes off my child at the pool.

5 moms found this helpful

A.H.

answers from Tulsa on

I don't even think a 2 year old should be in the pool by their self. Especially not with only floaties! Those are not meant to hold a child up. Even with the M. sitting beside the pool, something could happen so fast and she might not be able to get to her child in time. Unbelievable.

5 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

No. Never. And I smoke so I know what it's like to WANT a cigarette, but Really? The least she could have done was to alert you that she's be back in 5.

5 moms found this helpful

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

As a former lifeguard I could tell you stories that would curl your hair.
At our beach, the sun was at our backs - which made watching the water very nice. The moms would put their chairs out and face away from the water to get the sun... their kids would be in the water. They never watched. Do you have any idea how heavy wet diapers are? Do you know what happens to a kid who gets too far out in a diaper? We plucked more diaper clad kids out of the water than I care to mention and the moms never had any idea...
Alas, nothing surprises me about mothers and babies at the beach or pool.
People think that flotation devices work 100% of the time -- they don't.
People think that the lifeguard is watching their kid -- they forget that we have to watch the entire pool/beach. And -- we are looking at the bottom of the pool more than the top of the pool.
As for the kid who drowned at the foot of the lifeguard's chair -- trust me -- the guard never saw that kid because he was in the blind spot... Just like your car has a blind spot, the lifeguard posts do, too.
I am never ever comfortable at a beach or public pool because I'm constantly scanning and constantly freaking out because parents are so lackadaisical...
LBC

4 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

That's EXACTLY why our public pool forbids floatation devices.

3 moms found this helpful

C.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Talk about blatant.
I would not do that.
I suppose I am one of those so-called "helicopter" parents. I don't trust other people to fully look after my children in situations like that. If they are in or near water, either me or hubby must be there. I really hope she had someone else there who was watching her child, because I hate to think that a smoke and a chat was so important she just left her child and assumed some strangers knew to keep an eye on her.

2 moms found this helpful

T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Wow. That goes with you never know when you are going to have to save someone's life and my feelings that everyone should know how to swim. That was very wrong of that mother and I probably would have gotten her daughter out of the pool and taken her to the mother or let the lifeguard do it. Some people just have no common sense any more and expect that others are watching their kids.

2 moms found this helpful

V.C.

answers from Dallas on

That is one reason I am glad my teenagers can go to the pool by themselves now. I could never relax there. Besides not taking my eyes off my sons, I felt like I had to watch out for everyone else's children.
A few years back, we were away one Sat morning. When we got home the whole neighborhood was abuzz because the careflight helicopter had landed in front of our house. At the house next door, ten adults stood around talking while a 6-yr-old boy drowned in the pool. Thankfully, the emts were able to bring him back.

2 moms found this helpful
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L.P.

answers from Pittsfield on

I wonder if anything can be done in situations like that?

I mean, is that something the police would get involved in? I'm not saying the child should be taken away from her, just that maybe this woman needs a wake-up call. She showed a horrible lack of judgement. That little girl could have drowned- it doesn't take long for something like that to happen.

Couldn't that fall under the child endangerment category? I mean to me it does, I'm just not sure how the laws are written.

Marda P.....are you on here tonight? :o)

2 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

She sucks. Pools suck. When my son was 2-ish, I was in the baby pool with him looking right at him when he lost his footing and went face down. If I wasn't literally looking at him he would have drowned. hate pools. hate. Hate. If the kids didn't need lessons I'd never go. Not to mention the hideous blinding sun and sweating every day at the crack of dawn for the dumb lessons. ugh. How long until winter?

1 mom found this helpful
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A.P.

answers from Austin on

There was a very sad incident here 1-2 years ago of a 4 year old drowning in a busy health club pool. It actually happened in a shallow, "splash" area. It seems that the M. was not watching the child. She then had the nerve to sue the health club. And the icing on the cake is that they weren't even members and had not properly signed in as guests. I don't know what happened with the law suit. I am amazed that people don't watch their kids like hawks at all times while in the water, even when lifeguards are present. I guess they just think nothing will happen.

1 mom found this helpful

A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Are you sure that nobody else was watching her? Maybe the M. had a friend with her and asked that person to watch her daughter while she had a cigarette?

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M.T.

answers from New York on

That's terrible. I know we all have different methods and philosophies, which is fine, but that's just bad parenting and very dangerous. A two year old should never be alone in a pool, no matter what floatation device. Also, a mother should never assume that someone is just going to watch her kid unless she specifically tells one person, "KATIE, will you please watch Rebecca for me til I get back?" I learned that lesson as a teen, at a family event, when my sister left my nephew (crawling age) in the kitchen with a bunch of people while she went to the bathroom. She came back to find him alone in the kitchen, eating ajax powder from under the sink.

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