Could Use Some Advice/reassurance with My Young Toddler

Yes it is normal.

There are two schools of thought.

1) It's not nice to discipline kids this young so you should wait, ignore, use cushy time outs and words, etc. (If you choose this, no, it won't just magically "pass" it will get worse as she sees she's in charge.)

OR

2) The younger you discipline the faster they learn. A little firmness up front saves nightmares later.

We are of the latter school, and my 3 under 5 are awesomely well behaved thanks to discipline. Even my 21 year old ex terror who started angry aggression much younger and much WORSE than the older two is now very good and happy thanks to FIRM nipping. My husband travels all the time so all the "leave them home" or, "Just ignore it and let it pass (escalate)" was not an option for me. I'm so happy now we nipped the stuff and I'm accused of having "easy" kids, but we were very diligent and firm between the ages of 1 and 2, and it carried a bit into the 2's, but terrible twos can be prevented by diligent early discipline. If you want a great book, let me know.

It sounds like you're doing a very good job and she is also doing a very good job...at being almost 2!!! She's hitting some perfectly natural milestones. I'm sure you're going to get a lot of good advice. I just wanted to address the throwing the water out of the bathtub issue. In our house, if the kids do that against our wishes, bathtime is automatically over. Just "pull the plug." And as for the bedtime issues, I think your daughter knows exactly what is pushing your buttons. Please try to eliminate guilt from your life. It's a useless emotion. And yes, this will pass. And yes again, I agree with your husband, you're being too hard on yourself! Best of luck.

Yes. Yes. And your husband is right. You're being too hard on yourself and it IS a stage that will pass.
This is, however a really good time to make sure she understands the rules and boundaries and what happens if she crosses the lines.
Good luck!

You are doing everything just as you should, keep up the good work. You are going to be tired and exhausted, just keep breathing.

The most important thing is to be consistent. She is old enough and by the sound of it mature enough to understand natural consequences. For example. "If you throw a fit it will hurt my ears and I will have to leave the room, That means we won't get to rock or read our story. That will make me sad. You choose do you want to throw a fit or do you want to read a story and rock?" Then just follow through. If you dump the water out of the bath tub bath time is over and you have to help clean it up. If you throw your food on the floor you must be done eating so it is time to get down from the table and clean up your mess. Then DON'T beat yourself up over it. She made the choice not you.

You are doing great, this will pass and you will enter some other phase that makes your head spin. Keep up the good work.

Feeling guilty just proves how good of a mother you are. I know it sucks but you have to stick to your guns so she'll know you mean business. If you give in to her cries and tantrums than she'll just get worse. I have a 13 month old and I see it coming out in her at times but maintain firmness and if she doesn't follow instrunctions then show her by doing it with her. Don't let her get away with disobeying. Don't yell or scream at her but talk in a firm voice and in between these behaviors shower her with hugs and kisses so she knows you love her. Good luck. I'm not looking forward to it cause I'll have a newborn when mine turns 21 months.

Sounds like to me that she is feeling the stress and picking up on the tiredness. You do more than a lot of moms do with their kids. I admire that.

I think just acting as normally as possible is the thing to do. Take a nap when she naps, go to bed after she goes to bed, get rest when you can, put your feet up and watch a movie together occasionally. You are doing a wonderful job.

It sounds like you're going through a lot of adjustments right now, and it's easy to feel guilty during those times. Hang in there!

It may be a phase, but I would definitely let your daughter know that the "bad" behaviors are unacceptable. My 22 month old daughter is always testing her boundaries, and we feel that it's our job as parents to let her know what is and isn't acceptable. She's just getting over being sick for about a week (where she got to be held and spoiled a little more than usual) so we're working on getting her back to "normal" this week. That means telling her that she is getting to heavy for mommy to hold her all day, or that as a "big girl" she needs to do/not do certain things.

Also, you mention that you're 30 weeks pregnant. Maybe your daughter is starting to feel like she can't do all the fun things that she did with you before? Can you husband "fill in" and spend more time with her? I'm 28 wks pregnant, and I know that I've had to have my husband step in and do more with my daughter (plus, I'm hoping it prepares her to have less "mommy time" to herself when the little one arrives).

Yes normal!
The bad news is that it only gets worse as they test more and more boundaries. I'm finding that 3 is the worst! 2 was hard, but 3 seems to be "spiteful" in addition to curious!

You have to set limits and make your rules that you consistently enforce.

DS (now 3) knows that "water stays in the tub!" - no splashing or dumping it out...just stuff like that. Keep repeating yourself. If she doesn't stop, she comes out. (At least, that's what we do.)

For bedtime, it'll be a battle until you put your foot down. Which feels really, really cruel. But it's a game - and she's winning. You just have to remember that. Especially with #2 on the way. You simply will not be able to devote the time to these shennaningans that you can right now.

I agree this is all normal behavior and definitely agree that firmness and discipline now are the way to go. She may also be picking up on the fact your pregnant given her maturity level. How much does she understand about this? Verbal preparation now will be key later on!

Consider yourself reassured!

Completely normal. Yes, it will pass.

Try not to feel guilty...I know that is easier said than done...we all worry, it's part of the job as Mommy!

Something that I have heard on here, more times than once, that rings so true to me..is as follows:
The fact that you are worrying and fretting and wondering about the 'what if's' and the 'am I's' is proof that you are doing something right....if you were not concerned about the 'are they getting enough's' and the 'I hope's'...it is then that you should worry!

~I severely disliked the making a huge wet mess in the bathroom phase!

You are a normal mom.Your a fine mom. You have a little girl who has realized that she controls very little in her world and wants to control what she can. I find that sometimes if I give my DD an option I can live with, she is happier and sometimes I just have to muddle through. Throwing food? Down from the table, no treat later. Throwing water out of the tub? Playtime is over. When my DD cries or screams, I try to get down on her level and remind her that I want to understand her but if she doesn't use words, I don't know what she means. Then I might have to let her cry til she's ready to come talk calmly. I also taught her to "take a deep breath" and we calm down together with breathing if she'll do it with me. We also do time outs and when I catch her doing good I praise her because she needs to learn what TO do as much as what NOT to do.

Yes this is so normal! I have a 23 month-old, she's my 2nd. Thank goodness I'm on my 2nd child, because now I KNOW this is normal and am not just hoping it is! It sounds like you are a phenomenal mom, so don't think for a second that her behavior has anything to do with that.

I don't think she is bored or needs new toys or anything - she's coming into the age where she realizes there might be more than 1 way to do things. She's testing her limits to see which one is right vs wrong, or which one makes you react in a certain way. Then once she knows whether something is right or wrong (like throwing water out of the bathtub), she's going to do it anyway and find out how you deal with - do you let her do it, or redirect her? Anyway quick thing about the bath - my daughter does this too...I just cover my lap with a towel (with her and my 4 year-old in the bath together, I would never stay dry!), and make sure there are no toys in the bath with her that can be used as a cup to throw water out. We use bath letters & numbers (the kind that stick to the wall when they are wet) as bath toys to try and minimize the water outside the tub!

Also I'm in Chicago too, so message me if you want any suggestions for places to take her for fun. :) Hang in there, you're doing great!

It is totally normal! Dont feel guilty, it sounds like you are doing everything right :) You really need to be setting boundaries and rebelling discipline at this age though. Otherwise she will walk all over you. By this I mean saying no when she throws her food or spills water out of the tub. She is old enough for time outs as well. Just keep them short and talk to her about what she did wrong :)

In my experience girls are MUCH more feisty than boys......do you know the sex of baby #2?

Everything you describe is indicative of a normal, well adjusted child her age. In fact, it says that she feels very securely attached to you and her dad. Kids who are well attached know that it is safe to test limits, because mom and dad will love them no matter what.

It will pass. But the "terrible two's" can last from 18 months until after the child turns 3. Just stay firm. Redirect her from unwanted behavior as much as possible. She's not quite ready to understand consequences, so time out and other similar disciplines won't work. But if she starts throwing food or dumping water out of the tub, you can always end the feeding or bath, etc. It feels more dramatic since you're pregnant, but it's not really much of a reaction to that, either. (She knows something is different, but isn't necessarily acting out because of that).

Parenting is an ongoing adventure. Just as she passes out of this trying stage, she'll find something else to make you scratch your head about. But as long as you continue to be firm, consistent, and loving, each stage will pass in it's own time. There comes a point when you will look at her and say "I miss that cute, troublesome two year old" (not because she's worse later, but just because she's older -- my daughter is graduating 6th grade next week and I'm certainly nostalgic about when she was little!)

Sounds normal. We always give our 2-year-old one warning and try to redirect him (he truly is a pretty easy little guy!) For him a time-out or even the threat of a time-out is devastating so we continue with that. Bath time if he gets on his knees and thinks about standing up the warning is "if you stand up bath is over" and then proceed to follow through. My little guy is also very verbal so we don't listen to crys he must use his words if he wants something. He also was having a problem with his bedtime routine. He would throw a fit but it was not the "I'm not getting my way" cry but more the "something is mortally wrong" cry. Finally after a few weeks he managed to use his words to say "stuck in here". He did not want to be in his crib anymore! So, he converted the crib to his toddler bed and now bedtime is soooo much easier again. And crazily enough he waits in his bed for us to come get him before climbing out. It all will work out and when all else fails hopefully your little girl will give you hugs and kisses (they count even if you have to ask for them!) which always help ease my stress.