Could This Be Post Partum?

Are you on any birth control pills, shots or patches? Or are you on any anti-depressants? That could do it. I had the same problem. Actually...I still have that problem and my youngest is 2!!

Hi J.,

You are not crazy, this is normal at least it was for me. I have twin boys that will be 4 next month and I didn't even think about sex for at least a year or so. It was kind of on and off for a while to. I believe that this is normal for some women. I felt very strange after my kids were born and didn't really feel like a women for a while. Just give it some time because it will pass and you will feel normal again. My husband was really understanding and we talked about it a lot! It helps to talk about it.
Hope I helped you>

J.

I got this, too, and thought it was too late to be post partum. My daughter is almost 10 months now, and I'm still trying to get over it. It started about 3 months ago, and what helps me the most is doing things for myself, like everyone else suggested. My husband signed me up for a stained glass class to have some "me" time one night a week, which I'm really looking forward to. I've talked to my husband about it and he's been really understanding and tries to help as best he can. It definitely doesn't go away on its own, so you should talk to your husband for some support. A few minutes, or hours if you're lucky, each week can really make a difference. I hope you start feeling better soon! :)

I have three children and I did nurse, I felt different after all them. My last one I felt a lot like you, and yes you may just be exhausted and none of us feels attractive when we are leaking or have cookie in our hair, no matter how beautiful our husbands tell us we are. But it doesnt hurt to talk to your doctor about post partum depression. I started off feeling tired and uninterested in certain things but it got worse I started becoming less interested in almost everything, I cried all the time, and then one day I was driving home from the store at night and I just closed my eyes and wished it would all end, I was fortunate I snapped out of it and called a doctor the next day. There are some meds ok to take nursing the benefits outway the risks, if you had post partum depression it would be up to you and your doctor as to what you want, I stopped nursing. dont take any chances talk to your doctor. good luck.
A. m.

J., this is an incredibly common condition that few women talk about openly. Lactation hormones certainly affect your libido...I cannot remember how quickly mine came back after I weaned my daughter, but it did come back!

The most important thing for you to do is talk with your husband about this...it sounds like he is trying to be understanding. Explain to him that this is a very normal situation, LOTS of couples experience (but don't talk about it), and that this is just part of parenthood. Sex is somewhat overemphasized in our society. It is not necessary for an intimate, joyful relationship. Enjoy the emotional closeness of being parents together of your wonderful baby girl. Find physical intimacy in "family hugs" and gentle touching. Explain to him that as primary caregiver, you can be "touched out" at times--that what you need is not someone else asking for more from you, but someone who will help you re-charge by giving to you--footrubs or gentle stroking/massage are what YOU need, not expectations that you will take care of his needs. It seems selfish, but really, you are giving a lot of yourself now and we're so accustomed, as women to giving and giving...now is a time for you to receive.

Hi J.,

I am a mother of 2, my boy is 7 and my girl is 3, and for me it was the other way around, my husband did not want to be with me, and I believe it was because being a mom changed me. I didn't take care of me because I was busy taking care of the baby, I was drepressed and I stayed home with my son for 3 yrs but had hardship with my relationship, he was unfaithful, and now we are separated. I don't know if this is postpartum or not but let me tell you that your husband needs you too, men are different than women when it comes to sex, so you gotta keep in mind that he has needs and you as his wife needs to be there for him and of course you have needs to. You have to take care of him without feeling pressured or doing something because of him, show him your love and keep yourself healthy. When you do have intimacy with him do it because you want to share yourself with him not because you want to make him happy by forcing yourself. You have the power to overcome this hurdle in your marriage, are you communicating with him about how you feel? Do you have time to go on a date frequently? I know it is hard when you have a little one that sucks out the life out of you but you gotta remember that how you handle this now will benefit your child later. The last thing you want to do is distance yourself from your husband. Let him know how you feel and ask him to help you. If you need to talk you can call me ###-###-#### leave a message pls, i sometimes screen my calls, sorry, or email me ____@____.com. I know it might be strange to talk with a stranger but then again it might be easier that with a friend or family. I would also like to share with you a Christian website where you can find some help, www.laughyourway.com I hope you can check it out. Remember that GOD has also given us the enjoyment of sex with our husbands and he wants us to enjoy that, if you think of it as a chore it won't be enjoyable and you won't want to do it. Think of it as a way to truly connect with your husband so make it enjoyable and pleasing so that you can look forward to it and not avoid it. Remember than this is the only time when we can truly be one with our husbands, one body, and making love is beautiful, try not to think of it as just "sex", bring back what you had before the baby came, the desire to be with the guy you love.

Good luck with everything and I hope I helped you even a little bit. With love your new friend, I. God Bless you and your family.

I had this, too, and it's more than likely just post partum, but this isn't something that just blows over! Talk to your husband about how you feel, and give him the opportunity to help you feel sexy again! It's strange to see your body as the life-support system for a little being, and it takes some adjusting to feel like you belong to yourself. I breastfed for 5 months, and during that time, didn't see myself as anywhere near attractive.
Look in the mirror. Do you still look like the you before baby? A little bit? Maybe you need a break, like, some mama time? I found that carving out 5 min to do something like put on some scented lotion actually made me feel more like myself. Have your husband watch baby and go have a pedicure? Little things like that helped me bounce back.
A.

It might be post partum, but I think it is more like exhaustion. I had severe post partum after my daughter was born. It went away, or so I thought, but the thought of sex right now does not sound appealing AT ALL. My daughter is 2. I am so tired all the time from running around after her. Also, it seems like I am not taking as good of care of myself as I used to, so maybe I don't feel so "pretty". It is common. Don't worry. Just give yourself some time to yourself...like baths, etc. Maybe you will start feeling like a woman again and not just a mommy.
Good luck!

This is very normal and no it's not post partum. It is very likely that your hormone levels are off, have them checked. Biologicaly speaking your body has filled the need or instinct to reproduce and for some the urge or need does not return until after the breastfeeding has stopped. If it's still an issue or you want to change the "not interested" statis then you may ask your doc for a little boost of testosterone via injection or cream. I had the smae problem and because of current meds I'm on I still do at times I too need a "boost" Just make sure that you are giving your husband affection in other ways to let him know that you do still love him and think he is still the sex god he always has been. Smile and hug your man! B.

Hi Jaquelin,

I have been married for 21 years and have 4 children. My youngest is 4. In my experience not wanting or thinking about sex was very normal. It may be postpartum, sleeplesness, distraction, any nmber of a thousand things. but it does get better. For me it seemed the older I got the longer those feelings lasted, but once again it does get better.

Talk to your husband about it- let him know it is not him- it is the situation, possibly hormones, possibly emotions, lack of sleep, not ever getting a break, the overwhelming responsibilty (I hope I am not depressing you) it is amazing how easily we can be effected by those things.

It has been 4 years since the birth of our last child and sometimes I still do not know if I am in the mood or not.

the way we handle it, is to go slowly- take some time- explore things- see if anything gets aroused- surprisingly- most of the time it does. Even if it was the last thing from my mind.

One last thing and this is pretty personal- Your husband physically needs to release his energy so to speak. So mabye doing things the traditional way may not work for you guys right now, but explore some ways that you can hel him to have the release that he needs.

I hope that helps,

M.

I agree with a lot of the other people. It's the breast feeding. I had zero sex drive for the first year after my son was born. I continued to nurse him until he was 3, so it will come back even if you continue to nurse. :)

J.,
It could very well be post partum or it could be you feel less attractive and that is why you are not interested maybe try going and getting a massage and your hair and nails done and see if you feel more like it if you have a sitter that can watch the baby over night?!?!? Then you wont be stessed out about the kids maybe set the mood the first few times...

H.

I have a 4 year old son, and thankfully, although I never went through post partum depression, I do know from my doctors and from reading everything I could get my hands on, that it is most definitely a sign of post-partum; but it is also a normal part of having a baby, (again, from what I was told) considering the tremendous changes that your body goes through, and hormones being all over the place, not to mention the mommy duties, I too, had NO desire for sex....it does take time, and maybe you should bring it up to your doctor the next time you have an appointment, because if your not braestfeeding, they have medication that can help. The best of luck to you, and dont forget to pamper yourself, no matter how crazy things get, you do need a breather now and then :-)

Do you mean post partum depression? 'Post partum' means "after baby" So you are "post partum" in that you have given birth in the last year but I don't think you have post partum depression. (at least not from the info you shared in your post) PPD (post partum depression) can crop up within the first two years after giving birth.

It sounds to me like your hormones are not caught up or 'back to normal' Breastfeeding can cause this. My sister had the same problem. I recommended Red Raspberry Leaf herb to help her and it worked. You can drink it in tea form (it has to be Red Raspberry LEAF tea not raspberry flavored tea) Or take it in pill for (the crushed herb is in a gel tablet) Red Raspberry Leaf herb is a great herb for regulating hormones. It is worth a try. You can get the tea or tablets at ANY health food store/whole foods/trader joes store. Drink the tea 3-4 times a day or take the 4 tablets a day (with plenty of water!) It only took my sister a few days to start feeling normal but it might take a week or more for you.

J.-

This does not sound like post partum depression. That usually starts soon after the baby arrives and lets up around the 2nd or 3rd month. If the problems persist past that, most people will recommend that you see a doctor. My best advice to you is not to wait until you're "in the mood", that may not happen. Do something nice for yourself that will help get you there. Take a hot bath, primp yourself, use a favorite body lotion, put on a nice nightie (you know the kind), and above all, relax. It will be the best thing for you and your marriage. I know it's hard to "get into it" when your husband seems to be pressuring you. But for men, intimacy is how they feel close to their spouse. He's not trying to pressure you to be obnoxious, he's saying "I want to feel close to you agian, please help me." Even if you think of doing it as a favor to him, you may find yourself enjoying it so much, you'll wonder why you waited. But don't put it off, if you can help it. Abstinence can become a habit, even for married folk. And if you are suffering from true clinical depression, do go and seek some professional help. Best of luck to you!

-B.

Do you have any pain? I had a very mild birth with both boys, but recovery was difficult. It turns out that I have very low estrogen after birth so I make granulation tissues, and have no sex drive what so ever. It took 6 months to get to the doctor after baby #1, and then I wasn't ready for sex until he was 9 months old. I went to the doctors eariler with baby number 2, but wasn't pain free until he was 18 months old. My husband didn't want to hurt me so he left me alone, but emotionally I wanted him to be close. Talk to your doctor to rule our physical things. Also, try and get some me time in there, and maybe ask your husband to be patient while you try some non-sex things... maybe massage?

By the way, estrogen cream worked like a charm with me. It helped me heal and my sex drive came back within a week of using it. I hope that you, your husband, and doctor can find something that works for you. Talk, talk, talk to someone!

I had this badly after my daughter was born she was a year when we found out we were pregnant again. My son was born Nov. 5 and I have had lots of sex drive. I am thinking it is the testosterone from him. (Where did God leave us out from having this stuff hehehehe) I am still breastfeeding and dealing with the 2nd round of babyfat and being home with 2 babies but it is still good. I will agree with the gal who said to find out about the testosterone boost. :) It sure makes life easier with the husbands (who do not understand)!!!

All of my girlfriends feel the same way! You're definitely not alone. One of my friends said she brought it up with her doctor, and her doctor said, very gently, "You know, sometimes you just need to get back in the saddle." That may sound kind of crass, but if you're NOT dealing with post partum depression, it's not bad advice. I know that the longer I go without, the less I miss it! I'm not saying you should feel forced or obligated, but I know for me if it's been a dry spell and I "get on the saddle" despite not really wanting to, my drive does improve.

And the other ladies are right- communicate, carve out some time for yourself, and communicate some more!

Happy Trails!

J.

Don't worry. This is totally normal. Especially if you are or have been breast feeding. After each child it is harder and harder to bounce back. It is physically harder to get you pre-prego body back. and therfore it is emotionally harder for you to feel sexy. Explain this to your hubby, talk it out, maybe come up with some romantic ideas that might help you. If it gets to much, try some counciling. But don't just hope it will go away. Another big facter is not enough sleep. come on your a mom, with a baby, not to mention a preteen. take a nap with the baby if you need too. Could be your just plain to tired. hang in there, talk it out, work on it together. Take care

Gosh....I can't tell you how much I can TOTALLY relate! I had a VERY hard time after my daughter was born. And yes, it was as if sex was never even THOUGHT about for me. It has to be hormonal. And quite honestly, my daughter is now 2 1/2 and it still isn't the same as it used to be.

I'm pregnant now with our second and finally getting somewhat of a sex drive back. In loving feelings for all of our husbands, I can't tell you that hardship this puts on them. My husband didn't think I was cheating, but simply that I didn't find him attractive anymore. Which is NOT the case. I love him more than ever since we've started a family!

Start by being honest with your husband. If this continues with our second child, we've talked about going to some sort of sexual counseling in hopes of sparking our love life again...

Having your OB check hormone levels as well is something that should be looked into.

I applaud your question about this issue, it something that none of us should be ashamed of, and we should all be aware of it....

Hi, J..
First of all, know that you are not alone. I had some post partum issues, this being one of them. Don't be afraid to talk to your doc. I still feel like this sometimes and my daughter is 7. I know that there are things that the doc may be able to suggest. Mine ended up being fear of getting pregnant again, and getting "caught" by my child. After you chat with your doc, try having some special alone time with your hubby. Have a special date nite, sometimes the being alone with your spouse is what you need. Bless your hubby for being patient, and keep talking to him.
Best of Luck, it will pass.
T. E

I don't think it would be post partum...but there could be hormonal imbalance causing it. I had the same problem with my husband and am now just starting to get over it. My son is almost 14 months old now and we're starting to talk about having another one later this year...but I just don't feel attractive, or sexy. That's my problem. I feel like more of a mom, instead of a sexy woman. If you haven't yet, you should talk to your husband about it. Hopefully he'll do whatever he can to help you sort out what he can do to make you feel comfortable with having sex.

Hi,
Don't feel bad....I think everyone goes through that same feeling! It's the imbalance of hormones. The stress of having a new baby on your body can definitely make your body out of whack. I had two pregnancies and felt the same thing after each one. I felt sluggish, fat, and didn't want anything to do with sex.

It does get better and pretty soon you'll be back to normal.

I take vitamins that are formulated especially for women that helps give me energy and balances my hormones. I also take a prolief cream that is especially formulated to balance your hormones. This stuff has been a miracle to me. After the kids my hormones use to make me so irritable and short tempered. The cream makes me feel calm and in control.

If you want more information on either the vitamins or cream let me know. ____@____.com or ###-###-####.

Hi,
I think what you are feeling is normal and is probably due to stress. I am the mother of a two girls ages 5 and 7 months. a new baby brings a whole new batch of things to deal with that you never had to deal with before. Money is a big issue, sleep deprivation is another, and add other children that need you also to the mix and a husband that has needs he wants from you and those things alone can cause anyone to withdraw and just not be interested in a lot of things. I think what you really need to do is have some time to yourself. Even if it is only a few hours to go to the mall and window shop (ALONE) you will see what a difference that can make. Maybe talk to your husband about how you are really feeling. It may show him that you need more help. I don't know if you work or are a stay at home mom but either way you need some mommy time and then some couple time. Hope this helps.

I had the same problem and after SEVERAL doctors appointments and several herbal medications one doctor finally had me take testosterone cream, you rub it behind your knees and elbows once a day for 30 days, and it helped, they had finally done a hormone test and say that my testosterone was low but not out of the normal range. I still don't feel completly back to normal but I am better than I was.

Hi J.,
Haven't read any of your other responses but hope this helps. I too had ppd with both my sons. Worse with the 2nd. I felt like all the joy had been sucked right out of my life. I NEVER wanted sex & like you it was the absolute last thing I thought about, if I thought about it at all. Whith my 1st it was extrelemy hard to make the transition from mommy to sexy wife. Sex felt like a "sin" to me after I became a mom. Luckily you have an understanding husband, but like all men he is a physical being. Our husbands actually need some form of physical interaction from their partner in order to feel "normal" mentally. Please seek help from your Dr. He/She can really help you & your family. You deserve to feel like your old self again. At the risk of being personal, try thinking of sex as your "right" as a married woman. It is something only you & your husband can share in & be one in.
Hang in there sweetie. & see your Doc. (OB-GYN)

I know this is personal but are you on birth control. I know some moms won't take birth control w ile they are breastfeeding but I know doctors will perscribe you a low dosage pill. If you are this could be the reason why. I was on the birth control pill and had no sex drive I was very irritable. I also tried the Depo Vera shotand that was worse.I got a lower dosage birth contol pill and this still didn't work. I thought here I am in my twenties I am still young enough that I should have a sex drive. Well I didn't like the idea of condoms but I decided to give it a shot. I am not kidding within no time that sex drive was back. It felt like a miracle I had not felt that way in a very long time. Only if I would have know. There is medical research that some birthcontol pills lower libido. And if this isn't it maybe it's just the fact that you are a busy mother. After you have kids you'r body changes. I understand you'r husband concern. But if you can't figure it out talk to your doctor.

You sound very busy with your 9mo. old as well as your older step-children. Are you breast-feeding? I did and this really lowered my sex drive because I felt my breasts were for my child. I didn't like to be touched because I was caring for my baby all day(and mostly, all nite) and I felt annoyed when my husband tried to touch me. You probably have little energy at the end of the day to think about sex, but you should at least try it to see how it makes you feel. Even if you don't climax, it will give you and your husband the closeness you both need. Don't worry, it will all come back.

PPD can hit anytime up to 12 months after birth. I know, I was shocked too- to be diagnosed when my son was 10 months old. Were they crazy? He was 10 months old, how could it be PPD- and that's when they said it could be up to 12 months.

The no sex thing is very common actually. But I think that's more hormonal than PPD (providing that's your only real symptom). Are you breastfeeding? That could have an affect on your sex drive. If you aren't, you might talk to your doctor and see if he can recommend something. It's common but it's also fixable. It should eventually come back on it's own but if you want it to come back sooner, I'd check with the doc. Good luck!

J.,

It is pretty normal but also frustrating. Talk to your OB, they deal with this all the time. It could be a bit of depression or exhaustion or simply hormones. After I had my first son, it took more than a year for me to get any desire back at all. In the meantime, I made time for my husband anyway and we took it slow and used lots of lubricant. I found that most of the time after we got started, I could get into it. I just had a hard time getting started. After my second son was born (3 months ago) it isn't nearly as bad as last time. I'm still not raring to go but I'm not as totally and completely n.o.t.i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t.e.d. like last time. But my husband is interacting with both kids more this time and helping much more. That has helped my outlook, my mood and our relationship tremendously because I don't feel so overwhelmed. Good luck!

T.

J.-
I totally relate to what you are going through, I am the mother of a 1 1/2 year old son, and like yourself I felt the same way you do. I don't think that what you have is post partum, what is happening is your hormones are trying to go back to normal again, give yourself a break and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. What you are going through is completely normal remember it took 9 months to have this baby and all the changes your body went through. It will take a good year for your body to go back to normal. As far as your husband goes, be honest with him and open up tell him how you really feel, you are on mommy mode, having a baby is a life changing experience especially for a woman.

L. A

i have no idea, but i can tell you this i know what your going through! my daughter is 4 months old and i have no desire to have sex either. my husband is getting paranoid thinking there is someone else which there isnt. unlike your hubby mine contstantly talks about it and how he isnt getting any, and then he will constantly touch me, grab me whatever and it really gets old. i get really frustrated because he just doesnt understand. anyways i know what your going through sorry i cant help, just wanted you to know that you're not he only one.
jessi

Hi,
I am 28 years old and have an 18 month old son. I am by no means an expert but I can offer my experience. I had no sex drive for a long time after my son was born. I finally had to just do it. I was painful the first few times and that was about 2 months after giving birth. Of course that made me want it even less. Your body goes through such a tremendous amount during pregnancy and child birth not to mention everything you are going through emotionally. It only seems natural to me that you would have a lack of sexual desire. Your body has changed so much so you might not be feeling sexy. Your exhausted from taking care of baby and a lack of sleep. Also you are trying to adjust to this huge change in your life. What you are going through is very understandable. Although you should keep a close eye out for post partum depression, some people don't always realize they have it. You can try talking to your Dr. about the lack of sexual desire he/she may be able to help out too.
The only thing I can recommend is what helped me. If you are a stay at home mom make sure you get outside and get some sunshine every day. I take my baby out in his stoller and go for a walk. This will help you get back into shape and feeling better. Once I felt good enough I also started working out (there are a lot of things you can do with your baby around). Also make sure you have some time for yourself. Have your husband watch the baby for a few hours while you get out of the house. This is probably stuff you already know but I know some women are so consumed with their children that they forget about themselves. I finally got my sex drive back around 11 or 12 months after my son was born. Just be patient and don't hesitate to talk to your Dr. about it. I hope you feel better soon!
Take care,
Kristy

I'm not sure if it's post partum, but I can tell you that I am going through the same thing. I have a nine month old son, our first child, and since I've had him I have zero sex drive. I keep thinking that maybe my husband and I should go away or to a hotel to be alone, but I don't even know if that will help the situation. I can't tell you if it's post partum, but I thought you may like to know that there are others going through the same thing. Thanks for sharing your story.

I had the same problem when my daughter was born (she just turned 6). I asked the Dr. and she said it's probably 2 reasons. #1 Breastfeeding and #2 Fear of becoming pregnant too soon. For me it was both reasons. My daughter was born prematurely and spent a week in the NICU. I personally think it could be to exhaustion. It took me a good 18 months, when everything became a routine, that I became interested in sex again. Hope this helps.

I do think that is does have to do with post partum because I am going through the same thing. My son is almost 7 months old and I've already experienced too much post partum. When my son was first born, it was the worst. I mostly felt really alone, even though I know that I wasn't. I gained 65 pounds during my pregnancy and I've been having a really hard time loosing the last 30 pounds. Over the last few months, I've found myself feeling really unattractive and sometimes depressed. but those feelings seem to come in spurts. Sometimes I feel great and I'm not thinking about it and other days it hits me like a ton of bricks. Mostly because of the clothing situation.

Overall I think these feelings have somthing to so with me having no sex drive. Before I was pregnant, we never had this problem but now that we have a baby, I have zero sex drive and my boyfriend makes commments similar to what your getting and it makes me feel bad becaues he assumes that it's him and that I'm not attractted to him anymore but that is not the case at all. It's me and it sucks. I really don't have any advice to solve the problem but I wanted to let you know that your not alone. I'm hoping that once my son sleeps through the night and I'm no longer sleep deprived that maybe my drive will come back. Or maybe something else will happen and it will come back. Either way, I hope that everything works out for you as well.

Take Care
T.

I did the same thing. I don't think it's post partum depression, if that's what you're asking. I think it is totally normal -- when you add a new baby, your life really changes. Your body is different, I think your mind works a little differently after you have a baby, and you are preoccupied with so many things. It's wonderful that your husband is being so understanding. I know for me, it just took time. I also tried to make myself think about it a little more since I knew my husband would like that :-), but if he is understanding and can show you affection and you can find time to be together, just the 2 of you, I think you will be ready again soon. I think it is important to try and find ways to still show each other how much you love each other and find ways to make each other a priority, too.

Hi, I think I know exactly what you're talking about. Are you breastfeeding? I breastfed my son until 9.5 months and the whole time I was I, like you, had absolutely no desire for sex. And my husband, like yours, tried to be nice about it, but I felt like he was really pressuring me and it stressed me out. And even when he did get his way, I wasn't into it much. However, my sex drive went back to normal about a month or so after I quit breastfeeding. Also, I've read this and I agree - as a mother you have a lot on your mind, a lot to remember and a lot to do. Maybe you just don't have the energy, time to spare, etc. for sex.