Coping with a Child Who Presents Challenges at Home...

I would wake my son, crawl in bed with him and be silly. Make noises and stuff. When he started whining, I would say: Does someone need a hug, put my arms out wide, hug him and then give me a zerbert. Maybe hes not a morning person.
I work full time so that was my break. after work, he did become clingy. I bought him some 2 of those big work out balls and we rolled around on those at night. He loved them.
I get out with my friends once a week so that really really helps or had them to my house.

Don't have any advice. I work outside of the home do that's my time away from my challenging 4 1/2 year old. Thank you for this question. I am very interested in the responses.

Back to Basics Discipline is a terrible book. Get it if you want to start serious spanking. The book says it better to start the smacking when they are first wiggling away when their diapers are changed.

I also never took any parenting advice from my Pediatrician. Medical advice yes - parenting advice no. They don't learn parenting in medical school, they just give their opinions.

Raising your spirited child is a great book.

How old are your other children? Is he lashing out at them or are they in school all day?

If they are in school I would really child proof your house. Not in the baby sense but in the 4.5 year old sense. Don't have lots of things that can be climbed on, thrown, broken, gotten into etc. Put doorknob covers on rooms you don't want him in. This way you are doing less damage control which is easier on you.

Then get him into some sort of school. My 3 year old is in 3K and he is learning lots of socialization and control stuff just being there and seeing others have to do that stuff too. Plus, it gives you a break.

Get a sitter to come over once per week for 2 hours so that you can get away for a bit.

Are you married? When your husband gets home, give him some downtime and then let him take the kids while you go into a room alone to decompress.

Also give yourself 5 minute time-outs during the day.

Use deep breathing techniques and tapping techniques. Google them. Works great for my stress.

Send him to his room and don't listen to the whining, crying etc. He can come out when he is ready to act civilized and talk normally.

Praise good behavior

Marbles to earn for good behaviour - marbles lost for bad. Marbles = special prizes.

He is wired differently so you have to do things differently.

Good luck. These kids grow up well but are hard to deal with when young.

My 4.5 year old is wired a bit differently. She has caused me tons of stress. One thing I do that I find very helpful is to greet her every morning with a giant hug, smile and kiss. If she is grumpy and whiny, I will turn it into a playful situation. She responds really well to this. In short, I spend a lot of time just trying to love her and see the positive. When this isn't possible, I put myself in a TO in my room till I feel able to deal with it.

I have one of those too! The most wonderful child in so many ways, but WOW, what a handful! What we are trying is to really be more diligent about staying calm and time outs consistently bc mine is very attention driven. Also, really trying to ask God to just give us that extra amount of patience and always trying to keep him busy and also make sure he has time everyday that is not just overly stimulating. It's a tall order!! The thing we don't want to do is change this strong drive and zeal for life he has but training him to manage it is no small task. Also just communicating about how he is doing together is helping my husband and I to come up with creative solutions and work together as a team so I don't feel like it's all on me and we know we have each other's back. Hang in there, you are not alone! I am the same, my other two don't match the intensity needed to raise my strong willed dude. You are not alone!! Oh and p.s. mine is in martial arts and that has really helped a ton as well as homeschooling which he just absolutely loves and excels at and which gives us time everyday to connect. Those two things have helped a ton!

My 4.5 year old son must think I have a bladder problem because I always "have to go potty in private" to sneak in my 5 minutes here and there! It seems to be the only place he respects my need for me time. Any other time, no matter what I'm doing, he thinks he needs 100% of my attention. I could be on fire and he'd still ask me to look for his lego, watch him move a crayon from one side of the table to another, break a house rule on purpose or demand a response for every block he adds to a tower.

I work at home and most of the time I do my job in the evening or on weekends, but it's a nightmare when I need to get something done for a client during the day.

It's exhausting!

I am actually envious of my 2-kid friends who talk about sipping coffee in the morning (I reheat the same cup of tea 20 times a day in an attempt to finish it) while their kids play together. Or getting the laundry done without someone jumping in the basket b/c they are engaged together elsewhere. But since you have other kids, I see this dream is not one-size-fits-all.

As I type this, he is chattering and moving non-stop next to me with a full-on monologue about what he is drawing and saying , "ok?" after every. single. word. so I will respond. A moment's peace, please!!

Also as I type this, I realize how lucky I am that I get to be with him for so many hours and that he likes me and wants to share his experiences with me. I know it, just sometimes need to be reminded of it.

He does have some issues that make him who he is. He is hard-wired differently than a lot of other kids and it's a challenge for me to learn how to integrate his style into my own. Knowing he can't sit still doesn't mean I don't cringe when he turns story time into an aerobic sport. Nor does knowing his need for validation/attention mean I can't be a little happy to run to the store by myself.

It's not just a matter of discipline. I get that!

One thing that helps a little bit is "doctor says..." For example, his OT said he needs to work up to 10 minutes of an activity by himself. He can be in the same room as me, but is supposed to only talk to himself and focus on that one task. So whenever I need a break, I remind him what Miss Misty said he has to do and he is much more cooperative than if I told him to have some private time on my own. He thinks private time is the biggest punishment!

Mine goes to school three days a week and I still feel stressed like you when I wake up. We do a TON of activities together - I swear, we have been to every place in the city. twice. - and it's never enough for him. I hope he channels this energy and drive into something amazing as he grows up!

Although he's already pretty amazing. :)

Good luck!

What's your schedule like? Does he go to preschool at all? How is he for other adults? I would imagine if he's only this way at home then it's probably a discipline issue, or maybe he's just bored (?) but you don't give us much to go on...
As far as taking care of yourself,
I got my "me" time two ways. Before they were old enough to go to preschool, we got out of the house, a LOT. I took them to different parks, library, zoo, pool, etc. and we got together with friends a few times a week. They burned lots of energy, and I got some adult time with the other moms. I also took time for myself when my husband was home in the evenings and on the weekend. Just being able to grocery or Target shop by myself was refreshing!
Once they started preschool (they went 12 hours a week) I was able to work out more, run errands without them and get together with friends.
Those are the ways I took care of myself. Maybe you can incorporate some of these ideas into your routine.
And I hope you are getting some solid parenting advice from the doctor and psychologist in regards to your son, he sounds like a real handful!

Join a gym where they have free child care and USE it!

Or take advantage of the city's recreation department's mothers day out. Drop him off and then go do some volunteer work. It will make you feel better to see and hear people's gratitude for your service!

On a daily basis, I would start quiet time, if you don't already, and use that one hour to soak in a nice hot tub with earphones listening to my favorite music with a scented candle burning. That should help recharge you!

Good luck!

Get him into a pre-K, preschool or mother's day out program for at least several hours a day several days per week. If he's this challenging at home, he'll be this challenging in a Kindergarten class next year. Getting him into a classroom this year helps him learn how to learn and gives you a little break for your self. Win-win situation.

I recommend raising your spirited child....not for parenting advice...though it has good advice....but when I read it the tears started flowing. I was so happy that iwas not alone....that this is not my fault at all....there are other kids like mine....

The best thing I did for myself was to realize my child played off my emotions. If I let him stress me out...he behaved worse. He just couldn't help it....it is the way he was wired. He was overly sensitive to those moods around him. It is a vicious circle....one that on many times I could stop. It does not solve the problem....but I was ale to react differently to it...which helped me.

I also recommend yoga...quiet yoga to stretch out those tense muscles...

My 4.5 year old was also very very challenging - read my other posts lol. But lately she seems to have improved a lot thank God. I don't know quite what I did differently if anything, but one thing that changed in my life was that I suddenly got incredibly incredibly busy. I started 19 hours of school, and have to commute 3 hours a day - I have not literally got the time to worry about her behavior any more, I can't focus on it as much and I think she senses that. the time that we do have together I concentrate on making it happy and filling. She goes to school full time now, preschool, and she likes that, she is happy to see me when I pick her up.
I am not suggesting 19 hours of school lol, but maybe she could go to school full time, maybe she is ready for that. I just think I personally wasn't cut out to be at home full time with her, or her with me.

Do something good for yourself everyday. I hope you have an understanding H. My H could set his own start and stop time everyday and used it to my advantage. He got up extra early to get home extra early during my kids most challenging years. He also took over clearing supper off the table when my second was born. It's during this time you need to be getting some refreshing. Read, call a friend, exercise. I had a great friend from church and we talked once a day. Take back some time in the morning to get up earlier than he does. I read the bible and prayed for 15 mins before starting the day. I prayed for wisdom and peace and good priorities. It sets the tone for the day. We tried to go Somewhere at least once a day, even if it was a struggle, I think we all got some benefit. I tried to remember that time spent teaching was never time wasted. We had a play group with a group called FEMALE..formerly employed mothers at the leading edge! Or loose ends, depending on the day! We have stayed friends for 20 years now. Find a real live group and join it! You need girlfriends! (my boys cringe when I use that term) I have a friend from that group that had a son with CP. we traded off keeping each other's kids while the other volunteered at school with our kids. Survival is a network skill.
Hope I have helped. We are pulling for you!

Is there something that your child enjoys being engaged in? Does he enjoy drawing or legos or reading or being read to or something like that? Even if he can focus for 10 minutes (which could be a long time for him at this age), it's a start to getting him to self-entertain. I'm a strong believer in getting kids to learn to do that since it's unrealistic for a parent to be their entertainer. Maybe you could bake a cake together as maybe he's looking for [more] attention from you. For the whining and crying, maybe you can tell him if he can stop whining/crying for 2 minutes he'll get a reward (I'm huge on rewarding positive behavior), and gradually increase the time until he's in the habit of not whining. You don't say what you do do to curb his undesirable behaviors, but it seems like if you work on those, that could help both of you. If you give in to the whining and crying, he'll keep it up. You also have to work at catching him having good behavior and making good choices, and give him huge compliments when you catch him. It doesn't matter what the behavior is, but he needs to feel what it's like to be praised so he'll want to keep doing the things he receives praise for. If he's being nice to a stuffed toy, compliment, if he puts a toy away that you asked him to, compliment, if he ate his veggies, compliment - anything and everything, and gradually move on to getting him to change the behaviors you find undesirable. This can take a really long time, but I think if you're consistent and stay on it, both of you will benefit in the long run. As for you needing a break, can he go part time to preschool? That would give you a break and allow him opportunities to gain skills for improving his behaviors too. Or maybe just hire a babysitter for a short time. I've also been known to simply lock myself in my room for a few minutes when I reached my limit. Good luck!

I am in the same boat with my 4.5yr old son. He is even experiencing troubles at school due to this specific type of behavior.

take a deep breath and try to stay calm, remain patient and my son is not like your typical 4yr old either. He does not follow the typical realm of the what to do books. I have found if I stay calm, talk at his level and be firm but friendly with my instructions, he listens, but has to be continually reminded to behave.

Also ignoring him helps if you can deal with the whining due to you ignoring him. No child likes to be ignored. I always tell my son to stop arguing with me and if it continues I will not listen to him and ignore him. bout 90% of the time, this works and i see an improvement.

This is a day to day process. I never get a break. I never get a minutes rest and i am always after my son. Its tiring to say the least but he in time will get it fully. My son has a TON of energy and those who are in contact and see how my son ask if he as ADD. he does not. He is a very spirited 4yr w/ undirected attention and energy he does not know what to do with. I have found some peace in allowing him at night to sit in the living room and play his game. He plays all day at school, he deserves to have a quite night home. On other days, he is only allowed to play outside or do something productive. This has helped with his behavior.

However when I was home with my son full time, OMG I was pulling my hair out. As his attention span is every where and not ONE thing would keep his attention for longer then 5-10mins. It was a challenge keeping him happy and occupied. It meant a lot of places to visit, different things and tasks to do to keep me sane, and i am a single parent!!

Hope this helps a little...and be happy your son is wired differently. it makes life interesting :)~ I see the benefit where others may not. haaa

Develop a consistent ROUTINE:
waking up
healthy breakfast (protein, fruits NO sugary stuff)
Time for exercising: Playground, park, gym, backyard, running, tricycle,etc.
nutritious snack
nap (no more than 30 minutes)yes..nap!
play outside a little bit
teaching something new; coloring, building legos, trains or cars, playing with toy food, etc.
Lunch
more playing or teaching simple things...reading, reading....
encourage him to play something on his own, a few minutes
bed time.
Something like this.....
At some point during the day, find a YMCA or an affordable recreation center, leave him in a "kids' corner" at that place, they always have one, or babysitting room, and do something for yourself (swim, walk or run.....or )
Take care,

How much time do you spend outside and at parks with your son?

When my son was that age, after breakfast, I took him to Pre-K, or the park, the beach, mom's group at the park, play dates at the park every day. He was not happy unless he was running around, climbing, digging in the dirt, pushing shovels, pulling wagons, dressed up as Spiderman of course.

I'm a big advocate for getting boys outside to explore.

GL!

The first time he says or does something good-make a huge deal out of it-don't focus on the negative and get up thinking that it could be different-maybe he is cuing off of you? Back in the old days- women having a bad day walked away and took a "Calgon" bath.

My third was the MAJOR challenge (was-now she's just a big challenge) but I did not "cope" with this from any of the kids. They each went through tough stubbornness, whining, etc all the phases. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Be VERY diligent and he won't act like this anymore. If you're ONLY interested in coping...I have a friend on meds for her nerves over her 5 year old. You could go that route. But honestly, if you know it's not medical as per your Drs, then improve things. Difficult kids are EXTREMELY difficult, but not impossible.