Contemplating Baby #2: to Wean or Not to Wean My Toddler?

Updated on February 01, 2010
K.Z. asks from Gainesville, FL
13 answers

I have a 16 month old girl who is still nursing. She had been nursing twice a day for several months, but has recently started preschool and is nursing more frequently. I like nursing her and she doesn't like cow's milk, so it suits us both. She has been in school for almost a month and has had one cold and one 24-hour fever and I think nursing is helping her stay healthy. I plan to nurse her for at least a couple of more months until she is settled in at school.

I want to start trying for baby #2 this summer. I feel like I have 3 options (1) wean her before trying to conceive (2) nurse as long as possible while trying to get pregnant, or (3) put off getting pregnant again until she weans herself.

All have their own pros and cons. What are your suggestions/experiences?

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So What Happened?

I had an appointment for an annual exam last week, so I discussed it with my doctor. I was surprised to find out that my doctor nursed her younger kid until 18 months and her older one until 2 years, which is a long time while working in such a demanding career. She said it wasn't unsafe to nurse while pregnant, but she would recommend weaning to avoid being overwhelmed and exhausted. She said it may also affect my fertility, but I doubt that since I got my period 3 months postpartum when I was still exclusively breastfeeding around the clock and it's been normal ever since.

I decided to start trying to conceive when my daughter is around 20-21 months old. If I can't get pregnant, I will probably wean. If I do get pregnant, I think I'll just see how it goes. Many of the moms who replied said their children lost interest in nursing after they became pregnant. Thanks for your input - I'm definitely in uncharted territory. I know very few people who have nursed toddlers and none who nursed while pregnant.

More Answers

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D.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi K.,
Everyone's body is a little different as far as how much nursing affects fertility, so I think you could go ahead and try to get pregnant while you're still nursing and see how things go. There's a great book called Adventures in Tandem Nursing, by Hilary Flower, that you might want to read before you start trying to get pregnant.
Good luck!
Sara

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N.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

You can get pregnant while nursing so that is a possibility. I have heard many toddlers find the taste of their mother's milk unpleasant after they're pregnant again, so she just may wean herself at that point. Weaning herself is probably most ideal in terms of her feelings so I would likely go in that direction if I could.

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

I would nurse her until age 2 and then wean and try for another child... that's just me...LOL

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

You don't have to wean your baby just because you want to have another baby. I was 2 months pregnant with baby # 3 when my second child, who was 3 years and 5 months old weaned from the breast. I initiated the weaning process because breastfeeding was becoming uncomfortable. My breasts during pregnancy were extremely tender and latch on was becoming painful. I can tell you that your milk production will change as your progress through your pregnancy and the taste of the milk will also change which may prompt your toddler to wean on her own. I say breastfeed your baby as long as you want regardless if you are pregnant or not. The only option to choose from is what works best for you and your baby so enjoy this special time together.

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R.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

You can conceive while you are breastfeeding, especially if you are having regular periods. I got pregnant when my son was about 16 months old and nursing once or twice a day. He continued to nurse for a couple more months. I must admit, I did not enjoy nursing after I did become pregnant. It's like my body just wanted to be done. I'm glad my son only continued for a short time.

I think it may take longer to conceive while nursing because you might not be ovulating as regularly, but every woman is different. It might happen right away. All I know is that it is possible to conceive while nursing and continue nursing throughout the pregnancy with no problems and your toddler can wean naturally.

Good luck!

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J.K.

answers from Gainesville on

I nursed while pregnant, until it felt so nasty I weaned my daughter. She was nearly 2 at the time, and by then she was only nursing at night to go to sleep. She had weaned herself to that point, so our weaning her was only weaning from one nursing.
It's up to you. If she likes nursing and you want to continue, you can keep nursing until you get pregnant. Actually, you can nurse through your pregnancy and then nurse them both, but that's a lot on your body. If you want to get the pros and cons of that approach, called tandem nursing, ask your local La Leche League.
Personally, once I was a few months pregnant, nursing felt GROSS. It didn't hurt, but it felt gross and awful. So I weaned her.

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E.T.

answers from Washington DC on

I breastfed throughout my pregnancy and currently breastfeed my toddler and baby. There were some unpleasant stages during pregnancy where nursing was uncomfortable, but I felt it was worth it.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

K.,
I have 3 children. I was nursing my first when I got pregnant with #2 (he was 11 months when I got pregnant) I opted to nurse until it was uncomfortable for me which was when he was about 15 months. Then, I was still nursing #2 when I got pregnant with #3. I ended up nursing him to about 17 months before I was ready to be done.

If you are not ready to wean, don't do it. If you want to try for #2, go ahead and try! I got pregnant right away each time so for me nursing did not prevent pregnancy. I didn't regret being a pregnant and nursing mama. It was a little bit draining, especially with my third pregnancy - my boys were 2 and 1 when I got pregnant with #3. I had to eat ALL THE TIME to keep myself from feeling sick to my stomach.

Good luck to you!
Jessica

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M.R.

answers from Miami on

If you're ready for another baby in the family, go for it. My husband and I started trying for #2 and conceived when my daughter was 16 months. She weaned herself about six weeks later. There is no harm in nursing while you're pregnant as long as both of you still want to.

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T.F.

answers from Miami on

My first daughter was 9 months old and still nursing when I got pregnant with #2. I never even contemplated stopping nursing when we were trying to get pregnant again. I continued to nurse her until she was 14 months old and I figured I better I better stop nursing her since the new baby was coming in 4 months. I went well. She never liked regular milk, so I have always made sure she gets dairy and calcium from other sources. Later, I started giving her reduced fat organic chocolate milk, which of course she loves and it's really not that much worse than regular milk and the benefits definitely outweigh the cons. Hope this helps. Good luck to you!

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K.M.

answers from Miami on

I would say then go ahead and start trying for number 2. It might take you 1 month or even more, who knows? You can get pregnant while nursing if you've already got your period back which I'm guessing you do cause nursing twice a day probably isn't keeping it away. You might find your daughter weans herself during your pregnancy when the milk dries up or changes taste. Like another poster said, unless you have a history of pre term labor it's almost always ok to nurse while pregnant. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't cause miscarriages.

Just to correct some misinformation from another poster- Your breasts will make colostrum for the baby whether or not you're nursing. Often women dry up or the milk turns salty tasting as the breasts start making colostrum. That's usually why kids wean during pregnancy. Also, tandem nursing is supposed to HELP with jealousy not cause it. I've read that in numerous places and heard it from people who've done it.

So here's my personal experience. =) I got pregnant when my daughter was 22 months old and continued to nurse her for 3 more months. I weaned her because 2 years was more than enough nursing for me and I wanted a break in nursing before the baby came. Plus, my daughter was such an intense nurser, I just knew tandem nursing was not for me. I would go crazy nursing 2 kids. My daughter was also ready for weaning and we did it in a gradual non-traumatic way. So I was really glad with how it all worked out. I'm still nursing her 16 month old brother.

Good luck deciding and either way, I think it's awesome that you have nursed your daughter passed a year! That's such a wonderful thing.

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K.G.

answers from Detroit on

You have another option...try to get pregnant while nursing. It IS SAFE to nurse during pregnancy as long as you have not had any other complications, cuch as preterm labor with your other pregnancies. I nursed during 2 of my pregnancies without any complications. Both of the girls weaned themselves during the 2nd trimester.
Blessings, K.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Here's the best counsel I've ever heard on this topic:

Don't have another child if it will negatively affect the attention, care, time, and physical resources available to your existing child. She's too young to argue for her needs, but they are real and legitimate. The fact that she wants to nurse more now that she's away from you more is telling; I would guess that this is her way of feeling more secure.

I love it that you have such a healthy little girl. BF could definitely be contributing. Since it sounds like you have the choice of waiting, why not revisit this question in a few months?

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