Consequense for 1St Grader Stealing

A first grader still doesn't fully understand the concept of ownership. Use this as a teaching lesson. He already has a reasonable consequence of going to principals office and writing an apology.

I would talk with him about the situation reinforcing the idea that we do not take what belongs to someone else. I suggest it's a confusing situation for him because we are able to take some things from a classroom. Help him understand the difference.

Why can't he go to the after school program and for how long? He didn't take anything from that program. If it's as a consequence for the theft, I suggest that is overdoing the consequences. You want him to learn; not feel angry at the unfairness of the consequence.

I think what the school has already done is plenty. I don't see how the after school program is at all related.

As a first grader I imagine getting sent to the principal's office will be pretty scary and serious.
Just TALK to him about it. This is a teachable moment. Don't be angry, be disappointed if anything, just make sure he knows that it's not acceptable to take anything from anyone, without asking first.
Further punishment should be reserved for repeat offenses, not a little boy who made a one time mistake, or a poor choice.

For 1st offense? I think this is enough.

For a first offense, and a first grader, I would say that going to the principal, writing an apology letter and missing his afterschool activity is punishment enough, but to help him understand, you need to have a frank discussion with him about controlling his impulses. We simply don't take what is not ours because we like it. Let him know that he has broken your trust and that of the teacher, and that you'll both be keeping a close eye on him.

I guess I disagree with everyone's kind intentions below (you must all be very sweet mothers!!) so I don't mean what I'm going to say as ANY attack on any of your previous answers...I just think of this issue differently.

To me, stealing when you are 3 or 4 is about impulse control. Stealing when you are 6, 7 or 8...you know what you are doing, and you know that it is wrong.

It does sound like the school punished him fairly...good for them...

If you are a Christian family, my suggestion for what you can do on your end is to go over the 10 Commandments and explain that God tells us not to take what isn't ours.

If he needs a further illustration, say, "How would you feel if Tommy (or whoever) came to our house to play, and took your (favorite toy) home and didn't tell you? Then you wouldn't have it any more...that's stealing."

I wish you well, and I will also reiterate not to be mad with your son...this is a good lesson for him, and you can handle it with love.

Sounds like you already have it covered mama! Talk to him and make sure he understands that what he did is called stealing and that it is not OK, and make sure he understands missing the afterschool program is a consequence for doing this. I'd leave it at that. IF it happens again, that is another story!

It sounds like the consequences he is getting from the school are appropriate and will make enough of an impression on him. At this age, he needs impulse control, not a guilty conscience.

As his mom, I'd make sure he understands why he has these consequences and that he knows he is loved and forgiven.

All my children tried this when they were in kindergarten or first grade. One of my girls whisked some bubble gum balls out of an open container sitting right within her five-year-old arm's reach. She did it so quickly that I didn't even realize what she had done until I saw there was something (actually, several somethings) in her mouth. She removed the items from their location, and then she and I went to have a talk with the checkout clerk, who was gracious enough to understand the lesson that needed to be learned and accepted my daughter's dime - which was what she had in her pocket - instead of letting her off.

Children don't know automatically that they can't have what they want and that's sitting there so temptingly. If it's in reach, they sometimes think, "It must be all right *this* time, maybe."

To know that Mama and Daddy (and Teacher and Principal) say the item belongs to somebody else - even to the store - is good for them to hear when they don't *quite* know well enough themselves. You didn't condemn your son as a hardened criminal, but you didn't shrug his action off. Hopefully, you made it clear that actions have consequences. Our faith gives our family definite guidelines on how to treat other people's property. Perhaps yours does, too - I don't know.

You can back this up over time in a friendly but teaching way. "Yes, those *are* nice candies (magnets/crayons/whatever), aren't they? They belong to (fill in the blank), you know. If I wanted some candy like that I would need to pay money for it at the store so that it would belong to me. But it's almost time for dinner, anyhow, and not candy time, so we'll just enjoy looking at it."

It takes a while to get this ownership/integrity/honesty business down really solidly in a little mind. This is a good start. I'm imagining that the after-school program cancellation is a consequence of the fact that you can't quite trust him today. But tomorrow he can do better, and you'll be cheering him on. And that's that.

Viola,
Since he is only in first grade, and he doesn't really understand, then I would suggest gently explaining that stealing isn't ok. You could also say no after school program for a few more days, if you feel that is neccasary.

Good Luck!

Often, young kids take things simply because they want them.
They don't think about the fact that someone else had to pay for them. They don't think about the fact that it might hurt someone else to have something taken that might be really important or special to them. They might not understand that helping yourself to what belongs to another is stealing and has serious consequences when it comes to losing the trust of others around you. More importantly, stealing is actually a crime and it's not to be taken lightly.

Definitely be on board with the school's consequences.
Beyond that, find an example your son can relate to. For instance, what is something that is really special to him? Does he love his bicycle? What if a friend he thought he could trust just took it and claimed it as their own and he never got it back? How would that make him feel? Would he lose trust for that person, even if the person DID give his bike back and said they were sorry?

In the long run, taking things that don't belong to you hurt YOU far worse than the other person. The other person loses a THING. YOU lose your integrity. There will always be that little voice inside you that says you know you did wrong. There is no object on the planet that you could want badly enough that is worth carrying the burden of knowing that about yourself.

This doesn't have to be the end of the world. He made a mistake and a very wrong choice. If you handle it right and can get him to empathize, he will probably never do it again.

He does deserve to be punished, but I don't think it's the punishment he will necessarily learn anything from. You have to help him truly relate to how he would feel if someone did the same thing to him. This is an opportunity for him to think about others' feelings as opposed to something he may want regardless of who it hurts. Including himself.

Best wishes.

Assuming you also had him return the magnets (or make other arrangements to restore the loss), the consequences are quite adequate for a first-grader.

I personally hope you don't keep him for long out of his beloved program, because he sounds like a guy who is pursuing his educational interests. While his method was certainly wrong, the drive is good, and the afterschool program probably will be more intellectually-stimulating to him than coming home, where he already spends much of his time.

I have a story about a misdemeanor of my own. I was a "good" little girl very shy and consequently pretty well-behaved, but in 6th grade, I was overcome by a desire for some good art paper in the school supply cabinet. My family made no accommodation for my artistic talents, and I never had anything at home better than construction paper, which is pure garbage to draw or paint on. I occcasionally saved my puny allowance for weeks to buy a good drawing tablet.

This is not to excuse my attempted theft. I'm glad I was caught in the act by a teacher for whom I had the deepest admiration. I learned my lesson. He just suggested that if I wanted paper in the future, I could simply ask him. No punishment; my own shame was more than enough. That increased my respect for him, and I never even considered stealing from the school again.

So, I'm suggesting that if your son is curious, as most kids are, and if his magnet-lust is part of a much more positive enthusiasm for learning/investigation, you support him in planning his allowance so he can buy himself some magnets. Or suggest he put this item on his wish list for the holidays.

I think the school should be handling this one because it happened at school. He did it there, got caught and needs to see those people as authority figures and know that they can restrict him and he must obey them.

When a parent steps in and takes that job from the teacher it makes the teacher a non-authority figure and they have lost any chance of retaining that status.

All my mother would have to to me was" I am so disappointed that you stole something." I would have been a puddle. I never wanted my mom to be disappointed in me.

It sounds like the school has good plans, just remind your son, that some day, someone may steal something from him and he is not only going to be mad, but his feelings will be hurt that someone would take his things..

How would he feel if he found out someone stole something from his mom....? I bet he would be mad and feel so bad for you.

I think the school's consequences are good.

But I also think he needs to have this made personal so he really understands what it's like to have something taken from you.

If I were you, I would take one of his favorite toys and hide it. When he discovers it missing, talk to him about how it feels to have your possessions stolen; how much he's going to miss the object; and how there is no money to replace it so he'll just have to do without.

I would either donate the item or give it back in a couple of days, depending on how his attitude is about the whole thing.

It sounds like the school is responding very appropriately. What I think your job is, rather than piling on another punishment, is talking to him about how stealing is wrong. I would 1) just keep reinforcing that all the consequences he's facing at school come from the fact that he took something that wasn't his, and 2) "steal" some of his toys and ask him how that makes him feel.

The punishments he's getting sound like plenty. It's your job to help him make the cognitive leap in terms of future conduct.

I used to use real structured discipline and have softened a bit. I do discipline, but I like to talk to my little one about doing the right thing and making good choices. Then I tell her, you know I have to discipline you.

I know sometimes you can talk about good choices until you are blue in the face, but if it is his first time, try talking and then the discipline you mention above.

My son got in trouble for taking things from his classroom in second grade. He knew very well what he was doing and that it was wrong. The things that helped the most is that I went to the school and had a meeting with him and his teacher... he had to sit through it and deal face to face with what he did and what the consequences would be, and he knew we were all on the same page because we were sitting there together.

I think the consequences that have been given are probably enough, but I would have him take the apology note to the teacher personally and give a verbal apology as well.