Confidence

Dear M., why don't you try and invite some of the older kids over for a pizza party, let them come in and see where you guys live and interact. good-luck

I also have a son who is now 9 who experiences the same issues. While I always encourage him, I try not to force it because it causes higher anxiety. He is being treated for Tourettes with anxiety and OCD tendencies. He likes school, (usually) and has friends, but on his own terms. It is not a metter of him being "spoiled", but that he has a different level of comfort with adapting and changing. He used to not be one to really approach others, but if kids come up to him, he is receptive. He has gotten better at it, though. I would encourage you to allow your son to feel comfortable in his environment and invite friends in instead of having him leave his comfort zone. Once he is comfortable, he will adapt better. I don't think it is as much a confidence issue for him, but how he socializes. There isn't anything wrong, per se, but he just has a different approach and comfort level in being with other kids. There isn't anything really to do to change it, probably, but more likely just to help him find friendship and relationships on his terms. As he gets older, he will learn and grow better at dealing with situations like this. Forcing him would probably make things harder, so just be patient and gently encourage him in new situations.

M. this is very common. I was without self esteem for most of my like and I am 52. I was always intemidated in sports so I didn't do them and now my health is effected. I also felt very bad speaking in front of groups even my classmates. If someone laughed they were laughing at me. It wasn't until I was in high school that I blossomed. each year I opened a bit but when I married and moved to an area I didn't know people I stayed in my shell. It is something he will have to over come on his own. It might honestly not hurt to have him talk to someone he looks up to or a doctor who might be able to pull hid feelings out and help him understand he's not alone with his feelings. All children feel intemidated by something. Just make him fell well loved. I didn't have that and you just didn't go to doctors about things like that others would have thought I was nuts.
Good luck.

I would keep encouraging him to play the team sports and make friends with his team mates. He'll eventually adapt. Another possiblity would be to have another boy on his team to be a leader for him and cheer him on. I would also give him much praise on trying and doing his best. The worst thing you could do is let him retreat.

Maybe some YMCA structured classes would help him with his confidence. He will get training and make new friends. Once he has increased confidence he will probably do well with his sports. Jackie A

Hi , I am just a grandma 52 kids 34-32 , grandkids boys age 910-8-3 and girl 7 (and the smartest child I have ever met. Almost scary)
Just a suggestion if mine . I would wonder why could something have happened to make the child so , or is he just shy. Our granddaughter is so smart it is very hard for her to be around children her age . She is way beyond them. I feel sorry for her alot, she does not make friends easy all she wants to do is crafts and read books. Her level is 5th -6th grade. She does not know how to play with toys , but does play a mean softball game. I really hope you find out . These times are very hard on children.
MeMaw

M.,

I am the mother of a very bright boy also who has issues. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, an Anxiety disorder, and other issues. When he was 4 we had him in group OT. It seemed to help him with being able to communicate with other kids...and help him with some of his other issues. He also is continuing to see his psychologist...who helps him work through some of the anxiety that he experiences. I am not saying that you have to go through all of that, but for our son we felt that he needed more that we could give him. When he would become anxious he would go and hide under furniture. He also had issues with OCD and that was making things worse. He did play sports and he made one really good friend that he would interact with and they worked really well together. Their were times that his anxiety would get the better of him and he would have melt downs and we just had to work through them with him. He was never allowed to quit, we told him that people are counting on him...if he didn't want to play he still had to stay and cheer everyone on. Sometimes he would choose to participate again and other times he would just cheer.

For my son it is a struggle every day. I would just continue to work with him and realize that things that come easy to other kids will not always come easy to children like ours. The biggest thing that I have had to do is to not let him take the easy road and quit. When he does I notice that it just seems to make him think that he doesn't have to do it in the future. I would just keep "gently" nudging him and keep up with the encouragement. We also try and let him make a lot of choices and then remind him that these are his choices and he has to follow through...at this age they should be able to start to be held accountable for their choices. I hope that this has maybe, in some small way, helped you alittle. If I could ever be of more help please let me know. Good luck with your son.

Hi M.,
Of my eight kids, I have one son age 9 who is the only one that is highly self-conscious and in some areas lacking in confidence--most notably, athletics. Wish I had more time to write...but the one important bit I want to offer, whatever else you do, is to love him where he's at. Try hard to avoid communicating to him that you're disappointed in him for hanging back, or that YOU really want (for yourself) for him to be different than he is. Support him through this time. With patient support and love, he may slowly overcome his worries. Or it may be that sort of interaction will never be his thing...and he'll still feel good about who he is if you haven't pushed him.

God bless