we were gone 7 days. Boarding would have cost between $150-$200. my aunt is lovely and when We ASKED she agreed to watch our dog. she often dog sits her adult son's dog as well.
We did this last year and my husband agreed to let me leave her $50 cash when i picked the dog up. This year i assumed we would do as before, when i asked for the money before i left to get the dog, he threw a hissy fit. now i am Raging mad and trying to be calm.
i get maybe i should have metioned it before we left the dog with my aunt, but I didn't because he wanted to leave the dog iwth our neighbors who i do not like and who would have been in my house. And i think that is why he is mad, because he knows i don't like the neighbors but he does .......OOOOO! iregardless if the neighbors watched the dog or my aunt, that is a major inconvenience and we should pay them as welll. wished i would have thought to metion that when he was on his tireade.
my aunt by no means would expect the money, but she is one who is always slipping my kids money, she spent $100 on a housewarming gift for us. she does other little favors for us sthat are less inconveniet and we don't pay her. But it's just the nice thing to do, when someone goes out of their way.
hubby mentioned that we don't pay his paretns when they dog sit for a weekend. my response was that we should. and He tried to say he didn't want to be in a relationship with people if we had to pay for that relationship? WTH? can anyone interpret that??
While i'm venting, I"ll also mention that I felt like dirt when his college buddy that had been unemployed for 8 months and is just now training for a new job that he hasn't actually started yet, PICKED up the CHeck for hubby and i and our 2 kdis when we met him for dinner, I couldn't believe my husband let this guy who was in serioius financial trouble pay for our dinner. albeit the guy did insist but he never should have been able to grab the check in the first place!
so i am just mad mad mad about all of this. I don't even know what to say to dear husband to get him to see the importance of this. I don't want to say he looks cheap because it's more than that, it's appreciating people and showing them that. I just do't know how to phrase it so he'll get it.
He grudgingly left me a check for my aunt, which there is a 50% chance she won't cash, But i'm still very angry over this.
does anyone have anything to say to soothe my anger before this turns into a HUGE blow out. Usually, i just try to bite my tongue and let stuff go but I'm ready to take a stand on this one.
He is still being pissy, i'm not sure what his problem is, and it probably isn't the dog.
He controls the money, I'm not good with it and while i don't like having to ask for it, I also don't want to balance the check book myself. I wish we could come up iwth a compromise, but we haven't so far, he is self employed and income fluctuates alot, I work part time and he cashes my checks and pays our taxes and morgage with them. so it was a big deal to get my hands on that much money. There wasn't time nor money for me to make a gift basket, But that being said we were on vac and he was fine spending money on activities and souveniers for himself with out a thought in the world.
That is a whole separate issue though, My bigger point is that he NEVER thinks about others first. HE never offers to pay, but instead sits back and waits for others to pay such as the out to dinner thing, and he may toss off a thank's for watchign the dog, but never a heartfelt anything and he simpley doesn't understand offering them money for watchign teh dog.
ugg i wish i had time to explain it all and make sense. because it still hurts me.
My husband is the same way when I pay a dog sitter. So I learned I really do not have to ask him. I just pay the lady who loves my dog. My husband hates anything I pay for with the dog. I dont tell him.
I would definitely compensate in some way; for an adult like a friend/family/neighbor, unless you "hired" them with compensation set out before hand, I would do something other than cash like a gift or gift card. It doesn't take long to bake a batch of cookies, and it shows heartfelt appreciation without costing much. Or a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store.
I think your question brings up a much larger issue though - by having complete control of the money, your husband has complete control of YOU.
I know every couple does what works for them and I don't know your entire situation, but you should have some "say" in where the money goes. Even if you're not good at actually managing it and paying the bills and whatnot, you should still be aware of how much there is, what it gets spent on, and be a part of deciding that. You bring home a paycheck and he takes it, without you having any say of where it goes? I get it if you're on a tight budget and that money is allocated to a certain thing...but especially since you are contributing financially to the family, he shouldn't be the only decision maker when it comes to an expenditure. (you should have a "say" even if you didn't get a paycheck - marriage is supposed to be a partnership!!)
Unless you're a total out-of-control spending monster with a shopping addiction, there is NO reason why you shouldn't have access to your own money! If he can spend money on activities and souvenirs for himself, the budget must not be that tight - so he has no excuse for not "allowing" a certain amount of discretionary income for the household (that you get access to instead of having to ask for every dollar).
I certainly don't have all of the answers, and I know that saying how things "should" be doesn't always mesh with reality...I wish you peace!
Of course you give her something. If not cash, then a nice gift that costs at least $50.
Your hubby is being selfish. Of course you give money, a gift, a dinner out, etc when someone does you a favor like watching your dog.
You treat people the way you want to be treated, if your hubby doesn't get that, then maybe he needs to go back to kindergarten.
Why do you have to go through him to get a check? I would withdraw $50 and give it to her in a nice thank you card. When I pet and house sit for neighbors, they give me a thank you card and put a gift card or money in it. I never expect it and think it's sweet and thoughtful when they do. I do it because it's the kind and neighborly thing to do, and maybe in the future I'll need reciprocation. But I do it because I like to do it.
Your husband, though... sounds like he wants something for nothing and is perfectly happy with taking even when others can't afford to give. His short temper and tight grip on the check book make me wonder if finances are tighter in your household than he's told you.
Leave her a $50 gift card to a place she likes.
As far as your DH freaking out, it sounds like you have bigger issues to deal with than worrying about whether or not to pay your aunt. He sounds a lot like my BIL - he had my FIL come here from another city to help him after surgery. He didn't even give him gas money or pay for his meals while he was here. Unbelievable!
PS, where do you get animal boarding for that cheap?! It's way pricier here!!
I'm not a guy, so maybe the men on here will chime in if I am wrong, but perhaps he was being kind to his college friend? How emasculating it could be for him to be taken out to dinner by you guys, with a family to support. Right?
As far as the dog sitting... I would think he would know you would be giving your aunt some cash. Not suggesting that you shouldn't discuss money or expenses with your spouse at all... the opposite. you should. However, you also shouldn't have to ask him for the money.
Stuff like that tends to go like this in our house:
Him: "Did you get the key back from ___?"
Me: "Not yet. I don't have the right bills to pay her in my wallet. I have to go to the store first. I'll send our son over after I get back from the store."
The end.
He doesn't even ask how much. He rarely ever asked how much I paid for any of our baby sitters. The few times he did, his eyes got a little too wide, and he stopped asking.
He doesn't WANT to be involved or know about this kind of stuff. He just wants it taken care of so he doesn't have to think about it.
I would never feel like I had to ASK him if I could give someone money for doing us a kindness like what your aunt has done.
Now, that said, if your budget is extremely tight, maybe he thought he would be able to "save" that money for something else. But, assuming you were gone for a week for something along the lines of a vacation.... that is part of the cost of the vacation. Ya know?
I have to say, my impression of this, is...Is your husband just trying to avoid worrying you with money problems, that maybe he's trying to hide from you?
I'm wondering why you had to ask your husband for money? Do you not have access to an ATM card, a bank account or a checkbook? That sounds like the bigger issue.
You have to give something! If it's not cash, then a gift certificate to a restaurant, spa treatment, bookstore... something!
Our neighbor's son (13) takes care of our cats when we are out of town. He's great about it and we pay him to do so despite his other insisting that it's not necessary.
Even if someone offers to help, it's nice to acknowledge the gesture. I wouldn't give a family member cash though. It's kind of insulting.
I read through the answers and your post... you say your aunt probably won't cash the check, so why bother giving her a check in the first place? I say this because when my husbands aunt was alive, she would give him checks for birthdays and whatever (his mom does the same thing too) and he just will not cash the check. He says they need the money more than he does, and I try to explain that it is a gift and he should use it to buy himself a gift and he just tucks the checks away and forgets about them. Personally, if I gave someone a check and they didn't cash it, I would feel kinda bad, but that's me. Instead, why not make up a little gift basket of things you know she likes. could be simple things like coffee or tea stuff or even snack stuff and you could put homemade stuff in it. Does she have anything that she collects that you could add to? I can understand why you would be mad though. But, with anyone who does you a favor (even if it's parents) a non-monetary gift is a nice way to say thank you.
It sounds as if your husband is doing some venting at people.
I'm a dog-lover, and whoever takes good care of our dogs (or cats) needs to be thanked in a tangible way, if possible. Even when they don't require being paid, we try to see that they receive a gift certificate to the pet store for their pets, or a dinner somewhere.
Let's give your husband the benefit of the doubt and assume he's very concerned about finances right now. Even so, I'd certainly compensate someone for taking care of my pets - or my children. If that's "paying for a relationship," then I have a different definition of what a relationship is. I would give the gift myself, and plan on doing that from now on.
Watching someone's dog is a BIG favor. You are right he is wrong. Try to find comfort knowing you are not the cheapskate:)
Of course you give her something. She did not have to dog sit for you and she probably did do it from the goodness of her heart.
You need to let her know you appreciate that gesture because it saved you a good chunk of money. My pet/house sitting bill when I am gone for 3 nights 4 days runs in the neighborhood of $400. I would never dream of not paying a family member or neighbor who provided that service.
Sorry... I know YOU appreciate her help.. your hubby just needs a wake up call.
Do something, cash, dinner, spa day, something.
