College Daughter Boyfriend?

I agree he likely is just being polite. If my boyfriend's parents had asked me what I wanted for christmas, I'd have said "oh, nothing but thank you." to be polite. I think family are the only people you actually tell what you want. Is something like a phone card applicable so he can call home more and it doesn't take up space?...

I agree completely with Krista P. It's a sign of good upbringing. Please don't take it personally. Like Krista said, if he's in the military, even if not getting ready to deploy, they don't have much room for storage so any extra "stuff" is probably not really appreciated.

You could always make him a bunch of xmas goodies that he can share with the rest of the guys in his group/squad (what do they call it?). Guys can never get enough homemade goodies!

He's really busy in Basic. He may not have anywhere to put "stuff" or be able to wear or use things you give him outside regulations.

I'm not sure whether you mean he doesn't want anything from YOU or from your daughter. Different problems. Why do you feel like YOU did something wrong?

What I might do is find out what kind of phone cards he can use or send him a card with money.

Well, if he's in basic training or about to be deployed he probably doesn't really want "stuff" right now, as he may not be able to take it with him.

I would suggest maybe a nicely framed picture of him with your daughter along with a card and leave it at that. When asked what they want for Christmas, most adults will say "please don't buy me anything" so don't take offense to that. It's actually a sign of a good upbringing. If he gave you a laundry list of his "wants", I would be worried!

Wow, I feel like a loser mom of a graduate college daugher who had boyfriends. I never sent them anything. Not even a card. I figured if and when it gets really serious, like their engaged, then I'll start including the standard birthday, holiday cards. Until then, it never crossed my mind. Although we have taken many her BFs out to dinners/movies, etc.

It sounds like he's just being respectful. When you go through basic your mentality changes as well.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

People commonly say "oh, you don't have to get me anything" when they don't want to inconvenience you. It isn't meant to be personal. Get him a card or something if it isn't going to financially burden you. He'll appreciate it, he just wants you to know that it's okay if you can't.

I think he may think you have done enough bringing her out there to see him twice. He's trying to not have you spend money on him. Don't be offended.

Or he's getting ready to dump her and doesn't want to feel like a bigger doofus with a $100 gift from the ex's parents...

Or he's just being polite. Either way, just ignore him and do what you want.

He might not want you to go out of your way. Maybe he feels you have done so much already. Still get him something.

He's in the service. He doesn't have room for things. And...as others have said, it's a polite thing for him to say. I'd guess he's glad you took your daughter to visit him and that's more than enough for a gift. Look at this request as a thank you for all you've already done.

Why do you feel that you've done something wrong? Could your need for approval from him be coming thru to him and he feels the pressure?

I'd still send him a card and enclose a phone card if you want to do something.

If there is something going on that doesn't come thru in your post, then ask your daughter why he's saying this. If she doesn't know she can certainly ask him.

1) Has your daughter (since she is his Girlfriend), asked him why he does not want a gift? She can ask him why, ya know.
2) Maybe he feels it is not necessary because you ALL spent on visiting him while he was in basic training.
3) How old is your daughter? Is she also in college? You said this is your daughter's "college boyfriend." So, is she in college with him too? Or not? Is she younger? The reason I ask is: typically, a college aged girl, can and does go traveling on her own or with friends. But... you/and your Husband, TOOK your daughter to go see her Boyfriend. With her. So... does that mean your daughter is not old enough to go see him, by herself????
And the other side of the coin is: the Boyfriend wants to see HER. And maybe he wants to see her... without her parents, there, too. Like a chaperone. Maybe he feels, hovered over. ??????

4) Or, maybe he does not want a Christmas gift, because he is going to break up with her. Or, maybe, she and you all.... are making him feel... a bit pressured.
5) Or maybe, he does not want a gift from you/your Husband, because HE cannot afford to get gifts for everyone. And he might feel bad if he does not get you/your Husband a gift. Too.
But for your daughter, since this is his Girlfriend, he may get her a gift.
Maybe, you/your Husband getting him a gift... makes him feel really obligated. And he can't afford it etc.
6) Then, they have been together for 15 months. That is not long. It is really up to your daughter and him, to decide how their relationship flows.
It may be a relationship that is long term and will progress... or, it is a relationship that is just, temporary. Not all relationships are "serious."
But that is your daughter's life. And choice. And between she and her Boyfriend.
7) Plus, the Boyfriend is far away. Did your daughter AND he, decide to continue the relationship???

Ultimately, this is your daughter's relationship.
And if the Boyfriend does not want a Christmas gift from you "all"... then at least he said so. But really, your daughter can ask him why. Since you... are wondering about it. She is his Girlfriend.
This is their relationship.

Maybe he doesn't celebrate Christmas. Maybe he doesn't want you to go out of your way for him. If nothing else, get him a gift card.

Put yourself in his shoes. Accepting a gift from his girlfriend's parents might feel like there is extra pressure to "join the family." His relationship is with her. Let her give him a gift, and you stay out of it. Just be her parents. Be gracious and kind to him, but don't treat him like he's your son in law. He's not, and that may stress him out.

Also, giving him a gift may make him feel obligated to give YOU a gift. He probably can't afford to do that. Just let it go.

Why on earth would you feel like you've done something wrong? If you feel like you "have" to give him a Christmas gift, you can send him an Amazon gift card for a small amount ($25-50 or any amount you want). Those are fun. He can download music or books or order anything else he wants.

Chances are, he's being polite. If it looks like this is going to be a long term relationship (and it sounds like it will be), get him something that help him get to know you better. Something handmade or a calendar with important dates already filled in.