Co Sleeping with My 13 Month Old Daughter

Co sleeping is NOT a good idea. If you visit this site reguarly you will see that MANY people do this. However, many people are also asking "How do I crib train my baby?" Crib train...I had never even heard of such a thing until I visited this site. If she is already sleeping in her crib on her own you are one step ahead of a lot of people. I don't think having her in bed with sometimes should be a problem.

I learned the hard way on this one... I let my daughter sleep with me all the time when she was this young because she would wake up and cry. When she turned two I had to shut her bedroom door and watch as she stuck her hands under and eventually fell asleep crying by the door. She is now 3 1/2 and sometimes still puts up a fight because she wants to sleep with me. I personally would say stop it now before you and your child have to go threw the stress of weening her off of sleeping with you.

My son slept with us till just before 3 years old, because he slept better that way and so did we. But around that point I decided to move him back to his room, and we just approached it as another milestone with him. I played it up that he was a big boy now and could sleep in his own bed and how exciting was that, etc, got him some new pj's, made it fun. For a few days I would sit at the end of his bed while he fell asleep. Then for a few days I sat in a chair at the doorway to his room. By then he was fine. It really wasn't a big deal.

My point is that if because of necessity right now it's easier for your daughter to be sleeping in your bed, then just go with it. It doesn't do any permanent "damage", she'll be fine when the time comes to move back to her own bed. In my opinion, it's really not something worth worrying about. :)

I have no problem with co-sleeping - and in fact recommend it to other moms that I know. Your daughter is only 13 months old - in nearly all cultures outside of ours, your daughter would still be next to you all the time. Only in our western culture do we have this thing about making babies be independent. Why? It doesn't make sense to me and it doesn't feel biologically or developmentally appropriate. What seems right to me is that you nurture and love your child as much as you can - and that take every second that you can get with her as a baby to make her feel loved, nurtured, protected. To infants and toddlers, love is touch. There is no other way for them to understand love outside of being cuddled and held. So, during this period of extensive brain development, wouldn't you like your child to be touched and feel loved as much as possible?

Those moments when my daughter and I were able to cuddle are priceless and I treasure them. She is now 8, and growing up fast. It seems like it's only been a moment and we're now halfway to adulthood. In another moment, she'll be gone.

However, if you decide that she needs to stay in her own bed, then you need to stick to that, and not let her come in your bed sometimes. A 13 month old isn't able to understand distinctions and nuances, and she will not understand why sometimes she gets to come in bed and sometimes she doesn't. Whatever you decide, you need to be consistent. That's only fair to your daughter.

It will be a difficult cycle to break, but lighten up. Its just the situation you find yourself in and you will need to deal with it as you are able. Right now co sleeping is serving your family the best.

I've been reading Mamasource for a couple of years now and other than potty training, how to break a child of co-sleeping and convince him/her to sleep in his/her own bed is the number question posted. You may want to research all the responses and decide if this is a road you want to travel. It's tough, though, given your living arrangements.

For me, I was committed to my sons sleeping on their own from day one. I could never sleep when they were in bed with me and my husband for whatever reason. My bed is for me and my husband, period. It's the one place in the house we can be truly alone and I didn't want to give the up. The kids get the rest of the house, so I never felt selfish. But, that's just me. Good luck.

I'm (to an extent) in the same boat you are. My son was a perfect sleeper from an early age, but around 7 months old he started waking up in the middle of the night. I couldn't bring myself to let him cry...and I have to get up for work at 4:30 every day (I live on the west coast, but work east coast hours), so losing sleep to 'put' him back to sleep every night wasn't an appealing idea. I eventually just pulled him into bed with me, and he sleeps like a dream there. Now at 12 months old, every night, I get him to sleep...he sleeps anywhere from 1-3 hours in his crib, but then wakes up and comes into bed with me. Part of me likes this arrangment, because it is some extra bonding time with him that I don't get during the day, what with being a working mom.....but, the other part of me would REALLY like to have nights all to myself and my husband (who spends a lot of his time on the couch these days) - and I worry that I'm going to have him in my bed until he's 5.

It's a slippery slope, isn't it?

I suppose I haven't given you any advice here...sorry about that...just wanted to commiserate. You're not alone. Hang in there. Good luck!

Co-sleeping is great! Wish my kids still wanted to come into our huge bed that we purchased for that purpose. By age 3 or 4, they just wanted their space and moved on! Enjoy it while it lasts...it's cozy and convenient!

The best advice I ever got about raising kids is, "Start as you mean to go on." If you don't want your daughter sleeping in your bed as she gets older, then don't bring her in your bed now. It will just become a habit that you have to break down the line, which will be painful for both of you.

As for the parents who are still co-sleeping with their older children, I really feel for you. You are very likely in for some major heartache when your child gets old enough to WANT to sleep alone, because they will be unable to. This happened to my sister. I also have a friend who is a therapist who has seen this scenario many times as well. Around the 10-12 range, kids want more privacy & independence and want to sleep in their own room. Problem is, they've never slept alone so they physically cannot fall asleep, on top of the psychological issues of being scared & lonely.

Hope you are able to get your own place soon. Best of luck to you and your precious little girl!!

We do it if our dd is sick. Other than that, no way! In my opinion it is a very hard habit to break that I don't want to get into. She is crying because she knows it gets her into your bed. Tell hubby he will have to deal for a couple of nights with the crying for the good of the long haul. : )

I know its not ideal but eventually they will grow out of sleeping with you. My oldest(who is 12) co-slept with us until she was 4, my son (who is 10) did the same. My youngest who now is 4 still sleeps with us most night- she doesn't really have a good bed of her own at the moment- when she did- she would sometimes sleep in her bed all night, other times she would wake up and come in our room. I haven't heard of a 6 year old or older still sleeping with their parents- eventually they will want their own space. Sometimes it is just easier to co-sleep especially when you are living in someone elses house.

LOVED it....with all 3 of my kids. They are the most self-assured kids I know and have no fear of the dark, or anything else really.

I wasn't sure about it before my first baby was born, but I found it was great for all of us and the bonds we have.

L.,
I'm a big proponent of co-sleeping. Our family has practiced it from day one and we have a tight-knit little family. I completely agree with the previous poster!

I once read about a mother from a co-sleeping culture who asked an American mother, "Is it true that your babies sleep in cages??" I had to laugh at that one. To each his own, but we wouldn't change the sleep path we've taken for anything! Good luck :)

My husband would put our daughter in our bed when he left for work each morning at 4 or 4:30am. Looking back it is good bonding and good security for the child. My son whose older slept with us because he was ill and a fever meant off to the hospital. They both transitioned on with little trouble around 8. My daughter still came in occasionally when she was cold or something after my husband went to work until a teen. The tables turned when my daughter would come into our bed on his day off and I reminded him he started this...;-) haha We sent her back to her room as there was no longer room for three!

Hi there

Sorry to hear about your lack of sleep. I can see how hard it is, given that you are living in the in-law's house and that your husband has to get up early. From my own experience, it is very very difficult to do any kind of sleep training if the kid is in the same room and if you are under circumstances that you really can't let her cry for even a short time. Is it possible to find a small (even tiny) spare room where you live that you could put her in? And when she cries at night, you can go to her space and comfort her and try to get her used to staying in her bed. If you really want to stop her habit, you have to make some changes, and be consistent. In your case, you may have to try change your circumstances a bit, or work around it, to make it happen. Sorry if I don't have a good solution for you. But best of luck.

This may shock a few of you & scare people off sleeping with their babies/toddlers (I hope it doesn't), but we personally love it & so does our daughter, who still sleeps with us at 10. Not only her, but many of the families we know, including those with boys older than my daughter sleep regularly with their kids.

Of course your daughter cries because she wants you to bring her into bed with you. She's all alone, you're together, she wants to be close and cuddled. I really don't see any harm in it.

For the record, my daughter is no shrinking violet. She's very confident, socially outgoing, self-assured and independent. Sleeping with mommy & daddy does not weaken children, as many parents fear. It give them security.

Don't worry, go with what feels right. Stick with having her start the night off in the crib if that feels better for you and she'll most likely remain accepting of both ways of sleeping.

Sweet dreams!

I personally feel co-sleeping is okay. It is whatever works best for you and your husband. My daughter, now 17, co-slept with me until she was 8 (then off-and-on she would still climb into bed with me up until she was 14). yes, this sounds strange but we would just chat in bed and fall asleep. I wouldn't do anything different! We are extremely close and now she prefers to be in her room alot, but still allows me to come in her room and hang out. She is still comfortable climbing into bed with me and just chatting. My philosophy is this: your child will have more adult years without you, then childhood years with you. enjoy them in whatever way works for all of you, so long as your child is developing into an independent person. all the best.

You'll definitely regret it some day. That day will be when you finally get serious about her sleeping in her crib, through the whole night. It only gets harder the longer you wait. The best thing I ever did was let my girls cry it out when they were babies (younger than yours) per my doctors instructions. good luck!

Good Morning L.;
First it is all good if you are in your own home to let a baby cry and go back to sleep. I would suggest you go and comfort her with out getting her out of her bed and make sure she is not dirty or the like then let her know she is sleeping in her own bed and good night.
However, you are sleeping in your husbands parents house and they are trying to sleep. I would consider this highly before allowing her to throw a fit in middle of the night. sorry, that isn't taken' in consderation of teaching her to sleep at night in her bed but it is taken the large pic in. You might have to settle that hurdle when you get your own place. Good Luck.

the 1 thing i have learned as a parent is not to judge. if it works for you, then why not. it isn't going to hurt her. i have 3 kids, and my 6 yr old most still crawls in bed w/ us at some point during the night. I'd rather he didn't, but, he sleeps, and why fight over somethibg like that?