Co-sleeping - Enfield,NH

N.,
I have a 10 month old baby who now sleeps in a crib but co-slept with me (her dad slept in another bed but all in the same room) for the first 4 months of her life. I loved the ease of rolling over and feeding her at night and I was able to get more sleep. At around 31/2 months I decided to start getting her used to sleeping more by herself so I spent more time in bed with my hubby and less with her. It was gradual but she moved into her own room two weeks later.
I was also worried that I might start a bad habit that would be hard to break but honestly it wasn't a big deal. The most important thing, I think, is to do what works best for you (and the baby) because a happy rested mama makes for a happier life for all!
Take Care,
J.

I can remember doing this myself. It brings back the wonderful feeling of having the baby up close, personal, and convenient. But, I have only one concern, and it comes out of my experience. I awoke one day to find the baby had snuggled under me. Thankfully, it was within time, and there were no negatives, but his color scared me to death. I would not recommend this habit, mostly because as adults we are used to sleeping with someone else. The baby wants warmth, but isn't able to tell use to push over. AMM

I have done the co-sleeping thing with my daughter for a year now. Every family is different and it IS easier to have them sleep with you , especially if you breastfeed. I recommend transitioning by 6 months - no later. They older they get, the harder it is.... after a few nights - they are completely fine and it is just as easy as them sleeping with you.

Hi N.! I think it is still way to early to even worry about where he is sleeping, as long as you are both getting the rest you need! My son is now 8 months old and sleeps great in his crib alone at night for 12 hours, but it wasn't always that way! As a newborn he was a terrible sleeper, day or night, for the first two to three months. I always tried to put him down in his bassinet whenever possible, but there were just so many times I just slept with him in bed or on the couch so that we could each get at least a few hours in. After three or four months his habits changed and as he got older and was aware of more we sleep trained him. I would say don't worry about it now...get through the first 6 to 8 weeks doing whatever you can to make both of you comfortable, and worry about the rest later. It will come naturally, or when he is old enough to know you can start getting him to sleep on his own!

Hi. I never respond to these or even forward chain emails but I felt compelled to respond to your question regarding co-sleeping. My concern is not so much about whether or not you are starting to develop poor sleeping habits for your son but rather SAFE sleeping habits. The risk for suffocation with your child sleeping with you at this age is far greater than the trouble it will take to get to fall back asleep in his bassinette. I recommend swaddling him, swaying, singing and "shooshing" him back to sleep (read, The Happiest Baby on the Block). In the end, he will be a better sleeper, better able to soothe himself and most importantly, safe. It sounds like you are enjoying all the blessings of parenting so please make the extra effort to get him back to sleep safely rather than taking the easier (and cozier :) way out. I hope you find this comment helpful and not condescending. I send it as encouragement to you that you and your son can develop sleeping habits that will keep you BOTH well rested! I'm happy to talk with you more about swaddling. It's a miracle! Congratualations!

My kids, now 13, 11 and 6 all slept with us for some part of their first year and all learned to sleep on their own. (-;
The best advice I was never given is: Do what works for you and your family!

J. (-:

Hi N.,
While my son is now 3.5, I still remember those nights when he seemed not to like his bassinett. On the advice on my pedicatrican (and neighbor with 4 kids), for the first 7 weeks, I put him to sleep in the car seat (carrier part, obviously) on the floor next to my bed. The nurses also supported this, as it keeps the baby's tummy a little upright, so if they are having any gas issues, the slight elevation will help. By 7 weeks, my son was in his crib (with a pillow under the mattress; again, to elevate his tummy a bit).

Now, my sister-in-law has a 7 month old and has been co-sleeping since birth. She loves it and I guess the baby sleeps fine. Frankly, it is my brother who is afraid of it, since he sleeps so deeply he thinks he might roll over on the baby.

Co-sleeping or not is really such a personal decision and I have read that it won't affect sleep habits at such a young age.

I don't know if this helps or not, but good luck with all of this.

Hi Nichole and congrats on your new addition! This is the most exciting time, and stressful time with a baby. When my son was born I strictly breastfed. And I found it easy, like you, to have him sleep with us after a feeding. I don't think you are making bad habits with this.
What I did during the day is after I would breastfeed him, I would put him in his bassinet or crib. Just so he was used to that as his sleeping area.
That seemed to help me. Although, I do still love to cuddle with my boy. :)

Co-sleeping (in my experience) has not yielded ANY positive results. I won't even mention the danger of it - it is too scary to even think about.
In a perfect world, it would be lovely to nurture a loving family environment for sleeping that would provide security and comfort for our wee ones which centered on the "family bed"........
But children need to develop habits and positive habits for the benefit of all. I have a family member whose children are 6 and 8 and they are AWFUL sleepers because of this practice. Sitters find it hard, grandparents can't settle them down........it's terrible to go through every night. These parents are exhausted.
I keep my babies next to me in the bassinet and essentially kept my soothing voice and calming hand on them. It takes very little for a habit to form, but you have to be consistent and they will be fine.
When they got older, I hovered over the crib and if they were sick I slept on the floor next to them. My kids became great sleepers and if they cried during the night - I knew they needed me. Period.
Good luck, hon. But play it safe. AND get a good night's sleep without worrying if you and your husband move during the night. Liam will be a more rested little guy, too........

I have a 4 1/2 month old who just started sleeping 8 hrs at night last week. She's always slept in her basinet, except those few times I was too tires to put her back into her bed. She sleeps longer, and with less interruptions, if she's dressed in cool clothing, but wrapped up like a burrito in a warm blanket. We keep the house cool at night. She also finds it cozy sleeping on top of a little wedge. It elevates her entire upper body, and keeps her sides wedged so that she doesn't turn over, and so that she has the comforting feeling of being held. This has worked for all of my (3) daughters. Also, we had to learn to let baby cry and extend feeding time at night for about 15 min at at time. It's hard on parents to not pick baby up, but baby started waking up later and later all on her own once she knew that we weren't going to pick her up right away. Hope all of this helps!

I think it all comes down to your and your child's temperaments. Co-sleeping was the only way I could get my first child to sleep at all at night time; she is two now and has been sleeping in her own bed without too much trouble (apart from the occasional nightmare and teething issues) since she was 15 months old. She never comes and gets in our bed, I or my DH will go lie by her in her twin bed sometimes for a little while if she is feeling upset. My 2mo goes to bed in his crib and seems to sleep longer there than if I put him to bed in our bed. We have a bassinet that I used all the time with my daughter, but he seems uncomfortable in it and he's a big baby so we've already transferred him to his crib. Once he wakes up he does seem to do better if I let him stay with us for the rest of the night, usually the last 3-4 hours of the night since he doesn't get up before 3 or 4. I enjoy the cuddle time wtih him, and he takes all his naps in his crib without any trouble. Co-sleeping is the norm in my extended family, and so far I haven't heard of any problems. My nephew was coming into his parents room quite a bit around his 5th bday (not before, he just started on his own because of nightmares I think) and they made him a sticker chart to motivate him to stay in his own bed with great success.

Hi N.-
We had our first child on 12/31. Like yourself, I did not want to get in the habit of "spoiling" him or setting him up to not be able to sleep or get to sleep by himself. However, I have done a good deal of research and as your MD says, co-sleeping is a good thing. Outside of real newborns (first 2 weeks when they just sleep all the time), babies need help getting to sleep and so having them with you or rocking them to sleep and then placing them in the bassinet or crib is fine. Despite both my husband and myself working in medicine, I have found The Baby Book, by Sears to be really, really helpful.

Congratulations!
S.

I think at this young age, it is fine. As he gets older if you don't want to co-sleep then you'll have to make sure you get him used to his crib and there may be a coupld of hard nights as he adjusts but just be consistent with it and it should work out just fine. Our youngest would only sleep in her swing, it took us till 4 months to break her of that habit and we were dreading it. It actually was a lot easier converting her to her crib than we'd ever imagined. Try naps at first in the crib when he is ready just to get him aquainted with it. Otherwise if you and your husband enjoy co-sleeping then that is your choice.

As a teacher, I work with women of all ages and the best advice I've ever received re parenting a newborn (and I've had 3) is that its our job to "teach them" the difference between night & day. During the night, any feedings, etc should be "all business"- its not the time to bond, etc. I was told not to talk to them, sing to them, turn on the lights, etc. I was also told not even to change them unless they had a messy diaper. I found this to be not so hard to do since I was always exhausted myself- and since they had only woken up hungry, their needs were met & they each usually fell right back to sleep. I was always afraid to have them in my bed- I didn't want to suffocate them with our many blankets, etc but I know that this is done. I guess I would say that the longer you do anything, the harder it is to stop it as they get older.

My opinion about co-sleeping , DON'T DO IT!!!! Your pediatrician is not going to be living with for months to come when your child will not fall asleep in his own crib. I have two boys of my own 4 and 20 months and neither one of them sleep in our bed or our room from day 1 at home. I nursed both of them and it is a challenge but it pays off in the long run to let them cry it out. Both of my boys are excellent sleepers and they go to be with out any argument. In fact my youngets asks to go to bed when he is tired. I know the night are long and the level of exhuation is horrible but it is only temporery. Plus your personal life with your mate will suffer if your children are in your bed sleeping.

Co -sleeping is the way nature intended it to be :). Think of your baby all snug in your womb all those months, then suddenly out into this big world. It is only natural that he will sleep best next to you. You and your baby will get more sleep for it, and it is especially nice when the night time poop diapers stop. All children sleep through the night and on their own eventually. Some sooner than others. Just enjoy your baby and do what feels right. Trust yourself!
Follow your instincts above anything anyone else might tell you.
good luck!

If you can ignore some of the main stream parenting ideals, you will decide for yourself whether you want your baby sleeping on his own as he gets older. I had a lot of family expressing their concern that my son would never sleep on his own, and that I would hurt him. He's 2 now and I have no desire to have him sleep anywhere but next to me. Even if he falls asleep somewhere else, I feel lonely trying to sleep in bed without him. I know that he will choose to sleep on his own at some point, but I am not going to stress about when this will happen.
Do not worry about sufficating your baby, co-sleeping has been proven safer (it PREVENTS SIDS) as long as you are not drinking or using any drugs that make you really drowsy. Most other countries co-sleep, and the idea of making a baby sleep in a cage in another room is absurd to them. In my opinion, SIDS is linked more to vaccination than where a baby sleeps, but if baby is in another room, how will you know if he stops breathing? If baby is next to you, you will instinctively know something is wrong, and your breathing will help regulate his.
Best of luck, and just do what feels right to you.

HI N., I am a mom of three, and all of my babies spent their first months in my bed... For at least nine months or so... I just found it easier to nurse at night if they were right there next to me.
My youngest was almost a year when we moved her to her own bed, and she sleeps just fine. For several months she would still wake up at night, wanting to be nursed, but she eventually transitioned out of that and now sleeps straight through the night.

Hello! I have a 5 1/2 month old litte girl (Rowan), who I started off sleeping with me, as I am a single mom,and was breastfeeding, and now, with a brand new crib upstairs in her own room.....she refuses to sleep in it!! It is much harder to break them of this the older they are...he sooner you get him in his own bed, the easier it will be....my little one screams when see even sees her bed...lol....good luck!!

God bless you and your baby especially because he is learnign so much. I agree with your pediatrician that he is still too young to establish any bad habits. My doctor told me that my daughter could sleep with me until she was between six and nine months old, but my daugther preferred to sleep in her own crib very early. However, she would only nap with me on my bed... and sometimes she still does.

My suggestion would be to try napping your baby during the day in the bassinet and sleeping with him at night so that he knows his bassinet and he knows you.

Hi N.

Regarding negative press about cosleeping -- one thing to consider is that the study that gave it bad publicity included people who were cosleeping involuntarily -- that is, too crowded households, sleeping on couches, and so on. It also included SIDS cases (regardless of if they were cosleepers) and people who were intoxicated when they coslept Obviously these things lend to a lack of safety. This has more recently been exposed, though it did not get a ton of publicity. The value of seperate beds in America also reflects the value of individuality and personal space, much more than it reflects safety (much of the world cosleeps, including much of Europe) .

My husband and I cosleep with out toddler and think that it is lovely. I do not feel concerned about the transition, as we know many other families all who do not find transitioning to be an issue. We have never had any safety issues, nor has anyone we know. We did put a railing on our bed. I feel like i sleep much more than i would if i had to get out of bed to a crying child. Moreover, it did not take long for me to "get" that if i did get too close to my son, that is what kicking and squirming are for.

A great book to look at would be the Dr. Sears "sleep book" or "baby book" both have really great sections about sleep habits.

Cosleeping isn't a bad habit in my opinion, as it is really nice to go to sleep and have a look at my own sleeping babe, and to wake up next to him and my husband! thats real nice! Many pediatricians will also support cosleeping, ao i wouldnt worry too much.

Most children who are toddlers do not spent the whole night in their bed anyhow, as you may remember from your own childhood.

Dear N., I remember my doctor telling me that until 5 months, I should not worry about developing sleeping habits. Around 6 months I remmeber painfully trying to "train" my sons to sleep alone. I would put them down and listen to them cry, going in after what seemed like impossibly long increments. The good part was that after a week of this my sons would sleep on their own. I truly believe that you should follow whatever works for you. If you are getting a better night sleep with him in bed with you, then you will be a better mom. That being said I am a strong believer of bedtime rituals for toddlers, we followed the same routine each night, when they were little the routine seemed long and as they got older, it lessened but the result was that both of my sons went to bed with little problems.
Best wishes and enjoy your new son!-S.

Hi N.,

I co-slept with my daughter who is now 4 and sleeps in her own bed! I now co-sleep with my son and it is just way easier for me to get a full night's rest. I didn't bother with the bassinet. I wish I had co-slept with my daughter from the beginning but didn't till she was a little older (so kudos to you for doing it!) They will eventually move out into their own bed. Right now just enjoy them.
Also, other countries around the world have families that co-sleep together. We're one of the few that actually separate our children at such a young age from the parent for sleeping. So all in all I say Go for it!:)

We sleep with our 6 month old daughter. It has worked for us just fine. I am not sure about what age we might try and move her into her own bed but it just is so much easier. I'm sorry I am not really giving you any advice but just saying that if it works, do it!

If your pediatrician says this is fine, I would go by that. Enjoy that little one. There is a great book called, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" which talks about the first three months as the 4th trimester where the baby goes to being with/inside you for 9 months and then out in the world where you actually put him down, what a transition. Being with your little one as much as possible is ideal. I myself have a 15 week old and she has slept in her cribe since day one and she now sleeps between 9 and 11 hours at night. But I know I wouldn't have slept well if she was sleeping with me because I worry so much about SIDS. I started gettng so much advice on so many topics that I got very overwhelmed. So I take all advice with a grain of salt and listen to my pediatrician's advice mostly. Good luck!

Hi N.,
I have co-slept with some babies and used a bassinet next to the bed for others. I think what I found is that when my babies get to be around 3-6 months, they start to get used to whatever habits we have started. I think in the first few months, we could mix up routines and try different things without forming 'habits'. I had to ultimately gage co-sleeping choices around what worked best for mom and dad. And, in the long run, I personally don't think it really matters whether my baby slept skin to skin to me or next to me! As long as they are getting lots of loving attention and sensitivity to their needs, I think they do great! The kids I co-slept with and the ones I didn't are all doing ok!! I have heard from friends who co-slept with their babies well into their first year and beyond, that it was very difficult to move their child into an independent bed. Personally, I did not want to share my bed that long. I think there is a lot of pressure on us moms to parent certain ways. Making a choice that best fits your family is what is really important, and also considering your own needs in the whole co-sleeping choice is ok. Sometimes I find myself slipping into being overly consumed with my families needs that I forget or push aside my own. I try to balance how I look at all our needs (putting aside guilt) when making choices. Good luck and congrats on your new baby!!

My eldest had a lot of trouble sleeping without me. He slept in a bassinette next to me or co-slept. When he was getting bigger and driving his feet into our backs, I ended up putting him on a full-size bed. Linen tucked in tightly so he couldn't get wrapped up in it, side rail things so he couldn't fall out. I'd lie down with him. When he fell asleep, I'd get out of bed and go to my own. I used a futon frame - low to floor. (I babysat for people who had their toddler son's mattress in a wooden box they built on the floor.) The problem is when the child is able to pull themselves up, you don't want them tumbling over the rail so the bed needs to be low to the floor. He was able to get into and out of bed himself. I'm afraid I don't recall his ages and the places I had him sleep. I tried a lot of different things. It probably would have been easier to have him learn to sleep alone in his crib. My husband couldn't stand the crying though. I just needed to get sleep. All a bit of a mess I'm sure.

Hi N.,

I sometimes slept my daughter when she was a baby, however I just saw a show called "dead man talking", I think it was on the discovery channel. It is about a medical examiner who looks into unsolved deaths. Anyway a women lost 3 children while sleeping with them, the first was ruled SIDS and then when the other happend it was ruled a homicide but they could't prove the theory so she sought and the medical examiner concluded that she had rolled over on them. I think this is probably a rare thing and I am not trying to scare you but I couldn't not share the information.

Hi N.,
I have 3 kids ages 3, 6 and 9 who have all co-slept with my husband and I since they were born. The 3 year old still sleeps with us every night and the older 2 play musical beds so you never know who will end up sleeping with who. And ya know what? They are all well adjusted, happy, rested kids. Sleeping with your baby helps both of you get enough sleep especially since the night feedings are as easy as opening you top. No one has to get up and sleep patterns are not disrupted.
If you find that you do want your baby to sleep outside your bed consider buying an Arms Reach Co Sleeper. It 's a bassinet that attaches to your side of your bed and you just transfer your baby to it (without getting out of bed) when you are ready.
Good luck and remember-do what works for you. Noboby knows your family better than you do.

Hi N.,

Congratulations on your little boy!

I don't believe you need to worry too much about setting "bad habits" when your baby is so young. At 3.5 weeks, I'm sure he is nowhere near being on a set sleep schedule!

I have 4 awesome kids and they all spent a good part of their first few months in our bed. As a matter of fact, they never really liked their bassinets so I gave up on trying to use it. At about 2 months, I just put them in their cribs and they quickly adjusted. I would say that 4 months was the magic time for all of them when I could say they were in a "set" routine as far as nights and naps. And I am happy to report that they are all great sleepers who are a dream to put to bed at night. Just sing them a few songs and they are off to dreamland!

Enjoy the snuggle time with your little guy!

J.

N. - I think it all depends on your child's personality. I have 3 kids - my oldest son needed help getting to sleep until he was 3(!), my daughter slept well from the get go and my younger son "co-slept" with me for the better part of 6 months and then in a transitioned well to in his crib. I work full-tim and so I did what I had to do to get through the next day. Use your instincts and don't read to many of those scary "how to raise you child" books.

At 3 1/2 weeks, you are not developing any bad sleeping habits. I still co-sleep with my son at 18 months. It's very rewarding to do and he and I thoroughly enjoy it. You should not be attempting any "sleep training" until at least 4-6 months depending on your childs temperament. I highly recommend reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It offers a lot of different solutions for different situations. Good luck!

Congratulations on your new baby! I remember with my first (I have five children)I had him sleep in with us. It seemed easier...he was up every 1 1/2 - 2 hrs to nurse and I would nurse him to sleep and not have to move him ..needless to say I was exhausted...I think he became dependent on the constant nursing to fall asleep and was up much more frequently. I ended up with a very fussy sleeper who could not fall asleep on his own or be in his own bed even at 3 years old!. When I had my second baby and still had the first in my bed, it became even more difficult. When my second was born I decided I had to do things differently. I would make sure she was fed, dry and warm and put her in her bassinett AWAKE and allow her to fall asleep on her own. Most of the time she just went to sleep. If she started to cry a little I would look at the clock and say I wouldn't let her cry for more than 5 minutes. The first couple of times she cried it was for no more than 2 or 3 min. and after a couple of nights she went right to sleep! I couldn't believe how easy it was. She always has been a great sleeper as have my other children. I think it's important to help your children become good sleepers early on...I never had to do any "crying it out" when they are older and standing and harder to get to sleep as some parents eventally resort to. Give it a try...it may be easier than you think!

Hi,
I'm a mother of two girls, 5 and 7 now; both good sleepers. I coslept with both of them but tranistioned them to cribs around 10 weeks. I'm vague on the details (this too shall pass...:-) but as I recall, that's when my husband and I felt that our little sleep was being really impacted in a way not made up for in what Josie or Maggie was gaining. Also, I like you, was worried that I wasn't developing good sleeping habits.

On the whole, trying to pay attention to what felt right to us, in general, has worked out. My youngest, for instance, has a sleep toy that she has carried around with her for years. She still sleeps with him at night, and brings him with her to the afterschool daycare by carrying him in her backpack, but keeps him separate from school and friend activities. This was all her doing and seemed to happen because of a natural, blooming awareness of different contexts and situations. We were advised to wean her off it before school, but really couldn't see the urgency and I'm glad we didn't. Liam will not still be sleeping in your bed when he's fifteen, no matter what you do now, so a few weeks more won't hurt him or you, in my opinion, unless it *is* hurting him or you in some way, in which case you should do something else, which given how much thought you are putting into this, will be fine, whatever it is.

I hope your night are as wonderful as they can be!
Best wishes,
M.

Hi N. my son just turned 1 year on the 22nd of Feb. I had the same concerns when he was a newborn but I couldn't resist letting him fall asleep on my chest. It was so heartwarming. He had no problems adjusting to sleeping by himself as he got older. Really just relax and enjoy this precious time. He is so young so as long as you are both safe and comfortable I say do what works for you. You'll make changes when your ready. Congratulations and good luck!

I do not think co-sleeping is a bad thing. My husband and all his brother's were co-sleepers and never developed bac habits. My daughter was a cosleeper until 7 months. She then went right into her crib. Now at 21 months, if she has a nigtmare, we bring her into our bed, calm her down. She may be with us for an hour and then so goes right back to bed. I thinking sometimes when parents sent up that co-sleeping is something different for the child it becomes fun and they crave it. On the other side, our daughter is aware that she can come in whenever she wants, but mostly she choices not to.

Hi N.,
Congrats on your baby! I would say that you need to first determine what your own definition of " bad sleeping habits" is. I have two boys who are three-and-a-half and two years old. We, like you very quickly discovered that bringing them into bed with us made everyone happier when they were newborn. We never intended to co-sleep for long, but we are still practicing some co-sleeping habits very happily.

Both of our boys go to sleep with us in our bed at around 8PM (I'm writing this on my laptop in bed with one kid asleep and another dropping off). After they are asleep, we usually transition them to their own beds in their room, which is very close to ours...we can see their beds from our bed. If someone is sick or unusually clingy, we keep him with us, and any time they wake up they are always welcome in our bed.

I am surprised at how happy we all are with this arrangement. I really believe that the nighttime security contributes to how happy and well-adjusted our kids are...we almost never have temper tantrums and other 'typical, terrible-two' type behavior, and when we do, we draw that child closer to us day and night and it resolves quickly.

Most surprising is my husband's attachment to co-sleeping. He loves that after working all day he has a chance to snuggle and be close to his boys, and as they got older and night-weaned, both began to look to him for nighttime comfort.

There are some Mamas out there who would be horrified with our arrangements, but I would say that we really just went with the flow and fell into the right pattern for us. I firmly believe in the innate wisdom of babies, and if you just tune into your own child, he will let you know how best to care for his needs. I always get uncomfortable to hear a Mum ask when her child "should" be sleeping through the night, or eating solids, or walking, or talking or weaning. You child will surely let you know exactly when! Just listen.

In regards to co- sleeping.... I am all for it especially when you are breast feeding. You don't really need to worry about adjusting them to thier own bed until they are sleeping 5-6 hours straight. It also helps to try and let them take a daytime nap in thier own bed too because then they recognize the smells and the comforts. My son is almost 3 and at around 4 months we started putting him in his own bed for naps and then gradually started him at night. Even if they start out in thier own bed and then come in to yours for a while. You have to do what works for you and don't worry they won't go to kindergarten sleeping with you still! Good luck and I hope this was helpful.

I am the mother of an 8 year old boy who STILL sneaks into our bed EVERY night. I cannot really give any good advice about developing good sleeping habits, but I can tell you if you are not prepared to have him in your bed for the long-haul, you really need to not have him in your bed right now. My son was (and still is) a terrible sleeper, for the first nine months of his life I did the same thing as you(except we slept on the couch, so as not to disturb my husband). Once he hit nine months, he stayed in his crib until he learned to crawl out and lo and behold he's been in our bed ever since!!! So I guess if I could do it all again, I would never have allowed him to sleep with me and have my bed to myself now. I also have a 9 year old, who never once came into my bed and is a great sleeper. I don't know if my advice will help you.... but I guess again what I am trying to say is if you continue to have him in your bed, he will always find his way back...

GOOD LUCK and CONGRATULATIONS, you are right parenting is the most rewarding experience" enjoy every minute of it! They grow quick

Hi N.,
I feel it all boils down to what you feel is best for your baby and for you and your partner. We co-slept with our daughter who is now 2.5 until just before her second birthday. She transitioned into her own bed easily, but she still needs one of us to sleep with her. I think we are the extreme case, I have friends who co-slept and their babies did very well transitioning to their own bed and solo sleeping. Our daughter has never been a good sleeper, and that was one of the reasons we ended up co-sleeping, as an infant it was the only way anyone got any sleep. I think she would have the same sleep issues she has now if we hadn't co-slept, and we would definitely have more behavioral issues than we do. I do believe that co-sleeping does have so many benefits. Our daughter is happy and secure and sweet tempered and for the most part I attribute this to attachment parenting as a whole, and co-sleeping in part. I have been told that the reason she isn't a good sleeper is because we didn't sleep train her or let her cry it out early enough. I truly dont believe that, but if you decide to co-sleep prepare to endure EVERYONES opinion. Co-sleeping is such a controversial topic and people seem be be quite polarized on the issue.
I should also say that you and your partner both need to be fully ok with the choice to co-sleep. My husband wasn't as on board with it as I was, but he was also very against crying it out. We have tried various forms of crying it out since now we both feel she needs to learn to sleep on her own and none have worked for her, and it is very hard on all of us. How you choose to tech your baby to sleep is really down to you, and you do know your child the best. If you choose to co-sleep I highly recommend getting a good book on the topic and making sure that you do it safely. We didnt have pillows on our bed for almost a year, I was so worried about any possible suffocation hazards. The best advice I can give you is as long as co-sleeping is working for everyone involved, its fine as long as its done safely. If you decide to co-sleep now it doesn't necessarily mean that you will be in 2 years, but be prepared that it could happen. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't do anything differently. The benefits for us out weighed the negatives and despite still not having a toddler who sleeps through the night I do firmly believe that co-sleeping was the right choice for her and I dont believe the two are directly related.
Congratulations on your new baby and good luck!

Congratulations on Liam!

You are on the right track ;)

Babies (mammals in general) are evolutionarily designed to be close to their mothers while they are sleeping. Co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS, increases attachment and bonding, and makes breastfeeding easier. Babies who are not prematurely forced to sleep on their own have fewer sleeping problems than their crib-sleeping peers.

All three of our kids have co-slept in some form or another. The baby is still with us. The toddler transitioned to her own bed around 18 months, and has been an INCREDIBLE sleeper since then.

Interestingly enough, our three year old, with whom we did not originally co-sleep (we bought into the hype that babies had to sleep in cribs) is now not a great sleeper at all. He wakes up frequently at night and has to be comforted back to sleep. I attribute this to not having early memories of sleep being a comfortable, good place to be.

I had my daughter sleep with me until she was around 12 months. At that time she became curious about the pretty toddler bed in the next room over. She easily transitioned into sleeping on her own by 18 months.
Follow that deep maternal instinct.

Hi N.,
Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your new baby boy!! I am a first time mom to a beautiful 8 month olf little boy, Brian : ) Much like you, I am learning more and more each day. I was stumped when it came to sleeping arrangements and habits b/c you want what is best and do not want to develop bad habits. I am still breastfeeding Brian, and early on, he was waking every 1.5 to 2 hours to eat. It was so hard getting up and getting him every time and was really wearing me out when I went back to work at 7 weeks. He would not fall asleep in his bassinet or crib either. My husband and I made the joint decision to keep him with us in bed. He slept 6 hours straight the first night and starting sleeping through the night (8-7) at 12 weeks! We were psyched!! The only thing is...yes, you guessed it, he still sleeps with us and depends on us being close to fall asleep! I do not mind having him with me, and neither does my husband. There is no right or wrong answer to your question. You have to do what works best for you and your family. Co sleeping is best for us and we are happy doing it. We did try the "Ferber" method of making him "cry it out" in the crib, and forget it, it didn't work for us!! Good luck, and do what you both feel is right.
L.

I agree that it isn't a huge deal that he's sleeping with you right now while he's so little. And I agree with one of the responses you got that said that you will probably know (both of you) when is the right time - based on how much sleep you or Liam might start to be missing (good, sound sleep).
Personally, (I have 4 kids), I always had trouble with the bassinet. I always had a hunch that it was the unstableness about it. Cribs are more solid, so that when they move, it doesn't move with them. I could be wrong, but this always crossed my mind. Helping them learn to sleep through the night never seemed easy for any of our children (because it is never easy to listen to them cry). What worked best for us (and this is one benefit of having 4 - I've gotten to try it out more than once or twice)...If they were having a hard time going to sleep initially, or back to sleep after a feeding, I would just check the clock, and determine that I was not going to go in and get them until it has been at least 2 hours (sometimes I would cave and go in a little bit early). It's always hard to listen to them cry. But if you determine that you will give it, say, 1 or 2 weeks to at least see a little improvement (like he doesn't cry as long after you lay him down), that will help you to hang in there. I don't think it's cruel. You have to be careful as a parent about letting guilty feelings lie to you. Especially when it's your first, nearly every time they cry you feel guilty (or at least I did). All of our children go to sleep very well (they are now 8,6,3 and 10 months). Even when their Grandparents put them down, they give them no trouble. I do want to say though that if any child you have has some sort of medical issue, you shouldn't expect them to sleep through the night in the "normal" timeframe. Our 6 yr. old (when he was born), had some physical "issues", and I went through such a time when (at 7 months) he still wasn't sleeping through the night. I kept thinking I wasn't doing something right, etc. All of the other three were sleeping through the night by 2-3 months of age I believe (with small exceptions once in a while). I will end by saying that my personal opinion is not for long-term co-sleeping. Number 1, I don't think it's good for marital intimacy; and number 2, your only delaying the inevitable - and usually disturbing your sleep. Short-term co-sleeping however...spoil yourself and your little one if everyone is happy with it. We enjoyed one night of this with our 3rd (her first night home from the hospital), after that...she was determined to start the process I spoke of earlier because she wouldn't be content with us, or in the bassinet...so I put her in her crib. After letting her cry it out the first night for the first 2 hours, she was much improved after that and a before long...sleeping through the night. Wow...did I ramble on and on. Sorry, and I do hope that some of our experience is or will be somewhat helpful (I certainly don't know it all!)

We co-slept with my daughter until about 8 months...at this point she started wanting to be attached to my nipple all night long! I wasn't sleeping well at all and I don't think she was really sleeping well either. So we transitioned her to a pack n'play next to our bed and it was just what we needed! She started sleeping thru the night, with one night time waking for a feed and I started feeling much better as well. Eventually we'll move her to her room once she can go through the night without waking. I think its important to do what's right for YOUR family and YOUR baby. All babies have such different temperaments. One of my friend's babies never wanted to sleep next to her mom at all.

It's hard to remember this but YOU know YOUR baby best, not some book and not anybody else. Take advice and then apply or discard as you see fit!

I also found it easier to have the little babies in bed with me (I have 5, 3 and 1 1/2 yr-old)- During the day, they would nap in the bassinet so it wasn't like they were always sleeping with me. It was just sort of an organic process of getting them into their own bed at night- when it feels right to you or it becomes not easier anymore but rather getting in your way. I think at a certain point I would start them in the bassinet and then at the first or second wakeup(when I was ready for bed) I would just bring them into bed with me. It's a special time and i think you can gradually get them out of your bed but i wouldn't worry too much about bad sleeping habits at this point.

Hi N.,

I have a 3 1/2 year old son who we co-slept with and still do some nights. We transitioned him to his own bed just before his second birthday. It was great having him in our bed. He didn't like his bassinet or crib at night. He would sleep fine in them during the day but at night he was not interested. I found that he slept better because he was warmer in our bed than in his own bed. He still comes up to our bed when he wakes up scared, or needs some extra attention.

I also have a 6 month old who we also co-slept with for the first 5 months. We recently bought her a crib (she hated the bassinet) and she transitioned well. However there are some nights when I keep her in bed with us. I find with her that she loves to cuddle and sleeps better when she is in our bed. She also wakes less to nurse. Breast feeding is so much easier when she was in our bed.

There are many mornings when I wake up and there's my husband on one side of the bed, my 3 1/2 year old son next to him, my daughter next to my son, and then me on the other side of the bed. I wouldn't worry about co-sleeping... you will know when your child's ready for his/her own bed. My advice... get a bigger bed... LOL and don't worry about it...

Becky

I did the same thing as you and it turned out fine! When I had my second child we only had a 2 room house and couldn't put the baby in his own room. So he slept in a bassinett (yeah right). It never worked so I always just pulled him in with me. And he was always fussing and fidgeting and I never slept. When we finally bought a house when he was 1, we put him in his own crib in his own room and he immediately started sleeping through the night. So he had no poor sleep habits because of doing this for over a year. Just do what you feel is right. I'm not a big fan of crying it out (especially since I have another kid who isn't a great sleeper either - even after having tried crying it out) and I dno't want to wake either one out. Good luck!

Hi N.,
I let both of my kids sleep with me. I loved it. The closeness was my main motivator. But... neither of my kids slept through consistently till they were about two. (not sure if that's the reason or not) I read an article by a mother who said they spend such a small portion of their lives in your arms make the most of it. Soon enough they're running off to do things with their friends cherish every moment of cuddles you can get. Also putting them back to sleep in the middle of the night was so much easier in my bed. Even now if they get up too early they'll climb into bed with me and cuddle and fall back to sleep with me. (They're 3 and 6) At the end of the day don't worry about the future so much just do what's best for you and your family. I've done lots of things no one else agreed with but they were right for us!

my First slept in a crib, we both woke up every-time she did. Nest kid, she slept with us, she had a birth Defect that made normal infections life threatening, so i wanted to know ASAP if she was hot. First kid was ABNORMAL in sleping well from day one. Second kid was easy to adjust to, Feed and she learned no one was awake to play with her when it was dark, she went back to sleep. Learned the habit by the time she could crawl out of bed, and so did not crawl out of bed.
She slept well, napped well, sleeps like a teenager (oh Wait, she IS a teenager now)

JMHO, it does not have to be a problem, but remember this. If what you want to try does not work for one of the people involved, after a reasonable amount of time, it does not work for ANY of the people involved. So, if the baby cannot settle down in the bed after 2 weeks, its not working for her/him, same with if your Husband/Wife cannot sleep, or you.
I learned this while in a cross Nursing Co-op

E.

Hi I am a mother of 5 girls and grandmother of 13, so I have had and heard many things. I wouldn't think sleeping with you at this time will spoil his sleeping habits, though I DO believe that the earlier they sleep in their own bed the better it is.
I used to pull the crib, bassinette close and hold hands with my daughter til she fell asleep. I also played soft music by her bed and it would lull her off to dreamland.
As I said I've tried many things. Another one was to put my voice on a tape and sing to her, but the best thing I loved to do was to rock her to sleep. I did this with each of my 5 girls until they were about a year old. I found this to be a wonderful bonding time.
Today they are all married and have kids of their own and all are doing well. Everyone used to call me MA - now they all call me Gram. Good luck with your baby. Gram

Don't worry about poor sleeping habits yet-he's only 3 1/2 weeks old. Try to be consistent about getting him back in the bassinet but don't make yourself go crazy. You can likely expect your son to be more consistent with sleeping after 8 weeks. They are so needy at this point and you are likely sleep deprived, so do what you can.

Enjoy co-sleeping and don't worry about it at all! In time different ways of sleeping will become clear as life evolves for you, baby, and family. Soon enough baby will be in another room in a crib and you'll be wishing he would at least sometimes sleep in your bed!

Hi N., congratulations on your new and precious joy. My daughter is 6m old. She slept with us until her 6th month, about 3 weeks ago I decided it was time for teach her better sleeping habbits ex. a better routine, soothing herself better, entertaining herself better. I say hi because my husband is a softy and would let her sleep with us forever. Although her doctor said it is best to teach them to sleep on their own at about 3months. It was sooo hard to do that. I agree it is 1000 times easier to have baby sleep with you, my husband and I did it, we loved having her close by. ALthough it puts a strong kink in spending time with the spouse. We did not mind....though I do agree you do need time with each other. Also if you are a nursing mom it's even easier. For now and for a while it should be okay to let baby sleep with you just decided if co-sleeping is what you will be doing, because although I didn't want to hear it when my friends and loved ones told me. It is harder to get the child/ren out of your bed the older they get. I understand both co-cleeping (I grew up that way) I know all about not wanting to leave mom and dad's bed.Now I also know about baby in their own space, so there could be some time to unwind and read a book, watch a movie with the husband or whatever you'd like to do.
But my opinion is have baby with you for now, you get more sleep, which we all know is so awesome to get right now. And in a few months put baby to sleep on his own. I guess it is a matter of opinion though, if you and your partner don't mind having baby in bed with you do it.
Oh and now we are using this method of training our daugher to sleep called.."You Don't Have to Let Your Baby Cry" search it online, it is a life saver...you can use it with your baby now to help him go to sleep. It worked and is working wonders for us. It really helped me build better sleep habits. Hope I helped have an awesome day.

Dear N.,
I am a 56 year old mom, but your letter put me right back 27 years! Don't worry, relax and enjoy! Key word, relax. We did a lot of family cuddling and our son grew up to be a very independent, self-reliant young man. As a little boy he would often ask for a cuddle from either his father or myself before he went to sleep. We would lay down with him in either his bed or ours, and sometimes fall asleep, sometimes not. He would often get up and go to his own bed or tell us we go go now. He just needed that little bit of reassurance. I think what we gave him the most was security. Good luck and joy to you and your husband.
Sincerely
Den

N.,

We co-slept with our baby girl nightly for six months. She's now 9 months old & sleeps by herself most nights in her crib. It was much, much easier to breastfeed with her in bed with us and I found I actually got more rest & it was less disruptive sleep-wise to my husband and me to have her with us. I fell back to sleep nursing a good many nights and she stayed latched on as long as she wanted, which gave me much needed rest since I didn't have to lay awake waiting to move her to a bed when she was done feeding. The general school of thought is that once they're six months old, if they're eating well and getting plenty of breastmilk during the day, they don't need a night feeding. At six months I found my baby was still pretty maleable and transitioned fairly easily to her own bed just by setting a good bed time routine ahead of time. Systematically we did the same thing every night for a week at about the same times every night: dinner (veggie or fruit & cereal), bath, cuddling and nursing to sleep in our bed. The next week, we did all of the above, but cuddled and nursed to the point where she was drowsy, but not actually all the way to sleep. Then I moved her to her bed. There were two or three nights where she woke up all the way before I got her in her bed or as I was laying her down and she cried for five minutes or so. Don't break down and undo all your hard work by going and getting him if he fusses right away. I set a time limit of 10-15 minutes. If she was crying hysterically, of course, I started over with the nursing in my bed. I personally didn't believe in letting my baby cry it out that young. I'd say within a week or two, she had the routine down and would pop off the breast and roll over and acted restless/want to go to her own bed to sleep. We still do the same ritual every evening. Dinner, bath, bed & are very consistent with it, which I think is the key. She did wake up to night feed once every evening for a month or so afterward - I'd say maybe late into the 7th month? I eventually phased it out by letting her talk/play her music (the Fisher Price Aquarium) and soothe herself back to sleep by not going to her right away when I heard her wake up. Now, we have a baby that sleeps from about 7:30 in the evening to about 5:00-6:00 a.m. straight. We're working on getting her to sleep in a little more now.

Good luck & congrats w/ your newborn. Such a precious time - they grow SO FAST!

I agreed with Aimee G on this. Every child is so different with their individual needs. You, as mum, will know in your heart what is right for your child. Do not let others scare you or tell you what age is best.....ONLY you know what is best.

I, personally do not think sleeping habits are developed from comparing one child to another or whether you co-slept or not. I co-slept with both my babies and now my grandbaby and they all are VERY different type sleepers. Not one of them is the same.

So, enjoy the little one while he is a wee one and remember they grow up VERY fast. cuddle, cuddle, cuddle

N.,

Congratulations! I think that you will probably get a million differnt responses to the sleep question as everyone has such different philosophies from crying it out to co-sleeping. Our son starts out in a co-sleeper next to our bed and then ends up sleeping most of the night in our bed. A wonderful book and resource that you might want to read as it has very helpful info regarding sleep (including how to transition from co-sleeping when you are ready) It is: The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. The most important thing is to do what feels most comfortable for your and your partner as everyone has their "expert" opinion sleeping!

I have a 15 month old son i have try to get him to sleep in him crib but he wont. it is easy 4 him to go to sleep next to me but when i put him in the crib he wake up cryin and standin up reachin for me can someone help

Hi N.,
I just saw on the news about 3 days ago where a infant was suffocated co-sleeping with his parents. They said it is extremely dangerous so I would not take any chances with your precious baby. Put him back in bassinet, he will get use to it and fall asleep. Does he use a pacifier? I have 3 children and what I use to do is I tied a string to the bassinet and laid in bed and pulled it back and fourth to rock them back to sleep. (That is if your bassinet is a rocker) Good Luck and before you know it he'll be in a crib in his own room.