Co-Sleeping - Tampa, FL

Hi M.,

My son slept with us until he was about 6 months. I was really comfortable because I could always feel his breathing and that ease me at night. So it helped having him sleep with us. As he got older, I just slowly started putting him into his crib. Like when he fell asleep, I would then move him into his crib. And that seems to work with us.

My daughter was the same way. She is 5 mos old now and sleeping in her own bed (most of the time), but she didn't start to do that until 3 mos old. She still has nights where she wont sleep unless she is with me. There is nothing wrong with it if it's the only way to get some sleep. You will be a far better mother when you are well rested than when you are exhausted and miserable. Friends and family have told me that this behavior is common with breastfed babies and that they grow out of it after a few months. I wouldn't worry about it now.

I'm sorry about your difficulties. With all those little ones, times are bound to get stressful and difficult and there are plenty of people out there who will give you the "nevers" and "expert advice" information. The thing is, not everyone is you, not everyone is your baby, and not everyone is living your experiences right now.
I was definitely the NEVER, EVER CO-SLEEP mom until my first child had such a difficult time sleeping as a young infant, as young as your son. My second son was the same way. They wanted to sleep close to... as in RIGHT ON TOP OF... mommy, and that was it. I worried about them smothering, I worried they'd be there until they were 10, I worried that everyone would think I was the worst mother ever. Guess what? I realized I could sleep them on their backs on top of me (worked best on the couch so we could prop at an angle a little better), they are almost 2 and 4 now and both sleep in their own beds and have for a long time, and I'd venture to say most people I know would rate me at least adequate as a mom. What I'm trying to say is ONLY YOU can decide whether co-sleeping is the best temporary solution for you both right now or if you want to look at other solutions, like a cradle next to your bed, etc. Best of luck and good wishes.

first of all I am sorry about your seperation, it must be extremely hard , maybe you could get one of those side of the bed sleepers for the baby? my cousin had one it is like a funny bassinet looking thing that sides up t othe bed so they seem like they have their own bed and they do have their own space it's just hooked to your bed maybe check babiesrus..as I recall hers was blue plaid dont know if that helps..or maybe pull the bassinet up to the bed as close as it will go and that way the baby can be close without the danger of possibly rolling onto him during sleep by accident, that always freaked me out thats why I never had the kiddos in bed until they were
over a year lol! I know that defeated the whole thing but they sleep in their own beds now so guess that wasnt the worst..good luck with everything!

I say, just go with it. There is nothing wrong with letting your child feel secure, especially at a time like this. I co-slept with my daughter for the first 6 months and now, at 2, she is a well-adjusted, independent little girl who sleeps in her crib. Your baby is telling you what he needs right now, so trust your motherly instincts and listen.

Dear M.,
You will probably get a lot of opinions, but it comes down to what is best for you and your family. If you feel better and are able to sleep, it is fine to have the baby with you. If it is causing you stress, don't sleep with the baby. You obviously are very experienced with this baby being your third child. I kept my son in a rolling basinet next to the bed for the first few weeks, but I couldn't sleep. He was a very noisy sleeper and every little sound woke me up. i ended up rolling the basinet into his room and shutting the door. I got a little more sleep. I seriously doubt you will hurt the baby. You could get a "Snuggle Nest" or a co-sleeper basinet the attaches to your side of the bed. Good luck.
K.

I co-slept with my daughter for the first 6 months at the advice of my pediatrician. My daughter was getting up ever 2 hrs to nurse at night and it would take me 40 minutes to get her back to sleep and then she would be up 2 hrs from the time she started feeding last. I was only getting 20-30 minutes of sleep in a row. I was very nervous about hurting her but once I started co-sleeping with her it went great. She would nurse and then fall asleep while she nursed. I was able to get more rest and we were both much happier. Once we started introducing solids at 6 mths I moved her from our bed to her playpen at the end of our bed and she started sleeping through the night for the first time ever. She adjusted just fine maybe because she knew we were close. Once she reached 9 mths I moved her into her own room and that went smoothly as well. With everything going on in your life you need to do what makes this transition easier on you and your baby. I am sure your baby boy sense everything that is going on and co-sleeping makes him feel more secure then go with it. He probably needs this comfort and secured now.

Please for your own health and sanity do whatever makes your life easier. This is no time to do what the "sleep experts" say! You need to get as much rest as possible to cope with the stress in your life. If that means letting baby sleep peacefullty next to you then by all means. It will reduce the baby's stress too being so close to you. In the begining with my daughter we used one of the foam sleep wedges to keep her in one spot so I didn't worry so much but I believe by 8 weeks we had abandoned that. Good luck to you.

Hi M.,

I was against co-sleeping also, but I found that my son was much happier and slept better when he was in bed with me. He is almost a year old now and he's been sleeping in his crib since he was about 6 months. We made the transition gradually and some mornings if he wakes up early, I still bring him to bed with me.
I changed my bedding so I slept with only a sheet and light blanket. I also got rid of any excess pillows and made sure there were no gaps between my bed and the wall.
I read so much that strongly recommended against co-sleeping and I felt guilty about it the whole time, even though my son seemed much happier and easier to get to sleep. I have to admit I liked co-sleeping also, even though I did not sleep quite as well - I was always conscious that he was in bed with me and I woke up often to check on him.
My advice is that do what makes you and him most comfortable. There are lots of articles out there advocating co-sleeping, but they are a little more difficult to find.
good luck
E.

I understand where you are coming from. I use to allow my daughter to sleep with me and when she was 2 I finally put an end to it. I was also pregnant with my son at that time. When he was born I refused to let him sleep with me until he would not sleep alone and I had to start working. NOw he is 14mths old and still sleeping with me and nursing all night. He doesn't know how to go to sleep my himself. So if i were you bite the bullet and let him cry. I am going to start mine crying this weekend so i won't miss too many sleepless night before work the next day.
I am sorry you and your husband are seperating. My husband and I are going thru that too. It is so hard to be a good mother when there is so much stress. If you ever need to talk let me know. I could use that too. Maybe we can do a play date. I am 24 with 2 kids, girl(4) and son (14mths).It is tough these days.I hope you have family that can be your support.

M.,

I was also against co-sleeping until the birth of my son. He slept with me and my husband for many months. It was easier and we both got some needed rest.

A good resource for is Dr.Sears. He has eight children and has written a dozen or so books over the last ten years on child rearing. He is an advocate of safe co-sleeping and can be found at Drsears.com.

If you a sure you do not want to continue co-sleeping you may want to try Drgreene.com.

S.

Hi M.,
I'm a 46 year old mom who allowed my now 18-yr old daughter to co-sleep until she was about 13-14 months old. By allowing her to do this, she didn't learn until much older how to settle herself & sleep through the night. It took nearly 2 horrendous weeks to get her to stay in her crib through the night. I didn't make the same mistake with my other children. My last one (now 6 yrs old) was breastfed but kept in her crib. She slept through the night at 3 1/2 weeks old. She would start to wake and fuss a bit, but then she'd settle down after a few minutes. When you share your bed, the baby comes to rely on the breast to get to sleep. I highly recommend a book called "On Becoming Babywise" by Dr. Ezzo. It made a tremendous difference in how I parented my later children. Good luck!

Hi M.. Do what works for you and your baby. I have 5 sons and we have always been a co-sleeping family. If you feel attacked by those who disagree, just don't tell them :).
Blessings!

Hi
There are studies out now that sleeping with your child until at least 6 mos reduces incidences of SIDS. I Had both my girls in their cribs or pack and play next to my bed.Sometimes in the bed but I would wear sweats and no blankets on the bed and put the baby in a wearable blanket. Just hearing me at night was all they needed until they were older and went into their own rooms. Good Luck

M.,
I teach moms & babies yoga and many moms say the same. Do what feels right Now...you can always change the situation when you need to. Yes, the stress you feel transfers to baby and your other children, so YOU need to make a little time every day to breathe deep, center and relax...call me if I can help more.

In Light,
D. Geymayr, R.Y.T., HBCE, CD, CLD
Prenatal Plus - Yoga
Miami, FL
www.prenatalplusyoga.com
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Oh boy...this is a real hot topic and I'm about to throw out a very unpopular response that's not based on science or statistics, but based on my own personal experiences with my two children, who are four and two respectively.

My hubby and I both co-slept with our kids although for some reason, my daughter elected to sleep on her own much earlier than my son (most likely because she had more room to stretch!). Logistically, co-sleeping can be tricky at the least and dangerous at the worst, but it really depends on how large your bed is and how much you actually move in your sleep. As frightening as it sounds, babies can die from SIDS sleeping alone in their own cribs. I can tell you that the benefits I've reaped from co-sleeping with my kids has been wonderful. We, as a family unit, are extremely close and affectionate. They sleep calmly and peacefully throughout the night - and always have by the way...even since they were newborns - and they wake up happy and refreshed. We just moved to Tampa and are in the process of moving into a larger place so my kids and I take the bed, while Daddy graciously sleeps on the couch. When we move, they'll be in their own beds but we don't anticipate any problems. My son, who's older, will sleep where his head falls and my daughter, as mentioned above, is too independent to continue sleeping with me. That's fine because we'll need the room when my next baby comes in late September. This time, however, until we get a king-sized bed, I plan to put my baby in a bassinet right next to me. I'm developing lower back problems, so I want the room and the flexibility throughout the night. Personally, I could never fathom putting my newborn in a separate room from me...that's way too scary for my taste. Blessings to you and yours as you go through this tough transition time.

Dear M.,
I am guessing that you are also being comforted by this precious little person sleeping with you. It is amazing how much comfort they bring. Unfortunately, this isn't going to make your situation better. You have to be strong and help the children adjust to their new surroundings. Do you have a professionsl to talk to? I would suggest therapy for mom and the crib for the baby. I know how hard it is to be on your own. It is amazing how much you can learn about yourself when you enlist the help of an outsider who isn't biased. Most of us talk to our friends and family but they love us too much to be completely unbiazed and honest.

Good luck,
S.

We co-sleep and have for going on 17 months now. A sober parent has never rolled over on a child. However you have to make sure that the bed is good, like no water bed, no fluffy blankets etc. also it makes nursing easier but does make private time hard. I think its amazing that we expect babies to be alone for 8 hours at night when they cant stand us to leave the room during the day.

Hi M.,

I've been cosleeping with my 3-year old since he was born and we've never had a problem. It's SO much easier for you to get a good night's sleep when he's right there and easy to tend to. You have to be very responsible about not taking drugs or alcohol, anything that would impair your ability to wake up or feel your baby, of course. I've also read that it is important that siblings not be in the bed, which makes sense to me based on the amount of kicking and rolling around that my son does. Lots of nursing mamas sleep with their babies. There are also some bolster type things made to put around the baby if you are too concerned about rolling on him. Best wishes to you. M. M.

Hey M.,

I believe a lot more people co-sleep then actually admit. The "experts" make a big deal about it but nearly everyone we know has had their child in the bed at some time.

Our daughter slept with us until she was about 4 months old. In the beginning, when she was very small, we purchased a Snuggle-Nest which stops you from rolling onto the baby.

Something to think about.

I don't want to discurrage you in any way but my experience with co sleeping is don't do it. My first daughter slept with us because that was the only way we could calm her and get some sleep. The problem is, it took us till she was almost 3 for her to sleep in her bed by herself. (And we still had to sit with her till she fell asleep) If you don't stop it now, it will just get harder later. I can't imagine doing this by myself and I really feel for your situation but a couple of nights of letting him cry and no sleep will be better than 3 years of no sleep.

Co-sleeping is widely accepted in many cultures. I agree with a lot of the readers to go with what works for you and your son. He won't sleep with you forever and since you are both going through a lot right now, maybe this is what you both need right now. I believe that co-sleeping has created a wonderful bond with my son and me. DO what feels right.

I can say from my own experience and my sister-in-law we have both come to the agreement that went needed they can sleep in mami's bed!! remember babies especially so young feel all that stress and when your sleepng your calm, even more of a reason for him to want to be next to you!! do what YOU think is best and also ever since my daughter was born I've never went back to being a deep sleeper like I use to be, even now and she's 3 and sleeps on her own when sh'e sick or has bad dreams she look for us but will eventually end up back in her bed my the end of the night :) good luck!!

You can purchase something called a co-sleeper. I had one for my 2nd child and it is AMAZING!
It looks something like a crib and can be used as a playpen. it pushes up against your bed with a pad that rolls out under your mattress, I think.

Anyway, the baby is right next to you, but still has his own space. You can roll up to him to nurse, and you cannot roll into the cosleeper.

It can also be used for other things so it is not just a co-sleeper.

Well worth the money spent! Amazing invention, I wish they had them when my first child was born 8 years ago!

I bought ours at Babies R Us after seeing one in a magazine when they first came out.

Maybe he's got colic? I went through this with my daughter. Trust me, you need to get him sleeping on his own soon. He can't move much now, but in just a few months, he'll be very used to sleeping with you, making it a hard habit to break, but he'll also turn into such a wiggle-worm it won't be safe for him to stay in your bed. My daughter basically slept not with me, but on top of me in our recliner after b/f for the first 9wks of her life. My husband wasn't any help because he would get so upset when she would cry because of the colic, so I was really on my own at night with her. He was also against her sleeping in her crib - I don't know why, cribs are just not used in his family, they all co-sleep. Finally, I put my foot down big-time with him, and told him that it wasn't safe for her to continue sleeping in the recliner with me, and if he wasn't going to handle nighttime and helping to get her to sleep, then he needed to get out of the way while I did it. It took two days of not letting her sleep anywhere but in her crib, and lots of being really firm with my husband about not giving in to her crying, but she finally started doing it. Those two days were very rough on all of us. I kept thinking that I should have started out how I intended to end up - with her sleeping in her own crib - that it wasn't fair to have to change things on her when she didn't understand why. But I was just so afraid of her getting hurt if she continued sleeping with me, that there really wasn't any choice for me. I do feel, however, that if I'd waited much longer, we may not have been successful in getting her to sleep in her crib. One thing we did that helped a lot was to get the panda mobile by fisher price. Because she was used to sleeping in our arms, if she fell asleep in arms, we couldn't lay her down without her waking up - she just wouldn't make the transition. So, when she started getting tired, I would lay her in her crib and turn the mobile lights and rotation on (no music). Then, I'd sit next to the crib but where I wasn't in direct eyesight, and I'd sing to her and give her the pacifier back when she spit it out. It took about 1.5hrs the first night, but every night it got a little better, took a little less time to get her to sleep. Hang in there, he really should start sleeping better soon. Just make sure he isn't sleeping too much during the day - if he's taking too many afternoon naps, let him sleep 15mins and then wake him up and do something he really likes (that was usually bathtime for my daughter). I hope this helps. Take care.

You need sleep to cope with everything going on right now. If you and he both sleep better then go with it. You are not going to hurt your baby as long as you do not using any substance that would cause you to sleep too deeply, prescription or otherwise.

He'll grow out of it but it sounds like he needs you now.

Sleep tight, both of you!

I am a single mom with 1 child and can't imagine the stress of 3! I agree with all the safety advice provided by the other responders. Please do what makes you and baby feel good. An OB nurse said to me when leaving the hospital, "I don't understand why humans are the only mammals that don't sleep with their young." I soooooo agree! I had a co-sleeper attached to the bed when he a baby. He moved to a crib without any trouble (but I had a hard time with the protective instinct telling me to be with my baby)!
From 1 to 3 and a half he was content in his crib, then toddler bed. Recently, he has needed to sleep in my bed again, since I started packing and preparing to move. He needs the security now so I don't care what anyone else says!
Good luck!

M.,
Sounds like you have your hands full. I tell you honestly, both my boys slept with me and well they continued to until, Justin who is now 7 and Chance is 4, recently. At times they will still travel to my room at night. I wake with a butt in my face or an arm across my throat. I wouldn't have it any other way. You are at this time single (sorry) but when the interest surfaces and you start intertaining the idea of private matters in your room remove the kids to their beds, have your time and be sure to dress in the event they travel back to your room. OR nip it in the butt now. Retrain the baby and go from there.

Heck yes - continue co-sleeping!! You will BOTH feel better!

Dear M., It may be your stress, but then again some babies are just fussy. I have a 6 week old and she is the same as your baby. Wants to be held, sleeps better next to me. She just wants to be next to my body. Someone told me to get the book "Happiest Baby on the Block". It has been a God send. It has helped tremdously. It's been a few weeks since I have started using thier advice and it's working like a charm. There is alot of information about thier researcher at the front of the book (a set up as to why they feel thier advice works) but the info you want starts in the middle of the book. I can get her to sleep in her bed and calm her down quickly when she gets upset. Even though she will sleep in her bed, I still sleep with her often. I love the smell of her, the touch of her soft head next to my cheek. This probably my last baby and I am enjoying every aspect of her that I can. As you know it will go by quickly. I am truly sorry to hear about you and your husband. I can't imagine what your going through. My prayers are with you M.. Good luck.

Hi M.:
I read your post and I wanted to contribute my opinion as fas as co-sleeping goes. My suggestion to you do not take the chance of something tragic happening.
Go ahead put him in the crib so he can start getting use to it again.
Take care!!
A.

Every situation is unique! Don't be so quick to judge or beat yourself up. GO with the flow. Make sure the baby cannot fall out of bed. GO one day at a time. If your worried about her sleeping in your bed. Start her off in her bed. Early in the am when you are to tired finish in your bed.

My first child now ten slept with me till she was close to three. I felt crowded. My son whom is now two. Its he goes to sleep in his bed. Hit and miss still every night. Hope it helps