Cleaning up - Ages 6, 4, 2

Get them in the habit of cleaning up before snacks and meals etc. If they whine and cry just help them cheerfully. Maybe even sing the Barney "clean up" song. LOL Just be consistent and help them clean. I have my kids get a small box and push it along like a train and pick up the toys etc. Or I Have them each pick up 5-10 things and I do as many as I can in that time also. I have a 13 and 14 year old who clean regularly without complaint so I know with consistency, it will come with time. My 7 and 5 year old are pretty good also. My 5 year old will still cry and whine about it but I know he will come around eventually.. :) Good luck!

You could try using a timer and making it a race - that worked for my daughter and seemed to make it more fun! I set the timer for 10 or 15 minutes, and she would try to have everything put away before it went off.

we had this same problem, and my kiddos are 7, 5 and 2. finally, we had a discussion about how it feels when our house is messy, and what it means to be a family and work together. now, after dinner is clean-up time. each of the older kids get a room (we have 2 rooms that are about equally messy), and dad & I clean the kitchen. i think they are more willing because they see everyone working, and it's afamily job. of course, they whined the first week or so, but we worked through it, and now they understand that if they pick up after themselves, they'll have less to do after dinner. you just have to find out what works for you. it will be rough at first, because they are used to not having to take you seriously when you ask them to clean up, but you'll get there.

You might want to discuss this with them, clearly stating the problem, and asking them for ideas on how to resolve it. When people are consulted and help reach a solution, they feel more inclined to cooperate.

Make rules that you can stick with. With the situation you described, it sounds to me like the rule that all toys have to be put away before any snack or meal time might be your best. If they whine they are too hungry, be compassionate, but firm. Get in and help, make a game of it, who can pick up the fastest, who can pick up the most, let's see if we can get it all picked up in 3 min. etc. Giving reminders is always a good idea. In a loving, gentle tone, "Snack time is in 10 min. and toys are put away before snacks." Then 5 min later, another reminder, maybe setting a timer, "When the timer rings in 5 min. we'll pick up for snack time." Then when the timer rings, "Let's see who can pick up the most while I count to ten." Help them to be successful, expect that they will want to. Eventually you will be able to say, "5 min before snacks, what is the rule?" or "In 5 min we'll have snacks, remember the rule." It might happen that someone or all will miss snacks a few times because they did not pick up. That will be very hard to handle, but stick to it. Schedule snack time so that it is before they are really really hungry...a hungry child has a harder time thinking and responding.

When it comes to clothing, why not have the rule that they need to be put away as soon as they are removed, before going to the next event, whatever it is? Of course the rules we make for the children should be rules of the house that everyone follows. Persistence and consistence is really important in teaching new habits, and always from a loving place. These rules are made so that everyone can enjoy their toys and home. When things are kept organized and orderly, it makes living easier and more fun.

Hope some of this is helpful. Blessings to you.

I agree with what the others moms have posted that the 6 and 4 year olds should be responsible and have consequences for not picking up. I would suggest that you try to limit the number of "picking up" times thoughout the day so that they don't always feel like they are being asked. I do "picking up" with my almost 3-yr old before her nap and before bed. That way when she is up again, everything is ready to be played with. Perhaps you could find a logical time during the day to pick up - like before you go out or before the kids play outside - to pick up and then do it again before bed. I don't know if you will get it without any frustration or at least grumbling since you are teaching your boys responsibility, but once you set the rules, stick to them and absolutely be consistent =)

Also, we ask our 3 yr old to show her little sister how to pick up toys. That gets her engaged without thinking its a chore. You could use this tatic with your older boys teaching your 2 yr old. Good Luck.

Hi J.,
This idea might be a little old for your younger ones, but I bet your 6 yr old and possibly 4 yr old might like it.
First, we discussed that we are a family and we all live in the same house and how it's only fair for us all to clean up, etc etc etc.
Then, each week we make a list of the things that need to be cleaned (sweeping, mopping, cleaning the fridge, etc.) and one by one we each choose a chore until they're all chosen. If we have one last one left, then we all do it as a family.
You can use this with the toys too - make a list of picking up toys, picking up laundry, feeding the dog/cat, taking the garbage out, and let them choose their chore.
Whatever you find that works for you, all I can say is stick with it now, because as they get older, it will be harder and harder to get them to help! We started early with my girls (montessori school helped too!) and it's just normal routine now. We even have a summer schedule of "deep" cleaning that we don't do during the school year.
Now that we're in the habit, they don't fight it, but I do hear from their friend's moms about how they can't get their kids to clean up unless they yell or threaten or take away TV. Honestly, we don't do any of that - I just ask them nicely and they do it. Sometimes they might finish their game, but I tell you, it's wonderful to have pre-teens that cooperate around the house! It will be worth the small tantrums now, to teach them cooperation and responsibility later.
good luck!

HI there- I also have 3 boys and they are the same age span (only they are older now :)....
I used to get overwhelmed trying to pick up all the time and found it wasn't worth the stress.
The TOP advice I'd give is this...
Boys need VERY specific instructions.. I mean detailed!!!
I've used charts and checklists, 1 instruction at a time usually worked the best (still does!) I would tell them... "Mom needs you to do 3 things.. here's the first one.. report back when you're done." Then give the next instruction. This way they don't feel overwhelmed or get in trouble for not remembering what you said. It's just SO hard for boys!
Following it with a reward like lunch, or snack, or park time helps alot.
My boys are older now and they help with so many more things, but you are doing right to start them young and make it a part of their daily life. You won't regret it!
Good luck,
Toni

Make it before play time or tv time. It is more motivation. Then turn up the music and make it a game.

I have 3 boys ages 6, 5, and 3 and I used to have the same dilemma. I finally had to give up everything getting picked up during the day. We made it part of the bedtime routine for them to pick up their toys and it works. We have been doing this for the past 3 months and it works.

J.,
Yes, they don't like to clean up. I made it a game. I'd put on some fast music and try to "beat" the song(s) etc. Or I did sing the Barney song too. I had four kids your ages 6, 4, 2 and 2. So I always used competition--who is the "fastest" cleaner or some other game like that! You could give them each a small basket --have them fill it up and dump their toys in the big toy storage. (I was NOT picky about things being lined up/on shelves etc). As long as it was contained to one bin I was happy. Also, you can set the timer and try to beat the timer--then beat your time from the day before etc. Be creative--kids love challenges.
Good luck!
K.

My three year old gets into picking up at times, but it's always been an expectation. I however do it with him...and I there is usually something we are planning to do after that he wants to do, if he cleans up. I read some ideas in a magazine too the other day, which sounded cool. We tried one...I put baking soda in the sink and asked him to clean it up, scrub it. Then after he was done, we put vinegar in the sink and it fizzed up, he thought that was pretty cool. He will help dry the table after we clean it, or you can get non toxic wipes and he can clean the table for you. Also he'll clean up crumbs with a dust broom and dust pan for me sometimes. He doesn't get them all but loves the praise he gets for trying. He also likes to help with laundry. It's his job to bring his clothes to the basket, and then he'll help put clothes in the washer, and from the washer to the dryer, etc...
Just try to make it fun...and lots of praise when they are doing it and when they are done and of course if there is something that they want to do, plan it for after clean up is done.

My mom used to bring out the "sunday box" whenever we would leave things laying out or refuse to clean up after ourselves. It is very effective- coming from someone who has lost many precious things to the sunday box... If you ask them to clean up and they don't or they don't do it all the way, anything left out goes in the sunday box and they don't get to have it back until the NEXT sunday.(keep it hostage for at least a week or two or they don't care that its gone) It doesn't matter if its your shoes or your jacket or your pillow on the floor or whatever. NOTHING is exempt or it won't work. (This was effective on us because we didn't have a lot. Chances are- if you lost your shoes etc they were the only pair you had besides your sunday shoes for example.) If your kids have tons of toys this may not effect them but it definitely worked on us. By the way, if something they can't live without ends up in there, they will definitely listen next time so don't give in or at least make them do some lawn mowing or other serious chores to get it back or "sunday box" loses its effect. There were 5 kids in my family, and this was one way my mom kept the house clean... Best of luck to you! Hope it was helpful :)

Hi J.,

How about trying a small reward system? Or make it a game, for example who can pick up the most toys and get them into the toybox? If toys are small enough to toss a short distance you could award "2 points" like in basketball for any toys that actually get into the toybox, closet, drawer, etc. The reward can be small but something the child likes. It has worked for my 6 year old granddaughter. Good luck! You have your hands full.

I have a 7 year old and a almost 3 year old and what I did was charts on a piece of poster board and I got star stickers at walmart I think all together I spent around like 5 to 10 dollars and both kids have there own and they put on their own stickers every night... I do it by the month and and if they do all there chores everyday then after that month we will go to peter pipper pizza or a movie or we buy a movie. and it has worked in our family i draw lines aacross the poster board and I put down the days of the week and the date and then going downwards i put there job which for my daughter is trash(taking the bathroom trash and putting it in the kitchen trash) Make her bed(pull the sheets and blankets up doesn't have to be perfect) Clean up all toys9before breakfast, Lunch, dinner and before bed helps keep the toys from all coming out) Bathroom(wash out the sink and put tooth brushes up) laundry(put dirty clothes in the basket and clean in the drawers) bedroom( pick up any toys blankets ect and put away it is just an added extra) dishes( she puts her dishes and cups on the counter or she can wash them off but they need to be removed from the table) She enjoys doing it because at the end there is a reward.. Now with my three year old his are just putting sippy cup on the counter, his blanket on the bed and he puts his clothes in the hamper to be like his big sis. And then he will also have to help pick up toys but since he is still little the major pick up is her usually with our help if he made the huge mess and we all work together. I have noticed making it a little rewarding helps but you can always do smaller things like a toy from the dollar store ect and sometimes we do that. You know as a mom what your kids are capible of doing so make that one for them and they will alos like being given the stickers to put on there board and it helps them learn to at the same time the days of the week and the dates.. Good luck

What works for us is that at the end of the day, we do a room by room sweep and clean up. Sometimes, if it's really bad, we do it in the afternoon too. It takes reminding to do it during the day but she can do it. Often, it centers around something she wants like milk or a snack. I ask her to put some stuff away. We also have a chart, and she gets a sticker when she does things such as brushing her teeth, picking up her toys, brushing her hair and picking up her toys. Right now, getting a sticker is reward enough, in the future we will change it to be a special treat or allowance.

Dear J.,

How about making it a game? Whoever spends the most time actually cleaning up (this gives consideration for age and ability differences) gets her choice of dessert or a treat or a game after the meal? Or use the rewards you know your kids will mostly gravitate toward as incentive.
K.

There is always frustration involved in the training process. They will never learn basic responsibilities and expectations if they do not learn to hold to specific rules. Set rules, then you and your husband sit down and talk through the rules with them and have consequences for not adhering to those rules. There will be some frustration at the start, but they will learn and then succeed. Is your 6 yr old allowed to avoid cleaning up at school?

Your kids sound like me. I don't want to clean the bathrooms or wash windows, etc. It is a chore. Your kids don't like the chore. That is perfectly normal. In order to get the things done that I don't want to do, I reward myself. Then it is still a chore but I get a reward and it is worth it. Making it a game to clean sometimes works, but giving them a reward is worth more to them right now. Whoever cleans up their stuff first (Joey picks up anything with wheels, Tommy picks up the Legos, and Timmy picks up everything that doesn't have wheels or Legos), gets to pick where they sit for lunch or what you're having for lunch or gets his dessert first, etc. You know what means the most to them. Sure it takes time but it's better than them learning that you will pick up after them if they complain long enough or whine about it.

There is a website called 'flylady.net'. There is an area for the House Fairy in it. Though I haven't used it yet, a freind of mine has and said that it has worked wonders for her kids with cleaning up their rooms and such.

It might help.

The two year is a little too young to understand consequences for something like this, however, clean up time can be a fun game that he can help the other two with.

As far as the 4 and 6 year old, their just being disobedient. They're old enough to understand consquences, so what I do for my 5 year old is tell him that if he doesn't clean up his toys at the times I tell him, whatever is on the floor is going to be taken away and will have to be earned back when they start cleaning regularly. When you ask them to clean up before meals, don't feed them until they do. There is no excuse for their behavior. You will just need to be tougher with their consequences so they'll get it. Again, just make it a game for the 2 year old and have him help when the other two are cleaning up. He will learn the rules by watching and hopefully you won't have that problem later with him. As far as the clothes, tell them that anything that isn't in the hamper won't get washed, or just call them in to clean up the clothes at the same time as the toys.

Good luck and hold them accountable. They're old enough. They're just testing you. Good luck.

I have a 6 yr old and an almost 3 year old and clean up is habit for them now. We started having them help clean up when they were walking. As we clean up right before bedtime we sing the clean up song, and whatever is left on the floor becomes mommies for the next week. My 6 year old hates this so she usually is a good task master for my youngerdaughter.
Depending on how many toys and clothes are on the floor I set a timer that they have to beat during the daytime clean up (ie: before lunch and then right before dinner.

Good Luck