Child Visitation Scheduling Argg!

I don't understand why their dad can't take them to recitals and other events like that - does he only want to parent when it's convenient for him?

It's not the children's fault that the parents aren't married - they shouldn't be the ones to suffer.

Instead of doing a year in advance - schedule one month at a time. if the recital or even falls on the time it's HIS weekend - then HE needs to decide if he's going to be the dad or what - convenient?! being a parent is NEVER "convenient" - lives 90 minutes away? Guess if he wants to see his girls bad enough - he will schedule HIS time around them not the other way around.

good luck!!!

I have the same problems. I switch sometimes. BUT, for example the last weekend our daughter was with her Dad, she had soooo many activities. I can't switch weekends EVERY time she has alot of stuff to do. And, like your ex, he seems to think this is time with "me" when she just has girlscouts, birthday parties, etc going on. So, I gave him all the invites.....let my daughter know what she was invited to and let them work it out. Like I said, I can switch sometimes but it does get VERY tiring when I have to adjust my schedule because her Dad doesn't want to take her to her things.

We switch weekends the best we can to fit in the kids' activities and *generally* don't mind switching...however when it is a LOT of switching it does get tiresome after awhile, because we have lives too that need to be taken into consideration, It's not just what the kids might have going on, ya know?

We live 20 mins away from my SS's, so for the most part we can keep our weekends and then just get them to and from whatever activity they might have or want to go to. With your Ex living 90 mins away, I can see how that is not possible for you guys.

~IMHO, I think that *time* with their Dad is a LOT more important than scouts or other stuff...but that is just me.

I think the best idea is to talk with your children and let them know that seeing their father should be their #1 priority over other outside activities and you do your best to schedule their extras on *your* time.

We also do the whole year in advance...but maybe you guys could switch to figuring out your visitation only 1 month in advance, that way you have plenty of notice about what *extras* the kids might have coming up?

Good Luck to you. Scheduling is hard and only gets harder the older the kids get and the more they start getting little 'lives' of their own.

I think, if you can, you should talk to your ex and let him know how you feel...and that it is not like you are trying to be difficult, it's just that the kids are wanting to be involved in a lot more stuff? I think it is important to factor in which one of you guys moved the 90 mins away from the other? If he moved, you should remind him (gently) that it has caused some problems and if you were the one to move away, I think you should own up to the fact that that decision is causing problems and do your best to get things sorted in a nice and understanding way.

Yes, this is a challenge as kids get older. By 13 their friends and other activities are important to them. But so is their father.

Some events will have to be missed, and some weekend visits will have to change. Communicate as much and as early as possible. You can't make him not be upset if he is asked to give up time with his kids, or shift his schedule around. There is no easy solution to this other than to talk things over, and make choices.

Just let him know when the recitals are, and ask whether he'd rather switch weekends or take the girls to their recitals himself. If he was planning on attending anyway, it may not be a big deal for him to make the drive.

Of course he is upset- he makes plans based on what you have agreed to-
how about sticking to your agreements? What is more important-dad's visits or a recital? If the girls what to change they call, I suppose. But really tell the recital they cannot do it because visits w/ their dad are important.
Be VERY glad dad wants to be part of their lives- at this age they NEED a male in their lives.
Quit changing an agreement you made.And then wondering why he is upset. Really.
Best, k

We usually just trade weekends. It has caused some problems in the past, but we let the others know as soon as we can incase they want to make plans.

When I was growing up, and something we wanted to do happened to fall on my mom's weekend (My dad had full custody) then we would have to ask HER permission to go. We didn't switch weekends. BUT if we felt like we went too long without seeing her, then they might work something out (like switching... but that didn't happen very often) Of course, my mom has never won any 'mother of the year' awards... so we really didn't care if we didn't see her.

Just let him know what they have going on during his weekends and let him choose if he wants to switch or take them to their activities.

In a very perfect world....

It should be completely irrelevant which house any given child is staying at during a time when there is any given event.

In a perfect world, the parent that goes with the house would be taking said child to event, would be involved the same as the parent who lives at the other house, would have to deal with what to do with the other two kids during an event for one kid......

DISTANCE should not be a factor, your husband CHOSE to live the distance away from his kids, THEY did not have that choice.

Your husband is learning that a LARGE CHUNK OF HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CHILDREN HAS BEEN FOSTERED BY THEIR MOTHER FOR ALL THOSE YEARS, and NOW, if he wants his OWN relationship with each individual child, he will NEED TO FOSTER IT HIMSELF!

Also, at 13, you daughter (emotionally AND legally) can decide for HERSELF what kind of relationship she wants with her father, whatever she decides, it IS NOT YOUR FAULT. HE has the option of developing his OWN life with his kids.

Sorry, Am I yelling? Sigh.

We too, technically have the same plan as yours. Supposed to be every other weekend, Friday night to Sunday night. My kids spend maybe one Saturday night a week at their father's house. He just wants to 'hang' with them. He does not want to bring them where they need to be, be involved in their activities.......and frankly, it's worked out for us, because they would WAY rather I still did it all, you know?

Sorry, you're goin' through this.

:(

My ex attends the activities along with me. When he remarried his wife came along, she is the best thing that ever happened to him, she made a man out of him. I am remarried and we have even stayed at their home when visiting in their town. It is an unusual situation of course but it works for us.

There is no reason he can't attend recital then take the kids for the rest of the weekend. He could even come up and spend the weekend in a hotel and do the swimming thing and have a blast doing the recital and then maybe throw an after party for her dance class.